Title:  "Scully and the Gap Man"
Author:  Alicia K.
Email:  spartcus1@msn.com
Rating:  NC-17, for smut and potty mouth.
Archive:  Twist my arm!  Just ask first, and I'm sure 
I'll say yes.
Disclaimer:  Chris Carter owns 'em, I'm just airing 
them out a bit.  I thought they needed some fresh 
air.
Summary:  Smart-ass smut and general silliness.  A 
follow-up to "Dana Katherine's Secret".

Kisses all around for my betas:  Joanna, Caz, and 
Jamie.  Thanks, guys, you all make me smile.

XXX

"Scully and the Gap Man"
(or "The Day Mulder's Poor Schnoz Took a Beating")
by Alicia K.

When one found a lover as great (and eager, and 
vigorous, and inventive) as Mulder, a month was a 
damn long time to go without.

It had been almost a month since our fateful first 
date, the one that had begun a weekend of general 
debauchery and sexual acrobatics.  If I didn't get to 
be alone with him soon, I think I might have to kill 
someone.

My brother Bill would fit the bill nicely.

We were currently standing in my mother's kitchen, 
gathering bowls of fruit salad, potato salad, and 
three-bean salad to take out into the yard.  Bill was 
smirking with his typical air of superiority.

You'd think I had just told him that I was going to 
be a magician when I grew up so I could make him 
disappear, instead of telling him that Mulder was out 
of town with the Lone Gunmen at a UFO convention in 
Nevada.

"That nutcase will be eighty years old, still chasing 
little aliens down the street in his electric 
wheelchair, waving his cane and jabbering like a 
lunatic."

As much as I still wanted to sock my older brother, I 
had to chuckle at that image.  Then I pictured myself 
beside him, my own wheelchair keeping up with his as 
I tried to explain that rationally, we would never 
catch up with them.

Bill looked at me strangely and shook his head as I 
covered my mouth with my hand and dashed out of the 
room, shoulders shaking with laughter.

XXX
SEVEN HOURS EARLIER, SOMEWHERE IN NEVADA

"Hey Mulder, wanna take a side trip to Area 51 before 
heading back?"

Langly's heart was in the right place, but he wasn't 
thinking with the same organ I was.

I had gone almost a whole cotton-picking month 
without being with Scully, since we had been tied up 
in three out-of-town cases and this silly road trip.  
And although my heart did pitter-pat and swell with 
love at the thought of her, it was my dick that was 
calling the shots these days.

"Some other time, Langly.  I've got things to do back 
in DC."  

Like Scully, for instance.

God, leave it to a month between mind-blowing sexual 
escapades to turn me into a crass teenager again.

Frohicke's semi-gloved fingers pulled sharply on my 
seat as he poked his head between mine and Byers'.  
"This wouldn't have anything to do with the 
delectable Agent Scully, would it?"

I turned on him so fast, I was surprised I didn't end 
up head-butting him.  "Why?" I asked sharply, as 
Frohicke backed off.

"The way you were listening to your messages back at 
the hotel last night, I just figured something really 
big had come up."

There had only been one message, from Scully.  She 
had left it on my machine nearly five days ago, and I 
had listened to it at least once a day.  

Okay, okay, so the lack of sex not only turned me 
into a horny teenager, but a lovesick fool as well.

I ignored the new conversation between Frohicke and 
Langly behind me and replayed the message on the 
machine in my mind.

<<Mulder, it's me>>  Her voice had been low and 
throaty, a voice I had learned only too well that 
weekend.  <<I don't understand why you'd rather be 
cavorting with the musketeers than say . finding a 
new piece of furniture or floor space to christen 
with me.>>

Oh, Scully, you have no idea.  If only I hadn't owed 
the guys about three billion promises, and if only 
they hadn't threatened me with lifelong surveillance 
if I didn't pay up this week .

<<Anyway>> Her voice returned to her normal, brisk 
tones.  <<Mom's having a big family picnic this 
weekend at her house.  Everyone's coming out for it.  
She's sorry you're going to miss it.>> Pause.  <<I 
am, too.>>

If I played my cards right, Mrs. Scully wouldn't have 
to be sorry anymore, I thought, checking my watch. 
"Hey Byers, let's get the lead out.  If we miss this 
plane, I'll never make good on the rest of the favors 
I owe you."

"And this would be different from when?" Byers 
scoffed from behind the wheel.

"Shut up and drive."

XXX

I quickly decided that there were few things worse 
than being horny with no one but family around.  I 
swear, if I didn't have nieces, nephews, cousins, 
second cousins, and god-knows-what-kind-of-cousins 
crowding around me and demanding to see my gun, or 
begging me to tell them about how cool it was to be 
in the FBI, I would have gone upstairs and taken care 
of my little problem.

And for the umpteenth time so far that day (and it 
wasn't even one o'clock yet), I wished Mulder was 
here.  He was so much better with kids than I was.

