TITLE: Peroration
AUTHOR: Mezzosoprano
EMAIL: mezzosoprano@blueyonder.co.uk
CATEGORY: MSR
RATING: R
SPOILERS: Demons
DISCLAIMER: Mulder & Scully aren't mine (surprise surprise!) They belong
to Chris Carter, 1013, Fox Tv, David & Gillian, and probably other
people too. Oh, and in case I mention The X Files... well, they're not
mine either. Go figure. However, the characters of Ellen & Michael
McCready, their son Toby, and Ellen's ex Mickey Dawson..... well,
they're all mine.
DISCLAIMER2: Any songwords you see here are not mine. The artists will
be given at the end.
FEEDBACK: Oh, yes please! Go on - you know you want to! Just don't flame
me.
SUMMARY: Scully's friend asks her to keep the biggest secret ever. But,
as it means an end for one couple, so it means a beginning for another.


Chapter One

As she replaced the phone receiver in its cradle, Scully paused,
remembering the first time she'd laid eyes on Mickey Dawson. September
1981. She recalled how Ellen had gazed at him, studying him, all the way
through that first performance... in later years, she would consider
herself almost psychic for predicting the trouble *that* particular
union would cause. Silently, she cursed the Entertainments Committee
(Miramar Naval Base) 1981 for bringing Mickey and his band 'Vertigo'
into her and Ellen's lives; because, right now, Ellen was on her way
down to the office with some less-than-welcome news, Scully was sure of
it. With a sigh, she sat down in her chair. Hands cradling her head, she
wondered if, maybe, Mulder was going to be late back from lunch.
Hopefully. This was a conversation she wanted to have with Ellen now,
and recount to Mulder later. They didn't need spectators right now, but
she and Mulder had no secrets. And she was so sure that that was what
Ellen had in mind. A secret of immeasureable magnitude.


Chapter Two

Mulder sat alone in the little coffee-house down the street, nursing his
iced-tea. He wondered for the fifth time why he hadn't just insisted
Scully come with him to lunch. She'd been preoccupied all week, ever
since her conversation with Ellen about *that* phone call. Who exactly
was this Mickey Dawson guy anyway? Ellen's ex-boyfriend, sure... but
what was the big deal? Ellen was a long time married, and a long time a
Mom... and she could look after herself. So why was Scully acting as if
all hell was about to let loose at any second? God, he knew Scully and
Ellen were friends, but if Ellen wanted to talk to someone from her
past, surely that was her business? He frowned a little. Surely it was
that simple? He downed the last of his iced tea in one and decided on a
slow walk back to the office.

