Title: Beginning from the Beginning Author: Cheri Goodman Archive: YES, Please, especially to Gossamer :) Just please let me know where it is Rating: NC-17, for smut Classification: SRA Keywords: MSR Feedback: Yes, please, to Cheri@xfilesfan.com Spoilers: FTF and The Beginning, especially, but anything's fair game Summary: Scully's not too happy after the office scene, and starts to leave again. Can Mulder change her mind? *************** Beginning from the Beginning By Cheri Goodman **************** I have just told Mulder that in some part, we are all alien. The trust reappears in his eyes and he's looking at me like a partner again. Too bad that it's too damn late. I leave the folder with his precious alien connection evidence in his hands, turn, and start for the door, to walk out on him for the last time-- my last gift to him. And to myself. "Scully? Where are you going? We have to....." "YOU have to, Mulder." "Scully?" I see the fear flicker in his eyes, but there is a curious nothingness inside me. Nothing but my firm resolve to make him understand. To make him understand why I'm leaving for good this time. And to make him let me. "No. Mulder, just a few seconds ago, you were essentially telling me how wonderful Diana is for believing without having to have scientific proof. Those are your true feelings, Mulder. Much more true and believable than your supposed feelings of being made whole by MY science. Feelings which, incidentally, seem to have changed. Just now, you thought I was asking you to make a choice, which if you really knew me at all, you would know was not what I wanted. But had I asked you to make that choice, I'm not even sure what the answer would have been anymore, Mulder." I can see him begin to open his mouth to speak, to protest, to defend himself. "NO, Mulder, I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear more beautiful lies to make me stay. HOW could you ever doubt me, Mulder? How could I have ever lost your trust?" I sound out of control, even to myself, and with a deep breath I bring my voice back to a steady level. "YES, I see that you're willing to give it back to me now, now that I've told you what you want to hear. But that's just it. You have just showed me that your trust is conditional. Mulder, I would stay in this partnership in the absence of a lot of things. I would stay in this partnership despite not having your true friendship, despite not even having the assurance of who you would choose, and despite not having your love. But I can not stay without your total and complete trust. I earned it, Mulder. It's essential to who we are. Who we were. I have to go. Please do not follow me." Mulder is not saying a word. I'm shocked. I'm relieved. I'm....disappointed. I guess I really meant so little to him after all. In the span of only a few heartbeats, I have my keys in my hand. Quickly, I remove the key to his apartment from my keyring, and lay it on his desk. The Apollo 11 keychain seems to taunt me, but I do not give that back. He's taken back enough gifts from me today. This one gift I keep. I hear a muffled sound from Mulder as he sees the key being returned. It could be a sound of anger, sadness, guilt, or any other of a myriad of emotions. I do not dare look at him to find out. Quickly deciding, I also take out my cell phone, and lay it beside the key. I know Mulder sees this as what it is...breaking the last material link between us. His last best method of contacting me wherever I go. I turn, still remaining eerily calm, and walk for the door. Apprehensive with every step that he will stop me, grab my arm and turn me around, force me to look into his eyes, and that all will be lost. But he does not. Somehow, I'm not quite as relieved as I thought I would be. ************************************************************************************ Total shock. Her words echo around me. I want to stop her. I want to change her mind. But I can't. Because she was right. She was right. Even I could scientifically prove that. Damnit, what the hell was I thinking? Yeah, brilliant move, Spooky. Not only do you pout for weeks because you're so damn disappinted your kiss got interrupted, then you turn around and throw DIANA of all people in her face, THEN, and here's the really BRILLIANT part, you make her question your trust in her. Oh, and don't forget, jackass, the part where you rebuffed her when she showed you she remembered and cherished every single word you said to her in that hallway. That hallway. My eyes go to the single key, lying on the table. A hallway she will never visit again. Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I fall back against the wall, as the full impact of what happened here today hits me with a decidedly physical force. Somewhere through the cotton surrounding my mind, I feel myself sliding down the wall to the floor. Some time later, I feel the first teardrops splattering on my hand where it lays on my leg. No one to blame, **FOX**. No one to blame but yourself. And on the desk next to me lies a file folder. A file folder she brought to me herself. A file folder with the connection in it I needed. A file folder that doesn't mean one damn thing without the woman who brought it here. I have to do something about this. Would she even speak to me? Not if she's smart. Which I know she is. But I also know something else. Something I saw in her eyes in a hallway. Something that might over-ride smart. Something