Title: Come Back To Me III: Recovery Author: mulder42 E-Mail: mulderfortytwo@hotmail.com Rating: PG Category: MSR, Torture, Angst, told from both Mulder & Scully's POV's Spoilers: A little bit of this & that--all the way up to Season 7 (and parts of Season 8!), where this story takes place. Summary: Mulder & Scully have admitted their true feelings to one another and embarked on a romantic relationship. But soon after they become lovers, Mulder disappears, the apparent victim of an alien abduction. How far will Scully go to get her partner, best friend, and soulmate back? Disclaimer: Mulder & Scully don't belong to me--they belong to each other! I have no right to keep them apart...Legally, they belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century Fox Television. Author's Notes: I got so much great response from "The Distance Between Us", that I decided to write a sequel of sorts. You don't necessarily have to read the first story, but if you would like to know how M&S got to where they are in their relationship, then by all means do! If you're reading this, you should've previously read "Come Back To Me I/II", right? You haven't? What are you waiting for? Dedications-- To lbjeffries & TAG: My two biggest supporters when "Distance" was originally posted at the FANDOM messageboard. Your endless feedback to me after every part was a really great motivator. Thanks so much, ladies! To Susan Frankovich: My fanfiction goddess; the queen of the vignette, and accomplished M&S dialogue writer. What would I do without your beautiful works? Thank you. AND especially... To Nancy: What can I say? When I first met you online in August 1999, I felt I had met a kindred spirit. We could discuss anything and everything X-Files. As a fellow Mulderist, I can always count on you to have a good chat about 'all things' David. Talking with you for the last 2+ years has been a lot of fun, and very enlightening to my life. Hang in there, and "never give up on a miracle." Thank you for being my friend. :) ============================== Look at this face I know the years are showing Look at this life I still don't know where it's going I don't know much But I know I love you And that may be, all I need to know... --"Don't Know Much" by Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville And death shall have no dominion. Dead men naked they shall be one With the man in the wind and the west moon; When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone; They shall have stars at elbow and foot; Though they go mad they shall be sane, Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again; Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion. --"And Death Shall Have No Dominion" by Dylan Thomas ============================== COME BACK TO ME III: RECOVERY By mulder42 PART FIFTEEN: THE CONVERSATION XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX SUNDAY, JANUARY 28th HARBORVIEW MEDICAL CENTER 4:30pm Four days. Mulder's been awake for four days now. Skinner came to see him on Thursday, and on Friday, he and my mother flew home. Now that he's back, they felt they shouldn't stay any longer. Mulder's been kind of antsy, wanting to know how long he's been gone, but I managed to avoid answering his questions. That just doesn't seem important to me right now. xxxxxxx Four days. It's been four days since I've opened my eyes. Skinner saw me a couple of days ago, and the next day he and Margaret flew home. I've been really anxious about finding out how long I was missing. Scully's been avoiding my questions, but I've just got to find out what happened. She was watching the television, with the volume down very low. I decided now was the time to ask again, with her defenses down, and slightly distracted by the program she's watching. "Hey, Scully?" "Hmm, yes, Mulder?" "Can you even hear that?" "Yes, a little bit. I thought you had dozed off, so I didn't want to disturb you." "We need to talk about what happened to me." "Not now, Mulder. I'm just getting used to having you back." "When will be a good time?" "Tomorrow, when Dr. Collins lets you get out of bed." "Promise?" "I promise, Mulder. We *do* have a lot to talk about. I have something to tell you, and it has nothing to do with your disappearance." "I'll look forward to it. Tomorrow won't get here soon enough." She got out of her chair, and walked towards the door. "Where are you going?" "Down to the cafeteria. I'm hungry." "Do you mind eating up here?" "No, I don't mind. Why?" "I just don't want to be alone here too long. I hate being stuck in this bed. I'm ready to go home." "Okay, Mulder. You'll be leaving the hospital very soon. I'll be back in about ten minutes." She left. Good. That gave me some time to think about what questions I want to ask her. xxxxxxx 7:59pm "I'm gonna go back to the hotel now, Mulder." "Wait! Can you stay a little longer?" "I'd love to, but I'm really tired. I have to get my rest." "Please, Scully? Just a few more minutes?" "Okay, you win, Mulder--just a few minutes. I don't want to fall asleep in this very uncomfortable chair anymore. It's not good for my back." "Okay. I just want to tell you something." "What is it?" "I'm scared, Scully. *Really* scared." I reached for his right hand. He looked at me so intensely. He *did* look scared. "Mulder, you'll be fine. You've gone through a very traumatizing thing. It's understandable for you to be frightened." "It's just so confusing, Scully. I don't remem--" I put my finger on his lips before he could finish. "Shhh. Don't worry about it, Mulder. I'll try to answer all your questions tomorrow. I want you to think about what you would like to eat. Dr. Collins says you can start eating solid foods in a couple of days. Won't you be glad to finally get that IV out of your arm?" "Yes, but I won't be able to have that cheeseburger." "Very soon, Mulder. Let's not rush things." "Alright. I'll let you go now." xxxxxxx She got up to go. I had one more thing to say to her before she left. "Scully?" "Yes?" "Could you come back here? I promise, it'll only take a couple of seconds!" "Mulderr..." She walked back towards the bed, and I held out my right hand. She grabbed it gently. "What is it, Mulder?" "I just wanted to tell you that I...that I love you, Dana." She sat back down in the chair, with a strange look on her face. "What is it?" "That's the first time you called me by my first name since you woke up." "I didn't mean to upset you, Scully." "No, you didn't upset me, Mulder, it's just..." "Scully?" She squeezed my hand a little tighter, and got out of the chair. She bent down to me until our foreheads were touching. "I love you too, Fox. More than anything." She kissed my forehead, and let her lips linger there for a few seconds. She ruffled my