Chapter Three

Scully raised her head from her hands as she heard footsteps approach
the open doorway. Ellen stood there, hesitant.
"Come in," Scully told her. Ellen did so, but hovered nervously around
Scully's desk. "You've thought about it then."
"Yeah."
"-and?"
"I have to do this, Dana." Scully shook her head, and looked up at her
friend.
"I don't understand, Ellen. You've got a husband and a son - a scenario
I would kill for, by the way - and you'd throw it all away for a quick
fumble for old times' sake?"
"It's not like that Dana, and you know it. I *have* to do this, I..." 
She sighed, exasperated. "Oh... you don't understand." Suddenly, Scully
stood up and stared straight into Ellen's eyes.
"Then make me! Make me understand why you'd risk everything for a couple
of hours of sex with Mickey Dawson, of all people!" Ellen thought for a
moment.
"D'you... have you ever left your apartment in a hurry - maybe you
overslept or something - and all that day you feel like you've forgotten
something?"
"That's happened to me," nodded Scully.
"Yeah," agreed Ellen. "Well, I've felt that way for almost twenty years,
Dana. Like there's something I forgot to do. And there is. I forgot to
say goodbye." 
"You did say goodbye," insisted Scully.
"I called him and told him I was leaving the band," said Ellen. "Hardly
the same. Not as it should've been."
"It was your choice."
"I know. At the time, it seemed like the right way to play it. But
twenty years on, I know it was wrong. So, not only do I have to finish
the chapter now, I have to close the book."
"But why?" asked Scully imploringly. "Why would you cheat on Michael?
Don't you love him?"
"Of course I do," Ellen retorted. "I love him with all my heart. But....
my skin doesn't catch fire when his fingertips brush my arm. My stomach
doesn't fill with butterflies when he so much as glances in my
direction. Only one man ever did that to me. Only one man ever could."
"So why did you marry Michael then?"
"It was comfortable. Solid. Dependable. Still is. That's what I needed.
You said so yourself. And I do love him... just in a different way. But,
for so long.. I've been lost in different identities - wife, mother...
I've lost *me*. But she's still there, waiting. I *need* to do this. To
say goodbye to Mickey, to say goodbye to seventeen-years-old Ellen
Flanders... and move on with my life." Scully contemplated Ellen's
words. 
"How d'you know it can only be once, Ell?"
"It has to be. Circumstances and life in general means it can't be any
more than that." She paused, studying Scully's face. "That's why I've
been so forceful about you and Mulder getting together."
"This isn't about Mulder and I."
"In a way, it is. Those feelings I was talking about - the butterflies
in your stomach, the goosebumps when he touches you, the way your
stomach'll do a loop-de-loop when he smiles at you. I know you feel them
too." A small smile played on her lips. "I'll bet you just about lose
control when he puts his glasses on, don't you?" Scully blushed and,
smiling, looked away. "I know these things because I've felt them,"
Ellen went on. "And I know they were some of the best things that ever
happened to me." Scully re-established eye contact, her face serious
again. "Trust me, Dana. Take a chance, before it's too late to do
anything about it. You'll never regret it."
"What about you? Will you regret *this?*" The tears brimmed in Ellen's
eyes as she answered:
"No."
"But there's still Michael," Scully insisted. Just then, Mulder arrived
in the open doorway, and realised he might be interrupting something.
"Sorry, I'll come back-"
"It's alright; stay," Scully told him. He leant against the doorjamb,
but didn't go into the office.
"I need to know," asked Ellen. "If he asks..." She left the question
hanging. Mulder watched the exchange with interest, noting how pale
Scully was. Her blushes had dissipated before he'd shown up.
"If he asks..." repeated Scully, ".... I will know nothing." A sad smile
played on Ellen's face, and the tears finally came.
"Dana...." she breathed, then captured Scully in a hug. Eventually, they
let each other go. "Remember," she told Scully quietly, "I already lost
my one-in-a-lifetime. Whatever happens in that hotel room tomorrow won't
change that. It's just peroration. Closure. Make sure you don't lose
yours. Make sure it doesn't come to that for you. Please." Tears pricked
Scully's eyes.
"I'll make sure. I promise." Ellen half nodded, and made to leave. "Call
me?" Scully asked after her. 
"Didn't I always?" Ellen retorted. Scully sighed. "Yes, I'll call."
Passing through the doorway, she looked up. "Hey, Mulder."
"Hey," he answered back, and then she was gone. Scully stared at the
spot on the floor where she'd stood, her mind awhirl. Mulder was almost
afraid to speak. "Scully...?" Without moving her gaze, she asked:
"Are you ever afraid of running out of time, Mulder?"
"Wh-what d'you mean?" Finally, she drew her eyes up to meet his.
"I should have known better. I always thought she was kidding, but know
I know it was all true - she's right."
"Scully - you're not making any sense," he complained. She half-smiled
and walked over to him, their bodies almost touching as she leaned up to
address him.
"Let's go to lunch, Mulder."
"But I already took lunch, Scully."
"Well, take it again. We have a lot to talk about." Her hand reached out
and began a journey at the top of his left shoulder, sliding all the way
down until she took his hand in hers. He was surprised at the gesture,
but tried not to let it show. 
"Whatever you say, Scully," he finally managed, and docilely followed as
he was led out of the door.

