Unisex Bathrooms and Teenage Vampires Category: CRH Rating: PG Spoilers: Bad Blood Keywords: Ally McBeal/XF crossover, MSR ************************************************************************** Ally McBeal walked through the elevator doors of the law firm she worked in, Cage/Fish & Associates, to be greet by Richard Fish, the blood thirsty lawyer of the firm. "Ally." A big goofy grin was plastered on his face. "I got this new case that you HAVE to do." She pushed past him and went into her office. "What is it, Richard?" "I need you to defend a Fed who's been charged with killing a boy by driving a stake through his heart." Ally whipped her head around to face him. "WHAT?" Elaine the nosy secretary popped in. "The FBI Agent believed that the boy was a vampire." Ally shot her an annoyed look. "Thank you, Elaine," she said through a fake smile. "Snappish," the secretary muttered as she left the room. "Look, Richard, I'm not going to go defend some psycho who kills people because he thinks they're vampires. I mean, what next, he believes in UFOs too?" She looked just about ready to throw a tantrum. "John'll help you. Bygones." With that, he disappeared out the door. Ally sighed . Meanwhile on a plane to NYC---.. "Scully. SCULLY!" "What?" Scully jerked her head up from her partner's shoulder. "You're drooling again." Mulder pointed to the wet spot where she'd been sleeping. "Sorry," she grumbled. "Scully, why are we going all the way to New York for the case?" She rolled her eyes. "Because everyone else either thought we were prank-calling them or needed to be checked into a mental institution." "So whoever's taking our case must be pretty `spooky', huh?" Mulder flashed a big smile. Scully gave him a deadpanned look. "Why do you always make jokes at your own expense?" His face fell. "Excuse me," he mumbled as he stepped past her toward the bathroom down the end of the plane. Scully enjoyed a few minutes of rest until she heard banging and pounding from inside the bathroom. "SCUL-LE!!!!!! SCUL-LE!!!!!!!!!" She wanted to crawl into a hole and die. She held a magazine over her face as she made her way to the bathroom. "What is it?" she hissed. "SCULLY, I CAN'T GET THE DOOR OPEN!!!!!!" His pitiful tone would've broken her heart if not for the 150 passengers glaring at her. "Mulder, I want you to take a deep breath" Scully said in a soothing gentle voice. "Scully, have I ever told you that I'm extremely CLAUSTRAPHOBIC!" Mulder was having trouble breathing. Then silence. Scully put her ear up against the door and heard faint humming from the inside. If she didn't know better she would've sworn it was "Mary Had a Little Lamb". "Mulder, are you okay?" she called. No answer. She sighed. At Fish/Cage & Associates--.. "They should be here by now." Richard paced back and forth looking remarkably agitated. "Without them we have no case, no big piles and piles of money-.." Ally looked at him in shock. Just then, the elevator doors parted to reveal a very flushed man with a navy blue suit and a hideous tie. "Fox." "Damn right he is," Ally said, checking him out. Richard looked at her quizzically. "What are you talking about? Fox is his first name." Ally felt her face burning. "Actually, he prefers to be called Mulder." Behind him emerged an attractive petite redhead. She was dressed in a sky blue suit matching the color of her eyes. "You must be Dana Scully," Richard noted. Ally grimaced. "Did you two have any problems at the airport?" Richard asked. Scully set her mouth in a firm line to keep from laughing out loud. A snort escaped her lips. Mulder scowled menacingly at his partner. "just some technical difficulties," he said coolly. "Well, let me introduce you to your lawyer." Richard turned to Ally. "This is Ally McBeal, she'll be your defense attorney." "Ms. McBeal." Mulder took her hand warmly. "Ally would be fine." Scully stared stonily at Ally. A pleasant looking man ambled over. "John Cage," he said, extending his hand to Scully. "I will be assisting Ally with the case." Scully smiled politely, shaking his hand. "Well, now that we're acquainted, let's get to work!" Hours later at the nearest Motel 6--.. Scully dropped her suitcase in her motel room and feel onto the bad. She was tired from being drilled by lawyers all day. And, she didn't like now that Richard Fish was looking at her and Mulder, like those cartoon people with dollar signs for eyes. She heard a knock on her door. "Come in, Mulder." Mulder walked in and sat on the bed next to her. "Lawyers