Finally, Mom announced that she had ice cream sundaes 
waiting to be made and eaten, and a small stampede of 
little feet ran across the yard.

"Hey, Dana!" 

Oh great.  More jabs from Bill were forthcoming.  

I looked up warily as he approached, munching on a 
slobbery slice of watermelon and noisily spitting out 
seeds.  "I haven't seen you wear a dress in years.  
Too bad there's just family around. Maybe you could 
land a man who could drag you away from that Mulder."

I smoothed out an imaginary wrinkle in the simple 
cornflower blue sundress I wore and stood, fixing him 
with my best regal, little sister gaze.  "Bill," I 
stated calmly.  "Bite me."

I strutted away, intending to go make myself a 
heaping strawberry sundae, when something - someone - 
caught my eye.

Well, well.  If he just wasn't the best looking thing 
I had ever seen.

XXX

When I turned onto Mrs. Scully's street and saw all 
the cars, I had a few second thoughts.  Did I really 
want to see Scully now?  Here? With the entire cast 
of thousands from Ben Hur here to witness it?  A 
little hard to keep things a secret when we probably 
wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other.

Aw hell, I thought, getting out of the car.  I'm an 
adult and can handle myself as such.

<<But oh man, she's gonna look so gooooood>> the 
horny teenager piped up.  <<Especially after that 
long, out-of-town case and a reluctant trip.>>

Quiet, you.

<<Can you picture her now?>> That would be the 
lovesick fool.  << Standing amongst her loved ones, 
smiling, her red hair blowing gently in the breeze . 
>>

All right, that's it.  Everybody out of the pool.

I'm just going to pop in for a while, say hello, 
maybe steal a kiss from Scully behind the barn or 
something, then hustle out of there.  

<<Yeah.  How about the 'or something'?>>

<<Ah, a kiss from the sweet Scully.>>

Christ.  This may be harder than I thought.

XXX

I had never laid eyes upon a more handsome Mulder.

Well, except for the naked Mulder that had lain in my 
bed for a good number of hours.

Fox Mulder in khakis and a blue chambray shirt.  I 
licked my lips.

Mom spotted him, and with a delighted cry of "Fox!", 
hurried over to greet him.

Before shutting my inner child back into the box and 
sealing it up with duct tape, I shot a pointed glance 
over my shoulder at Bill.  He scowled back at me, and 
I could hear him muttering under his breath as he 
stalked off to tattle to Tara.  

Mom was directing him towards the picnic tables full 
of food, but I could see him looking around 
frantically, as if trying to spot me.  A brief 
combination of panic and disappointment flashed over 
his face as he was lost in a sea of introductions and 
food.

Time to swoop in for the rescue.

XXX

Maggie Scully was dragging me over to a large crowd 
of people standing around large amounts of food.

"This is Agent Mulder, Dana's partner," she 
announced, and I almost felt like scuffing the toe of 
my shoe in the grass with a shy smile as they 
responded with a chorus of impressed "oh's" and 
"hi's".

I glanced around, seeing if Scully was hiding 
somewhere nearby, but I didn't see her.  Damn.  "Fox, 
this is." Maggie began making introductions, and by 
way of greeting, they shoved plates of food at me.

Oh man, I didn't want food.  I just wanted to find 
Scully.

I must have had some sort of look of muted panic on 
my face, for Maggie put her hand on my arm and said, 
"I'll go rustle up Dana for you."

I smiled gratefully, but when she moved her hand from 
my arm, my balance was thrown, and a precariously 
balanced plate of barbecue unceremoniously ended up 
face down in the grass.  Two dogs appeared out of 
nowhere to act as vacuum cleaners, and I looked 
around for somewhere to set the other four plates 
that were teetering in my arms.

"You trying to impress me with your amazing feats of 
agility?"

And there she was, right in front of me, reaching out 
to take a couple of plates from me.

"I thought I did that a month ago."

And damned if a rosy flush didn't spread over her 
face as she turned to set the plates back down on the 
picnic table.

XXX

Leave it to Mulder to bring a quiver to my loins with 
eight words spoken in that beautiful baritone voice.  
The sight of the pectoral-hugging white tank top 
peeking out from the opened shirt may have helped.  

"I thought you didn't get back until tomorrow," I 
said, fussing with a stubborn Tupperware container.  
The damned thing wouldn't open.  I didn't even know 
why I was trying to open it anyway.  Just a half-
assed attempt at subterfuge as I willed the blush 
away from my cheeks.

"Talking to UFO fanatics wasn't the same without you, 
Scully.  Need a hand with that?"

"No."  Come on . open! Open, dammit!  It obeyed, and 
little pieces of fruit salad flew into the air, 
surely rejoicing in their newfound freedom.  Mulder 
laughed, and I looked up just in time to see him 
expertly catch a grape in his mouth.  

I smiled.  "Hi."

He grinned, the fruit gingerly lodged between his 
front teeth.  "I missed you."