hair, and walked out of the room. I closed my eyes, remembering Scully's warm breath and cool lips on my skin, before falling asleep. xxxxxxx MONDAY, JANUARY 29th 10:30am "You're doing great, Mulder." "Not ready to run a marathon, but I think I'm doing okay. What do you think, Dr. Collins?" "I think you shouldn't try to rush things. How about you sit in a wheelchair for the rest of the day?" Mulder couldn't argue with the doctor. He was walking very slowly around his room. I didn't want him to rush things either, so the wheelchair was a good idea. "Remember, Agent Mulder--take it easy." "I will. And please--call me Mulder." "Alright, Mulder. Dana will to take you to the family room now." He sat down, and I wheeled him out of the room, and down the hallway. "How do you feel, Mulder?" "I feel great, Scully. I'm ready for our talk." xxxxxxx Scully suddenly fell silent. I hope she's not having doubts about telling me what happened. We made our way to the family room. She wheeled me over to a window and grabbed a chair to sit next to me. "So, here we are." "Yes, Mulder. Here we are." "So, talk to me, Scully. You promised me." "Yes, I did. Where do I start?" "The beginning is usually the best place." "You're right..." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. xxxxxxx How do I begin? I felt nervous, and my throat suddenly went dry. Mulder touched my hand. "Scully, it's okay. You can do it. I trust you. Just take your time. We've got all day." But Mulder had lost so much time. I had instructed Dr. Collins and the nurses not to give him any pertinent information. Not even what date it was. I wanted to be the first person to tell him. "Mulder, what is the last thing you remember?" "I remember you talking to me. I couldn't open my eyes, but I was so happy to hear your voice. I was cold. I think I was in the snow, and I wasn't wearing any clothes..." He started to stammer. I had to calm him down. "It's okay, Mulder. I'm sure it'll come back to you in time. I'll be here to help you get through it." "I hope so." "Well, I'll get started from the beginning, just like you asked." xxxxxxx Scully took another deep breath, and I squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Mulder, you and Skinner went to Oregon together to investigate a UFO sighting. The gunmen gave you the data. You two were setting up equipment. Skinner turned his back, and when he turned back around, you were gone. He said he saw a bright light, and a spacecraft hovering above him, and then the craft drifted out of sight. We didn't see you again until nineteen days ago. We never stopped looking for you, Mulder. The gunmen were a great help. They'll be very happy to see you when we get back to DC." "We're not in Washington?" "No." "Where are we?" "We're in Washington State. Seattle, in fact." "Seattle, Washington?" "Yes, Mulder. I know that I haven't told you much, and I'm sorry. I just wanted you to get a little stronger before we had a serious conversation." "It's okay, Scully. You're talking to me now, and that's what's important. I don't blame you. You must've been through so much." "Yes, but it can't possibly compare to what happened to you. What they did to you..." It was now time for me to close my eyes. I didn't want to think about that right now. I knew that my subconscious mind was blocking those memories. I was probably going to have flashbacks about it. "So, I was abducted." "Yes, that's the most plausible reason. Mulder, do you have any idea what--" "Wait, Scully. I think I know what you're going to say." It had to be about how much time I'd lost. I prepared myself. I'm sure I was in for a shock... xxxxxxx I knew he knew what I was about to say. I had to tell him how long he had been missing. "Mulder, it was September 30th, 2000, when you went missing." "And what date is it now, Scully?" "I don't want you to get upset about this, Mulder." I got out of my chair, and looked out the window. Mulder wheeled close to me, and squeezed my hand again. "Scully?" "Today is...today is Monday, January 29th, *2001*." "It's a...it's a new year?" "Yes. You were gone for three months, a week, and--" "Three days. Three months gone..." xxxxxxx Scully was also gone for three months. I kept a calm expression on my face because I didn't want her to worry. "Wow! That must've been some vacation!" "Please, Mulder. No jokes. Are you okay?" "I'm fine, Scully. I've lost three months of my life, but I'm still here, aren't I?" She turned away from the window, and kneeled down in front of me. She put her head down on my legs. "I'm sorry, Mulder." "What for? You're not responsible for what happened to me." "I know, but I should've told you all this sooner." "No, I think you did the right thing not telling me right away." She looked up at me and smiled. She got up, and put her arms around my neck. "I promise, Mulder. We'll get through this together." I didn't doubt her. We could get through anything. But, there was something else she needed to tell me. "Scully..." "I know. I didn't forget. Oooh, I've got to get off this floor." "Are you okay?" "Yeah, just let me sit back in the chair for a minute." xxxxxxx I started to feel queasy, so I sat back down in the chair. I managed to keep my breakfast down. "Do you mind if we go back to your room?" "Okay." I took him back to his room and sat down next to him. He looked so anxious. I'm not sure how he would take my news. "Mulder, do you remember last August--the end of August, to be exact?" "It was summertime?" "Yes, it was. Do you remember the 24th?" "Should I?" "Think back, Mulder. We had that argument. That misunderstanding. I got transferred to Quantico to teach for the day..." "Yes! We were both angry, and I went over to your place that evening to apologize. I don't get it, Scully." "Remember what happened?" "Yes. We made love." "Yes, for the first time." "Okay. It was wonderful, Scully. I'll never forget *that*." "Mulder..." "What is it, Scully?" xxxxxxx Scully looked at me for a few seconds, not saying anything. "Scully--tell me." She looked away, then turned back to me. She took both of my hands, and placed them on her stomach. "Mulder, we created a miracle that night." "Mulder, why do you look so confused? I'm talking about a baby. I'm pregnant!" "Scully--you're pregnant?" "Yes. Five months now. I know this is a lot for you to hear right now..." A baby! That we created together. Another life. It truly was a miracle. "But how can this be?" "I don't know. But remember what you told me when I asked you to help me conceive a child? 