Chapter Four

Neither of them actually being particularly hungry, they picked their
way through a round of sandwiches. Twice now, Mulder had gotten the
feeling that Scully had been about to say something, then changed her
mind. So, after putting down his iced tea, he decided to kick start the
conversation.
"Can I ask-" he began. She looked up from her sandwich. "-what's going
on?" he completed, finally. Scully sighed.
"Between Ellen and I, you mean," she clarified.
"That would be it." Another swallow of iced tea. "'Cos, you see, maybe
I'm wrong here, Scully.. or tell me to butt out if it's private.. but if
Ellen wants to see an old friend, isn't that okay? And her business?"
Scully stared at him for a second, then let her eyes drop.
"She wants more than just to meet with him."
"I don't underst-"
"She intends to sleep with him," Scully blurted out. Mulder stared at
her.
"I... I don't know what to say to that." He swallowed and thought a
second. "She's going to cheat on Michael?"
"Well, *apparently* it's not as black and white as that, but.. yes.
Technically."
"And you're okay with that?" he asked evenly, around a mouthful of
sandwich. Scully's eyes opened wide in surprise.
"Of course I'm not *okay* with that!" she hissed. "I think Michael's
great, but I love Ellen dearly and she's going to go her own way on
this, despite what I think. It was unbelieveable," she went on, her
voice softening again. "When the front desk called and said she was on
her way down, I was so full of arguments to persuade her not to go
ahead."
"But?"
"She actually made sense, Mulder. I found myself beginning to
understand, even though I don't agree with it. I keep hoping she'll
change her mind before tomorrow."
"What about Michael, tomorrow?" Mulder wanted to know.
"Away on business," Scully answered. "LA, I think." She hadn't mentioned
Toby once, so Mulder decided maybe he shouldn't either.
"But..it's *Ellen*!" he exclaimed, incredulous. "Perfect wife and mom
Ellen! I just... I just can't believe she'd do something like this. I
mean.. Michael's a nice guy."
"This isn't about Michael," said Scully, sipping her coffee.
"He's her husband!" exclaimed Mulder. Scully glared at him, and he
looked around sheepishly. No-one seemed to be taking any notice. "He's
her husband," Mulder repeated, a lot more quietly. "How can it not be
about him?"
"Because it's not," Scully explained. "It's about Mickey."
"He's just her ex," dismissed Mulder. The Scully eyebrow was now up.
"Yeah, right. I'll remind you that you said that the next time Phoebe or
Diana pops up in the conversation." A small smile played on Mulder's
lips as he nodded.
"Yeah, okay," he conceded. "But she's known Michael for nearly fifteen
years. She knew this Mickey for three years, what was it - nearly twenty
years ago?" Scully nodded."You would think that there'd be no contest."
Swallowing, Scully told him:
"She explained it to me. But it was the *way* she explained it to me
that swung it." Mulder remained silent, waiting for her to go on. "She
tried to tell me how Mickey made her feel - how she believes he still
makes her feel. And... it sorta got personal. She said that... you only
find one person who makes you feel like that. Ever." Suddenly, she found
her sandwich to be extremely interesting. Mulder studied the way she
seemed to be avoiding his gaze. The phrase 'it sorta got personal'
hadn't been lost on him. Not for the first time in his life, he took a
leap.
"Tell me."
"What?"
"Tell me what she said. About how she feels." Scully stared at him, then
realised he was serious.
"Well..." she began, toying with her sandwich (which had remained
largely uneaten), "she said that.. there's only one person who can set
your skin on fire with a simple touch... can give your stomach
butterflies with just a glance..." Staring straight into his eyes, she
added: "and being on the receiving end of a full-on smile can make your
bones melt..." That same smile now began to spread across Mulder's face.

