Title: Same Thing

Author: Barenaked Bostonian

Rating: R, for implied situations. I know Ms. A is proud, three fictions 
WITHOUT smut! Go me!!! Okay, without DESCRIPTIVE smut, still...

Keyword: MSR, UST MAJOR ANGST (or at least *I* think!)

Distribution: Yeah, I'd really like my work to gain a reputation outside of 
Gossamer please. PLEASE ARCHIVE ME!!!! WAAAAAAAAH! Though even I admit, it 
sucks, alot.

Disclaimer: Yes. I own Scully and Mulder.  Scully and I do each others hair 
and nails and then we play with Mulder. We *play* with him. Okay, I haven't 
written smut in awhile and it's seeping out.... right now.

Thanks: Yeah, time for my pre-story, post-written ritual. To...(here we go) 
Lesley, Amanda, Ariana, Sam, Maya, Aiah, Michelle, Ashley, Abby, Lisa, and 
Lauren. I think that's all. Yeah, so you guys are the only feedback I get, 
keep it up!

And to Ben, if he betas this! ;-)

Summary: Would it kill Mulder to make love to Scully? What about for just 
one night? Fear not fan fic readers, you will get more!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Her back was toward the head dining chair and he was resting on the armrest 
of her sofa, facing her.  He still wore his leather jacket, which encased 
his grey tee-shirt clad chest.  His legs adorned jeans that fell onto his 
Doc Martens, that were caked in dry mud.

His face was losing it's essence of sleep that it held when she let him into 
her apartment.  And his hair hung slightly damp, into his eyes.

She stood in front of him, trying not to let her true emotions show through. 
  She was trying to stand absolutely still, but he could make out the 
shaking that was racking her shoulders.  She looked down at her hands, which 
were clasped in front of her waist, the knuckles turning white.  To the 
untrained eye, it would look like she was in perfect control of the 
situation.  Only Mulder *was* trained, and he knew what was really going 
on... almost.

"Mulder..." She mustered all of her courage and brought her face up to meet 
his eyes with her own. "I want- I need you to love me tonight.  Just 
tonight." Although the words seeped through her down-turned lips,

She ended there, and left the topic in the air.  She was staring straight at 
him.

He knew what she was asking, but doing this without... something... was 
impossible.

"Scully, I..." His voice was barely a whisper.  He face hadn't changed since 
he began, and it held the same firmness now. His face, however, was solemn 
and angsty, his voice trying, and failing, to portray all of the emotion he 
was feeling.

"I can't." He finished, and her face fell just a bit.

She gestured with her hand to the door, the light from the dying fire 
illuminating her face in the dark living room.

"Sorry to wake you." He resolve broke and she gasped for air.  Embarrased 
beyond words she started toward the door before she was stopped my his hand 
grasping her wrist.

"I can't Scully.  Not just for one night.  I can't love you for one night. 
Not when- not when I've..."

He trailed off, his voice braking.  She turned to look at him, the tear 
stains evident on her porcelin cheeks. Her eyes prompted him to continued, 
so he swallowed the greif that was rising in his throat.

"Scully, I can't just use these feelings tonight, and pretend like it never 
happened.  It's... it's impossible for me to just love you with my- with my 
body."

She blinked, that was all.

"Do you understand?" He asked her, his voice clearing. "It would kill me." 
He whispered, his voice once again breaking on the tears that surfaced.

Her whole body trembled.  She knew what he was saying, but did he realize 
the weight of his words?

His hands came off of her wrist and he turned abruptly toward the window, 
standing in front of it and staring down at the street.

"I never would have thought it would be so hard, but then again I did."  He 
sighed through tears. "You know, it used to be so goddamned easy to control 
my emotions, to cast out my demons.  No one existed but myself in my blatant 
egotistical mind.  Nothing but me and my memories.  Then you saved me from 
myself.  And I tried..."

He turned to her, speaking the words directly to her soul.

"Then I wasn't me again.  It tried so hard not to let my feelings come into 
play.  I thought it would fuck up my judgement, what's left of my rational."

Her lips twisted into a small smile.

"I was never like this." His face was serious, but held a hint of remorse. 
"You changed me, I didn't think anyone could." He stared at her for a 
moment, and the sobered up.

"This isn't me, I- I'll go now." He made for the door.