are sure pain in the asses." She sat up to face him. "Mulder, we could spend the next 20 years in jail if these pain in the asses don't come up with something." Her face was tense with worry. "You know, if it really comes to that I'm not going to drag you down with me. You didn't kill him, I did." The guilty note in his voice was unmistakable. "Look, Mulder, as I said before, I'm in this as deep as you are. If we're going down, we're going down together." Scully smiled faintly. Mulder put his hand over hers. Then, in a flick of a moment, something passed between them. But as quickly as it came, it was gone. "I better wash up and go to bed," he said, getting up. "Mulder, wait." He turned around. "Don't lock the bathroom door, I don't want to be awakened at 1 in the morning." He clutched his heart as though in pain. "Ouch, Scully, that hurt." He grinned at her. "Goodnight." "'Night." The next day at Cage/Fish & Associates-.. Ally was washing her hands in the unisex bathroom when Georgia came in. "So, you nervous?" Georgia asked with amiably. Ally shook her head. "I just don't know what's going to be harder, making the judge believe the boy was a vampire or keeping my eyes off my client." "I heard he was really good-looking." A toilet flushed and out came Elaine. "Oh, he's almost as yummy as that David Duchovny on TV." Ally couldn't help smiling. "You going to ask him out?" Georgia said with a gleam in her eyes. Ally pouted and looked at her hands. "He's married. I saw his wife. She's beautiful." Georgia put her hand on her shoulder sympathetically. Ally turned to her. "Tell me, why are all the good ones married?" Georgia shrugged. John Cage a.k.a. the Biscuit poke his head in. "Ally, it's time." "Wish me luck." Ally followed John out the room. At the trial--.. Ally's eyes grew wide wen she saw who was judging the case. "Whipper? Why didn't Richard tell me?" she hissed at John. "He still isn't over their breakup. He didn't want to mention her," he whispered back. "Order," Judge Cone banged the mallet until it got quiet. Scully's stomach was in knots. Soft humming from Mulder filled her ears. "Mulder, what are you humming?" she whispered. He looked down and mumbled, "Nothing." When called for, Ally stood up. "Ally McBeal for the defendant." The trial progressed slowly. The plaintiff's lawyer commented, "Here you have a guy who believes in vampires. He might very well be mentally ill-" The Biscuit stared blankly into space. At last he murmured, "I'm troubled." Mulder asked Ally quietly. "Is that bad?' She just put her head in her hands, elbows resting on the table. All of the sudden, a loud thud startled them. Scully had fallen asleep and banged her head against the table. "Sorry," she said, rubbing her head. "Did you even sleep last night?" Mulder asked worriedly. "Maybe not." A high pitched sound interrupted them. "What is that?" The whistling was coming from John's nose. "I'm taking a moment," Ally said resting her head on the table. "So, how did you do?" Richard asked when they got back to the office. Ally looked at him in defeat. "Not good." "You okay?" Billy asked kindly. Ally tried to brighten up. "I'm fine, just feeling a little down." Georgia joined them. "What you need are the twins." Ally laughed. "No, not to--.." "What twins?" Scully couldn't help overhearing. Ally turned around "Wait, why don't you and Mulder come with us? Please, you and your husband would love it." Scully's eyes practically jumped out of their sockets. "Me and my WHAT?" Mulder slipped his arms around her waist playfully. "Honey, it's no use hiding it from people." "Mulder!" Scully swatted his arms away. She confronted Ally. "We're not married. He's my PARTNER. Why in the world would you think otherwise?" Ally never felt more embarrassed. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely. Scully softened. She knew she was being too hard on her. "That's okay. The whole FBI thinks we're sleeping together anyway." "It's just too bad we aren't, huh Pumpkin?" Mulder whispered into her ear. "Mulder, I have a gun and I know how to use it." "Have I ever told you how cute you look when you're mad?" "Don't go there-" "So," Ally said, interrupting their verbal battle. "Will you two come?" "Sure. Meet you downstairs in an hour," Mulder said before Scully could utter a word. "Mulder, I have nothing to wear," Scully called from their adjoining rooms. "It's a bar, Scully. Anything is fine. How long has it been since you were at a bar, anyway?" She could hear the smirk in his voice. "Not