"What about glasses?" he whispered, knowing full well what the answer
would be.
"Oh yeah," she breathed. "The glasses just make you wanna lose
control..."
"I wish you would." The words were out before his brain gave his mouth
permission to speak. For once, Scully didn't come to her senses, or
remember where she was. Gradually, she leant over closer to Mulder's
face, across the formica table. When they couldn't possibly get any
closer without touching in some way, they both closed their eyes, and,
ever so gently, their lips met - just a little pressure, but enough to
be able to call the kiss a kiss. A second or two later, they broke the
kiss, but when they opened their eyes, Scully leaned forward again, and
rubbed the tip of her nose to his - an eskimo kiss. He grinned again,
and she reached for his hand. Confusion riddled his brain for a second
when she appeared to guide it towards her left breast - he'd told her to
lose control, but surely not....? However, instead of making contact
with her provocatively concealed cleavage, he found himself with his
hand covering her heart, which was currently making a bid for the two
minute mile. "Your heart is racing," he stated, remembering when she'd
spoken those self-same words to him; but neither of them were ill now -
nor did he feel any great compulsion to run off and have whopping great
holes drilled in his head.  She nodded in confirmation of his statement.
"It only does that when I'm this close to you," she said, quietly.
"It's done it before, then?"
"On occassion." Her smile was sly, but sexy. For a good few minutes they
remained in that position, but eventually Scully did remember that they
were only on lunch. Which was a contradiction in terms anyway because
neither of them had actually really *eaten* anything. "Mulder..."
"Yeah, I know." Not wanting to, but knowing he should, he withdrew his
hand. "I guess... I guess we should be getting back," he said. She
nodded, and went to pick up the check. He waited for her at the door,
holding the door open. As he went to place his hand at the small of her
back, the only part of her body in over seven years he'd managed to
claim for his own, she surprised him once more. As he held out his hand,
she grasped it, tightly. His look of amazement was met by her smiling
eyes, and they took a slow walk, hand in hand, back to the office -
Ellen and her Ex momentarily forgotten.


Chapter Five

Ellen sat in her bedroom, seated at her dressing table, staring into the
mirror. She wondered who she was staring at. The person she seemed to be
at the moment bore absolutely no resemblence to the person she'd been
four days before. And why didn't she feel guilt about Michael? She
supposed she should, but she didn't. What did *that* mean? Gradually,
she became aware of music, and remembered she'd left the radio on in the
kitchen. She didn't recognise the song, but the words slammed into her
brain with some force:


'Well, the bus is pulling out
And I guess I'd better go
Before I make a grave mistake 
And let my feelings show
And twenty miles away
he waits alone for me
but, when I try to picture him
You're the one I see
And in another situation
I could put up a fight
But you will
be my downfall tonight.'

Trying to rationalise her feelings, Ellen wondered if that's what she'd
been doing all these years; mourning for the loss of a relationship that
had been her best ever - mourning the loss of the love of her life.
Maybe. But one little question kept creeping in - where did Michael fit
in all this? The radio played on.

'So, the night is coming down
drowning us in blue
and it all points to all the things
we know we shouldn't do
And as I look at you
and I fall under your spell
well, I know I should be
thinking of him
lying there himself
and, when faced with temptation
I know a girl should stand
and fight
but you will
be my downfall tonight.'

Ellen's eyes were drawn to her wedding photo on the bedside. She saw the
smiles on the faces of the two young people therein - it almost seemed
like a hundred years ago. But, when she closed her eyes, she saw her and
Mickey - and it seemed like only yesterday.

'Be my downfall
be my great regret
be the one boy
that I'll never forget
be my undoin'
be my slow road to ruin
tonight.'

Sighing, she got up to make her way downstairs - mainly to turn the
radio off.  The words of the song were hitting home - too much.

'So, the bus is pullin' out
and I'm grounded here with you
and I want to say the sweet things babe
I've always wanted to
so tell me, now the taillights
have gone out of sight
Baby, won't you be my downfall
Once again tonight.' 