'We should be able to do this without science getting in the way.'" "Yes, Scully. I can't believe it. We really did it?" "Yes, Mulder. *We* did." I smiled at her, and placed my head on her stomach. "Hello in there!" Scully giggled. "Mulder! What are you doing?" "I'm introducing myself. Hello, little one--it's your father..." xxxxxxx Mulder is introducing himself to our child. Call it a family reunion of sorts. "We'll be great parents, Scully." "I didn't know how I would tell you." "I'm truly surprised. I never thought this would be what you'd tell me. When I woke up, I told you that I thought it was something different about you. I never dreamed it would be this..." He didn't say anything more. He sat back in his wheelchair and held my hand, while we looked at each other. The day started off hectic, but it was beginning to be truly beautiful. *To Be Continued...* COME BACK TO ME III: RECOVERY By mulder42 PART SIXTEEN: MILAGRO XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX TUESDAY, JANUARY 30th 12:30pm Scully is pregnant. Dana is going to have a baby. I can't believe it! It truly was a miracle. One night together, *our* first night together was all it took. You did it. No, scratch that. *We* did it. Five months along, and I missed it all. Four months to go, and the baby will be born. Phillip Padgett will never know how right he was. Agent Scully is already in love. The Milagro case--I truly thought I had lost her that day. While I was down in the basement, trying to stop Padgett from burning his manuscript, I heard gunshots coming from my apartment. I quickly ran back up there, only to find Scully all bloody, lying on my floor. I knelt down beside her. She looked like she was dead. She was so still. When her eyes flew open, it truly shocked me. She reached for me, and held me so tightly, crying in my arms. The so-called 'psychic surgeon', Ken Naciamento, almost took her away from me. I continued to hold her as she cried. I had never seen Scully cry like that before, and I don't ever want to see it again. I helped her to the bathroom to clean up, but she didn't want me to leave. I sat on the toilet top, while she took a shower. I got her some of my clothes to wear while she dried off. She got dressed, and climbed into my bed, begging me not to go. I sat down beside her, until she fell asleep. All that happened, and it started with that damn milagro charm, because Padgett had a kind of fixation on Scully. And now, we have our own milagro--a miracle baby. I've never seen her so happy... xxxxxxx I wanted Mulder's first meal in over three months to be special, so, no cafeteria food for him. I told him to wait for me in the family room, and I would be back in a few minutes with a surprise. I drove to a deli not too far away from the hospital, and picked up some goodies. I was now back, making my way to the family room, where I found Mulder looking out the window. "Miss me?" "Sure did. What took you so long, Scully?" "I wasn't gone *that* long--only 15 minutes." "What's in the bag?" "It's your surprise. Ready for it?" "Sure. Let's sit down." We sat down at a table, and I placed the bag in front of him. "Can I open it now?" "Of course. Go ahead." xxxxxxx Scully smiled at me. I looked at the bag, and back at her. I opened the bag for my surprise, and reached inside. "What's this? *Real* food?" "Yes. Remember, Mulder. Dr. Collins said you could eat today." "I remember, but I don't see a cheeseburger in here." "That's because there are no cheeseburgers. I want you to eat healthy, Mulder. When we get back home, maybe I'll let you have the greasy stuff." "OK, Scully. So I'll just have to eat my...turkey sandwiches and fruit instead. Thanks so much, Scully." "No problem. Go ahead, take a bite." "Let's do it together." I gave her half of my sandwich. "OK, Mulder--ready?" "I've been ready. One...two...three!" We both took a bite. My first real food in over three months, and it was great. "Mmm, this is even better than the ones we had in Chicago and at my place." "They are?" "Yes." "I think it's just that you haven't eaten in so long, Mulder. But I don't want you to rush. Take your time." "I will, *Mom*. Go ahead, Scully. You're eating for two now..." xxxxxxx He called me 'Mom,' and I knew he wasn't joking with me this time. I reached in the bag for the rest of the food. "Try this potato salad, Mulder. The deli owner told me it's the best in Seattle. No paprika, though." I gave him a fork, and he dug into the container. "It *is* good, Scully, but it's not as good as your mother's." We finished two sandwiches and the rest of the salad. Now it was time for fruit. "Here, have an apple, Mulder." "What other fruit do you have?" "I've got some grapes, peaches, a banana, and strawberries." "Strawberries?" "Yes. When I saw them, I couldn't resist it." He finished his apple, shared the banana with me, and then started on a peach, while I had a strawberry. I'm glad he enjoyed everything. I was worried that he wouldn't eat much, but Mulder had quite a healthy appetite, and so did I... xxxxxxx I think I was going to need a cold shower very soon. Scully had to know what kind of effect she was having on me. The way she was eating the strawberries--taking them into her mouth *that* way--that oh-so-very-sexy way. I opened a bottle of water and took a big gulp, trying not to choke. "Scully?" "Mmm, yes, Mulder?" "Do you mind if we go back to my room?" "No, let me clean up." She put the grapes, peaches, strawberries, and water back in the bag, while I threw our trash away. I grabbed her free hand, and we slowly made our way back to my room. I couldn't wait to sit back down when we got there. I may have pushed it too hard today, and I was starting to feel it. "I think I'll sit in my wheelchair." "You okay, Mulder?" "Yeah, just a little tired, I guess. Let's sit by the window. I wonder how much snow we got?" "Just a couple more inches last night. Peach?" "Okay. You gonna finish the rest of the strawberries?" "Yes. Want one?" "No, you enjoy them." We didn't say anything for a few minutes; just ate our fruit, looked out the window, and at each other. xxxxxxx We finished our fruit, and continued to look out the window. I got up out of my chair to stretch my legs. "Scully?" "Yes, Mulder?" I looked down at him, then back out the window. I suddenly felt very shy, and I couldn't figure out why. Mulder got out of his wheelchair, and stood behind me. "Scully, look at me." I closed my eyes and held my breath. I couldn't look at him now. Not now... "Scully, please." He put his hands on my shoulders, and turned me around to face him. "Open your eyes, Scully." I looked at him. He didn't say anything else, just put his hands on my face, and stared deep into my eyes, as he leaned in closer. I knew what was going to happen next. xxxxxxx I looked deep into her eyes, and leaned down closer. My hands were on her face, as I continued to hold Scully's gaze. It seemed she couldn't turn away from me. I wanted to kiss her so