Author: Katherine Farley Title: The Lone Gunpage Rating: PG-13 Spoilers: Teeny one for EBE. Any others, they're not big enough to be noticeable, I suppose. Category: SHR Keywords: Mulder/Scully Summary: While surfing the net, Scully stumbles upon a lil' the web page the Gunmen probably wouldn't want her to see... Disclaimer: Do I hafta? Alright, alright. Here's a little ditty I made up...to the tune of 'Mary Had A Little Lamb'. I don't own the characters, characters, characters I don't own the characters Chris and those numbers do. Sucks, doesn't it? Author's notes: This was inspired by a couple fics I read, about the Gunmen, or about web pages. But I really really really tried not to make it exactly the same! Honest! Dedication: Uh...to...Sarah, my friend who actually *knows* how to make a web site; and who actually *made* our web site for language arts last year. She'll never *see* this, because she doesn't *do* fic, but oh well! Now on with the show!!! The Lone Gunpage By Katherine Farley I am bored. *Damn* bored. There is *nothing* to do. It's Friday night, and while I *should* be out with friends, or on a *date*, God forbid, but noooo. No, I have to be at *home*, bored out of my skeptical little mind. Do I sound bitter? I am. This is really really really really beginning to piss me off! I mean, I haven't had a real date in, what is it now, years!? And my best friend is a paranoid alien-chaser named Spooky. Where has my social life gone? I know, I know, it's not *that* bad. I mean, all around, I don't have such a terrible life. Not really. It's fulfilling, in its own right. Yeah, who am I kidding? I'm in *love* with that alien-chasing paranoid. How pathetic is that? No, no, I suppose that's mean. But it *is* pretty pathetic, when I've fallen in love with my *partner*, whom I not only can never be with, but who definitely does *not* reciprocate the feeling. Sometimes, I think maybe it *does* go both ways. It could, I guess, but do I believe that? Nope. Can't. It's against my beliefs to believe, I suppose. There was that one time when he told me he loved me, but he was doped up on hospital drugs. He was delusional. Yet I've analyzed that moment to the bone, and still I have nothing. I don't know whether, given the opportunity, he would tell me that if he were completely fine. But I *seriously* doubt it. Anyway, back to the issue at hand. My undeniable boredom. I sigh and glance around the room. My gaze finally settles on my computer, and I reluctantly stand up and log on to the internet. No mail. I could see that as a good thing, at least Mulder hasn't emailed me to tell me about one of his infamous ditches he's pulled again...but if I *had* some mail, at least I could *read* it and *reply* to it, and that might have alleviated my boredom for a matter of minutes. Another sigh. I decide to do something I don't often do, and I type in the web URL for Infoseek. Not as easy as it sounds. I simply cannot think of something to search for. Finally, I just type in the thing that I'm sure Mulder or the Gunmen would be searching for, but not me. Conspiracies. After a moment of processing, onto the screen comes a page with 10 results and their descriptions. I read through the titles, not even bothering to read the descriptions if the titles don't interest me, until I see a title that catches my eye. The Lone Gunpage. Ah, so the guys have a web site. I click on the link, figuring it'll be your average conspiracy site, much like their publication. As it appears on the screen, it is. A big logo, with links all around it. I scan the link names on the page. I immediately click *this* link, eager to see what the Gunmen have on a site designed for mine and Mulder's relationships. But when the site appears on my screen, I realize that it is *not* a site for *our* *relationships*, but for OUR RELATIONSHIP. This worries me a bit...what do they think they know? I soon discover that. The clue that tipped me off about the page's main contents was a picture, manipulated, I'm sure, of Mulder and I kissing. Kissing. Oh, my. I look at the paragraph of text directly underneath the picture and the page's name and logo, and read through it. "Welcome to our Mulder/Scully page! This page was designed only by Gunman #s 2 and 3; Gunman # 1 refused to participate. It is a web page dedicated to the idea that FBI Agents Mulder and Scully are not only completely in love with one another, and know it, but NEED to be together. Onward!" I scroll down, to see the rest of the page, which is even *more* links to other pages. But that thought disappears as I read the names of the links. "The Evidence Room", "Photo Gallery" , and "Speculations" are the main links, the rest being "Gunman #2's POV", Gunman #3's POV", and "Gunman #1's Refusal". I sigh, and after pondering it for a moment, decide it best to call Mulder and tell him about this before examining the contents. So I pick up my cell phone and dial the familiar number of Mulder's own cell. "Mulder," he picks up on the first ring. "Mulder, it's me." "Hey, Scully, what's up?" "Um...I found something I think you might want to see. Where are you?" I ask him. I hope he's