Title: Confessions. Part 1/2 Author: Joylynn Wing Archive: Yes, please. Everywhere! Especially ATXC and Gossamer. Disclaimer: I don't own them, wish I did. C.C. and Co. always did. No infringement intended. Rating: Mmmmm. PG. 13 for language and suggested situations. Classification : VSRA Keywords: MSR, UST Feedback: I am down on my knees beggin'. Feedback taken in and given a good home at aljoyw@a-znet.com Spoilers: Everything up through season 6. This is a post epi work for " Rain King " Summary : Who ever said that confession was good for the soul? Dedication: To my fellow brethren at OBSSE. I only hope that I am worthy. My special thanks to Mir Kat, for your smashing Beta. You deserve chocolate kudos. ***************************************************************** Fox William Mulder sat upon the soft bed in Scully's motel room, as he mulled over the events of the last few days. He inhaled the fragrance, which he knew to be as * his * Scully, which clung to the pillows upon which she had slept. He surveyed the room around him, it was stark, devoid of color or form. However the room had one distinct advantage, it was given life and form from it's occupant, Dana Katherine Scully. She could bring light and vivacity to anything. He ran his long, slender fingers through his already mussed hair, as his anxiety ate violently at the inside of his stomach. As he attempted to make some semblance out of his shortly cropped hair, a single lock of glistening dark hair, strayed to hang across his forehead. His chiseled features were pursed with thought, his perfect white teeth worried at his lower lip. Ever since they had arrived at Kroner, Scully and he had been barraged with assumptions, by well meaning people, that they were a * Couple *. Even Holman had said that they had to be, because of the way " they gazed at one another...", and of course he had vehemently denied the whole thing. He knew that he never looked at her in that way. Well, not so that any one would notice, or at least he * hoped * that no one noticed. Especially Scully. Never Scully. Mulder was very careful to not let Scully know that he in fact loved to gaze upon her. Her spirited beauty, could easily out shine all of the wonders that this world could offer. And in his lonely, bleak and dismal world, she was the beauty in his life. So out in public, in front of her, he was cool, professional, and untouchable. He kept a respectable distance from her, except for the well planned occasional friendly touch, that he used to connect with her. However he couldn't be held responsible for what his eyes did when she was not aware. They and his heart seemed to have a mind of their own. For the moment her gaze was averted from him, his eyes would commit to memory, every nuance, every gesture, every curve, which was his Dana Katherine Scully. Mulder quickly searched through the entries for the one he had been searching for. " AHHHH ", he said to himself quietly, as he nodded slightly. His eyes focused upon the laptop's screen, reading carefully the object of his search. _ Love: " To regard with affection; to like; to delight in. To be in love; to be tenderly attached. Warm affection; fond attachment; the passion between the sexes; the object beloved; a word of endearment; cupid, the god of love." _ Mulder continued to look at the screen. << Yeah, that about sums it up >>, he thought to himself. Of course, he already knew that. From the moment she had walked into his office, six years ago, he had known that. She had stolen his heart and his soul. At first, his attraction for her had been lustfully driven. She was a very desirable, and engaging woman. She had caused quite a commotion with his testosterone levels. He had, of course found her analytical and skeptical mind, attractive also. He had always loved a woman with a good head on her shoulders, who would keep him on his game. However, over time it had changed. He had grown to respect, trust and genuinely like her more than any other person he had ever known. After a few months, he knew that if he did not try hard enough to assail her, he would fall. He had fought as hard as he could, but yet in the end, he had succumbed unwittingly to her wiles. However, he had never even really realized it until her abduction. When she had been taken from him, it was as if a light had been switched on, giving his very real feelings light in which to flourish. It was if Sam had been taken again, but different. He had been able to pick up the pieces and move on after Sam. However, he knew his life had no meaning without Scully. He had wandered though his life, while she was gone, in a very dark and forbidding place, as if his last bit of will to live had been taken. She * had * become his whole life. When she had returned he had, out of his still fresh grief, pushed her away. He tried to protect her like he could not protect Sam, knowing if something had happened to her once again, this time he might not survive. However, she had remained steadfastly by his side, always his staunchest supporter, in spite of his blatant misuse of her. Mulder leaned back on the pillows as he listened to the bath water pour into the tub. The sound of it likened to a soothing waterfall, as it eased away his anxiety in its wake. His mind had also been focused upon very unprofessional thoughts since he had seen her slip into the bath earlier. Lustful thoughts of a hot, very naked Scully haunted his already overtaxed loins. He had not been with any other woman other than his little indiscretion, which had occurred while she was missing, since he had fallen in love with Scully. He had only seen her completely in her nature's glory once. However it had not been