badly, but I suddenly felt very shy, and I didn't know why. Scully didn't say anything. I couldn't go through with it, so I just put my arm around her waist. We both looked back out the window. xxxxxxx I knew Mulder wanted to kiss me, but he probably thought it was too soon. I think he's still feeling self-conscious about his appearance. I put my hand on his chest, and felt his heart beating very fast. We stood there a long time, not saying anything to each other, until Dr. Collins broke the silence. "Dana, Mulder--how are you?" I spoke first. "All is well, doctor. We just got back from lunch, didn't we, Mulder?" "Yes, doctor. I'll gain that weight back really quickly now." "I don't doubt it, Mulder. You lost almost fifty pounds." "That much? I guess I probably put at least five back on today, don't you think, Scully?" "Yeah, I guess so." "Dana, do you mind stepping outside for a few minutes? I just need to check on Mulder." I left. xxxxxxx I watched her walk out of the room. Did she look disappointed? I couldn't tell. I walked over to the bed and sat down. "So, doc, tell it to me straight--when do I get out of here?" "Very soon, Mulder. Dana told me you were very impatient, and that you *really* hate being in the hospital." "Yes, I do. If you only knew how many hospitals I've been in!" "Yes, Dana has told me a few stories. How long have the both of you been partners?" "Well, since it *is* a new year now, this would make it eight years together. I can't complain. Scully's been very good for me. She's watched my back more times than I can count." "Having a partner you trust with your life is very important. And a few months from now, Dana will have the baby. You two must be really excited!" "How did you know about Scully's pregnancy? I only found out yesterday." "Dana told me a few days ago. She had a dizzy spell, but don't worry. I had an OB/GYN check her out. She and the baby are fine." "But how did you know about the two of us?" "How could I not? Dana was really worried about you, Mulder. She spent countless hours at your bedside. Her mother seemed to take some of the pressure off." "Yes, they're very close. She lost her father and sister a few years ago." "And your family's all gone?" "Yes..." "I'm sorry." "Don't be. Dana and the baby are my family now. What's the verdict, doctor?" "I'm amazed at your progress, Mulder. To be sure and on the safe side, we'll keep you under observation a few more days." "OK, I guess I can stand it here a little bit longer." "Don't worry, Mulder. You have Dana to keep you company. Now, relax. I'll make this check-up really quick." xxxxxxx 3:08pm "Clean bill of health, Mulder?" "Yes. Just a few more days, and maybe I can get out of here." "That's great news. You two were in here quite a while. Anything I should know?" "Nothing, really. Dr. Collins just wanted to talk to me, that's all. You didn't tell me that she knew about us and the baby." "I didn't tell her about us. I just told her that I'm pregnant." "Well, the good doctor seemed to figure it out for herself. Are you *really* taking care of yourself, Scully?" "Yes, don't worry about me, Mulder. Getting you well-- that's what's important." I put my hand on Mulder's knee. "You look tired, Mulder. Why don't you lie down?" "Yes, I am tired, but it's a *good* tired." "Okay, I'll stay until you fall asleep." "Stay. I'd invite you to lie down with me, but this bed isn't big enough." I put my hand on his scarred face. "Don't you worry about that, Mulder." He closed his eyes, and kissed my palm. When he opened them again, they had a faraway look. "What are you thinking about, Mulder?" "You--in that purple nightgown. The first time I saw you in it, in Chicago..." "I don't think I could wear it now. I'm five months pregnant. I'm not really showing yet, but I will be soon." I saw Mulder close his eyes again, and he turned away from me. I touched his shoulder. "Mulder, what is it?" "I've lost so much time. I couldn't enjoy the beginning of your pregnancy with you..." I didn't like the look on his face, so I climbed into bed with him. "Scoot over." "What are you doing?" "I'm getting into bed with you." "But the bed isn't--" "I'll squeeze in with you. You don't mind, do you?" "Why would I mind?" xxxxxxx I moved over, and Scully lay down beside me, putting her hands on my back. "It'll be okay, Mulder. I'm here. Close your eyes." She kissed me on my neck, and I relaxed. "Thanks, Scully." "Sweet dreams, Mulder." After a few minutes, we were both sound asleep. Hours later, I felt Scully stirring. She got out of the bed, but I didn't open my eyes. I didn't want her to know I'm awake. She whispered in my ear. "It's almost 9pm. I'm going back to the hotel. You'll just have to sleep the rest of the night without me, sweetheart. Goodnight." She kissed me on the forehead before leaving. After giving Scully so many forehead kisses over the years, it was nice for her to reciprocate. I was really starting to enjoy them. And after my behavior with her earlier today, her actions let me know that she wasn't upset with me. *To Be Continued...* COME BACK TO ME III: RECOVERY By mulder42 PART SEVENTEEN: HOMECOMING XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 3rd 11:21 am Mulder and I got the good news from Dr. Collins yesterday. He'll be released from the hospital on Sunday! He's so excited. His walking has improved, and he's regaining some strength in his upper body. I'm so proud of him. He didn't complain too much, though me keeping him in line probably helped. I'm watching him sleep right now. He told me that he couldn't sleep Friday night, so he's catching up now. Such a peaceful look on his face, but how long will it stay that way? He told me that he still couldn't remember what happened to him in exact detail. I didn't remember things myself when it happened to me, so maybe this is a good thing. Except, will he start to have flashes of what he experienced at the hands of his captors? This is what I'm most afraid of. I got up out of my chair, and gently touched his face. The physical scars will heal, but the emotional ones might never. I had to make sure that he gets through this in one piece. "Don't worry, Mulder. Whatever happens, happens. I'll always be here to help you. You're a strong man. I love you." I kissed him on the forehead and left the room. I needed to call my mother and Skinner, to give them the good news. xxxxxxx I heard Scully's comforting words, but I didn't open my eyes. I didn't want her to know I was awake. I'm just so thankful that I can see her, touch her, and hear her beautiful voice. Dr. Collins told us yesterday that I'd be released on Sunday. I was so excited about this news that I hardly slept at all Friday, hence my little nap now. The rest of the week was spent