as long as you think," she said, remembering Ed Jerse. She shuddered. Finally, she decided on black hip huggers and a black v-necked sweater. She met him outside their door. He was wearing black jeans and a black T-shirt that showed off his well-toned muscles. Mulder let his eyes wander over Scully's body. Scully came to a sickening realization. Their outfits matched. "Scully, do you believe in telepathic connections?" "Shut up, Mulder." At the bar--.. Bill, Georgia, John, Elaine, Richard, and Ally sat at a table waiting for Scully and Mulder. "Where are they?" Ally glanced around until Georgia tapped on her shoulder. Ally spun around. Coming in from the entrance was a couple dressed in black. They were Mulder and Scully. She stood up and waved them over. "This place is great," Mulder said enthusiastically. Scully, on the contrary, Scully looked about as happy as a wet mop. Suddenly, the perfect song began to play. "You two have to dance!" Ally pushed them onto the dance floor. The woman at the piano belted out the beginning verse. "I know something about love You're gotta want it bad It that guy's got into your blood Go out and get him.." Scully began to relax as she felt the rhythm of the beat. "Shake it, pretty mama," Mulder drawled in an Elvis accent, causing Scully to giggle helplessly. Meanwhile, the song was hitting just a little too close to home--.. "If you want him to be the very part of you That makes you want to breathe Here's the thing to do-." Ally gazed at the two clueless agents longingly. She saw Billy had pulled Georgia onto the dance floor. She'd never felt so alone. Scully heard the words in her soul being sung. She sang along in her mind with the woman. Mulder was staring at her with an expression she'd never seen before. "I know something about love You gotta show him it and make him See that moon up above Reach out and get it If you want him to Make your heart sing out And if you want to Only think of you-" Mulder and Scully were barely moving now. Their lips inched closer and closer-. "Ow!" Mulder's hand flew to the back of his neck. "I think a bug bit me." "Oh." Suddenly, Scully felt very foolish. "It's getting late, I better go back to the motel and get some sleep." She left before he realized what happened. "Ahh!!!" Ally couldn't help crying out in frustration. She saw the dejected looks on Mulder's face. Mulder closed his eyes. He saw Ally looking at him. She smiled in sympathy. He smiled feebly back. His eyes got misty. Ally watched him leave quickly. She shook her head. After telling her friends she was leaving, she put on her coat and disappeared out the bar. The next afternoon at the office--. After the hearing, Ally and John confronted Mulder and Scully. "We'll tell you right now; it does look good," John began. Ally bit her lip. "We're looking at at least 7 years in jail for Mulder." "What about Scully?' Mulder asked anxiously. "She'll be fine. Whipper's willing to let her go for almost nothing." He sighed in relief. "Wait, I've go to be charged with at least SOMETHING." Scully refused to believe it. "Excuse us." Mulder dragged Scully into the unisex bathroom. "Mulder, what are we doing inhere?" His face was blank. "I don't know, they said this was a good place to talk privately." Scully paced around in frustration. Mulder'd never thought she'd be this upset. "Scully, what's wrong?' She looked into his eyes, tears threatening to fall. "What am I supposed to do while you're gone? We're in this together! I won't let you get rid of me this easily!" She beat her fists against his chest lightly, sobbing. He took her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. "You go on. You'll be okay, you were always the strong one. Maybe you could even smuggle in some sunflowers seeds for me." Scully knew she had to tell him that she loved him. To hell with everything else. "Mulder, I--" Suddenly a toilet flushed. "Shit!" A voice cried out from one of the stalls. Richard stepped out. He looked at the two agents unaffectedly. "Bygones." Then he left the bathroom, leaving Mulder and Scully to stare after him, mouths hanging open. Scully was just about to leave when Ally stopped her. "Mulder told me to tell you to meet him at the bar at 7 tonight." Scully looked at her curiously. She shrugged. "Sure, okay, thanks." Ally watched the depressed woman leave in the elevator. 