under the best conditions. Green goo, blood thirsty aliens, and a very blue and cold Scully, had dampened his greatest fantasy. However, in spite of his best intentions, he had sneaked several peaks at her satiny expanse of feminine form. In conclusion, she was utterly perfect. From the blazing reddish gold hair, he could never really appreciate, to her very perfect, albeit small toes. He had committed her every nuance to memory, from her small firm breasts topped with coral capped tips which he longed to touch, to her taunt smooth tummy which swelled into graceful inviting hips which he wished to press himself into. He appreciated every inch of her all the way to her small, yet slender legs, that he could easily imagine wrapped around himself. Mulder had once given her a glimpse of his true feelings for her, when he had shared his thoughts with her in his dimly lit hallway. They had even kissed, although it was briefer than he would have preferred. The universe had opened up for him, and the world had moved when their lips had met. Mulder knew that put simply, he couldn't live without her. She was the light of his life. The beauty in his essence. She finished him and kept him honest. Just the mere sound of her voice could inspire magnanimity in him. She simply validated him in every way. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. She was his one and only true soul mate. And he knew it. He also knew that they could never be together. From the moment she had walked into his life, he had created a periphery, high and well fortified. She was her Scully to his Mulder, nothing more. All of his past experiences with women had taught him to keep at a safe distance. She had tried once to let him in, to share with him how she felt, but he had put his foot down. He was Mulder to her, not Fox. He had noticed the momentary flash of anguish from his rejection in her eyes, but then her confines were put back up better and stronger than before. She had never again attempted to share herself with him. Mulder knew he had hurt her, probably more than he would ever realize, yet she remained by his side and had never let him down. He had never once thought she would reciprocate the feelings he felt for her, so he was content with the unique affinity that they shared with one another. Well, at least till now, when one simple phone call had changed everything. It had dismembered him down to his very soul. Scully did not share her inner self with just anyone. She was a fiercely independent woman, who chose to handle everything by herself. From the outside she appeared to be the ever consummate professional; imperturbable, deliberate, even aloof, to the uneducated outsider. However, he knew it was just a carefully erected facade, a charade for those who dare come forth to affront her. For under the carefully honed armor of eloquence, lie the quintessence of a vulnerable, passionate, and tender individual. He had been one of the privy few, she had chosen to see the small cracks and fissures in her armor. She had even once allowed him to condole her, which was something that Scully never did. In those few brief moments, he had felt such a great honor to be trusted to protect her in such an intimate way. Just being there for her, was for him enough, since he knew he really did not deserve such a wonderful person to grace his existence. She could have done or been anything, her devotion and dedication to her profession, being the key factor. However she had chosen to remain with him, and as a result she was now an outcast in her own right. She had done it all for him. Now, he knew he just may have a chance. A big chance. He had spent way to many years alone and lonely, denying his love for her. This act was slowly destroying him from the inside out. It was time to make some changes. His optimism had begun when Shelia had called to thank them for their assistance in getting and her and Holman together. She had finally found the man which could truly make her happy. Holman had repressed his feelings for her, just as Mulder had for Scully, for so long that the heavens had nearly fallen in on everyone. Shelia was so grateful, she had revealed a little enigma, one which she had thought Mulder would cherish. Mulder certainly did. It seems that when Scully went to speak to her, in the bathroom, she had revealed a few things about how she felt about him. About * him *... From the words she had shared with Shelia, Shelia had gotten this feeling that Scully was speaking from sagacity, and not from just standard advice. Shelia was convinced that Scully seemed to be disappointed that there was nothing more between them. In judging from the quote, Shelia had provided him, Shelia might not be so far from the mark. Now the thing he had to do, was to get her to divulge how she really felt about him. However, how he would do it was the question at hand. She would never open up to him just on a whim. She was too jealous and guarded of the inner emotions. Mulder knew her well, and he knew the direct approach was probably best. She would deflect the issue, but he would have to persist, and persist was what he planned to do. He knew that the charade would end today, in this sparsely decorated motel room, out in the middle of nowhere. He knew that he was no longer happy with his relationship with Scully. Today, was the day the rain would come down for both of them. Their drought was over. ******************************************************************** Scully sat in the floral scented warm bath water, and allowed the fluid to flow silkily over her tired and sore limbs. Scully tucked a stray strand of sunlight infused with fire behind her delicate ear with a