improving my walking skills, and strengthening my upper body. Finally, I can leave this hospital, and get some fresh air. With Scully and our unborn child right by my side. She was right--whatever happens, happens. And let the chips fall where they may. "You're right, Scully. We *can* get through anything. We have all these years, so why should now be any different? I love you, too." I went back to sleep. xxxxxxx SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 4th 5:37pm The paperwork was all filled out. In a few minutes, we would be leaving. I surprised Mulder earlier in the day with clean clothes. I told my mother to go over to his place before she came to Seattle and bring some of his clothes with her. "You thought of everything, Scully. Thanks." "I'll let you get dressed. I'll be right outside." I would've stayed, but I felt he needed that time to himself. He's been avoiding looking in the mirror at his body. The marks all over him would come as a shock. He knew they were there, but he just wouldn't look. xxxxxxx I put if off all day. Scully brought some of my clothes over this morning. She told me Margaret had brought them with her. I laid them all out on the bed--underwear, jeans, sweater, socks, boots, and a belt. I definitely was going to need that. Those jeans will be sagging on my body. A body filled with scars and bruises. I tried not to look as I slowly got dressed. When I was finished, I looked in the mirror. Not bad. And I did gain some of the weight back, so I didn't have to fasten the belt on the last hole. All in all, I looked okay for someone who came so close to death. The scars on my face were, of course, still there. I looked closer. They were healing, but not as fast as I would like. The rest of my body I could cover up and pretend that the marks don't exist, but my face? The face must remain exposed for all to see. I went into the hallway. "So, Scully, how do I look?" "You look like a new man." "It's almost six o'clock! Where's that wheelchair so I can get outta here?" "Calm down, Mulder. Dr. Collins said she had to check on a patient. She'll be back in a minute." She arrived two minutes later as I was putting on my coat, with the wheelchair, and a present. "I usually don't do this for my patients, but in this case I made an exception. It's just a little something for the baby. Do you know if you're having a little Agent Mulder, or a little Agent Scully?" "I think we want to be surprised, don't we, Scully?" "Yes, surprises are very important." I winked at her. "Alright, Mulder. You know the drill. Hop in." We made our way to the elevator, and down to the main entrance. Once Dr. Collins wheeled me out the door, I stood up with arms outstretched, filling my lungs with wonderful Pacific Northwestern air. xxxxxxx I shook Dr. Collins' hands. "Thank you so much, doctor, for taking good care of Mulder." "No problem, Dana. He was a great patient. Now its time for you to take care of each other." Mulder came over. "Dr. Collins, you brought me back to Scully, so I don't know how I can ever thank you." "Mulder, you just did. Now you can go back home and start a new life." "Yes I can. We both can." Mulder shook her hand, and then we started towards the parking lot. "It's so nice to finally be outside. When does our flight leave, Scully?" "I couldn't get one until 8:30 Monday morning. So that means you'll be staying with me in my hotel room overnight." "Sharing a room, Scully? What would the auditor say?" "He won't say anything. This room is courtesy of Skinner." "Okay." He smiled. xxxxxxx We got in the car, and drove to the hotel. It was almost as nice as the Sheraton in Chicago, just without the great view. I took off my coat. "It's 6:45. What do we do now, Scully?" "Are you hungry?" "Yeah. What's for dinner?" "Whatever you want, but no cheeseburgers yet." "Okay, I'll be good. Why don't you surprise me?" "Alright. I'll fatten you up in no time. You can go lie down in the bedroom if you're tired. I'll call for room service." "I think I will. Wake me when the food gets here." I walked inside the bedroom, where I found a suitcase on the bed. It was open, with our picture on top of the clothes. I picked it up, fingering the image. I put the suitcase on the floor and lay down, continuing to look at the picture for a few minutes, before closing my eyes. My mind started to drift, thinking about Scully and me, before I went through this nightmare I never want to relive. xxxxxxx I sat down to make the call for room service. But before I dialed, I thought about Mulder. There's something different about him. I've noticed it all day. I had to worry about it later, as I'm sure he's really hungry. He didn't eat breakfast this morning. I quickly made the call, ordering a big meal. I waited for it to arrive, looking out the window. When it finally did, I brought it inside. It was very quiet, so Mulder must have fallen asleep. I went to the bedroom where I found him, lying on his side, holding our picture. I bent down, and kissed him on the forehead. "Wake up, Mulder. Dinner's ready!" "Mmm, sorry Scully. I didn't mean to doze off." "That's okay. You're still healing. C'mon, go splash some water on your face, while I get everything ready." He did as he was told, while I wheeled the table over to the window. I opened the curtains, and lowered the lights some. Mulder came out to meet me, just as I was opening the trays. "Smells good--what is it?" "Sit down and see for yourself." "Pasta?" "Yeah, I thought I should get some carbohydrates in you. And since you've been *so* nice, I thought you deserved an extra special gift. Close your eyes." xxxxxxx An extra special gift? I didn't really care what it was. My stomach was rumbling, and I was ready for food! Scully put something in my lap. When I opened my eyes, I found a bucket, with two bottles of beer on ice. "Scully--you didn't have to do that!" "I know. I thought you deserved it. You enjoy them, while I sip my bottled water." "OK! Let's eat. The pasta you ordered--what is it?" "Mastaccioli, *and* linguini. We can have a little bit of both. We also have salad and dressing, and Italian bread. Enjoy it, Mulder. You'll be back at your normal weight in no time." "Instead of the 90-pound weakling I am now." "Oh, Mulder, please don't talk like that." "I'm sorry. That's too depressing. You've taken such good care of me." I reached for her hand. "Did you get French dressing?" She laughed. "I sure did. Dig in, Mulder." We ate, watching the Seattle skyline outside. Everything was delicious, and the beers weren't half bad, either. Afterwards, we watched TV for a while, and before I knew it, it was after ten o'clock. I told Scully I would hit the sheets. "Okay, Mulder. Your pajamas are in the closet." "You really