I saw her about to say, that scared me enough to spur me into the action of almost kissing her. Oh right, as if kissing her would have been a hardship. I would have done it anyway, when I worked up the balls to. I just wanted to do it before she could tell me what she was gearing up to tell me. Words that I would love to hear, if I deserved them. Dana Katherine Scully was about to tell me she loves me. And maybe she still could. I have to try. Folks, I think I just found my truth. I knew it was out there somewhere. Now I just have to go claim it. If it will have me. It's time to stop avoiding our relationship. It's time to resolve these feelings we have. *********************************************************************************** I have no idea where I'm going. I don't even have any idea where I've been. I just know that I've been driving around aimlessly since I left Mulder's office. I'm beginning to feel slightly ridiculous. Although I know I was absolutely right, that I had to make this stand, some part of me feels as though I acted like a petulant child. I suppose it is because I'm so used to bottling up my feelings around Mulder. Any release of them in his presence, ever, feels like a weakness to me. I am also not used to making such a passionate speech to him. Well, not about US anyway. About my newest scientific evidence to refute his newest wild theory, sure. I can make all the passionate speeches about those that I want. But THIS...this was different. Okay, this really is getting ridiculous. I'm frustrated and angry with myself. Ahab would be so disappointed in me. Here I am driving around, wasting gas and polluting the air, simply because I'm trying to drive away from my feelings. Get a grip, Starbuck. I grab with both hands onto my favorite back-up defense: my stoicism. Without another conscious thought toward Mulder--although my every subconscious thought is on him--I turn my car around and I head toward home. I relax my mind, and begin the process of pushing all thoughts of him into a little box in my mind. I'm just going to sweep all of this under the rug, and go back to my life. I'm Ahab's daughter. I can pull this together. I just can't believe I've been so weak already tonight. I am even more frustrated by my perceived weakness, and the thought that Ahab would be disappointed in me. Finally, I get home. I do not allow myself the luxury of taking a deep breath and leaning my head back against the seat to compose myself. I do not NEED to compose myself. I have no feelings. I'm the Ice Queen, right? I simply take the keys out of the ignition, open my door, and begin walking briskly toward my apartment. ************************************************************************************ Through her window, I see her car drive up and park. I see a very stoic-looking Dana Scully emerge from the car and start in this direction. I'm relieved. I had been damn worried about her taking so long to get home. I had also been damn worried that she was not coming back here at all, or at least not tonight, knowing that this would be the first place I would look for her. But I never really believed that. Yes, she gave me her cellphone and the key to my apartment. But she didn't ask me for the key to hers. And I'm betting that, subconsciously at least, it was because she WANTED me to come here. Or maybe I'm just really, really conceited. I should be scared. I should be scared to death of what I'm about to do, of what I'm about to risk. But curiously, I'm not. I'm simply waiting on her to get here. I'm waiting for her to get here so that we can resolve this once and for all. Yes, folks, chalk one more up to the unexplainable: Fox Mulder is feeling optimistic. ************************************************************************************* Finally, I reach my apartment door. I fumble with my keys, my fingers brushing, as always, against the Apollo 11 keychain. The knowledge that Mulder's key is no longer on my keyring makes it seem so much lighter, although I know full well that the removal of one tiny little key does not make any difference. I turn my key in the lock, step inside my dark apartment, and close the door behind me. The only thing that surprises me is that I am not surprised at all when my back suddenly hits the door and I am held there by two large, strong male hands pinning me by the shoulders. I am not frightened in the least. I suddenly realize that I KNEW he would be here. Mabe that is even why I drove around for so long...to give him time to think things through and get here. Hell, I left him with the damn key to my apartment. Breaking the last material link by giving him my cellphone, my ass. I can't decide if I'm frustrated with myself for this weakness or not. It's starting to seem like more and more of a good idea, now that I'm standing pinned against my door in the dark with a very good-smelling Mulder doing the pinning. He's so damn close to me. His face hovers inches from mine, his body pressed tightly against mine, his hands tight on my shoulders. A tiny little analytical voice in my head tells me that just MAYBE this is why we've been sniping at each other since we got back from Antarctica...pent up sexual frustration and unresolved relationship issues can do that to a couple. But I'm not ready to loose that sexual energy just yet. There are still some issues we need to resolve. Like Mulder's lack of trust in me earlier. His breath tickles