I looked around quickly, feeling the flush rise 
again.  Damn. Thought I had that under control.  "Me 
too."

He swallowed the grape.  "You look beautiful."

Now I met his gaze, an eyebrow raised as I gave him 
an obvious once-over.  "Tell the truth, Mulder.  You 
weren't really at a UFO convention, were you?"  He 
looked genuinely puzzled, and I smirked up at him.  
"You were in LA, shooting a Gap ad."

He laughed.  "You got me.  It took me months of swing 
lessons, but I finally landed the gig."

I set the now half-empty bowl back on the table and 
crossed my arms over my chest.  "You couldn't have 
waited to see me when I was alone," I gently chided 
him.

He set the remaining plates of food down on the 
ground, where Mike and Ike, the two black labs, came 
running to clean up again.  "So, Scully, is there a 
barn or something here we can go sneak behind for a 
minute?" 

XXX

I had never seen Scully in a sundress before.  It was 
something I'd like to see again.  She looked so 
casual, so . young.  Not that Scully ever looked old, 
but she looked like she didn't have a care in the 
world.  Maybe being with her family had something to 
do with that, but I liked to think being in love was 
the culprit.

She looked so wholesome and delicious, my mouth 
watered at the thought of touching her again.  And 
kissing her.  And .

"We could sneak upstairs to my old bedroom."

Had that grape still been in my mouth, I would have 
surely choked on it.  Ah, sex with Scully in her 
virginal childhood bed.  

I couldn't think of a better way to spend a summer's 
afternoon.

"Lead the way," I said, brushing my fingertips along 
her arm in a brief caress. 

Gallantly opening the door for her, I chanced a quick 
look behind us to see if we'd be missed.  No one 
appeared to be pointing at us in alarm, so I let the 
door slam behind me, the screen smacking my ass.

"Anyone in here?" Scully asked loudly.  No one 
answered, and she looped her fingers through my belt 
loops and tugged lightly.

My hands cupped her bare shoulders, slowly sliding 
down her arms.  "Must be our lucky day."  I bent my 
head to kiss her softly.

"Mm," she murmured.  "Let's take this upstairs."  
Grinning, she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards 
the stairs.

With an equally sneaky grin I followed, zipping past 
the family gallery on the hallway wall, up the 
carpeted stairs, around the potted plant on the 
landing, down the hall, past the .

BAM!

Ow.  

Scully had stopped short halfway down the hallway, 
and I had barreled into her, my legs colliding with 
her body and my nose slamming into a doorjamb on a 
reflexive jerk.

"Scully . " I complained, rubbing my throbbing nose.

Instead of being sympathetic or even apologetic, she 
practically shoved me into the room, saying loudly, 
"Here's the bathroom, Mulder."

The door slammed in my face.  What the fuck?  I shook 
my head, clearing the little birdies from my vision.  

Why was I in the bathroom?

If this was Scully's way of playing "hard to get", 
she really needed to work on her technique.

After quickly examining my poor nose in the mirror, I 
opened the door and peeked down the hall.  "Scully?" 
I called.
 
I didn't see her.  Maybe she was in her room, waiting 
for me.  Maybe she was in her room, waiting naked for 
me on the bed.

The grin returned to my face as I tiptoed out into 
the hall, remembering that her room was right across 
the way.

"Ah-ha!" I exclaimed, popping through the doorway.

"Ssh!  Tommy's sleeping!" a strange woman hissed at 
me, pointing accusingly at the toddler snoring on 
Scully's childhood bed.

Lucky little snot.

"Oh.  Uh . sorry."

I quickly retreated downstairs, where Scully was 
waiting, leaning against the banister with a look of 
annoyance on her face.

"You could have warned me," I complained, rubbing my 
nose for effect even though it didn't hurt anymore.

"About me stopping, or the people in my room?"

"Both.  Is it swollen?"  I leaned down towards her, 
but she barely even glanced at it.

"Damn," she muttered, crossing her arms over the 
breasts that I really wanted to touch.  "I don't know 
where else we can go."

A slow smile spread across my face.  "I have an 
idea."

XXX

Oh great.  Mulder had an idea.

I was wondering if we would end up screwing on the 
roof.  Now that would be a story to be passed on 
through the generations.

He took my hand and led me back through the kitchen.  
"Are we going back outside?  Are you crazy?"

He turned to -- I'm sure -- make some smart-ass 
comment, but didn't stop walking, and before I could 
warn him .

BAM!

Right into Bill, who was walking in the door.

"Jesus, Mulder, watch where you're going!"  Bill 
tossed a stack of dirty plates onto the counter, 
where they clattered noisily before falling into the 
sink.

"Oh . uh, hi, Bill.  Um . sorry.  We were just . uh, 
going to . just . um."

Now Bill was looking suspiciously at both of us, 
checking to make sure all of our buttons were 
buttoned correctly and that our clothes weren't on 
inside-out.  