slender, well manicured hand. Scully allowed herself to sink further into her womb that she had created for herself as she tried to forget the events which had unfolded around her since their arrival. << God, even Shelia has gotten a chance to kiss Mulder for longer than just a brief second. What the hell, am I doing wrong? >>, she said sadly to herself, a momentary flash of gut- wrenching pain gripped her heart like a vice, causing her to lose her breath for a moment. << I really need to get a life, >> she said to herself softly, as she stretched out her slender leg into the cool air, just above the profuse bubbles of her bath water. The shocking coolness of the contrast, caused billows of chills to skirt over her heated flesh. A single lone tear, lay perched upon her eyelashes, which fluttered gently. As she took a deep ragged breath infused with grief, the tear escaped from it's icy blue confines. It traced a glittering path down her finely sculptured face, lined with soft creamy utterly flawless skin. She closed her eyes, her dark auburn lashes a stark contrast against the pale, lightly freckled skin of her cheeks. Her skin was devoid of it's usual minimalist make up. The whole case had been such an emotional drain upon her. She had always thought that she had hidden her feelings well concerning her partner. However, she must have slipped lately in her resolve and she vowed to correct the situation. She would just simply have to try harder to hide how she felt. She knew that Mulder must never suspect her true feelings for him. Mulder was a sequestered, very passionate man, who took the blame for all of the ills which plagued any one around him. She knew that he already blamed himself for most of what had happened to her, and if he knew her true feelings, it would only make matters worse. She knew she shouldn't let this bother her so much, that is him, not feeling the way she did. For she knew that in spite of her very powerful feelings for Mulder, he obviously didn't return the sentiments. She was Scully. Loyal and trusted friend, reliable partner, and his self appointed savior. * His Sarge *. Nothing more. This hurt her greatly. Because, from the moment she had met him, in that dusty and cluttered basement office, she had fallen hard, even though his boundaries for her were already erected. He had never had to articulate the words, for his actions spoke volumes. She was Scully, he was Mulder... He had carefully distanced himself carefully from the get go. When she had come to him, that one dark night in Bellefleur, and had revealed herself to him in sheer apprehension, he had never even reacted. Not even a little bit. Even after she had thrown herself against him, seeking succor in his arms, he had remained ridged, aloof and dispassionate. << I should have known then. I should have stopped it then, >> she said to herself thoughtfully, her heart aching from her loneliness. For no matter what she felt, she knew that they would never happen. She had held some seeds of hope, safely hidden in her well guarded heart for sometime after their brief but earth shattering kiss, that had been interrupted in his dimly lit hallway. The incident had been never discussed or even acknowledged since then. She knew that it had been an aberration born of consternation and exhaustion. Those hopes of love had long since died, they had withered within her heart. For without acknowledgment and nurture, hope of love cannot thrive in the dark vacuum of space. It will wither and die, as the void draws the very life out of it, leaving it to suffocate slowly. Even his ill- timed confession of love had not helped. She had dared not let herself believe what he had said. His injuries had not left him in his right mind, and she couldn't hold him to what he had said. She loved him way to much to do that, besides pity was something she could never tolerate. She also knew that she couldn't handle the inevitable rejection which would insue. She had gone to save him as she always did, after he had seen fit to dump her once again, and she had ended up " saving the world ". When he had uttered those three little words, it had taken all the strength she had to take it in the spirit of all of the other things over the years that he had said to her. " Marry me ?" " You're my one in 5 billion." " It could be love." She had taken it with a very big grain of salt. She knew he cared for her. This was quite blatantly evident. He would literally go to the ends of the ends of the earth to save her. In fact he had. He cared for her just like he cared to Sam. She was like his sister, a best friend to share his life, but she was to be nothing else. The women such as Phoebe, Bambie, and Det. White had told her as much. And then of course there was Diana. << Don't even go there >>, she thought quietly to herself. Scully knew that she was not the usual fare upon which he dined. Tall and voluptuous were his usual interests. She had realized long ago, she didn't fit the mold. Her slight, petite body not quite filling the shoes of her predecessors. However, she knew that Mulder fit her ideals exactly. She lusted after every inch of his tall and slender frame, from his dark unruly hair to his long runner's legs. She had of course, over the many years as his partner, seen him in the all together several times. However they had not been under the best of circumstances. He had been sick or near death at the time. In spite of this, she had thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it. Scully suddenly shivered, the softly scented bath water had seemingly grown too cold for her tastes. She rose slowly from the tepid bath water and drew the thick white bath towel around her