at home so he can log on to his computer and we can explore the site over the phone. "I'm...in my car about a mile from your place, want me to come over?" Oh, shit. Eh, whatever. "Um...alright. Come on." We both hang up, and I sigh again. This could lead to some pretty embarrassing situations. My door buzzes and I glance through the peephole to see Mulder standing there. He's wearing his black jeans, a gray t-shirt and his leather jacket. Uh oh, deja vu. I open the door for him and he comes in, with a "Hey Scully. What did you want me to see?" I gesture towards the computer, and we go over to it. I sit down and he pulls up a chair and sits beside me, rather close, I might add. "That." "What's...what *is* that?" He asks, confused at the title. "It's, um...it's an extension of the Gunmen's web site," I tell him. His eyes widen and he looks at me, then back at the computer. "How'd you find this? I didn't even know they *had* a web page." "I didn't either. I found it on search." "For what? 'FBI Agents Relationships Web Sites'?" "No, conspiracies." "Oh. And this came up? I didn't realize our little affair was a conspiracy," he grins at me. "It's not. I mean...It came up with the Gunmen's main page, and I found this on one of their links. Read it." He reads the opening paragraph, chuckling to himself. "What *is* this?" I have to laugh a little, too, at the silliness of the entire situation. "I don't know. But I'm sure Gunman #1 would be Frohike," I say. He smiles and nods, agreeing. "Let's check out some of these links." I take the mouse and click on Photo Gallery, genuinely wanting to see the what the Gunmen would put on this page. It loads, and as the thumbnails for the pictures appear, I look at the screen in shock. The first few pictures are simple, just pictures of us talking to each other or whatever. But as we scroll down, the pictures become of us hugging, kissing, making out. Mulder chuckles incredulously beside me as a picture from what appears to be an especially steamy make out session is loaded. "Manipulated," he mutters. I smile. "That's...odd," I say, trying not to reveal the fact that I *liked* those pictures. "I can't believe the Gunmen have manipulated pictures of you and I kissing on their web site," Mulder says, still chuckling. I have to laugh as well. I keep scrolling down to the bottom of the page, and the last item listed is a text link that says "Download Movie in .avi File". "Download it," Mulder instructs me, but I shake my head. "I don't have the plug-in," I tell him. I hit the back button and the first site we saw appears once again. This time I click on "The Evidence Room". Mulder grins next to me as the page downloads, the lettering of the title done in a romantic font, covered in hearts. This page is all text, and we begin to read. "Although we're sure much has happened that we have NOT been able to see, what we have seen signifies the love they share for one another. Below we have a list of events we have either witnessed first-hand, been told about by one of the Agents themselves, or somehow gotten on surveillance. The main surveillance, the one that sparked this site, is downloadable in a .avi file on the Photo Gallery page." "Damn, I wanna know what that is!" Mulder grins at my statement. "Yeah, me too. Maybe we should ask the guys about it." "Like they'd admit it. I'm sure we weren't meant to see this site." "Probably." I scroll down, reading the titles of some of the paragraphs out loud. "Number one--The Gazes. Number two--The Life Savings. Number three--The Obvious. Number Four--Mulder's Things. Number Five-- Scully's Things. Mulder--this is odd." "Read the paragraphs," he tells me. We both begin to read Number one--The Gazes. "1. THE GAZES. In our presence and certainly outside of it, the two seem to gaze at one another quite a bit. Although this is sometimes simply the result of looking at the person who's speaking, but their looks suggest more than that. Any outsider would assume, and often has, that the two Agents are 'together' from the way they look at each other; the looks in their eyes, the frequency of these looks, and the way they tune out the rest of the world when they gaze at one another. It's amazing, quite frankly. The love they display in their eyes, with just a simple glance, can be overwhelming, to each of them I'm sure, especially." "Well then." "They think we gaze at one another?" Mulder asks me. "I suppose so. We...we don't, though." "Right." "Right," I say in false confidence. We look back to the screen and resume reading, reading item Number two. "2. THE LIFE SAVINGS. The pair of agents have saved each others' lives more times than we can remember. Each owes the other one their life countless times, if the old tale that you owe your life to the one who saves it is true. Early on in their partnership, Agent Scully disappeared, and although Agent Mulder did not directly SAVE her life, his own was in a state of disrepair while she was gone for three months. He was, in short, devastated. When she was returned mysteriously, with no memory of the events, he eventually returned to normal. Aside from the smaller life saves, there