I rolled my eyes.  "I was giving him the tour," I 
snapped.  "Now we're going to get some ice cream."

Bill smirked.  I realized suddenly that I hadn't seen 
him with an expression other than a smirk in I don't 
know how long.  "Gee, are you going to have whipped 
cream and cherries, too?"

I saw the gleam in Mulder's eyes as he opened his 
mouth to retort, but I elbowed him sharply.  "Come 
on, Mulder.  Let's leave Bill alone with his dirty 
dishes."

On the porch, Mulder smiled down at me.  "Gosh, I've 
missed him so much."

I laughed.  "So.  Want some ice cream?"

XXX

The ice cream sundae bar was in a sorry state of 
disrepair - rapidly melting ice cream, spoons 
everywhere, sprinkles mixed in with every topping, 
whipped cream in the grass, upside down plastic bowls 
on little kids' heads as they ran around, ice cream 
smeared on their faces.

Scully found a clean bowl and spoon and dug in, 
helping herself to a hearty scoop of strawberry ice 
cream and a good dollop of whipped cream.

I stepped close to her, bending to murmur, "We should 
be careful.  This kind of sticky mess attracts bees."

She turned to me with that raised eyebrow that never 
failed to get me going.  "I'll be sure to check under 
your collar."

I chuckled, then reached around her for the cherries.  

When she saw that that was all that I was taking, she 
commented, "Gee, Mulder.  Want some ice cream with 
your cherries?"

I grinned.  "I'm not going to eat these all by 
myself."

"You're not, huh?"  She added a dab of chocolate 
sprinkles on top of her sundae.

"We're going to share them," I said in a suggestive 
voice.  She smiled up at me, licking the back of her 
spoon slowly.  "Follow me."

XXX

I followed Mulder as he led us through the Scully 
clan.  I nodded with a broad smile at those who said 
'hello' but managed to avoid being stopped until 
Ahab's sister Ruth grabbed my arm with talon-like 
fingers.

"Dana, when are you going to find a nice doctor and 
get married?" she said, peering at me through her 
coke-bottle glasses.

Just as soon as you take Antonio Banderas as your 
lover, Auntie Ruth.

I smiled sweetly.  "How have you been, Ruth?"

As her fingers dug into my flesh, she rattled on 
about her hip replacement surgery and the bad food at 
the nursing home, I scanned the crowd for Mulder.  
Where did he go?

I managed to extricate myself from my great-aunt's 
clutches with a pat on the hand and a kiss on the 
cheek, then zipped through the yard, trying to spot 
Mulder's tall frame.

I made my way through the throngs until I stood on 
the edge of the field behind the house.

Just as I was about to turn and make a second pass 
through the yard, a hand grabbed my arm and pulled.

I found myself in the cool shade on the back side of 
the house, staring up into Mulder's wicked smile.

"Thought I lost you," I said.  His response was to 
lower his mouth to mine in a kiss that was much too 
chaste for my taste.

Opening my lips beneath his, I felt something small 
and slippery slide into my mouth.  I bit down, and 
the sweet juice of the maraschino cherry covered both 
our tongues.

"Mm," he murmured when we parted.  "You taste good."

I swallowed the fruit.  "I'm so touched that you gave 
me your cherry."

He grinned and sat down against the house.  I settled 
between his legs and leaned back against him.  "How 
long do you think we have before somebody finds us?" 
he asked, stroking the tops of my thighs in slow, 
gentle circles.

I took a bite of my rapidly melting ice cream.  "Not 
long enough to do any serious damage."

He bent his head to nip at my earlobe, and I 
shuddered against him.  "May I prove you wrong?"

I wanted to tell him no, that screwing behind my 
mother's house was not at the top of my list of 
fantasies, but his tongue was tracing the whorls of 
my ear, and I was powerless to resist.

I turned my head to kiss him again.  His lips were 
wonderfully warm and soft against my ice-cream-numbed 
ones, and I moaned a little in appreciation.

The neglected sundae fell to the grass, and my now 
free hand rose to the back of his neck as he lowered 
his mouth to my throat.

His thumb grazed my nipple, and I gasped, eyes 
opening to look down at his dark head.

Instead, my gaze caught a movement at the corner of 
the house.  "Mulder!" I whispered, my mind racing to 
think of a good way to explain this to a handful of 
little boys.  "There's a bunch of little kids 
watching us!"

I had expected him to move away from me, but he 
grabbed my head and turned it sharply to the side, 
exposing my neck for his scrutiny.  "Nope.  Don't see 
any here.  I think you're okay."  Now he stood, 
brushing himself off and smiling at the kids.  "Dana 
thought she had a wood tick on her."

That's my Mulder, I thought, rubbing my neck with a 
grimace.  Brilliant as always.

"Mr. Mulder," said a kid with white-blonde hair.  
"Wanna play kickball with us?"