my face as he finally speaks. "You think I've been an asshole since we got back from Antarctica. If you want to tell yourself that so you can quit with a clear conscience, you can. And....you'd be right." His voice is low, gravelly, and intimate. His voice is that much sexier because he is repeating back to me-- with minor variations--the same words that he spoke to me in a hallway, right before he tried to kiss me. I'm fully aware that this is heading in the same direction. The knowledge gives me little chills, even as I begin to feel a growing heat rising inside of me. Funny that in his hallway, he ended that sentence by saying I was wrong, and then told me how my science is right. But today, he's told me my science is wrong, and is now ending the sentence by saying I'm right. He waits for a moment for me to speak, but that is almost laughable. I couldn't find a coherent sentence with both hands right now, although my mind is still flying along rationally enough. It just seems that the connection to my mouth has short-circuited. Pressing even closer to me, my body very aware of every inch of him that is pressed so intimately against me, his hands running from my shoulders down to grip my upper arms tightly, still holding me against the door, and lifting me slightly, he continues. "Scully, there is no excuse for what an asshole I was today. If you want to kick me out of here, I'll go quietly. The key to your apartment is sitting on your coffee table, and I'll go and not come back. But first, you are going to hear me out." It crosses my mind that I would ordinarily be really angered by that last statement, and by his method of "assuring" my sticking around and listening to him. But for some reason, right now it just arouses me even more. And, while we're on the subject of 'every inch of him pressed so intimately against me', I think it's safe to say that he is becoming more aroused by the second as well. Either that or his gun has suddenly started expanding with heat and Mulder has started carrying it in a very weird place. But that is scientifically and statistically improbable. We had better finish this discussion quickly. "I never should have questioned your trust. Deep down, I never did. I was speaking in anger. Anger and frustration for all that has been happening. For the way I've felt our partner...relationship, falling apart. But you are the ONLY one I trust, and the only one I ever will trust. I could never trust anybody else significantly, because you have ALL of my trust. Scully, I meant everything I said in that hallway. But especially the part about not wanting to do this without you. And about not even knowing if I can. And in case you're curious, I was not just talking about the work." Ohmygod. Suddenly, all of our other issues seem unimportant. They can be dealt with later. The main truth is right here in front of me--Mulder loves me, and I love him. If I could tear my arms from his iron grip right now, I'd grab him and kiss him. But Mulder is not finished. He holds my upper arms too tightly, his body presses me against the door too firmly for me to gain any leverage. My eyes have slowly been adjusting to the darkness, and I can now look into his eyes. I see there the truth. The truth of everything he is saying to me. The truth of his love for me. As his thumb sensually caresses my arms and his breath tickles my face, he simultaneously begins sliding one thigh between mine and speaking again at the same time. I don't think he even realizes what his body is doing at this point. "And also in case you're curious, my trust is not the only part of me that you hold completely in your hands. Scully....." He struggles with his emotions, the sobbing break in his voice making him sound even sexier, and his body going completely still, his grip on me slackening... His last words getting lower and lower, until the final two words come almost as a whisper, directly into my mouth. "You have it all, Scully. My trust. My love. My body. My soul. My heart. .....my truth. My...my CHOICE." Oh God. Mulder. His now gentle hands come up to frame my face, brushing my hair back, as he pulls his face back to look at me. In yet another replay of the moments in his hallway, a single tear slowly rolls down my face, and Mulder watches it solemnly. His face gets closer, and closer, and closer..... This time there is no bee sting. This time there is nothing but the soft sweetness of Mulder's lips meeting mine. After bestowing upon me the single most gentle kiss I have ever received, a kiss of total adoration, Mulder's lips break from mine with no attempt to deepen the kiss. Instead, his head drops to my shoulder as his arms go around my waist, pulling me to him fiercely. His weight all but collapses against me. I find myself totally secure in his embrace...the door at my back, Mulder's arms between me and the door, pulling me to him tightly even as his weight presses me further back against it. I feel as though I'm being crushed. I've never been so comfortable in my life. My arms wind underneath his and around his waist, and I feel the strength of this man as I hold him tightly and feel his warmth all around me, surrounding me. After a few moments of feeling Mulder hold me and his tears washing my neck, I begin to feel something else. His thigh, forgotten between my legs, is suddenly brought back into the sharp focus of my mind as Mulder's arms begin rocking me against it. Stars feel like they're