Chapter Six

The walk to the J Edgar Hoover Building was over way too soon, and
Scully was overcome with the feeling that she didn't want to let go of
Mulder's hand. They were waiting for the elevator when she said it.
"I have an idea."
"Oh yes?"
"I, er... I don't think I'm feeling too well. Think I'm going to have to
take the rest of the afternoon off." She couldn't resist touching him,
even here; although she'd had to let go of his hand when the entered the
building - that was why he suddenly found himself with her hand thrown
to his forehead. "Thought so. You seem to be have a temperature as well,
Agent Mulder. I recommend that you take the rest of the day off."
"Is that your *medical* opinion, Dr Scully?"
"Of course. However, I suggest that you let me drive you, and you can
collect your car tomorrow. Wouldn't want you developing a fever whilst
driving and having an accident..." They still had to go down to the
basement to collect their stuff, and Mulder found himself willing the
elevator to hurry up.
"Well Dr Scully, you know how I hate *ever* going against sound medical
opinion..."
"That's what I thought." The smile in her voice was evident, although
she stood with her arms at her sides, and outwardly appeared stoically
calm. Finally, the elevator put in an appearance, and Mulder guided
Scully in. Still calm and professional. Seconds later the doors closed,
and they made their slow descent to the basement.
"Mulderrrrrr..."
"Schulllleeee..." In milliseconds, their mouths were all over each
others' bodies, his hand was up her blouse, and her hand was down his
suit pants. Astonishingly, when the doors opened at the basement,
everything was tucked and in place. Although... Scully's lipstick was
smudged, right into the blush in her cheek; and Mulder began to
experience trouble walking for some reason.
True to form, Scully's stuff was in and around her desk; his was all
over the place. She watched, bemused, as he reached for his briefcase.
"Having a little trouble bending, Mulder?"
"No," he grunted, with some effort.
"Hurry up, Mulder. We're both *very* sick, and we have to begin the
treatment I have in mind at home straight away." Briefcase in hand and
trenchcoat over his arm, he stood before her, and grinned.
"Yes Doctor." She returned his smile and left the office. Picturing them
both in her car, he thought: 'If I can wait that long...'


Chapter Seven

"Mom!"
"What is it now, Toby?"
"Where are my new sneakers?" Ellen sighed, and had to tear herself away
from her wardrobe - where she was trying to decide what to wear to go
see Mickey. Stomping into Toby's room, she lifted a pile of dirty
clothes.
"Here of course - exactly where you left them."
"Sorry Mom. Hey - what's with you anyway?"
"What d'you mean?"
"Well, you've been cranky with me ever since I got home - yesterday too,
come to that." He paused. "Look, if you don't want me to go on this
field trip for school I can-"
"You're going," Ellen insisted. "*You* just want out of it."
"Yeah, well... a nature ramble is *not* my idea of fun, Mom."
"Nonsense - it's very educational." She thought for a second. "You
better hurry if you're going to be ready when Pete's Dad comes to get
you."
"You're going to be okay, aren't you? I mean, I know that I'm the man of
the house until Dad gets back; and I'm going to be away until the day
after tomorrow..."
"Believe it or not Toby, I've been looking after myself since before you
got here. And before I knew your Dad, come to that."
"Really? What was life like back in the dark ages, Mom?!"
"Come here so I can whack you for that remark!" grinned Ellen.
"No, I mean it Mom. What was life like before you had Dad and me?" Ellen
took a deep breath, and stared at her son. 
"It was.. different, Sweetie."
"How? Good different or bad different?" How could she tell him? *What*
could she tell him? How could she sum it all up into five words or less,
exactly what her *other* life had been like, long before marriage and
motherhood were on her horizon? She took the only option open to her.
Ambiguity.
"Just different, Toby. Just different."