slight body. As she stepped out onto the bath mat, she realized that probably for the first time, that at 30 something years of age, she was probably doomed, to lead a singular existence. Her work ethic, lack of social life, and her infertility, had essentially forced her to remain alone till now, and would continue to do so for the rest of her life. And then, of course, there was her undying passion and devotion to Mulder. She didn't love readily, and certainly didn't fall out of love just because it was not returned. Thus she knew that her fate was sealed. << Oh, God... What have I done to myself. I swore that I would never end up like this, especially not over a man. I'm so weak. >> Scully quickly dried herself off, taking the time to smooth her Plumeria scented lotion over her freshly washed skin. She allowed herself to luxuriate in the feeling of her hands caressing her soft heated flesh. It had been so long since another pair of hands had graced her body. She often times longed for it, to feel loved and wanted. However it seemed that * she * would be her only source of comfort, and she found she had sadly fallen short. She quickly donned her Pj's and brushed her hair smooth with her brush. Her hair shone with a bright light of all it's own. She gazed upon her countenance in the mirror which graced the sink above which she stood. The fine lines which creased the corners of her azure eyes, from her years with Mulder, were just beginning to show. Her face was pale, almost drawn from to many years of poor sleep, and constant stress. She walked up to the door, and took a deep breath in as she reached for the door, hoping she would have the strength to get through this night with him so close by. Scully walked over to her overnight, and bent over slightly, as she folded up her soiled clothes in the bag she had provided herself for the occasion. She kept her back to him, hoping to compose her self further before she had to face him. She could smell him, from right across the room. He smelled like his after shave, the clean smell of fresh linens and a slightly soft, yet masculine essence she knew to be uniquely Mulder. She fought hard for control, as she tucked a strand of molten sunlit copper behind her ear with a nervous hand. She felt her desire ignite brightly once again, as it had many times in the past, and she forcefully extinguished it. See Part 2/2 " Confessions " MSR Part 2/2 by Joylynn Wing Confessions by Joylynn Wing Part 2/2 See disclaimer in pt 1/2 Archive everywhere especially Gossamer and ATXC Mulder watched her intently from the top of the laptop screen. Her hair glistened brightly in the harsh lighting. Her slender form was draped in a silk black Pj set, inset with some sort of embossed design upon it. In spite of the not too suggestive nature of the garment, he found himself very turned on. He could smell her from across the room also. Her essence assaulted his keen senses, she smelled slightly floral with fruity undertones. His loins began to burn brightly in her presence. << She could make a paper sack appealing, >> he said to himself quietly. " Scully...I was thinking...", he mused softly to her, not raising his eyes from where they lay in hiding. " A dangerous act at best Mulder...", she quipped amusingly, her resolve now strong and competent. She smiled brightly to herself, very proud of her quick save, as she continued to straighten the contents of her overnight. << I can do this... Just keep breathing and concentrate...>> She mused quietly. " Everyone seemed to think that we were together, if you know what I mean. What do you make of that? ", Mulder asked quietly, as he attempted to steer the conversation towards his topic of great interest. His eyes shone brightly with underhanded intent. " Mulder, people naturally seem to think that when they see a man and a woman together, they must be a couple. It's human nature." She said carefully, as to appear of matter of fact. She dismissed the uncomfortable topic and continued to adjust the contents of her carry all. " Yeah, I guess you're right... It's just so hard to constantly set them straight on the nature of our relationship, it gets to be tedious at times. She continued to fiddle with her belongings as she said convincingly " Uh, huh... tedious..." She felt the tension rise suddenly in the room, causing her to become very uncomfortable. " Scully ?", he asked softly, his voice almost in his puppy-dog tone which he knew she couldn't resist, his hazel eyes reflected the same thing. " Yeah? ", she said apprehensively, she could tell by the tone of his voice he was up to something. This wasn't good. Her Mulder radar was working at peak capacity. " I received a phone call, while you were in the bath," he said matter of fact, attempting to appear nonchalant, as he fiddled with the bed sheets he had twisted in his hands. "Mmmmm...", she said disinterested as she seemed to suddenly find great interest in her separate lingerie bag. She turned it over and examined it carefully. << She is getting nervous...>>, he thought to himself, slightly amused at her blatantly obvious behavior. If anything, he could usually read her physical presence like a book. " Shelia called, she wanted to thank us...", he said, as he closed the lap top and adjusted himself more comfortably upon her bed, the bed squeaking slightly under his shift of weight. " That's nice...", she said as she once again continued to examine the bag in question. Her shoulders tense from her physical suppression of her stress. " And...she told me what you said... I believe that it was something about a switch being turned on.", he said with an evil grin. His eyes shone brightly with mischief. Only silence answered his statement. << This is getting interesting...