did think of everything, didn't you?" "Yes. I'll see you in a few minutes." "I'll be waiting for you." xxxxxxx I don't know why I'm so nervous. How many times have I waited to get him alone--truly alone? Away from the hospital, doctors, and nurses? I sat on the couch, trying to calm myself down for a few moments. I ended up staying out there another half hour. Mulder is probably wondering what happened to me. When I went inside the bedroom, I found him already asleep. I grabbed my pajamas from my carry-all bag in the closet, and got changed in the bathroom, trying not to make too much noise. When I got back to the bed, I was about to climb in, when I thought better of it. I sat in a chair by the window, and watched Mulder sleeping. He looked peaceful, but I was worried about what would happen when he got home. He'll be back in familiar surroundings. How will this affect him? I thought about this for a few minutes, slipping under the sheets and blanket, doing my best not to move too much, or risk waking him. He still needs plenty of rest now. In less than five minutes, I was asleep too. xxxxxxx 4:30am I woke up. Nothing unusual about that for me, except one thing. I saw a flash of something. I don't know what, but I'm sure it had something to do with my abduction. I sat up, almost forgetting Scully might be in bed with me. Earlier, I got changed into my pajamas, and patiently waited for her to join me, but she never showed up before I fell asleep. She *was* in bed with me now, and I had no idea how long she had been lying here. She was facing the opposite direction, so I couldn't see her face. I walked over to her side of the bed, and knelt down beside her. She was sleeping peacefully, but she looked worried. What is she thinking about? Me, probably, wondering how I'll react when I get home. I'm worried too, but I decide not to think about this now. I gently touch her cheek, before climbing back in bed, trying not to move too much. We'll be getting up in a couple of hours, to get ready for the plane trip to DC. xxxxxxx MONDAY, FEBRUARY 5th 7:15am I woke up to find Mulder already dressed and waiting for me. "Good morning!" "Morning, Mulder. How long have you been up?" "Just about 30 minutes. I ordered breakfast, so it should be here soon. Is it a long trip to the airport?" "No, we can get there in no time. We'll make it. I'll just take a quick shower." "OK, but be careful. I wouldn't want you to slip in the tub." "I'll be alright." "Holler if you need any help getting to those hard to reach spots." "I'll be *fine*, Agent Mulder!" She smiled, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at me, before heading towards the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, I heard her hair dryer buzzing. "Hey, Scully! Breakfast is here." "OK, I'm almost finished!" She came out, wearing jeans and the purple sweater I saw her in when I first opened my eyes in the hospital. "Sit down, Scully. Coffee?" "No. I stopped drinking it when I found out I was pregnant." "We have milk and orange juice." "Milk and OJ, that sounds good, but what do we have to eat?" "Nothing special--scrambled eggs and toast. I wasn't sure if you wanted a really big meal or not." "This is fine, Mulder." While we ate, I kept taking quick looks at Scully. She still looked worried. I wanted to ask her how she was feeling, but I decided against it. We finished, grabbed our things, and checked out of the hotel. We got in her car, and in a few minutes, we were at the airport. xxxxxxx 8:05am We drove to the airport not saying anything to each other. When we were finally able to board, I asked Mulder if he would like to sit next to the window. "No, you take the window seat, Scully. I think I'll take a nap." "Okay, Mulder." When the plane left the ground, his eyes flew open. "Hey, Mulder! You alright?" "Yeah. It just felt strange for a few seconds." I squeezed his hand. "You'll be fine. Just close your eyes, and take a deep breath." He did take a few deep breaths, but he wasn't relaxing. "Mulder--lay your head down in my lap. I don't like the way you look." "I don't know what's wrong, Scully." "You're just nervous about going back home, that's all." xxxxxxx I guess she was right. I lay my head down in her lap, and Scully rubbed my temple. That seemed to relax me, and I was asleep in minutes. When it was almost time to land, she woke me up and told me to put my seatbelt on. The plane made a gentle landing. Scully's car was in the lot, and soon we were on our way to my apartment. 1:12pm Apartment #42--I never thought I'd make it back here again. We got off the elevator, and Scully handed me the key to get in. We took the few steps to my door, and I put the key in the lock. I closed my eyes before opening the door. Everything looked the same, and yet it was like I had never been here before. "Scully?" "Yes, Mulder?" "How did you manage this?" "A little finagling with your landlord. I managed to convince him to not lease your place to anyone else. I kept your rent payments up, and the electric bill, automatically deducted from your checking account. I had the phones shut off. And, he promised he would feed your fish, so they should still be alive." "Yes, I see. I missed them. Hey there, how are you?" xxxxxxx He tapped his finger on the tank, and the fish swam towards the sound. Looks like they missed Mulder, too. He fed them a few flakes of fish food, and watched them for a few minutes, just getting reacquainted. Then I saw him grab his head and fall to the floor. I rushed to his side. "Mulder! What is it?" "I'm okay, Scully. Just a headache, I think." "Mulder, that's got to be more than just a headache!" "It's okay. The pain is gone. I'm *fine!* Look, if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone right now. Why don't you go home, and I'll call you later?" "But, Mulder, I think I should stay." "Scully, please!" I didn't like the look on his face, but I had to honor his request. "Alright, Mulder. Here's my cell phone. You keep it until you get your phones back on. I don't want you running out here in the cold to a payphone." "I'm not a baby, Scully." "I wasn't trying to imply that you were. I know you can take care of yourself, Mulder." I was about to walk out the door, when I walked back to him. I tried to put my arms around him, but he pushed me away. "Mulder!" "Please, Scully. Just go." I hurriedly walked to the door, closing it gently behind me. I leaned against the wall, before heading to the elevator. xxxxxxx I went to the window and waited. When I saw Scully get into her car and drive away, I relaxed somewhat. I had to send her away. What I couldn't tell her was that I started having flashes of my abduction as soon as I walked into my apartment, and I covered by asking her how she managed to keep my place. When I went over to see the fish, a blinding pain hit me right between the eyes. It felt just like the time when I had that doctor drill a hole in my head, trying to recover memories of Samantha. I didn't want her to see me this way. I ran to the bathroom, and took off all my clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror. I saw all the ugly scars and bruises, and the gash on my chest. I jumped in the shower, turned on the hot water, and tried to scrub all the ugliness away with a bar of soap, but of course, that was no use. I sat down in the tub, and cried for the first time since I woke up in the hospital. *To Be Continued...