were two major ones we witnessed, somewhat. The first was when Agent Scully was taken to Antarctica, and Mulder, panicked, traveled down to find her. He did find her and they both returned to America safely. While he was attempting to make arrangements to go down there, he was literally "freaking out". He was completely in a state of blind panic, yet he efficiently manipulated higher Powers That Be in his attempt. The only other time we've seen anyone do the same is when he had disappeared in the Atlantic Ocean and Scully was making the arrangements to get the information needed to save his life. She did, and after that---" "After that...what?" "I don't know. Let's keep reading." "3. THE OBVIOUS. We stopped 2. THE LIFE SAVINGS short because we are going to continue that train of thought in this, THE OBVIOUS. Directly after Mulder and Scully(and the three of us) returned from the Atlantic, Mulder was in the hospital for some injuries. After the three of us left, Scully was alone with him. According to Mulder, he told her, in those words, that he loved her. And although her response was apparently "Oh, brother," we assume that was because she was under the impression that he was delusional. " "You told them about that?" "Well--I didn't know they were going to put it on the internet!" "Well--how would they know whether or not I thought you were delusional or not?!?" "Didn't you?" "Well...yeah. But..." I trail off. I can sense that I'm blushing, mainly because according to the Gunmen, he meant what he said to me in that hospital. I *did* think him delusional, but... "Keep reading." "4. MULDER'S THINGS. Although the name of this section is lacking, we decided it was needed, as well as the next one, to complete this page. Mulder has been a friend of ours for quite some time, and although he has never come right out and told us that he is in love with Scully, we know that he is. From all the clues we mentioned in above sections, as well as from the way he talks to us about Scully. It is painfully obvious, although maybe to everyone but the two of them, that he loves her. We have never heard him talk about her in a tone that could be called anything less than pure emotion. He is completely, in essence, in love with her." After reading this paragraph, I look over at my partner only to see that he's staring straight ahead of him at the screen and slightly blushing, I think. It's not obvious, but I've seen him enough that I know he is. I look back at the screen, sensing that he's not going to say anything and that we should go on to read the next section. "5. SCULLY'S THINGS. This paragraph is the equivalent to the one directly above it, only for Scully. We have not had the opportunity to speak with Agent Scully on the subject of Mulder on more than a few occasions, but when he is in danger and she is trying to find out how she can help or save him, it is obvious that she loves him as well. We don't think she knows this, or she does, but she is too afraid to tell him. But she would give up just about anything for him, that is something we all know, as would he. So we conclude that both of the agents this page is about are madly in love with one another, and most likely have been for quite some time, although they won't confront one another on the subject." After *this* paragraph, it's *my* turn to stare at the screen, blushing. Only it's more obvious on my pale complexion, so I hope he doesn't look over here. Oh, he does. Of course. "That was...interesting." "Yeah. I'd say so." "Well...what's left?" I click the back button once more and we are returned to the main Relationship page. I click on the link for one of the remaining pages. 'Speculations'. It is loaded and we read the opening paragraph. "If you have gone through the other pages on this site, you'll know that Agents Mulder and Scully are in love with each other. On this page we will give our predictions for what will come about through their relationship, or rather, lack thereof, in the coming months or years." "I wanna hear this," he says to me. I manage a small smile. This whole site, the whole issue, is making me uncomfortable. When I called Mulder, I didn't think the page would be that bad, but, well... it is. I scroll down a bit. "As a group, all three of us foresee the two of them entering into a real relationship in the future. But we don't know when. Both of them have a great deal of pride, and we surmise that both would be afraid of being rejected by the other if they were to share their feelings with one another. Although WE are completely sure of their shared love, we are NOT sure that THEY are. In fact, we think that they both are convinced that the other cannot possibly love them." Now we *both* sit and stare at the screen, not speaking. I don't know about him , but this site and it's contents have hit just a bit too close to home here. "Let's go to the other pages," he says to me, eyes not wavering from the screen. There's more to be read on this page, but I figure I can read it later, if I even want to. There's something about the Gunmen predicting whether Mulder and I will get it on anytime soon that, quite