XXX

I threw a quick, sorrowful glance at my lovely Scully 
before coming back with a hearty "Sure!"

Soon, Scully.  Soon you will be mine.

Oh yes.  You will be mine.

Little bodies surrounded me, little hands pulling at 
my arms and hauling me off to the field.  "He's on 
our team!" one of them yelled.

"No way! You guys got Bill!  He's on our team!"

Oh golly.  Kickball with Bill.  Would the fun never 
cease?

"Mr. Mulder," whined the same kid who had delivered 
this latest bit of bad news.  "You're on our team, 
right?"

"Sure, kid, whatever you say.  But you can just call 
me Mulder."

There were already some other kids waiting in the 
field, and in the center stood Bill, tossing the red 
playground ball from hand to hand and eyeing me with 
a predatory smile.

Yee-freakin'-ha.

XXX

I think it was my growing sexual frustration that 
made me move to the gathering crowd on the edge of 
the field.  My desire for Mulder was channeling into 
a desire to see Mulder's team beat the socks off 
Bill's team.

"Dana, would you like something to drink?" Mom asked 
as she dragged over a couple of lawn chairs for us.

"Mom, I think a nice cold beer would really hit the 
spot," I said with a smile, settling into the chair 
that had seen better days.

A mere minute later, I had a bottle in my hand and 
was flashing a devilish smile at Mulder.  He returned 
it, and I knew my silent message had been received 
loud and clear.

Kick his ass and do it good, then maybe we can get 
out of here and go have sex.

XXX  

"Well, there goes my modeling career."

"Oh quit whining, Mulder, you're fine," she replied 
brusquely, her fingers pressing against my swollen 
nose.

"Ow!"   I jerked my head away from her, raising my 
own hands to see if anything was indeed missing or 
out of place.  "Your bedside manner needs a little 
work, Dr. Scully."

She smirked.  "You seemed to like my bedside manner 
just fine a few weeks ago."

Despite my grumpiness at having had a big rubber ball 
kicked into my schnoz by her brother, I grinned down 
at her.  "Maybe you're just out of practice."

"Most likely," she said softly, reaching up on tiptoe 
to press a kiss to the corner of my mouth.  "Let me 
get you some ice."

"My poor face has had much worse slammed into it.  I 
think I'll live."  I snuffled loudly, making sure I 
could still do so.  "But I still say Bill did that on 
purpose."  I sat in one of the kitchen chairs.

"I'd say that's very likely, considering that you 
knocked him flat on his ass when you slid into home."

I chuckled, picturing Bill's red, blustering face as 
he bit back all of the foul names he couldn't call me 
in front of the kids.

Scully had wrapped a handful of ice cubes in a towel 
despite my protestations, and now she raised it to my 
nose, her free hand soft against my cheek.  I allowed 
her to nurse me, nuzzling my flesh into the warmth of 
her small hand.

I prayed to Scully's God that this farce was just 
about over.  I had endured enough humiliation today 
to earn the right to be alone with her, to touch her 
and kiss her and all the rest.

"I don't think it's swelling," she murmured, peering 
closely at my nose, which no longer hurt.  Its 
annoying throbbing had been replaced by a much more 
pleasant sensation emanating from somewhere below my 
belt and temporarily hiding beneath khaki pants.

I took the opportunity of her nearness to place a 
gentle kiss on the tip of her nose.  She looked up at 
me from below the fringe of lashes and smiled.  "I 
suppose you're ready to get out of here, aren't you?"

"Don't lay this all on me, Scully."  She had the gall 
to look puzzled.  "I know how much you want it, too." 

XXX

I gasped and took a half-step back, feeling that 
damned flush make its way quickly up my neck.  

He had me there.  I couldn't help it - after two 
innings of a rousing game of kickball, Mulder had 
shed the chambray shirt, leaving his torso covered in 
a snug white tank top.  My mouth had dropped open, 
and I hadn't missed the looks of appreciation my 
female relatives had tossed his way.

Of course, my growing arousal as I watched him move 
had been interrupted by the childish scuffling 
between him and Bill.  But it was pretty damn funny 
to see Mulder knock my brother on his ass.

And now standing between his legs in my mother's 
kitchen as I pressed a towel full of ice to his 
beautiful face, I found myself wishing we were 
anywhere else but here.

Preferably in one of our beds, with his naked frame 
wrapped around me like the bow on the biggest present 
under the Christmas tree.

He was grinning at me, knowing full well he was 
right.  Smart ass.  I moved to step away, but he 
reached up to circle my wrist with his fingers.  
"Scully," he said softly, turning my hand within his 
to place a kiss on the inside of my palm.  "I just 
want to be with you."

Damn the man and the charms he had kept so carefully 
hidden for the better part of six years.

I opened my mouth to speak, but found it a little 
difficult due to the sudden dryness as he kissed my 
palm again, this time adding a little tongue.  I 
cleared my throat.  "Just let me say goodbye to 
everyone."