>>, he smiled to himself. " Scully, did you hear what I said?", he asked pleadingly. " Excuse me, I don't know what you are talking about.", she said as she began to rearrange her belongings in the suitcase. Her anxiety was beginning to grow, as she quickly tried to recall her and Shelia's discussion. << Oh God, he knows what I told her!!! >>, she silently screamed to herself. << Oh, God... What do I do? Stay clam girl, think...>> Beads of perspiration began to dot the smooth surface above her upper lip. " Yes, you do... You have spend the whole trip denying that there is nothing going on between us, yet you say this... Come on Scully, from what I heard it was quite a speech.", he said teasingly, as he enjoyed himself a little too much. " Mulder, all of the sappiness has made your brain go to mush... I was just discussing, ah... how her and Holman could be best friends, yet still have more than just friendly feelings for one another, a simply generic observation." << Good, going... Good save girl...>> " Come on Scully...", she heard his voice closer to her than it had been before. As she turned to face him, he stood directly in front her. He walked up and stood directly in her personal space. " From the impassioned speech you gave her, it seems to be that you might speaking from personal experience... You wouldn't happen to be talking about me, would you..." << Give it up... You're busted...>> Scully kept her eyes averted from him. Her heart began to pound in her chest. She felt herself at the ledge of a great abyss, looking down at the swirling center. Everything she had worked so hard to maintain, concerning her feelings for him were about to come crashing down around her. She was scared. Petrified. Her body began to shake, and her palms became moist as she tried to think of something to say. Mulder lifted her chin with his forefinger and thumb to meet his probing gaze. He could see the fear which was making her function as she was doing now, and he suddenly felt very bad for her. He had never meant to hurt her, he had only wanted to know the truth, but he knew that this had to be done, their undisclosed feelings for one another had to be dealt with once and for all. " Scully, did you mean what you told her?", he asked softly, his heart pleading for the truth. " Mulder, what she said was taken way out of context...", she said confidently, proud of her thoughtful comeback. She continued to gaze at the floor, in spite of his hand having lifted her face. << Please believe me... >> she pleaded silently. Mulder just stood there, his eyes continued to stare, totally unaffected by her obvious discomfort. " Muldeeeerrr..." she said very uncomfortably. She knew she was had, this was it. Her heart began to pound harder, her breathing become ragged with tension. " Dana...", he continued in a last ditch attempt to get her to open up. " * You are! *... All of these years, you have sublimated how you feel. You have been denying this to yourself, denying what you want." " Mulder, I think you have really lost it...", she said as she tried to walk away, her legs slow to respond. Mulder grabbed her tightly by her free arm nearest him, restraining her retreat. " Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.", he said with an evil grin " Mulder, let go of me! " , she said as she pulled against him, his touch caused shivers to run through her body. " No, I'm not letting you go...", he said sternly determined to end the charade for all time. " There is nothing to talk about...You are reading more into this than there is ", she said desperately. We are partners, nothing more. I know that. " She waved her free hand to make a point, as she became flustered more and more by the moment. " Scully, you really are the queen of denial. Give it up. All of this time I have wondered why you have stood by me, in spite of everything. Now, I know why, you did." he said softly as he realized finally the gravity of what he had been saying. She did love him. She had been thorough so much, just to prove it to him " Mulder...I", fear causing her voice to crack slightly. Her eyes began to dilate, the adrenaline cursing through her veins. " Scully, for once in your life, be honest with your feelings. You saw what it did to Holman, it nearly destroyed him. Let me in..." Mulder stroked her silken cheek softly as he revealed in the utter suppleness of it. " Who are you to tell me... who...what... How I feel. You don't even really know me. I'm just you partner, how dare..." " Scully, I do know who Dana Katherine Scully, the woman is. I know you better than you think," he finished as he took hand in his and stroked it gently with his thumb. " How can you, I...", she said flustered. Her panic from her ever deepening predicament causing her words to fail her miserably. " Trust me I know, besides stop trying to change the subject... You are really a piss poor liar. But you already know that. That is why you will not look at me with those gorgeous eyes, and tell me I'm wrong. You know they cannot lie to me. Scully, look at me...", his gaze pierced through her and quickly shattered her armor. " No...I", she said softly, as she tried to avoid complete eye contact. " Look at me... Let me in... let you heart tell me what you're lips are too afraid you utter.", he said softly with meaning. His eyes softened, his hand upon hers gently squeezed to reassure her. Scully looked at him, and she tried not to show how she felt, but her soul cried out for release. It was tired of hiding in self imposed shadows. They gazed at one another for a moment, her heart finally spoke honestly for the first time in years. Mulder smiled