bursting behind my eyes, and I definitely begin to understand the term 'sensory overload' as Mulder begins desperately kissing my neck. One hand comes up behind my head and tangles in my hair to hold it steady. Mulder's mouth, the subject of so many fantasies since that day in his hallway, is voraciously making its way from the side of my neck, around my throat as he pulls my head back to give himself access, and to the other side of my neck. He makes his way back around my throat, and still holding my head tightly and maneuvering me as he wishes, begins kissing up my throat until he finds my mouth. This time, there is nothing even remotely gentle about his kiss. His lips capture mine with an almost brutal force. He forces my mouth open and sweeps his tongue inside, demanding my acquiescence and claiming me. His kiss goes on and on, my head still held steady by his hand, until we both must break for breath. Somehow my hands have found the knot in his tie, and despite their shakiness have managed to loosen it. Next, I go for the buttons of his shirt, having to stop for Mulder to push my suit coat off of me. I return to the buttons on his shirt, and am nearly finished, when I am tipped off that Mulder is feeling a little less patient than I am. My first clue was the buttons to my shirt flying across the room as Mulder ripped it open. The second was the sudden feeling of his mouth on my breast through my bra. I moan his name as his talented mouth works my nipple through the lace of my bra, and then I gasp as he pushes the sleeves of my shirt halfway down my upper arms, then using it to pull me tight against him. My arms are now held captive by the material, my heart and soul held captive by Mulder. All conscious thought stops as sensory overload takes place again. Mulder's mouth on my breast, the delicious smell of him, his strong hands holding me against him by the material of my shirt, his thigh still between my legs but still again now, as his mouth concentrates on first one breast, then the other. I become aware that Mulder is speaking to me as his mouth releases my breasts, and his hands, suddenly gentle once again, begin pushing the shirt the rest of the way down my arms, and sliding his hands back up my stomach to the clasp of my bra. "I nearly lost....I nearly lost you Scully...I'm so damn sorry". Tears spring to my eyes, but before I can say anything he is kissing me again, with desperation, and whatever I would have said is lost. *************** End part 1 of 2 Beginning From The Beginning 2/2 ************************************************************************************ I'm going to make it up to her. I'm going to make it up to her right now. She was going to comfort me just now-- when I told her how sorry I was for nearly losing her. I couldn't let her speak. I was desperate for her not to speak. Anything she said to me right now would end this way too quickly...it would end with me practically throwing her on the ground and burying myself inside her as deep as I could possibly get, and not ever coming out, damn it. So I settled instead for burying my tongue in her mouth. And I want to make this last for her. My own needs do not even seem to be in the picture right now. I want to make this perfect for her. The love I feel for this woman amazes me. I seem to be amazed by a lot of things right now. The way she is kissing me back with a desperation equaling mine, the look in her eyes when I told her how I felt, the feel of her finally in my arms, and last but most certainly not least, the feel of her breast in my mouth. I plan to try that again really soon, only this time not impeded by lace. During my kiss, Scully's normally agile fingers--which have become amusingly clumsy, much to the inflation of my ego...and, um, other things-- have finally managed to finish undoing my shirt, and I let it fall back off of me to the floor. Her hands running up my chest and running over my small, flat male nipples are nearly my undoing, but I manage to maintain my composure. Well, sort of, anyway. Oh yeah, Scully, just hang on....I'm about to repay that little favor right now. My fingers--the current clumsiness of which we will NOT discuss--somehow get her bra clasp undone, and I release her breasts from the material. Ohmigod, she's gorgeous. Absolutely incredible. I'm tempted to just stand there and look at her and start crying again, but I really do not want to be shot. Still awed by the beautiful sight before me, but slightly amused by the "Would you please DO something?" look on her face, I grab her hands and begin backing up, pulling her toward the couch with me. Still clasping her hands, I sink onto the couch, and pull her closer to me. She straddles my lap, staying up slightly on her knees, and I close my hands tight around her waist, tugging her down hard against me. I capture her lips, swallowing her groan and giving my own little moan into her mouth as I feel her heat make contact with my throbbing groin, even through both of our pairs of pants. Releasing her lips, my mouth quickly closes around one nipple as my fingers gently roll the other, my other hand pressed against her lower back holding her to me. Scully moans and arches her back, pushing her breasts up closer to me. I take the hint, and suckle and fondle her a little more intensely, still being careful not to hurt her in any way. I switch breasts, making sure to give each one equal treatment. I continue this until