7 o'clock at the bar--.. Mulder sat at the bar uncomfortably, watching the last couple leave. Scully walked into the bar and saw Mulder sitting there, oddly enough, the only one in whole room. "Mulder, what's going on?" He looked at her in surprise. "You asked to come, I -" "Ally," they said in unison. Just then, the lights started to dim. The piano woman came on stage. She winked at the bewildered couple, sat down by the piano, and began to play. Sweet music filled the air. Mulder spun around and extended his hand. Scully remember that night on the Great Mutato case. It was the most fun she'd ever had since the horrors of her cancer. She accepted his hand and he pulled her into his arms. She closed her eyes and listened to the serene melody. "I don't know what is that makes me love you so I only know I never wanna let you go `Cause you started something, can't you see? That ever since we met you've had a hold on me-" Those words were so true it was almost scary. Scully remembered when she first met him. She'd fallen for him at that moment. "It happens to be true I only want to be with you--." Mulder knew those other women never mattered. Phoebe, Kristen, Bambi, and definitely not Detective White-. There'd never be anyone for him but Dana Katherine Scully. "It's crazy but it's true I only want to be with you You stopped and smiled at me, asked me it I'd care to dance I fell into your open arms and I didn't stand a chance-." They looked at each other and smiled. They knew whatever happened they'll always be together. Scully nuzzled his neck. She pulled back, wrinkling her nose. "What is that?" "Bug repellent." She laughed. Wrapping her arms around him, she kissed him sweetly. He returned the kiss passionately. When they finally came up for air, he whispered into her ear, "I love you." Those three little words unraveled her entire being. "I love you too." They stayed that way, in each other's arms, all night never wanting to let go. "No matter what you do I only want to be with you No matter what you do I only want to be with you--.." The next day--- Ally found Mulder and Scully outside the courtroom. "So, are you ready?" Mulder nodded. Ally noted with delight that Mulder's fingers were intertwined his partners. "Well, let's see what happens." John said, walking into the courtroom. They followed him in. When everyone was settled. Judge Cone spoke. "Well, I've given this case a lot of thought and considering the evidence, the defendant will-." The court door burst open. To Scully and Mulder's horror and amazement it was Ronnie Strickland. After a short intermission, Judge Cone was again ready to rule. "Well, since the victim is in fact alive and I don't see how this case could continue. All charges are dropped. Case dismissed." Scully couldn't help the goofy grin on her face. The next thing she knew, Mulder was kissing her lips, taking her breath away. At last, Scully pulled back. "But I don't understand , how did Ronnie get here?" Her question was answered when Sheriff Hartwell approached them. "Howdy, Agent Scully," he smiled charmingly. He began to explain what had happened. "Then I found out what Ronnie had done and that he was still alive, I knew I had to turn him in. Hope there was no trouble." "No trouble at all," Mulder said, mimicking the sheriff's smile. Hartwell nodded. "Good." He turned to Scully. "So, Agent Scully, I was wondering if you and I could go out sometime-" "She most certainly can NOT!" Mulder stood up so he was nose to nose with Hartwell. "She's with me now so BACK OFF!" The poor sheriff stuttered helplessly and ran out of there like a scared jackass. "Mulder, I don't think that outburst was necessary." Scully gave him the raised eyebrow. "I would've refused him nicely." "Can't help it, primitive male instincts." "Primitive. You got that right." He took her hand, yanking her up with him. "Come on, woman, let's go home." She punched him in the arm hard. "I'm going to go say goodbye to Ally," she said, leaving him to rub his sore arm. Ally saw Scully walking toward her and closed the distance between them. "Thank you," Scully said. "For everything." "It was my pleasure." They grinned at each other, knowing that it had nothing to do with the case at all. "Ready, sweetheart?" Mulder came up from behind Scully and nuzzled her neck. She let out an uncharacteristic shriek. "Bye, Ally," she said, dragging Mulder with her. Ally watched the happy couple go. But then she remembered. She left the courtroom cheerfully, alone yet contented. The End FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Look for continuation: Slightly Deformed Potatoes. My e-mail address is (Invisi619@aol.com>