knowingly, his suspicions confirmed. He had seen love, pure unadulterated unconditional love gazing back at him. " See that wasn't so bad..." Scully tried to turn once again but Mulder pushed her against the wall. " Mulder?", she said softly. " Shhhh...Were you ever going to tell me how you felt?", he asked gently, he needed to know the full truth. " Mulder, you are reading into this more than there is.", her denial once again at work. She lifted her chin, and gazed sternly back at him. " Mmmm, I don't think so... You do love me...", he said smugly with a slight bit of surprise. A small proud grin, parted with perfect white teeth perched upon his visage. " Of course, I love you, you are my friend, my partner. I love you, as a fellow human being...You know * platonic * ", she said strongly trying to deflect the issue into much safer waters. " Platonic...huh Scully? You do protest too much. Mmmm, maybe I could test my assertion..." Holman did say to try it some time...", he said thoughtfully to himself, as he stepped forward to fill the space which surrounded her. " Test, what test? " she said confused. She was not sure where he was going with this, but her inner voice told her she was in big trouble. Mulder pressed his body against hers, his weight having effectively pinned her there. The feeling of her body molded to his, wreaked havoc with his loins and they suddenly became very aware. " Mulder, what are...?", she said shocked by his actions, fear evident in her shaky voice. His hard lean body pressed against hers caused her to find it difficult to take a deep breath. She felt a familiar warmth flood her loins, and start to burn in her chest. " A test, a simple test...not too hard, you cannot even study for it ", he said teasingly. As he said that, he brought his lips to hers, a gentle brush, hesitant and questioning. He had finally finished what they had started long ago. As Mulder touched his lips to hers, he felt himself quickly loosing control of the situation. The warmth and sheer closeness of her to him, drove him to seek her attentions more. Mulder took her lower lip in his mouth and nipped it gently, then he soothed the nip away with a gentle touch of his moist tongue. Scully was in shock.<< Oh, my God...>>, she said quietly as she felt him tug at her lip. As she fought off the fire which he had stoked within her with every ounce of strength that she possessed, she remained deathly still. She felt his hands twist into her hair as he tried to bring her closer to him in order to deepen the kiss. Suddenly Mulder's hand slid down the silken length of her from her hair, down her shoulders, along her arm, down to the curve of her hip, where he promptly caressed the gentle swell of her bottom. Scully felt her resolve slip, and she found herself, falling headlong into the fires which threatened to consume her. She moaned softly, and greedily opened her mouth to his, her tongue aching to meet his. Mulder had nearly given up, his attentions had not even caused her to waver a bit. But as he grasped her bottom in his strong hand, he felt her shiver and open up to him. " Yes...", he thought as he brought his tongue to hers, as he pressed her even further against the wall. Mulder gently explored the lush uncharted garden that was Scully. He ran his tongue across her teeth, along the top of the roof of her mouth, and along the silken walls of his newly found paradise. He found himself delving deeper and deeper into her, her tongue meeting his with equal force and curiosity. She tasted just as he had imagined, like cinnamon and apples. Sweet yet tart. He could taste the toothpaste on her breath, and the combination caused his desire to fan brightly in her awe-inspiring presence. Scully suddenly became lost in his kiss. She felt herself loosing control and her desire drove her to reach up on tip toe, to deepen their contact. His tongue drove her mad, his touch inflamed her as she felt his hand grasp her bottom and knead it gently as he pressed himself strongly against her. His other hand remained twisted in her hair, to angle her head even further. His tongue again found her lower lip, and he stroked it gently. Scully quickly brought her hands, which had been trapped between them, up to tangle into his dark hair. She continued to meet his tongue, stroke for stroke, caress for caress, her self control a long forgotten memory in her past. In spite of her physical bodies obvious reaction to his attentions, she found her mind becoming logical and thoughtful, much to her chagrin. Although he was kissing her for all he was worth, she still had no idea what he felt towards her. If she had been in her right mind, she would have called it of, right then and there. She would have gotten him to tell her his thoughts, and then go from there. For better or worse. But she was not in her right mind. And she knew it. So, she took her inner conscience aside and threw it in the closet where she had buried her feelings for him for so long, and shut it away. She took a chance, and went with it. Scully his partner, stepped aside and Dana the woman, stepped forth and took control of her situation. She needed this. She wanted this. << Just do it Dana... Just this one time...Stop being a good girl and take what you want.>> Scully displaced her hands down from his hair, as she attempted to seek out the fire which she knew his flesh would be, trying to for once, to warm her chilled and lonely soul. She found his T-shirt, tucked into his jeans, and attempted to pull it from his waist band, as she tugged fiercely at it. Once she had lifted it up, she tenderly stroked the well defined musculature of his abs. Mulder unwillingly disentangled himself from her. He had not wanted to push her that far. They still had so much more to discuss. They needed some time to think, and decide where to go from here. Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20, and he knew that his overwhelming need for her had, had caused him to force his attentions upon her, precluding him from all logical judgment. He stepped back, his sea touched hazel meeting her deep azure blue, and he saw something there he didn't recognize. Something that shook him down to the very depths of his soul, with the intensity of it. It swam across the sea blue depths of the twin mirrors of her soul, clouding her normally intense gaze, making it seem lost, unfocused. Her face was flushed crimson, her lush lips already showing signs of bruising from his ardor. " Shit," he muttered out loud, trying to compose himself. He ran his fingers through his mussed hair and said rather softly, " Sorry, I shouldn't have done that... That was a mistake..." He felt tremendous guilt for having manipulated her feelings like that, and then having taken advantage of her. Nausea rushed through his tortured soul, his disdain becoming very evident upon his lineaments. Scully looked back at him, her eyes met something she had never seen in a man's eyes concerning her before. Revulsion. Disgust. Disdain. << Oh...My...God...I repulse him...>>, she thought sadly. She had been so caught up in her kiss with him that she had forgotten. << He had never told me how he felt...>> << Oh, God...What have I done? He only kissed me to prove his point, and nothing else. Then I end up throwing myself at him...>> Suddenly the pathos she had just been feeling, grew exponentially, and it swallowed her soul into the oncoming darkness. Scully felt burning hot tears of rejection and pain fill her eyes, threatening to escape them. As Mulder stepped away from her as he shook ever so slightly. Scully made a hasty retreat and ran for the relative security of the bath room. She slammed it behind her and locked the mechanism securely. Scully slid down to the floor, as she attempted to hold back the stinging tears from her abandoned soul. Mulder turned to look at the bathroom door and he realized the final walls had been erected between them for good. In his need to prove his assertion and to her to admit how she really felt, he had forced his attentions upon her. He had forced his will upon hers. Mulder felt his anger at himself build up, and spill over into his soul from his heart, like flaming hot lava. He needed to get away, he needed some time and space to think. He needed to find the right words to fix the mortal wounds he had inflicted upon her. Mulder ripped off his jeans and grabbed his sweats out of his overnight, pulling them up violently around his slender waist. He slipped on his sneakers and ran to the door. He pulled it open and then slammed it behind him. ******************************************************************** Scully sat shakily upon the cold tiled surface of the bathroom floor. She had never imagined, in a thousand lifetimes, the utter rejection and disdain which he reflected upon her. << Am I that repulsive?>> She had always known she was not his type, but to react so strongly to her attentions, after he had started it never the less. << If he wanted to see me react, to prove his point, he should have thought about the consequences.>> He had proven his point with a well sharpened sword, and when he was done, he had thrown her away like a used rag.<< I should have known this would have happened. I have ruined everything. Our friendship, our partnership... Everything. >> Scully knew, she had to get the hell out of there. She couldn't stay there knowing fully that she had thrown herself at him in such a way. She couldn't face the humiliation. She couldn't face seeing his true feelings about her written upon his beautiful face. She stood up quickly as she formulated a plan of retreat which would make any retreating army proud. She had heard him leave a while ago, and she knew that she didn't have much time. She grabbed her toiletries, and opened the door. She rushed over to her carry all, and unceremoniously ripped out a pair of black pants and a soft sweater. She hurriedly removed her Pj's and rather ungracefully put the other articles of clothing on. She jammed her feet into her boots, the only footwear she currently had with her, and she then quickly grabbed the rest of her things and threw them into the bag. She grabbed the rental keys off of the night stand, and made a rush for the door, as she tried to juggle her belongings along the way. Scully opened the door, and nearly walked directly into a very sweaty and very much calmer Mulder. Mulder assayed the situation, and blocked her exit, as he said quietly to himself, << Shit, she is gonna leave me... think of something>> " Scully, where are you going?", he asked carefully, his voice low and soothing, as he tried to lull her obviously emotional state. In actuality his mind raced in a thousand different directions. Scully, once again found his mere presence distracting. His T-shirt was damp and it clung mercilessly to his frame. Her heart broke all over again, knowing she would never know him in that way, or in any other way any longer. She suddenly realized that this was it. " Uh... Mulder, I'm sorry...", she muttered as she tried to walk around him. " Scully?", he asked softly, as he caught her leaving, by the crook of her arm. " Mulder, I cannot stay here...", she said her voice barely above a whisper. She looked up at him, her face pleading silently with him. Her eyes were full of pain and rejection. " Scully, please wait... I need..." Suddenly her anger began to build, and it