I fear that both of us are about to come just from this... from my mouth and fingers on her breast, and the little upward pulses of my groin against hers, and the grinding motion her hips are making against me. As hard as it is....no pun intended....for me to do, I grip her waist and put her off of my lap. She looks momentarily startled, but then amused. I give my best sheepish grin up at her, knowing that she understands my plight entirely. What comes next takes me entirely by surprise. Her voice comes damn close to sending me over the edge, and certainly makes every hair on my neck stand up straight...along with a few other things....when she holds one hand out to me, one hovers at the button to her pants, and she all but moans out her next words. I have never in five years heard Scully's voice so low and gravelly. Not to even mention seductive... "Awww, poor thing....looks like you have a BIG problem...why don't you come up here and let me see if I can help you out with that?" Ohmigod. Ohmigod. Breathe, Mulder. Inhale. Exhale. Good boy. Holy shit. Scully is playing with my mind, and doing it on purpose. A little smile plays on her lips, making her that much sexier and signifying that she knows EXACTLY what she just did to me. Not even in my wildest fantasies has prim and proper Dr. Scully EVER said anything like that to me. I think I've just died and gone to heaven. Or no, maybe that's what is happening right now. Scully is very slowly removing her pants. Her black lace panties quickly follow suit, landing on top of the growing pile of clothes in her floor. A very beautiful, very nude, Dana Scully slowly walks up to me, where I now stand directly in front of the couch. One shapely fingernail comes out to rest right in the middle of the chest, and she s-l-o-w-l-y drags it down my chest and stomach, causing some very delightful reactions from my manhood, not to mention the little shivers that run all the way through me. Her fingers dip into the waistband of my pants, and she gives a small tug forward. Hey, Scully, you only have to ask once. I'm going wherever you're leading. Too bad I'm too far gone to actually say that to her. I take a small step toward her away from the couch, letting her lead me, resisting the urge to grab her and take back control, keeping my arms at my sides only with great difficulty. Her fingers next find the button. I nearly lose it as she takes her own sweet time unbuttoning and zipping me, kissing down my chest in the process. I force myself to stand still as she finishes undressing me, allowing myself a small moment of pride at the look on her face when she sees me in just my black silk boxers, and a slightly longer moment of pride when she removes those and gasps at what she sees. I'm very pleased that she's pleased. After all, all of it does belong to her and only her. Now we both stand totally exposed to one another. Suddenly Scully looks a little shy, her eyes focused somewhere on my chest, as if she's not sure exactly what to do next. I have a few ideas. ************************************************************************************** I stand before Mulder, suddenly unsure of myself. This is all happening so fast. I have never behaved in such a wanton way in my life. What if... I never even get to finish that thought. A single strong, gentle finger touches my chin and gently lifts it up to look into his eyes. He must see my unsurety and doubt there, as all of the surety in his own eyes fades away. "Scully....", he breathes, and then begins stroking my face with that single finger that lifted my chin. "I love you. I will love you no matter what. If you don't feel ready for this....we don't have to do anything you're not ready for. I could go right now, and I would be back whenever you wanted me to. You do NOT have to do this. We WON'T do this, unless I'm absolutely sure that you're absolutely sure. No doubts, Scully." And suddenly I have none. The total sincerety of his voice removed all of my doubts. In answer, I pull his head down and kiss him fiercely. I can feel his surprise, but he recovers fairly quickly. He kisses me back, hard, and next thing I know I find myself swept up into his arms, and being carried to my bedroom. He lays me down gently, and I try to pull him down on top of me, but Mulder has some other ideas. He kneels at the foot of the bed, and grasps my ankles, pulling me toward him. He drapes my legs over his shoulders, opening me to him completely. His hands come up and take my hands, and he holds them against the bed as his head dives without preamble into the moist heat between my legs. I feel his tongue thrust into me, and I buck hard against him, but I am anchored to the bed by his hands grasping mine. He continues his wonderful assault, never releasing my hands, no matter how much I want to bury my hands in the silkiness of his hair and press him closer to me. Suddenly, the sky falls and the stars all explode...Mulder's oral fixation seems to have fixated itself on my clit. Within seconds I come, hard, screaming Mulder's name and convulsing against him. As I come back down to earth, I am only vaguely aware of Mulder kissing his way up my stomach. I regain a little awareness when he plants an adoring kiss on each nipple, and then continues kissing his way up to my face. As I continue to recover, every single inch of my face is being covered with gentle kisses by Mulder. He never has released my hands, and now our fingers