TITLE: Carpe Diem (1 of 1) AUTHOR: phoenix99 CATAGORY: MSR, un peu de ANGST, ummm yeah RATED: R for swearing and quasi-'adult situations' ...heh heh heh. SUMMARY: some worrying done by Mulder, Scully gets happy and then Mulder is happy too. ARCHIVE: sure wherever DISCLAIMER: Not mine, Not making money for this or otherwise. FEEDBACK: please? I need it too live. Send it to: xphoenix99@hotmail.com NOTES: I wrote this really fast, it just kinda happened. And it also mutated from what I had originally planed. This is my first ummm, happy fic... I guess I could call it that. All my others were sad, or upsetting. This one is not. At least I don't think it is... no it isn't, I'm sure of it. Oh yeah and the title means 'seize the day' (or moment), in Latin I believe? X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X Mulder sat on his couch. He wasn't slouched, or relaxed, but was sitting up perfectly straight. He sat very still and the only noticeable movements were the rapid breaths he took and the sudden twitches of his hands against the sides of his legs where they lay. The air around him was filled with a nervous tension, and the silence that permeated the apartment only magnified it. He broke the unnatural cessation of sound in the room when he raised his left wrist to glance at his watch. I still have time... He dropped his hand back down onto the smooth leather exterior of the couch, and he resumed his pondering. His gaze came down onto the ring of keys sitting on the coffee table. I could drive there... could get it before she found it... His eyes shifted to stare at his cell phone which lay beside it. I could phone her... if I told her not to read it... she wouldn't... I trust her... He grabbed for the phone. Pushing the speed dial, he brought it to his ear. It rung once before his partner's voice came across the clear connection. "Scully." He paused, not sure of what to say, or if he wanted to say it. "Hello?" Her voice sounded slightly annoyed, and it sent him into action. "Hey." His voice sounded odd to his own ears, and he wondered if she noticed it. "Mulder? I thought you had a dentist appointment..." Oops... "Uhh, I did... but it was cancelled." Even small white lies made him feel like shit. I shouldn't have to lie... just ask her to go do something for me then I can drive to her place and fix everything... He glanced at his keys again, which seemed to taunt him from the table. I should have driven... "Oh... well, is there something wrong?" she asked, the concern in her voice showing slightly. Now that was the operative question. Was something wrong? He wasn't sure... "Mulder?" "Ummm...?" "Look, I'm going home to do some things, then I'll come over later with dinner and we can look over that new case Skinner gave us today... like around six?" No, wait, that's not good.... "But Scully..." "Yeah?" Last chance, tell her or let it lie. "Uhh, never mind... that would be great." There was another pause on the other end of the line. "Mulder are you all right?" "Yeah, yeah... I'll see you in a bit?" "Sure." "Ok." *Click* The phone hung loosely at his ear, and he listened to the dial tone of an undetermined amount of time. Finally he pushed the end button and his arm flopped back down onto the couch. "Shit!" he swore at his empty apartment. Nothing like expressing your mood by swearing. But that was all he could do. He was given the chance to stop this, but he hadn't. He was afraid now. At least that's what he thought. His stomach was fluttering and he placed a hand over it in hopes that he could hold off its rebellion. He was tired. Not just physically, but emotionally. That's why he had done it. He didn't want to play around anymore. He didn't want to guess at what she was thinking, didn't want to feel unsure. He wanted confirmation; he needed it. The innuendo, the touches, the glances, the cold looks, the arguments, the comfortable conversations, the jokes, the guilt and sadness; he could no longer accept any of it without knowing. He had tried to tell her, tried to give hints, but it seemed that neither of them would risk the first step in facing each other. He had thought these things a thousand times. They crept up on him all the time. At any instant. And today in the office, joking about the suit that Skinner had been wearing earlier or something silly like that, hadn't been any different. Mulder felt he couldn't take it anymore. And the kiss at New Years. He didn't know what to think. She had been happy, he had been happy, he had ruined the moment, she had looked disappointed, he felt like shit and so on. Fuck his degree in psychology... fuck it. He didn't know what was happening and this state of limbo they were in felt like it had been going on for more years than they had been partners for. So he had done this. He felt like swearing some more. But he didn't. The need to do it had hit him in the office that day. She, sitting there innocently, as he struggled with emotions that seemed unusually strong. Him, leaving the office without more than a cheap excuse. Now all he could do was wait. He sat very still again, thinking about where Scully would be, trying to gage her movements. Closing his eyes he imagined how long it would take her to drive home, then he pictured her in his mind parking her car, walking toward her building. He became absorbed in his reverie. Playing it in his mind like a movie, watching her reach into her pocket for her key, pulling them out and slipping one into the door, pushing it open, then looking down at the envelope that lay at her feet. Consumed by his daydreaming, he didn't feel the phone slip from his hand or hear it clatter loudly onto the wood floor. His only thoughts were of Scully. X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X Scully pushed the door open, and entered her inviting apartment. The door clicked shut behind her, and when she turned around she noticed a plain white envelope sitting on the floor in front of her. Setting down the briefcase, she reached down for it, running her hands over the smooth surface. Her name was written in plain black pen on the front. It was Mulder's writing. This is why he phoned me. Slipping off her boots, she held the envelope up to the light. Only paper. Well, what more was she expecting? She had the strangest feeling, and it followed her as she walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. But instead of tearing it open right away she left the table and finished the routine she normally followed after work. She removed her coat and hung it up near the door; she checked her messages, then made her way to her