* COME BACK TO ME III: RECOVERY By mulder42 PART EIGHTEEN: REUNION XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MULDER'S APARTMENT 3:15pm I don't know how long I stayed sitting in the tub, crying. It felt like forever, but eventually I had to get out, because the hot water was starting to burn my skin. I dried off, only to find red splotches everywhere. I threw on my robe, and lay down in bed. I didn't turn on the lamp, and it took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the semi- darkness. I put my hands on my face, just feeling the scars that were still there, and then going a little further, until I felt it--Scully's cross. I had forgotten I was still wearing it. I remember when she gave it to me. 'I won't let you go alone,' she said. Then Skinner and I went to Oregon, and-- and what? I still can't remember. That was the last time we kissed. I had to do everything in my power to protect her, so I convinced her not to go back with me. She was having those weird dizzy spells. Scully was pregnant then, and we didn't even know it. "I'm so sorry, Scully. If I had known, I never would have gone back." I closed my eyes, hoping that the demons wouldn't invade my thoughts while I pondered what just happened to me. xxxxxxx 4:30pm I drove home. I couldn't believe that Mulder actually sent me away. He said he was okay, but I didn't believe him. Why wouldn't he want me to stay with him? Is he going to start ditching me again, trying to find the answers to what happened to him alone? I tried not to think about it as I lie in bed, rolling the gold bracelet that Mulder gave me around my wrist. I knew I had to help him but how do I start? I decided to call him. I dialed his number, forgetting that I had given him my cell phone, so I hung up and dialed my own number, hoping that he would pick up. "Hello?" "Mulder, it's me." "Scully?" "Yes, Mulder. Don't you recognize my voice?" "Yes. I'm sorry. I was asleep. I guess I'm disoriented. I'm not in the hospital anymore." "No, you aren't. Mulder, are you all right? I was really concerned for you earlier this afternoon." "Yeah, Scully. I'm okay. How are you?" "I'm fi--look, do you mind if I come back over there? I can bring something to eat." "No, Scully. I don't think so. I'll just order a pizza. My regular delivery guy is probably wondering what happened to me!" "Mulder..." "I know, Scully: 'No time for jokes!' I just need this time to myself, okay?" "OK, Mulder. I understand your wanting to be alone, but please don't hesitate to call me if you want to talk, or just to even say hello." "You'll be the first person I call, Scully. I promise." "I'll let you go, then. Enjoy your pizza, Mulder." "I will, and Scully?" "Yes?" "Goodnight." "'Night, Mulder." We hung up. Pizza *did* sound good. When I got up to look for the menu, I felt my breakfast coming up to my throat, and I ran to the bathroom. Guess I'd better think about something else for dinner. xxxxxxx SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 10th 10:13am I managed to keep Scully away from my apartment for the rest of the week. I called her everyday to reassure her that I was all right. The gunmen and Chuck Burks came to see me. At Scully's urging, I'm sure. They were all relieved to see me alive and well, especially Frohike, who wondered why Agent Scully wasn't there. Should I tell him that she's pregnant? Nah, he'll find out soon enough. Probably break the poor guy's heart. Scully told me in no uncertain terms that she would come over to see me later on today, whether I liked it or not. I wasn't sure when she would come over, so I thought I'd better go out to the store for a few things. I'd been living on take-out ever since I got back home. When she gets here, I'm going to have to ask her what happened to my car. I didn't see it on the street anywhere, so I decided to walk to the mini-mart a couple of blocks away. xxxxxxx 6:54pm I told him I was coming over today, but I didn't tell him when. Mulder managed to keep me away from his apartment for the rest of the week. He called me everyday to let me know how he was doing. I didn't quite trust him completely, so I sent the gunmen and Chuck Burks to see him, but they all said he seemed fine. I had to see for myself. I would've tried to see him earlier in the week, but I came down with a serious case of morning sickness. I was okay with the pregnancy until we got back from Seattle. Now it seemed like I could hardly keep anything down. I've been sitting in my car in front of his apartment for the last fifteen minutes. I had to go up and see him. When I got to the door, I took a deep breath before knocking. "Is that you, Scully?" "Yes, Mulder, it's me." "Just a second!" When he finally opened the door and I saw him for the first time in five days, I was speechless. "You okay, Scully?" "Yes, I...I...you look okay, Mulder." "Thanks. Here, have a seat on the couch. Have you eaten anything?" "Not since breakfast this morning." "Great! I was hoping I could cook for you." "*You* cook?" "It's nothing fancy. Just something my sister Samantha liked." "You don't have to bother, Mulder. I can eat something when I get home." "Nonsense! You'll like it, Scully. Guaranteed." "Alright. Could I have a glass of water?" "Sure. And Scully? I've been meaning to ask you--where is my car?" "Oh! I totally forgot. It's parked in the garage at the Bureau. I didn't want it to get towed, so I thought it best to park it there." "Thanks. Dinner will take a few minutes to get prepared, so just sit back and relax, Scully. Take off your coat, and I'll get you that water." xxxxxxx She really looked like she needed the water, so I quickly ran to the kitchen and got it for her. When I came out to give it to her she was leaning her head back, with her eyes closed. "You alright, Scully?" "Yes. I guess I should tell you that I'm going through that morning sickness phase of my pregnancy." "Maybe you should lie down." "No, I'm alright. Can't wait for your dinner. Thanks for the water. Go ahead, Mulder. I'm really hungry." I went back to the kitchen to get started. It