He smiled and released my hand.  "I'll meet you at my 
place."  I nodded dumbly, tossing the towel and ice 
into the sink and heading for the door.  "And 
Scully."  I turned like a lovesick girl to catch 
whatever pearls of wisdom that might fall from that 
talented mouth.  His hazel eyes were bright and 
mischievous.  "Don't be long."

XXX

God, she was going to kill me for laying it on so 
thick.  I knew how much it bothered her that a few 
well-placed kisses and a few words spoken in a low 
honey voice could turn her into a bundle of hormones.  
But at that point, I was desperate.  I had to pull 
out all of the stops and get us out of there before 
we got roped into a game of Scully family trivia, or 
Discovery Channel charades.

I gave my poor nose one last remorseful touch, then 
stood up.  Hm.  Where did I leave my shirt?  I didn't 
even remember taking it off.  It was probably still 
outside, but I hesitated.  If I went out there again, 
I might ever escape, and I would be forced to drag 
Scully into the bushes at the edge of the yard and 
have my way with her there.

Not that that would be a bad thing.

XXX

I stood on the porch for a moment, gathering my wits, 
my graces, and the ability to form a coherent 
thought.

Mom?  Sorry, gotta go.  Mulder and I need to go to 
his place and fuck like bunnies.

Too crass?  Maybe.

Mom? Bill? Auntie Ruth?  It was good to see you, but 
there's a man who desperately wants to make me scream 
with pleasure.  It's been real.

"Dana?"

I blinked quickly and wiped the goofy smile from my 
lips.  "Yeah, Mom?"

She met me at the bottom of the steps, carrying 
Mulder's discarded shirt.  "Is Fox okay?  That ball 
hit him pretty hard."

I bit back a laugh, remembering the loud THONK the 
red rubber ball had made as it connected with his 
face.  "Yeah, he's all right, but he's going to . um, 
go home and get some rest.  He just got back from 
Nevada, and he's pretty tired and . stuff."  

Oh, that was smooth, Dana.  Very articulate.

"Well it was good to see him.  You should go talk to 
Ruth.  She's been asking me all sorts of questions 
that I think would be best answered by you," she said 
pointedly.

I sighed.  Auntie Ruth meant well, but there were 
only so many times one could answer her standard 
triumvirate of questions:  why wasn't I married, when 
would I be having children, and had I shot myself in 
the foot yet while cleaning my gun?

I rubbed my forehead restlessly.  "Um, I'm going to 
take off too, Mom. Actually.  Yeah.  There's a lot of 
stuff I need to do at home.  I didn't realize it had 
gotten so late.  Got caught up watching that game and 
all."

Good Lord, could I babble any more?  Mom was looking 
at me with an odd expression, as if I had been the 
one to catch the ball in the kisser.

Mulder, bless his heart and kick his ass, chose that 
moment to step out onto the porch and put his hand on 
my shoulder.  "I'll see you later?" he asked in a 
voice that could only be described as sexual.

"Um, yeah, Mulder.  I'll talk to you tomorrow," I 
lied, a cheerful tremble in my voice.

"Thanks for feeding me, Mrs. Scully," he continued 
smoothly, grinning and bending to kiss her cheek.

"You're more than welcome, Fox.  Take care, and 
please accept my apology for Bill."  

He smiled and took his shirt from her.  "It happens," 
he said with a shrug, and jogged down the stairs.  He 
gave me a final glance that I could only again 
describe as sexual.  

With a mixture of dread and amusement, I watched my 
mother's eyes widen as she watched Mulder swagger 
away.

"Mom," I began wearily.  "It's not what . . ."

But she turned to me with the hint of a smile.  "Yes 
it is."  She hugged me briefly, then moved to go 
inside.  "Dana, you'd better make your goodbyes now.  
I don't expect Fox would like to be kept waiting."

Good God.

XXX

Part of me wanted to surprise Scully with some 
flowers, or a bottle of wine and some candles.  The 
other part of me wanted to leave a trail of clothing 
to my bedroom.  I, of course, would be the naked 
prize at the end of the rainbow.

The image of her rolling her eyes at me nixed that 
idea pretty quick.

Instead, I just turned the stereo on low, tossed my 
suitcase and various items of clothing into the 
closet, and dug up a few candles to scatter around 
the place.  After straightening up a bit, I checked 
out the bathroom and found it to be vaguely 
disgusting.

So intent was I on my hurried cleaning that I never 
even heard Scully come in.  When I emerged from the 
bathroom, Scully was there waiting for me on my 
couch, eyeing the candles on the coffee table with an 
amused grin.

She raised her head slowly, allowing her hot gaze to 
rake over my body, and said, "You do realize that I'm 
a sure thing, don't you, Mulder?"

I nodded dumbly as she stood and slowly walked over 
to me.  She still had that blue sundress on, and my 
eyes locked on the exquisite curves of her collarbone 
and throat. 