are interlocked, with one of my hands resting on either side of my head, Mulder pressing the backs of my hands into the mattress. I don't even remember them getting there. But I'm certainly not complaining. ************************************************************************************* I could do that once per hour for the rest of my life. Actually, several times per hour. Hell, as much as possible. I have never in my life experienced anything quite like making Scully scream my name as she came. I want to do it again. Several million times. That was absolutely the most incredible experience of my life. Damnit, I'm about to start crying again. And right now I have other things to do. Besides, I don't want to start Scully worrying about me. With a nudge of my knee, her legs fall apart and I fall into the cradle of them. I am now fully on top of her. "Mulderrrrrr.....please.....now...." I may have had cause to question my intelligence earlier today. But even I am not stupid enough to refuse THIS request. Positioning myself above her, poised right at her entrance, my fingers still locked with hers, I stop a moment to lean down and kiss her lips. "Scully....I love you." Without further preamble, I enter her. Within a few strokes, I am as deep within her as I can go. Unable to continue without a moment to regain my composure, I become completely still and drop my head to her shoulder. I feel Scully struggling to get one of her hands loose, and let it go. Immediately, it comes up to stroke the back of my head, and she begins whispering in my ear. Words of love, and caring, and support. And then the words that I needed... "Mulder...I love you too." I pull back to look at her, and see the radiant smile on her face. I'm pretty sure my goofiest grin is now plastered across my face. Well, one way to keep her from seeing how goofy I look--I bend down to kiss first her lips, and then each now closed eyelid. She drops her hand back down where it was, and I re-lock our fingers. I begin to move. Scully is so wet, so hot, so tight. She is Scully. That's what turns me on the most. I last for as long as I can, moving agonizingly slowly at first , until Scully seems ready to kill me if I don't speed this up. I oblige her, happily. "Sculleeeee.....I'm about...about...to..." Her voice when she replies finally sends me over the edge. "Give it to me, Mulder. Come for me." With a tremendously loud sound coming out of my mouth that I should probably be embarrassed of, but that seems to send her over the edge again as well, I explode into her. The orgasm seems to go on for forever, before I finally collapse across her, breathing heavily. I know that I should probably get off of her, but I'm just too happy laying here on my own personal Scully-pillow to move. My hands release hers, and my arms snake their way underneath her, to hold her to me as close as possible. Her arms immediately wind around me, and she begins tracing patterns on my back gently. My forehead is within easy reach of her lips, and she gently kisses me there several times. I lose track of the amount of time we lie here like this. I'm about to fall asleep on her, and begin to move, but she doesn't seem to want me to move. So I don't. The last thing I feel before I drift off is another soft kiss on my forehead, and her hand stroking my hair. *********************************************************************************** For the first time in my life, I'm not analyzing. There is no way to analyze what happened here tonight between me and Mulder. It is unexplainable. It is supernatural. It is phenomenal. It just IS. And I'm happy to just let it be. Mulder's weight is heavy across me as he sleeps. He tried to roll off of me, but I was having no part of it. I like him right where he is, thank you very much. Both Mulder and I have been on an emotional roller coaster since we came back from Antarctica. Actually, I guess we have kind of been on it for a while. You could probably say that tumbling off of that ship was the first big hill. But, like any roller coaster, it eventually made its way around the track back to the loading dock. Back home. And that's where Mulder is now--home. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know that we will face it together. The course the roller coaster took has left us with its bruises. We questioned each other's trust. We questioned our feelings for each other. But those bruises will heal. I do not think they will leave scars. And yes, that is my medical opinion. Even our lovemaking was a new roller coaster of its own. Both of our emotions threatened to overtake us at times. My lingering insecurities, Mulder's lingering guilt, even our extreme depth of love for one another....all threatened to stop this tonight. But with a lot of love, a little humor, and a whole lot of sensation, we came through it, and made the most intense love of both of our lives. Up until this point, anyway. I come to realize, slowly, that Mulder is awake again. This time, he does roll of to the side of me, propping himself up on one elbow to look at me. He does not speak, content simply to look at me. As he bends slowly to kiss my lips, I remind myself...this is only the beginning of the beginning. THE END :) So, tell me what you thought...could you tell this was my very first fanfic ever? I didn't want to mention that at the beginning of the story, because I thought maybe then people wouldn't read it. So, anyway, please