frankly, freaks me out. Kind of like, I *don't* want to know. "Alright. Go to Gunman Number Two's Thoughts?" "Yeah. Which is which?" "Um...I think Gunman Number Two is Langly and Number Three is Byers. I know Number One is Frohike." "Yeah. We gotta read Gunman Number One's Refusal. See what he thinks his reasons for not wanting to go in on this site with the others are, although I'm pretty sure it's because he's been lovesick over you since he met you." I let out a slight laugh at this, because it's true. I click on 'Gunman # 2's Thoughts' and we read. "It is my, Gunman # 2, opinion that Agents Mulder and Scully deserve each other. They devoted a bunch of years of their lives to each other when she could be, like, a doctor and he could be insane on the street somewhere." "Oh, he thinks rather highly of me, doesn't he?" Mulder says sarcastically. I smile, and we continue reading. "I know that Doohickey is opposed to the idea of Mulder and Scully getting together, but personally, I think they just need to let it go and jump each other. Screw relationships, you could cut the sexual tension in a room with the two of them in it with a knife! So all in all, I share the majority's opinion that they should be together." That's all it says on this page, but below it is a big picture, once again manipulated, of Mulder and I in bed together. Not graphic enough for this website to be blocked from a seven year old's computer; it doesn't show anything; but it shocks me nonetheless. "When was that taken?" the man beside me asks, sarcastic once again. I smile and shrug. "Manipulated." "I know." God, he said that almost reverently. Like he wishes it *didn't* have to be manipulated. Hey, I'm not supposed to be the psychologist here, he is. So why am I analyzing the way he says things? And what's wrong with that? I wish it didn't have to be manipulated, too. Anyway, I was probably just imagining his change of tone. I click 'Back' again and click 'Gunman # 3's Thoughts'. I assume this is Byers, so he probably won't have the opinion that Mulder an I need to "jump each other." Although I certainly wouldn't mind it if *Mulder* had that opinion...and what Langly said about the sexual tension? He's *so* right. Anyway, we read Byers' thoughts on us. "I, Gunman #3, share much of Gunman #2's opinions, although I do NOT think that they need to just let go and "jump each other." I DO, however, agree with him that they should be together. They are in essence, perfect for each other. They balance each other out. They make each other whole." "If they WERE to finally give in to emotions and get together, I believe that their relationship would be strong from the beginning. It would be built on trust; they trust one another with their lives, their hearts; but also built on friendship. The best relationships are rooted in friendship, and theirs would be the perfect example of that." Well then. So Byers is smart. Thought so. I definitely agree with everything Byers said. Although I agree with pretty much everything *Langly* said, as well... "Well then." I half expected him to continue with the same train of thought that *I* had, but I knew he wasn't going to. I look at him, then at the screen again. I keep scrolling to see what picture is on this page. Byers' page has a picture, yet again manipulated, dammit, of Mulder and I in a semi-embrace, my head on his shoulder, apparently walking through a park. This guy is a *hopeless* romantic. I go back and go finally to 'Gunman # 3's Refusal'. We read over the paragraph on this page. "I, Gunman # 1, refused to do anything for this site. I do NOT share the opinion of the past two authors, I do NOT. I do NOT think that Mulder and Scully are perfect for each other, and I DEFINITELY don't think that they should "jump each other". This is for one simple reason. It's because I think the lovely Scully and *I* are perfect for one another, yet she doesn't realize it." I laugh at this. So does Mulder. We definitely know who Gunman One is now. "In the beginning, the first time I met her, I thought Agent Scully to be just as hot as Agent Mulder had told me, if not more." I shoot my eyes over towards Mulder without moving my head. Now it's *quite* obvious that he's blushing. A little tiny smile plays on my lips as I examine this fact in my mind. "But, alas, Agent Scully does not see our potential. She doesn't see that, although he's our friend, Agent Mulder would only hurt her. He's done it before, I know, and he'd do it again. I would never hurt her. So, the fair Agent Scully, if you're reading this, I will always be here!" I have to stifle my laughter at this point, and Mulder doesn't even bother; he's laughing now, not caring that Frohike revealed something through the web site that I probably wasn't supposed to know. After Frohike's ramblings, there's a note from Langly. "This is Gunman #2 speaking, and I'd like all visitors to this web page to know that after knocking Gunman #1 in the head, I informed him that if "the fair Agent Scully" was to see this site, we would be screwed over indefinitely. As we would were Agent Mulder to see the site. Thank you." I laugh now, and scroll