Her arms slowly rose to encircle my neck, and as I 
leaned down to meet her lips halfway, I realized that 
I was still holding a toilet brush.

XXX

Mulder came out of the bathroom, toilet brush in 
hand.  I swallowed my laugh and told him in my own 
special way that the effort at seduction was nice, 
but wholly unnecessary.

He stared at my neck as if he were Gary Oldman and I 
were Winona Ryder in an overwrought, FBI version of 
the Dracula story.

When he finally noticed the brush in his hand, he 
gave it a look of sheer horror and flung it into the 
kitchen, where it clattered into the sink.  This time 
I couldn't hold back the laughter and my shoulders 
shook with it as I pressed my lips to the skin just 
above the low collar of his tank top undershirt.

Mulder bent his head to mine, capturing my lips with 
his mid-laugh in a breathless, deep kiss.

"I missed you," he murmured into my mouth as my 
tongue swept over his lips.  Before I could return 
the sentiment, his hand snaked up into my hair and 
gave a firm pull, jerking my head back.  I gasped in 
surprise, and his open mouth descended onto my 
throat, licking and pressing at the point where my 
pulse beat thickly beneath my skin.

His lips marked me as surely as a red hot brand 
reading 'Property of Fox Mulder, FBI', and I was 
sorry that I had waited so long to receive this 
delicious homecoming.

XXX

We had been making out for a grand total of two 
minutes, and I already knew that we wouldn't make it 
into the bedroom.  

My first clue was the way my cock leapt to attention 
at the slightest taste of her.  The second was the 
way that Scully was frantically tearing at my belt 
buckle and swirling her tongue around the index 
finger I had slipped into her mouth.

Scully had had a lot to say during that fateful 
weekend about me and my talented mouth, but I had to 
admit that she was no slouch herself in the oral 
talents department.  As a man pushing 40, there were 
only so many times that Mr. Jolly and I could spring 
back into action.

Scully and her beautiful, fantabulous mouth proved me 
wrong.  

And then some.

I shoved down the thin straps of her dress, hoping to 
gain access to her breasts, but she impatiently 
slapped my hands away and said, "Help me, Mulder."

Eager to assist, as always, I began to finish what 
she had started with my pants, but before I could get 
them past my ass, she reached into my boxers and 
curled her fingers around my cock.

"Jesus!" I moaned and abandoned my pants.  They were 
down far enough.  My boxers joined the party halfway 
down my thighs, and she stroked me steadily.  I 
pumped into her hand, panting as I reached down to 
pull her dress up.

I had been half hoping that she would show up buck 
naked under that dress, and so I gave a frustrated 
grunt as my roving fingers encountered the silky 
material at the juncture of her thighs.

But she expressed her delight nonetheless, her grip 
momentarily tightening.  "Scully," I warned between 
clenched teeth.  Our reunion mating would be brief 
and sorely disappointing if she kept that up.  

"Sorry."  Her hand mimicked her apology, soothing in 
a more gentle caress before slipping lower to tickle 
at my balls.

Right.  Enough of this.  I yanked down her panties, 
and she kicked them aside, using her free hand to 
gather the skirt of her dress around her waist, 
exposing herself to my hungry gaze.

She was quite a sight, with one hand holding her 
dress up at her waist, the other clutching my cock as 
if she were a little kid with a red balloon.

I wondered if I should tie it around her wrist so she 
wouldn't lose it.

XXX

Mulder was just standing there, looking from my left 
hand at my waist to my right hand on him, and then 
back again.

"Mulder!" I ordered, refraining from stomping my foot 
like an impertinent child.  "Now!"

That seemed to snap him into action, and he turned, 
shoving me against the wall and once again plundering 
my mouth with his.

As his tongue mimicked the actions I desperately 
needed his hips to make, he plunged two fingers 
between my thighs, giving a satisfied grunt when he 
encountered the thick wetness there.

I wasn't sure if it was chivalry or density that made 
him check to see that I was ready even after I told 
him that I was.  Whatever it was, it was replaced in 
his face by a ferocity that made my eyes widen.

I didn't know if fucking against the wall would be 
logistically possible, but I guess I was about to 
find out.

XXX

When she said "Mulder!  Now!", I know she didn't 
necessarily mean "fuck me up against the wall, big 
boy", but it struck me as the right thing to do, even 
if it might mean a serious back injury for me and . 
well, I didn't know what it would do to her.  

Make her scream my name when she came, hopefully.

In one swift, not-so-graceful motion, I hoisted her 
up and bent at a slightly awkward angle before 
pinning her to the wall with one deep thrust that 
left both of us gasping.

She grabbed chunks of my hair with both fists and 
held on tight as I began to drive into her, my back 
complaining with each thrust.  I didn't give a flying 
fig - Scully was worth being in traction for.  And 
she felt so good, so fucking good.