 
Chapter Eight

For Mulder and Scully, getting through that twenty-five minute car ride
back to her apartment had not been easy. Mulder had watched her drive,
and his overactive imagination was coming up with some wonderful stuff
that he could do to her.. but he couldn't guarantee their safety as the
car would probably veer off the road. Glancing down at his groin though,
he was glad he hadn't been driving. A hard-on like that? He would never
have fitted it behind the wheel. Every now and again, when the car had
to slow down or come to a temporary stop, Scully would glance in his
direction, trying to pretend that she didn't give a shit how long it was
taking them to get home. However, her fingers tapping against the side
of the steering wheel (a sign of her impatience) and her constant
shifting in her seat told their own story. 
"What time is it *now*, Scully?"
"About thirty seconds after the last time you asked, Mulder."
"I suppose you wouldn't.." he began. She looked around at all the other
people in their cars that surrounded them. That could *see* them.
"You suppose right, Mulder." He sighed, and turned his attention to a
couple in another car who appeared to be having a rather heated debate
about something or other, complete with various offensive gestures.
Checking her watch, Scully realised just how long they'd been on this
stretch of road, and her frustration and impatience grew. What to do,
what to do... Yawning slightly, she stretched her arms above her head,
then on the descent, landed her right hand ever so innocently down onto
his groin.    
"Aaah!!! Scully?"
"What?" She stared straight ahead.
"Erm... your hand?!" She turned her head to face him, then.
"What's wrong? Want me to take it away?"
"No! Schulleeee......" Her name became his groan as she began to move
her hand, slowly but firmly. The lights changed, and she drove with one
hand all the way home, except when there were gear changes.
Scully's apartment door had just closed behind them when Mulder gathered
her up in his arms and asked the question.
"Couch or bed, Scully?"
"Ooh, Mulder - you're *so* romantic!"
"Well?"
"And so conventional - what about the floor? Or the wall? Or the back of
the door?" She was grinning now. He took her lead.
"Or the kitchen table?"
"Eeww, Mulder - I have to eat off that!" He nibbled at her earlobe.
"I'd wash it afterwards Scully - promise..."
"I've seen your apartment, Mulder - don't make promises you can't keep -
ooohh..." He trailed kisses down her neck and along her collarbone, and,
together, they fell to their knees. She broke away from his kisses for a
moment and looked him in the eyes. "D'you *really* feel like moving
now?" She asked, breathless.
"No." he was adamant.
"Well then.." she told him, and began to take his tie off and unbutton
his shirt, kissing a path down his chest.
"Scully?"
"Yeah?"
"Are we on a 'go slow' or something?" They looked each other in the eyes
again and something fired. Or just snapped. Clothes flew in all
directions, some ripped off if they wouldn't come willingly. When they
were, at last, fully naked, Scully bent to give some attention to what
was fast becoming her favourite part of Mulder's anatomy. It was
confusing to her when he stopped her. 
"Mulder?"
"Scully, I've been in a state of semi-arousal all day. I *really* need
to come. But when I do... I want to be inside you." For a second, she
considered this.
"As long as we can do... other stuff... later."
"I'm counting on it." She smiled and kissed him again, drawing him down
on top of her on her fluffy carpet. Finding her entrance without a
problem he asked: "Ready?"
"Uh huh," she answered, and without further ado, he slid into her. He
watched as her eyes grew wide.
"Are you okay? I'm not hurting you?"
"God, no. Mulder, it's fantastic..." Smiling at that reaction, he sped
up the pace, and slammed into her again and again. Eventually, he felt
her body go rigid and her internal muscles grip him tightly as reality
dropped sheer away for her, and the throes of orgasm overtook her. She
only uttered one word as it happened: "Mullllderrrrr....."  Screamed it,
actually. Moments later, he felt his own release imminent. 
"Oh Schuullleee, it's coming... Schullleeeee....!" Glad her own orgasm
was dissipating somewhat so she could do this, Scully opened her eyes in
time to watch Mulder ride out his. Jets of pure hot come shot into her
at the same time his face was contorted with the sweetest agony - and
she thought he was beautiful. As he collapsed down onto her breast, she
held him, and stroked his damp hair back from his forehead.A few moments
later, when he'd found his way back, they sat up a little and looked at
all the clothes strewn around the room, *some* of them still intact.
They looked at each other, bathed in sweat. And there was the
overwhelming aroma of 'coitus in the afternoon between two agents
totally incapable of waiting'. Mulder let out a breath.
"Wow - we really couldn't have done this at the office, could we?"
Scully took one look at his face and burst out laughing.
"Are you hungry?" she asked him, when she was more in control of her
actions. "I know we didn't eat much lunch..."
"Well, we could whip up something - but not for long."
"Oh? Why?"
"I seem to remember we have *other stuff* to take care of, Scully...."
He waggled his eyebrows at her. 
"Well, feed me then. You have to keep my strength up...."