She sobbed, loud and clear, she sobbed.  It was like nothing he had ever 
heard before.  It held grief and frustration and angst.  He stopped dead in 
his tracks.  Standing silently facing the door, he could hear her crying 
amongst the dying crackle pop of the fire.

He walked over to where she now sat on the couch. He sat beside her and she 
shyed away from his body.

He touched her hair, but she sobbed louder, no longer caring about her 
resolve, no longer caring how he saw her. If he saw her as anything.

"I didn't think you'd want more." She whispered.  "I didn't think you saw 
me... at all. It was all about the work. The work you thought was just 
yours."

His brow furrowed.

"I didn't think you wanted anything more, so I never thought of anything 
more.  I never thought there *was* anything to be had between us, because it 
was your call."  Her voice held anger and contempt for him, for taking such 
liberties with her character.  She didn't realize it had been herself that 
had taken those liberies, not him.

"Scully, there's always something more." He said so softly, leaning into 
kiss her hair.

She slowly withdrew from her self-cocoon and looked at him, her eyes still 
wet and red.

"There's always something more." He repeated, stoking the side of her face 
with his thumbs.  She leaned into his touch, making very unlike herself and 
closed her eyes.  She sighed, and he brought his lips down onto hers softly, 
so soft she thought she had imagined it.

And then it hit her. Tonight was not a night of unbridled passion and lust, 
although she knew he possesed both.  Tonight was about what they knew they 
shared for each other, a moment that had been in the making for some time 
now.

He intensified the kiss, smothering her.  Her lips slid open and his tongue 
played over hers.  She thought she might faint.  All this man had done to 
her was kiss her and she thought she might faint.

She returned his kiss as best she could, she was now becoming light-headed. 
He advanced and gently pushed her onto the couch, waiting for any sign of 
resistance, she showed none.

They stayed on the couch for an unknown amount of time.  Time no longer 
mattered. To Mulder, they had the rest of their lives to complete this.

She broke away, gasping for air and gently pushed him off of her.  She was 
smiling shyly as she took his hand and led him toward the bedroom.

Clothes flew off and softly lilted to the floor.  Clothes or their placement 
no longer mattered when he gently placed her on the bed.  There would be 
time for wild abandon and raw passion later.

Now, now was a time to express their love for one another.

He wondered, as he drifted into her, how hopelessly in love he could be.  If 
he knew that what he was feeling was love.  His thoughts were cut away from 
him when Scully let out a low moan and arched into him.

He invaded her like a tidal wave, crashing, crashing, crashing...

Until they both crashed.

The blue comforter was wrapped comfortably around their torsos as they 
stared at each other in the dim moonlight that filtered in through her 
partially open blinds.

He reached out and stroked her cheek, and silently rebuked himself for being 
so mushy, so sentimental. But he needed this, he needed to love her and be 
loved in return. Touching her was a way of making him real to her.

She sighed and her eyes fluttered shut, but only for a brief moment.  When 
the tears began to escape the clamped lids, she opened them, no longer 
content to hide them.

His brow furrowed in confusion.  Why was she crying? Had he done something 
wrong? Had he-

"I..." She began. Oh God, she regretted it, didn't she? It had all been one 
huge giant mistake and now she was going to expel him from her heart and 
from her bed.

"I should have told you before.  I should have... I should have told you 
ages ago, but." She paused for a moment, finally making eye contact with 
him.

"This may take a moment, because I don't have much expreience doing this... 
I... I don't know what love is.  I mean, I mean I'm not sure. I mean.... 
I've never actually loved someone so completely before.  None of my past 
experiences have been about... love.  And Mulder, I... I love you. I think, 
I mean-"

And he kissed her then, gently.  Completely.

"I was thinking the same thing." He said, smiling at her, after they had 
regained their breath.

She smiled as well.

"Mulder, it's going to be okay right? I mean..."

"Scully, it's going to be spiffy." He said, and she started to laugh.  
"Nothing's gonna change.  Now I can just express my love for you 
physically."

He waggled his eyebrows as seductively as he could at her.  She lightly 
smaked him on the cheek.

"What makes you think I'll let you? Huh?" She asked playfully.

His face became somber and serious as he picked up her hand off of the bed.  
He brought it to his lips and kissed each of the fingers.

"Scully, I'm going to make love to you every day for the rest of my life, 
and then, I'm going to make you eat buttered popcorn and whole milk.  Then, 
once you've gotten to eat *real* food, we're going to ride a rollercoaster 
until we puke and go running together.  I bet I have a better mile than 
you."