With my forehead leaning against her shoulder, I had 
a pretty decent view down the front of her dress.  I 
watched her breasts bob enticingly within the 
confines of her bra with each rough motion of our 
bodies.  I licked my lips, wishing I could touch them 
but not daring to let go of her, lest our joined 
bodies go tumbling to the floor.

Above me, Scully was making low, close-lipped cries.  
Her heels dug into my lower back, spurring me on.  
"More," she gasped, her hands sliding down to clutch 
at my shoulders.

I think I may have laughed a little at that.  Sure, 
Scully.  No problem.  I'll just use a move from my 
days as a contortionist in the Cirque de Soleil.

But somehow, I was able to give her a little extra 
oomph.  It was a little tiny oomph, but it seemed to 
please her, judging from the way her cries became 
louder, and her mouth dropped open.

I was sweating from the exertion, my forehead slick 
against her shoulder.  I guessed that she was getting 
close; she was gasping my name now and trying to move 
her hips with mine.

"Scully ." I managed, my arms beginning to shake from 
the effort of holding her up.  "Can't ."

Bless her little lapsed-Catholic heart, she 
understood my dilemma and unhooked one of her legs 
from around me, trying to balance herself on at least 
one foot.  Unfortunately, her legs didn't quite reach 
the floor from her spot on the wall, and with a sigh 
of frustration, I gently extracted myself from her.

This encounter wasn't starting off nearly as well as 
the last time had.

XXX

Mulder, bless his agnostic heart, had to give in to 
the damning physics of our height difference.  I 
could tell he was disappointed that he couldn't 
finish it that way, but no matter.

I kissed him heartily and lay down on the hard, 
slightly gritty floor, spreading my legs wide for 
him.

It took him a moment to compute this new information, 
and he stood there for a moment, quite a sight with 
his pants and boxers not even down to his knees and 
his glistening cock jutting out in front of him.

Yum.

I stretched out my arms to him in a decidedly non-
maternal way and smiled.  "Come here, Mulder."

The man needed no further encouragement; he dropped 
to his knees, grabbed my hips, pulled me onto his 
lap, and plunged into me once again, thrusting up and 
into me hard and fast.

I was like a Gumby toy in his arms, bending and 
twisting as I rode him, frantically trying to reach 
the fevered pitch I had been at only moments before.  
His hand gripped the base of my neck, fingers 
threading through my hair and cupping the back of my 
head in his large palm.

His free hand cupped my breast through the dress, 
fingers pinching at the nipple, but I took his wrist 
and guided his hand down lower, to where we were 
joined.  Pulling my head forward for an open-mouthed 
kiss, his fingers threaded through my wiry curls and 
pinpointed the spot where I was dying for his touch.

"God! Right there," I whimpered, squeezing my legs 
tighter around his back and hanging on for dear life 
as he quickened his thrusts and his fingers.

Oh god, I was so close, and he was right there, 
looking into my eyes and I loved him loved him loved 
him and if he would just do that for ten more seconds 
I would be right there right there right there . !

"Muh . !" I sobbed, my head falling back into his 
hand as I soared on the waves that shuddered through 
my body.  "Oh."

"Christ, Scully, you're so fucking beautiful," he 
gritted out, the tendons straining in his neck as his 
rhythm became deliciously erratic.  Two more thrusts 
and a strangled cry, and he spilled over into me, 
clutching at me desperately.

I pulled him back with me to the floor, kissing 
whatever skin I could reach.

"You know," I said conversationally after our 
breathing had slowed and our muscles had relaxed.  
"If you hadn't been standing there with that toilet 
brush in your hand, we might have made it into the 
bedroom."

He rolled off of me and propped himself up on his 
elbow, tracing feather-light patterns on my sternum.  
"How's that?"

"Seeing you being so domestic really got me hot and 
bothered," I deadpanned.

He chuckled, bending to give me a tender kiss.  "You 
know, it's not even Friday night yet."

"I realize that."

"Which means that we have the whole weekend in front 
of us."

"I realize that, too."  I sat up, tugging my dress 
back down.  Mulder looked disappointed at the loss of 
nudity.  "What do you propose we do with all this 
time?"

"Well, I thought we could start with some dinner.  
You up for some Italian?"  He grinned.  "Wanna go see 
if Bertram's still around?"

I stood and helped him to his feet.  "No."

He pulled up his pants carefully, and now I was the 
one to look crestfallen.  "What are you up for, 
then?"  I fixed him with a stare that told him 
exactly how obtuse I thought he was being.  He 
actually blushed a little.  "Jesus, Scully, we'll 
have to eat at some point."

I reached up on tiptoe to kiss him.  "What I am 
interested in is getting you naked and into your 
bed."  I turned to the door.

"And you're what?  Leaving?"

I faced him with a naughty smile.  "I have leftovers 
from the picnic in a cooler in the car.  We may not 
have to leave this apartment all weekend long."

XXX

God bless Scully.

XXX

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