Chapter Nine

Ellen waited nervously in the foyer of the Philadelphia Hilton. It had
been just over seventeen years since she'd last seen this man. She knew
*she* had changed - what about him? Were they both the same people
they'd been in October 1981 when she'd begged her parents to let her
join his band? Or were those two particular people gone forever? So many
questions, not a single answer. Not wanting to appear fidgety, she stood
up and approached a painting on the opposite wall and studied it - her
back to the doorway. Then, suddenly, he was there. She could feel his
presence before she saw him.
"Hey, Ellie." She drew in a deep breath and released it slowly before
turning round. He hadn't changed! Her heart leapt inside her chest. A
little taller than her, his once dark hair was now sprinkled with
silver. His features a little rougher. But he hadn't changed, not
really. She realised she hadn't spoken.
"Mickey!" she exclaimed, albeit in a quiet whisper. Then, a sad smile.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"It's just... no-one's called me Ellie in over sixteen years."
"You don't like it."
"It's not that... It was a surprise. Actually, I've missed it." She
paused. "I missed you."
"Missed you too, Ellie." She smiled and let out another long-held
breath. "Well," he said. "What's say we take this upstairs where we can
talk?" Ellen nodded.
"Let's go."
The hotel room was much the same as any other hotel room that Ellen had
ever been in, except that it was a little classier. You could tell. It
had a wardrobe, a dresser, a tv, a chair, a bathroom... oh yeah. And a
bed. She swallowed upon seeing it. Mickey closed the door, and Ellen sat
down on the bed. He opted for the chair.
"So, how are you?" he asked. "Really."
"I'm ok," she answered. "Didn't tell you on the phone - I'm a Mom now!"
"Really?"
"Yeah. Toby is fourteen now. Michael and I are really proud of him."
"Must've had him really quick - when did you get married?"
"May 24, 1986. Toby was born October 4, 1987."
"You settled down to married life real quick, huh?"
"Yeah." Ellen shifted uncomfortably on the bed.
"You never missed the music?" he asked her. She stared at him. "You
never missed me?" he wanted to know. "I did love you."
"Of course I missed you!" she spat out. "Where were you? Why did you
never come and try to get me back?"
"I... I travelled," he sighed. "Didn't think you'd want me back. Did
think about maybe coming to see you though. Even plucked up the courage
to do so, on one occassion."
"When?" She wanted to know.
"Erm... I remember the date.. it was, erm..  August 17, 1985. I remember
'cos we'd just finished a couple of dates in Boston. But, there were
traffic problems, and I just came to the conclusion that we weren't
fated to meet again..." He tailed off as he saw the look on her face -
almost as if she'd seen a ghost...  "What is it?"
"August 17, '85?" She asked, in disbelief.
"Yeah. Why?"
"That was the day I met Michael.." 
"Oh shit. You mean, if I had've come down that day..."
"It's the biggest of ironies, Mickey. Maybe we shouldn't think about
it.." He stood up and walked over to the bed, sitting down beside her.
"It's called Sod's Law," he told her, taking her hands. "But we're here
now. And we probably won't ever have another chance, so we have to make
this one count..." He kissed her cheek, then started to make his way
down her neck in a southerly direction.
"Mmmm....." she moaned.... and then it kicked in. The guilt trip. In her
mind's eye, she could see Michael. On their wedding day, hugging her
when she was pregnant, holding Toby when he was born, playing basket
ball with Toby in the backyard... "Mickey.. Mickey stop.." She pushed
his head away.
"What's wrong?" he wanted to know, looking at her.
"I can't do this."
"I thought you loved me."
"I do."
"So?"
"Maybe... maybe I love my Husband more..." She actually surprised
herself with the admission. There were tears stinging his eyes.
"You know this can't happen again."
"I know."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah." She seemed almost scared. 
"I'm not gonna force you," he told her.
"I know that too. You're guilty of many things, Mickey Dawson.. but you
do not assault women." She smiled. Suddenly, the room seemed cold. Her
smile faded. "I'd better go." Reluctantly, he let go of her hands, and
she stood up.
"Last chance," he said, a lascivious smile playing about his lips. She
stared at him for a full second, then shook her head.
"Look, I've got my life now. I've got a husband who loves me to death,
and a son to be desperately proud of. A family to die for. I wouldn't
change that for the world. If I wish anything... I wish you'd come to
see me in August '85." He swallowed and nodded, and she made her way to
the door.
"Hey, Ellie." She smiled, and turned to face him.
"Michael's the luckiest guy in the world. I hope he never forgets that."
She stared at him, unable to move. "You'd better go," he said, finally.
"Uh-huh," she nodded. "See you, Mickey."
 "See you, Ellie." She opened the door and left. She could hear his sobs
from the other side of the door. Crying for a last chance. A chance now
lost. Resolutely, she walked to the elevator and made her way down to
the street.
Down to the sunshine, and the fresh air. The hub-bub of Philadelphia on
a weekday afternoon. So in control of her emotions that she couldn't
believe it. Closing the car door, she decided on a little music. Michael
had used the car the other day before he'd left, and the radio was on
the oldies station. It was a good job she hadn't actually put the car
into gear and moved off, for Ellen now listened in a trance to the words
of the song that was playing.