"In your dreams." She whispered, and looked deep into his eyes.

"You know, the psychological repercussions of this should be tremendous." He 
said, not quite interested, at the time being fascinated with kissing the 
vein on the back of Scully's arm. "But albeit, pleasureable."

She could feel him smile against her skin.  "Hmmm, very pleasureable." She 
sighed. "It'll give me something to think about during that consultation we 
have on Monday."

Monday. Work, suits and superiors. "Nothing is going to change on Monday 
Scully, you know that right? I mean, we're not going back to the way things 
were. Or at least I'm not."

He held her hand tight and searched her eyes for some sort of answer.

"Mulder, I fully plan on making love to *you* every night for the rest of my 
life. Give or take Sundays-" The smirk she was wearing was swallowed in the 
kiss that he gave her.

He rolled her so that she was resting on his chest, his fingers playing in 
her hair.

"Tomorrow is Sunday." He said, pulling the comforter tighter around them.

"Shut up Mulder."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Her heels crushed the snow under her brand new Steve Madden's.  The scarf, 
which was soft grey, was wrapped tightly around her neck.  A walk had seemed 
like a good idea at the time, that time being twenty minutes ago, but now it 
just seemed... cold.

She picked up her steps and turned her face away from the wind.  It was then 
that she felt the snowball pelt her back.  She froze in her tracks and spun 
around to find a sheepish looking Mulder standing before her.

"Are you following me Mulder?" Her voice was desperately trying to sound 
annoyed but she wasn't pulling it off. How could she, when he was wearing 
that face?

"Now why would I do a thing like that Scully? Why would I follow you when I 
could fully well call you on your cell phone... which is shut off, so yes, I 
followed you."

"How long have you been following me?" She rocked on her heels and hugged 
herself tighter, trying to expel some of the chill that currently resided in 
her bones.

"Seven blocks, give or take, I saw you come out of your building." His hands 
were shoved deep into his pockets, and the snow that fell on his lids made 
him look like a six year old child.

"Yes well..." She pauses and puffed out a breath of white air. "I didn't 
realize how cold it actually was until about six blocks ago. It's cold."

She smiled, as did he, and he took a step closer to her.  She almost stepped 
back, outof habit, but reprimanded herself before she had a chance to.

"Wanna indulge one of my fantasies Scully?" He asked, sounding so very 
hopeful.  She quirked an eyebrow and attempted to wipe the smile off of her 
face.  Her attempt was futile.

"Well, it depends on what that fantasy is, now doesn't it Mulder?"

He bent down, as if to kiss her, but all he did was rub his nose to her's in 
little eskimo kisses.  She laughed and then sighed.  How could such a 
child-like gesture invoke such intimate feelings in her?  It made her feel 
cherished, and just for that one moment, everything was perfect.

"Be my snow angel, Scully." She began to smile but saw the look in his eyes. 
How the hell was she supposed to do that?

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?" She asked, half of a laugh sneaking 
past her lips.

"I don't know, come and make snow angels with me in the park." His gloved 
hand gestured down the street.  In the direction of the Daniel P. Griffin 
Playground.

She quirked her eyebrow toward him and began to move in the general 
direction, but he caught her, and wrapped her up in his arms.

"You're cold." he said, matter-of-factly.

"Hmmmm, and you're warm."  Settling her body into his chest, they took off 
down the street towards the playground.  It was difficult to walk with her 
in front of him, but he'd make do.  It wasn't every day you get Scully 
wrapped contentedly in your arms.

Three blocks from their destination, he began to speak again.

"Snow is like magic.  It looks like magic, you know?" He didn't wait for her 
to answer.  "I've always loved the snow, especially the Nor-Easters that 
kept us out of school on the Cape, those were the best.  The neighborhood 
kids would go down to the pond and ice skate, play hockey.  But I always had 
to go in early because I got too cold. Mom would give me hot chocolate and 
wrap me in a blanket.  But I couldn't have fun like the rest of the kids."

"I'm not cold anymore Scully."

"Neither am I Mulder."

They had reached their intended destination, and he quickly took off in the 
direction of a rusty swingset.  He brushed the snow from the seat and then 
did the same for its neighbor.  She sat next to him, and the both began to 
rock a bit, not quite swinging.

Abruptly, he stopped.  She was quite confused at his display of behavior, 
but he stopped her swing as well.