bedroom. Changing into a comfortable pair of baggy jeans and navy blue v-neck tee shirt, she couldn't stop replaying the phone conversation she had with Mulder on her way home. He must have come here after work... He must not have had a dentist appointment after all... Why had he called me? Maybe he wanted to tell me not to open the envelope... Realising she could no longer avoid it and reminding herself that she had told Mulder that she would be seeing him that night, she pushed herself off the bed and practically ran into the kitchen. She grabbed the envelope and tore the end off. Turning it upside down produced a piece of folded lined paper. Discarding the envelope, she cautiously opened the paper, and began to read the curving scroll that was Mulder's. "Scully, I decided to write you because I am a coward, and whenever we try to talk, it is either the wrong time, or we are interrupted. I need you to know what I am about to say, and understand that it is the truth. I felt that this was the easiest way to do this. No more guessing. No more wondering or uncertainty. I can no longer go on pretending everything is fine. Everyday you come to work I want to hold you. Everyday day I want to kiss you, but I am so scared. I am so afraid of rejection and of losing the working relationship we have. But I can't do this anymore. Can't pretend I'm not in love with, because I am. Can't pretend I don't want you, because I do. I try to show you, I try to say it, but it always seems to backfire. There have been moments when I thought I knew; thought I knew exactly where we stood, but I didn't. I need to know where we stand Scully. If you don't share my feelings, I'm sorry for putting you through this. If you never mention this note, I'll understand and assume you do not share my feelings. But that will not change how I feel, nor will it change how much I need you with me. Always, Mulder" She had not realized that she had been reading out loud. And when the note slipped from her hand, she didn't care. She sat unsteadily into the closest chair, and her hands went to her face. Her tears already streamed down her face and she was crying. But her tears were joyful and her lips were turned pward in wonderful smile. She could not remember having ever felt this happy before. X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X Dammit. He glanced nervously at his watch. 6:18 She isn't coming. She read the note, and now she isn't coming. He hadn't moved much from his spot on the couch, except to the bathroom and at one point he felt the need to clean up some of his crap in case she did show up. But that had been an eternity ago, and now he sat, fidgeting and unsure. His fluttering stomach had been a constant companion since he had left the envelope at her apartment earlier, except now it felt like the butterflies were tired of just flying around his stomach, now they were hungry and he was sure he could feel them gnawing away at his insides. Three knocks at the door ripped him out of his self-loathing mood and sent him rushing to the door. Powered by one thought. Oh my god it's Scully... He opened the door and the next thing he new he was on the ground. His momentary surprise was quickly replaced my shear amazement when he felt the lips of the petite redhead that was attacking him, latch on to his mouth. He kicked his legs at the door, sending it slamming shut, not wanting the neighbours to get an eye full. When their kiss broke they were both gasping for some much-needed oxygen. Scully wore a particularly amused expression in response to Mulder's befuddled one. "I... I wasn't sure if you were coming..." He gasped between breaths. "Well, I haven't yet... geez Mulder, you're not that good." Scully snickered. Mulder gaped at her before he couldn't contain his laughter. While she was distracted, Mulder flipped them over so she was pinned beneath him. "So, I'm guessing by the way you attacked me, and the way you're teasing me with innuendo, Agent Scully, that you got my note." "I suppose I did Agent Mulder." Mulder's expression faltered a bit, as if he were unsure. Scully almost started laughing harder. "And what is the verdict?" He asked hopefully. "Well, first of all I should be given the right to smack you around a bit since you're even asking me, or I could show you in a much more enjoyable way, that the feelings are mutual." They both smiled, and met for another kiss which lasted longer than the first. Their hands were beginning to roam, and Mulder's jacket was already pulled off one arm. He pulled away, and they locked gazes. "Say it.... Could you say it for me Scully?" She smiled at him, a rare toothy smile that he rarely saw. "I love you Mulder... " She kissed him again, "very, very much... And what you did today was the sweetest, most honest thing anyone has ever done for me. You are not a coward. You are the bravest, and the most beautiful in mind, soul and body of anyone I have ever met." Mulder nuzzled his face against her shoulder as he began to kiss his way along her neck. "Love you so much Scully..." he said as he continued his explorations, and she laced one of her hands through his soft hair. At one point he paused, "What took you so long to get here? You had me practically committing hari-kari" he mumbled against her soft skin between kisses. "Well," she gasped as he began to suck on the pulse point on her neck, "I thought if I left you hanging for a bit, it would be more interesting... " She had an evil grin on her face when he looked up at her. "Ohhh, you wicked, wicked woman... " He whispered as he gave her a nip and she whimpered beneath him. Mulder quickly shook off his jacket, which was at the moment acting more like a straight jacket, wrapped his hands under Scully's arms and lifted her off the floor, proceeding as fast as he could toward his bedroom. Scully yelped in surprise, as he basically flung her over his shoulder like a caveman, which made her laugh harder than what she already was. "Do I have the feeling that it's going to be a long night?" Scully asked, sounding drunkenly giddy from her halfway position on Mulder's shoulder. Mulder smiled, "who said anything about just tonight being long? I'm not planing on letting this endeavour stop until neither of us can move, and we have to be hospitalized for extreme exertion." END X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X And we all now what follows, right? heh heh heh... ok, I know that the end was rather lame, but deal with it :-) I'm still getting use to writing the whole Mulder/Scully relationship thing. But if you liked it send me feeback! xphoenix99@hotmail.com