'Walk Away, please go
before you throw your life away
A life that I
could share for just a day
We should have met
some years ago
For your sake I say
walk away, just go
Walk away and live
a life that's full
with no regret
Don't look back at me
just try to forget
Why build a dream 
that cannot come true
So be strong, reach the stars now
Walk away, walk on.'

The tears coursed their way down her cheeks, unheeded. She wasn't sure
if she was crying in relief at stopping before she did something stupid,
or mourning a relationship and a last chance lost. But anyway, she
cried.

'If I heard your voice
I'd beg you to stay
So, don't say a word
Just run, run away..
Goodbye my love
My tears will fall
Now that you're gone
I can't help but cry
But I must go on
I'm sad that I
after searching so long
Knew I loved you
but told you
Walk away, walk on.'

Wiping the tears away from her face, Ellen blinked a few times, trying
to clear her blurred vision. Eventually, she found the strength,
emotionally and physically, to put the car into gear, and go home. 


Chaper Ten

Scully rushed into the restaurant, obviously flustered. Would Ellen be
able to tell, she wondered, that the flush in her cheeks was not from
rushing - well it was, but only because a conversation about their
latest X-File had turned into a groping session at the office, and had
made her late for lunch. A session initiated by Mulder, of course. Not
that she'd been exactly passive though - quite the opposite...

"Sorry I'm late, Ell. Traffic."
"Dana, if your time was short today, we didn't have to meet for lunch."
"Oh yes we did. Now, Michael is still in LA. Toby is still on his field
trip for school. No ties today. So shoot." 
"What?"
"You know what. Did you take a chance?" Ellen thought for a second, then
shook her head slowly.
"As a matter of fact, no. No, I didn't." 
"You didn't? What happened, Ell? Has he changed?"
"No, he hasn't." She looked up, and faced the eyebrow. "Really, Dana, he
hasn't. It was me. It's a terrible thing to say, I know, but... I
remembered in the nick of time that... that I love my husband!"
"Wow! So, how'd he take it?"
"Okay, I guess. I've just got some things to work through, in my own
head. One thing's for sure though - we won't see each other again -
ever." She swallowed. "Something really weird came up though - remind me
to tell you about it sometime."
"Not now?"
"No. Couldn't handle talking about it right now. Just remind me to tell
you about time and sod's law."
"Okay." Scully fiddled with her cutlery. "Ell?"
"Yeah?"
"You know how you said that you didn't take a chance?"
"Uh huh, so?"
"I did."
"What?"
"I did. With Mulder." Realisation dawned, and Ellen's growing smile
matched Scully's.
"You're kidding! When?"
"Just after you left the office the other day. We got to talking and
left for lunch.... and didn't quite get round to going back to the
office."
"Where did you go if you didn't go back to work?" Scully blushed.
"My place." Ellen whooped, not caring who heard her.
"Dana, that's fantastic! I'm glad something positive's come out of this
whole shambles."
"I'd certainly call it positive..."
"So, you didn't let your one and only get away, huh?" Scully kept
grinning, and shook her head.
"No chance. Em.. I have to go to the bathroom, Ell. I'll order when I
get back. Won't be long..." Ellen watched as Scully almost floated
across the room to the ladies' room, and remembered a time when she'd
been the same. With the strains of the song she'd heard in the car
dancing through her head, she decided she'd taken its advice. She'd
walked away. Now, if she could just forget too....

-End.


'Be My Downfall' is by Del Amitri
'Walk Away' is by, among others, Matt Monro
both used without permission
No infringement intended