Leaning his face down, he kissed her, softly, on the lips.  All notions of 
chapped lips flew from her mind.  *That's what they make ChapStick for 
Dana.* All she could concentrate on was his soft mouth, loving hers.

"Snow angels, Scully."  He got up slowly, and took her hand.  He led them 
through a jungle gym, and past the tire swing, out into the baseball field, 
where he layed down in the snow, which showed no signs of stopping its 
desent from the sky.

She sat next to him, her backside becoming incredibly cold, and desiring to 
finish with this little project so that they could get back home.  His smile 
lit up his face as he moved arms and legs in tandem.  His laugh cut through 
the night air like a razor, making it more serene, if that was possible.

She smiled back at him, and flopped herself back into her own heap of snow.  
Following Mulder's lead, she proceeded to make a snow angel, only slightly 
imperfect from her shoe mark, where she had placed her foot to stand up.

When she jumped to get out of the impression, she fell, on her back, back 
into the snow.  Mulder wasn't far behind her, covering her body with his and 
presenting her with more tender kisses.  Soon, it had become too cold to 
stand anymore, and they made their way out of the park.

They headed home.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She woke up in her bed, alone.  She hadn't thought about it much, the it 
being how accustomed she had become to waking up next to Mulder over the 
past month.

Her brain started buzzing, it was the sort of buzzing that began when you 
knew you were supposed to remember something, but couldn't. Then it hit her.

Her birthday.

And something was also buzzing around her brain saying that Mulder had 
forgotten.  It was the standard reaction over the years, since he had only 
remembered once.

Her eyes tried to become adjusted to the light as she peered out the window. 
  It was overcast. *Perfect.* she thought, *A rainy birthday, suits me 
perfectly.*

She stretched beneath the covers and worked out the kinks in her neck.  
Despite how depressed she felt about Mulder having forgot about her 
birthday, she was content to stay in bed all day. She remembered there was 
one thing that stood in the way of that goal.

Work.

She groaned, but got out of bed to get ready for the day that lay ahead of 
her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The office was as boring as could be expected.  When she arrived in the 
basement hideaway, Mulder wasn't even there, but a note was.

'Skinner wants to see us in his office for a briefing on the Charlington 
case. 9:30. Running errand. Be back.
	~Mulder'

She stared at the paper and crumpled it into a tiny ball.  Not even a 'happy 
birthday'.  Then again, she remined herself, she had come to expect it. 
Especially from him.

Quickly arranging her desk, Scully set her breifcase down and headed for 
Skinner's office.

The meeting that they attended was so uterrly boring that Scully had come up 
with over twenty ways to get back at Mulder once the meeting was through.

Mulder had sat next to her the entire time.  Seemingly interested as well.  
He nodded at the appropriate times and even gave some theories as to where 
this case was leading.

Scully, the one who was usually the one who answered the questions, was 
becoming more depressed by the minute.  And more upset with Mulder.  She 
thought after they had initiated a relationship, things might change.

She thought now, how silly she was thinking that she could change him.

Scully hadn't even noticed when the meeting had let out and the other agents 
moved towards the door.  Mulder had to jostle her by the arm to snap her out 
of her reverie.

She walked briskly out of the office and towards the elevators.  Mulder 
followed close behind.

"Hey Scully, I was calling you back there."

"Sorry Mulder, I was just thinking." She said, totally absent mindedly.

"Well you missed the part about us having the rest of the day off. Skinner 
said that the local PD in Annapolis is taking the shift for the next week.  
Actually, they insisted that they didn't need any 'federal' help.  I think 
that they're just trying to prove something."

"What would they be trying to prove Mulder?" She asked as her escoted her 
into the elevator.

"I have no idea." A smirk appeared on his face. "But we have plans tonight."

Her face brightened a bit at this.  Perhaps he hadn't forgotten after all. 
"And what would that be Agent Mulder?"

"We have to meet with a source.  He contacted me last night.  He said he has 
important information about the dissappearance of the documents in this case 
and I want to know what he has to say.  We're supposed to meet him at an 
abandoned house in Georgetown."

She just looked at him with a disgusted look. *Happy birthday to me.* She 
thought as she gathered her things and prepared to head home.

"I'll pick you up at seven!" He yelled as she walked out the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"This place must cost a fortune.  No offense Mulder, but your contacts don't 
have this kind of taste." Scully said, surveying once again, the contacts of 
the room.