spilled over into her heated words. " Wasn't that what this was all about. Your needs. Your need to prove your theory. To prove how I felt. You self righteous sanctimonious bastard. You hurt me. What you did. You stripped me of the one thing that I hadn't lost yet, my self respect." " Scully?" " You listen to me for once. I have done it all for you... I have lied for you, laid it on the line for you, I have destroyed my credibility and my reputation. I have given it all up for you. I thought that counted for something. Instead you had to pry into my inner most feelings and thoughts. Something I do not share readily. Now you know why. People use your weaknesses against you, just like you did. If you knew, how I felt and didn't reciprocate, you should have just left well enough alone. I never expected anything from you. You should have realized my reaction, would have been, well strong. I mean... All of this time I have wished... hoped... dreamed of how I would tell you and how we would be together. Oh God... You didn't appear to be exactly repulsed by her kiss, am I that unappealing...", she said sadly, her voice soft and hurt. " Scully, be still for a moment ", he interrupted her sternly, << she honestly believes that I rejected her, she really does not get it, does she ? Of course not * stupid *, you never told her >>. " No, I need...", she muttered angrily. Her deep blue eyes glittered brightly. " Scully, you honestly believe that I was repulsed by you. You believe that I didn't want... that I...", he managed to utter as his disbelief took over his rational thought. " But you stopped...The way you looked after...", she said her voice full of confusion, her tone husky and low. " Scully, Jesus...Nothing about you could ever spurn me. I was appalled with myself, and how I treated you, I forced my self upon you. " Mulder, did I once ever say * no * ", she said softly, her voice lilting and wistful. Her face lit up with a inner glow which could stop a train. " Well...no", he said thoughtfully. " I thought you understood how I felt, how I reacted... I mean I am out of practice, but I thought that I wasn't that bad ", she said as her deep blue eyes flashed with amusement. " You are not angry with me?", he asked hopefully, his eyes full of unspoken promises and dreams. " Oh, God Mulder... I was surprised at first. But... Mulder, I think that we need to talk ", she said as she dropped her stuff to the floor. She took his hand and as she tugged him inside, she swung the door closed behind them. They walked over to the bed, both sat down next to one another, their bodies molded together perfectly, from their shoulders, to their hips. " Scully?...", not sure where she was going with this, but from the look on her face, it appeared to not be bad. " Mulder, I should have told this to you long ago, but I was so afraid they would use this against us to get to you. I didn't want to lose you, not as a partner, and not especially as a friend. You mean so much to me. I...love you. I think that I have loved you since the first day we met. " Scully took his hands in hers, light framed the dark, the balance of life and of all the things which exist in the infinite universe. She continued, her voice soft and loving, her face lit with an inner peace which stirred within him great love. " The seeds were planted that day, and they have grown from an immature infatuation, to an all encompassing, transcendental type of love. You are everything to me. You are my life. You are my faith, my very reason for continuing this fight sometimes. The only time I feel safe is when I am with you, I...", her voice broke off, as it trailed softly into silence. Her emotions were swirling so violently that she needed a moment to gather herself. She looked down at her lap and tried to force back the tears which threatened to fall. Mulder looked down at their still endlessly entwined hands, his voice spoke soft and honeyed." Scully, Dana... I cannot believe that you feel they same way about me that I feel about you. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I only wish that I had told you earlier, but I was to afraid. All of my life, I have searched for the truths, hidden in the dark shadows, covered up by governmental conspiracies. However, I only had to look as far as right next to me. You are my truth. I meant what I said to you before. You complete me, make me feel whole, you validate me in every way. You make me strong, and keep me honest. God, Scully... I love you too, so very much." Scully looked back into his eyes, cerulean blue meeting his sea drenched hazel, frozen for all time, their years of unspoken love and desire finally embraced the light, for the first time. Her eyes twinkled with tears of joy as they graced his, with their life. She touched his lightly stubbled cheek with her slight, finely boned hand. " Mulder ?", she said with that uncertain smile that had graced her face once before, in the dimly lit hallway on the eve of their first kiss. Mulder brought his hands to her silken cheeks as he brushed away the single tear which had gracefully fallen from her deep blue eyes. Mulder leaned in to her, to brush a kiss upon her slightly furrowed brow and drew back slightly. He smiled brightly, a smile which graced this world with light and salvation. They leaned toward each other once again, and their lips met. Their symphony, strong and true, ascended to the celestial heavens, and flowed through the oneness that connects all things and preserves the balance of the natural order. Their love, a shining moment of hope upon all of us can draw strength and faith. All that we ever need. Finis So what do you think? Send feedback to me at aljoyw@a-znet.com