down some more to see *this* page's picture. But my laugher stops as I see it. This time it's me and *Frohike* in bed! No graphic images, but disgusting all the same. Mulder looks as grossed out as I am now. "Manipulated?" he asks me, like he doesn't know. I playfully hit him on the arm, saying, "Mulder, ew! Yes, manipulated! Didja think it wasn't?" I ask. "Nope. It's more manipulated than the others, even." "How do they do that? It looks--" "Real? That's the computer freaks club for ya." I smile along with him. "Is that all on the site?" "Yeah. What are we gonna do about this?" "I dunno. Wanna attack 'em by air or land?" I laugh at his idea. I don't know how we should handle this, but we have to somehow let the Gunmen know that we found their little secret site. "Let's go over and confront 'em 'bout it. Scare 'em a little. We *are* armed..." "Mulder, I don't think we should hold them at gunpoint..." "Who said anything about holding them at gunpoint? I was thinking more along the lines of actually shooting them!" I get offline and we stand. He picks up his jacket, which he had taken off and put on a chair after he got here, and I grab my own, locking the door on our way out. We arrive at the Gunmen's...*lair*...and Mulder knocks. We both look up at the hidden security camera that's not so hidden, and after hearing about forty locks being unlocked, the door is opened and Frohike and Byers stand there. "Hey Mulder. Hello, Scully. Come on in," Frohike invites us in. We enter, with stern looks on our faces. Langly is sitting at a computer. "Langly, *look* *who's* *here*," he chokes out. Langly turn around, and quickly shuts down the computer. But it was on long enough for me to catch a glimpse of one of the manipulated pictures from the web site. Mulder apparently noticed the same thing. As Byers asked us what was up, he pointed at the computer, saying, "*That's* what's up." "What?" Langly asks, trying to seem innocent. "That, that web page!" I say, pointing as well. "What web page, Scully?" Byers asks. I never thought *he* would lie, even to cover up their doings. "Uh, gee, lemme think. The one Langly was just on!" Mulder says. I nod. "Langly...wasn't...just on a...web page. He was...playing solitaire." "By myself!" Langly pipes up. We look over at him for a moment. "Give it up, guys, we found your little 'Mulder And Scully Relationship Page'." "Damn. I told you guys it should have been password protected!" Frohike looked at the other two Gunmen, who looked back in defeat. "We're sorry...we just..." "It was too tempting," Langly explains, finishing Byers' sentence. Byers just nods and sits down. "I didn't do it!" Frohike defends himself. "No but we saw that picture, too," I tell him. His scrunched-up face reddens at this comment. "Sorry...?" he offers. I sigh. Mulder just laughs. "It was pretty funny, guys. Really," he says. I'm confused at this point, because I'm not sure if he thinks it was all a joke, or if he doesn't agree with them, which is probably true, even if I do, or what. "We still hold our beliefs, though," Byers quietly says. That stops Mulder's laughter short. I look over at Byers, then at Mulder, then back to Frohike, who's now standing by Langly at the computer. "Which ones?" I ask. I'm really curious, but I just want to know whether they still think we should jump each other. "Well...that the two of you are in love with each other. It *is* obvious, you know. If you wanted to hide the fact from anyone besides one another, you should have tried harder," Byers explains. "And we still think you need to jump each other," Langly looks up at us, before Frohike jumps in with, "No we don't!" I let out an exasperated laugh, and Mulder looks over at me. "Well...just take it off the web. We don't need the entire computer- literate world having access to our personal life." I look over at Mulder, who has apparently not taken his eyes off me. I tear my eyes away and back to the Gunmen. "Yeah," is all I can manage. "Alright, fine," Langly says reluctantly. "I'll delete it later." Mulder nods, and looks back to me. "Let's go," he says. I nod and after saying goodbye to the Gunmen, we leave. We get back into my car, and I'm driving, for once, even though I drove on the way over here. It's my car, after all. "Maybe we should take their advice," Mulder says softly, and I really can't tell if he's joking or serious. I suppose I should take it as a joke; as another innuendo from him, but I don't want to. I sit, panicked for a moment, as we drive towards my apartment. I can't think of what to say, should I laugh it off, should I let him know that I really *do* think that? What? "Scully?" I glance over at him, just for a second so we don't get into an accident, and see in his eyes that he really is serious for once. I turn my eyes back to the road, a little smile on my face. "Maybe we should." all done. byebye. So...was it good, bad ugly? I know the ending left something to be desired, mainly closure, but what the heck, I don't want to end it on a sappy or tired note. Send all comments, criticisms, flames, suggestions, or blueberry muffins to me at: Insomniac42@bolt.com Thanx! --Kat