"No...I guess they don't.  But it's you're kind of taste isn't it?"

"Yes.  But on a G-Woman's salary my tastes and my budget don't always match 
up. Nothing new though, I'm fine with simplicity."

"But what if Scully?  What if this could be yours?  Would you want it?"

"Mulder, I don't know. I don't even think that's a fair question to ask.  
It's not good to dwell on the what if's."

"What if I could give you this Scully?  All of this and more. "  He pulled 
out a little velvet box from his coat pocket.  His hands were shaking, 
badly.  Mulder tried to calm himself as he pried the lid open, exposing the 
tiny amyethist ring held inside.

"What are you saying Mulder? Are you feeling all right?"

"You never let me off the hook, do you? What, I'm saying, Scully, is.....I 
want all of this. The house, the furniture, the ... the neighbors, yelling 
at us to keep the abductions to a minimum... Jesus, I don't know. But most 
of all, I want you, here, with me. We can do this."  It was if he was trying 
to convince her of this.

"Tell me this is what you want.  Tell me I'm what you want."  His voice was 
just above a whisper, fear of rejection in his eyes. His old insecurity 
complex was coming back.  She was unsure of exactly what he was saying. She 
was sure, but she was... unsure.

"You're serious." She stated this, rather than asked it. She was shocked and 
confused and unsure all at the same time.  Each emotion was trying to take 
precedence in her mind.

"I think the house and the ring might have given that away Scully."

"You mean-" He cut her off however, stealing the breath from her lips.

"I put my mother's money to good use, let's just say."

"Mulder, I can't accept-" He once again cut her off.  She looked back at the 
house and then at the ring.  She couldn't help when her eyes drifted down in 
front if her.  They rested on the cool and slightly wet pavement. She knew 
she shouldn't be thinking what she was, but she thought... traditional, she 
had always hoped for traditional.  A bit of normalcy among the abnormal.

"I see my Scully wants to opt for the more traditional method."  He read it 
in her eyes, just like he always had. Suddenly, he bowed down onto one knee 
and took her hand firmly in his.a

"Marry me Scully." He said simply, his eyes containing the unshed tears he 
held there, for her. She knew it, this could make or break him.  And then it 
hit her.

This was so unlike them.  This wasn't supposed to happen.  Something was 
about to swoop down from the sky and kill them all.  But it didn't.

"I... Mulder... we never even talked about this..." Her voice trailed off 
into nothingness.  Her eyes left his for a moment, and he took that as his 
cue.  She was about to say no.  He could accept that.  He could accept that 
she deserved better.

He rose up and turned his face away from her... And let the tears go.

She walked quietly up behind him and placed her hand gently on top of his 
wool clad shoulders.  She insistently willed him to face her, but his face 
was still downturned, crestfallen.

Wrapping her arms around his neck she helped him to rest his head on her 
shoulder.

"Yes." She whispered in his ear.  Whispered so soft, so soft she was almost 
sure that she needed to repeat herself.  Yet, she didn't know if she could.

She could see the tears glistening on his face. Suddenly, his face broke out 
in amazing grin.

He let out a loud holler spun her, wrapping her up in his arms.  She laughed 
and he kissed her face hurredly.

"Oh Scully, I love you so much. I know, I know, I need to stop sounding so 
corny."  He laughed again, and kissed her lips this time.  "You know what, 
I'm going to stop talking because I'm making an ass out of myself."

"More of an ass than you already are."  She laughed out and kissed his nose.

"Come on, let me show you the whole house!" And he tugged her by the hand 
into their soon-to-be home.

He knew it was too cliche, too corny, but then he didn't care.  And neither 
did she.  They didn't live happily ever after, they lived realistically... 
ever after.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

What? What? Oh yeah dawgs, I'm finally done.  And even after all this time, 
it still sucks.  Gimme some feedback.  If even one person replies and says 
they want a sequel, you got it!!! THANKS TO AMANDA AND AIAH FOR THE 
EXTREMELY LATE BIRTHDAY GIFT! Muah! Love yaz!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Can I write ANYTHING but sap (and smut)? Well, I think I have satisfied SOME 
people's cravings. Not for smut though, I don't write smut until I get 
Chelle's story.

"What does it mean to wake out of a dream and be wearing someone else's 
shorts..."
~Same Thing, Barenaked Ladies