would only take a few minutes, and then I can feed Scully. I just hope she can keep it down. When I was all finished, I called her into the kitchen to join me. "Mmm, something smells good. What is it? Samantha's favorite, right?" "Yes. Tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Will you be able to eat that?" "Of course! It's just the right thing to have on a chilly winter day. Thanks for sharing it with me." "Glad to do it. I'm sure Samantha would've really liked you, Scully. I didn't tell you, but I had a vision of her in the hospital. She told me to fight hard to come back to you..." "Oh, Mulder..." She reached for my hand. "I think I would've liked Samantha, too." We finished our meal, then went back to the living room to watch TV. "That was really delicious, Mulder. You can fix that for me anytime." "I'm glad you liked it. How do you feel?" "I feel good, actually." "Anything in particular you care to watch?" "No, but I'm sure there's a good movie on somewhere." xxxxxxx He flipped through the stations, trying to find something. He quickly switched off the Sci-Fi Channel, when he saw it was a typically cheesy 'aliens taking over the world' movie. So he went back to my favorite--American Movie Classics. And old black & white Bette Davis film was on. I settled back into the cushions, and leaned a little closer to Mulder. It was starting to feel like old times, before the nightmare happened. I truly started to relax when Mulder put his arm on my shoulder. I had to stop myself from starting to cry. Of course, I could blame it on the movie, but we haven't got to the sad part yet, when Bette leaves the love of her life! So I stifled a yawn instead. "Tired, Scully?" "Just a little. I think I can make it until the end of the movie, though. I haven't seen this one in a long time." "We kind of got started on this late, so you'll have to tell me the title." "All This, And Heaven Too, from 1940. Bette Davis and Charles Boyer. This is one of her best films." xxxxxxx She started to tell me everything about the movie, but I told her to be quiet, so I could see for myself. Scully looked up at me and smiled. "Sorry, Mulder. I guess I got a little carried away." "I don't mind, Scully. I'm glad you came today." I gave her shoulder a light squeeze, as we continued to watch the movie. I knew Scully wasn't going to make it to the end. Her head fell on my shoulder a half hour before it was over. It was now almost 10:30, and I didn't have the heart to wake her, so I picked her up and took her to my bed. She didn't wake up completely, but she was mumbling my name in her sleep. Another nice dream about me, I hope. I got an extra pillow for her head, and turned the lamp on its lowest setting. I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at her. It's still hard to believe that she's pregnant. If it's a boy, I can teach him to play basketball, and if it's a girl, what can I teach her? How to spot a conspiracy from 50 yards away? I really need to sit down and think about this. "Whatever would I do without you, Scully?" You kept me honest. You made me a whole person... I bent down to lightly kiss her on the cheek, then I got up and left the room, closing the door behind me. xxxxxxx SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 11th 3:17am I woke up, knowing exactly where I was--in Mulder's bed. I could smell that familiar scent of his in the sheets and blanket. I blushed as I remembered the last time we were here together. Our bodies entangled in one another, slickened by a slight sheen of sweat. He told me that Daniel was my past, and that he was my present and *only* future. Mulder wasn't in bed with me, so he could only be in one place. I went to the living room to find him lying on his couch, of course. He was asleep, and the TV was still on, with the volume turned down. I reached for the remote in his hand to turn it off, and knelt down beside him. He was wearing a t-shirt, so he was probably cold. I grabbed the blanket on his chair and covered him with it. The same blanket he covered me with that day. As I was just about to pull it up to his chin, he started to shake and talk in his sleep. "No, please. Don't take it. It's all I have left! No! Scully. Scully. *Scully!*" He jumped off the couch, nearly tripping over me. "Mulder--what is it?" "Scully! It was a dream..." "More like a nightmare, I'd say. Care to talk about it?" "No. Maybe some other time." "Come sit down." I held him in my arms. "It'll be okay, Mulder." "I don't think it ever will, Scully." "Why do you say that?" "I have a bad feeling about this." "OK. We can discuss this later. Could you come to bed, please? I'll feel much better if you're lying next to me." "It would be my pleasure." I took his hand and led him to the bedroom. We lay down, and I gave him my extra pillow. "I think you'll sleep better now." "Thanks, Scully." "For what?" "For sending Chuck and the guys over to see me this week. I know they wouldn't have come over to see me if you hadn't persuaded them. They would've waited until I got back to the office." "I thought it would be nice if you saw some familiar faces. To kind of help with the healing process. It was a good reunion, wasn't it?" "Yes, it was." He kissed me on the cheek, snuggled closer to me, and closed his eyes. I'm glad he listened to me. I could help him with the nightmares. All I had to do was make sure he knew he could come to me with any problems. I closed my eyes, and joined Mulder in a peaceful slumber. *To Be Continued...* COME BACK TO ME III: RECOVERY By mulder42 PART NINETEEN: A BIRTHDAY SURPRISE? XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX MONDAY, FEBRUARY 12th SCULLY'S APARTMENT 9:00am I left Mulder's bed early Sunday morning, still sleeping soundly. I had a doctor's appointment today, and I didn't want to be late. My appointment wasn't until noon, so I relaxed awhile and had breakfast, before calling Mulder, to let him know I'm okay. "Mulder!" "Good morning!" "Scully, why did you leave? I missed you all day yesterday." "I have something to take care of today." "Anything important?" "Yes, but I can handle it." "Look, Scully--about your phone. I really feel bad about using it. I'm gonna call the phone company tomorrow and get my service back, okay?" "It's no rush, Mulder. You can keep it as long as you like." "No, I can't. What if you need it, for an emergency?" "That's what payphones are for. You know--the things everybody used *before* cell phones were invented?" "Funny, Scully. I'm serious. You're carrying our child, and I don't want anything to happen to you, especially if I'm not with you." "I'll be fine, Mulder. Give me a call when you do, okay? I have to go. 'Bye!" xxxxxxx Why did she hang up so quickly? Did I say something wrong? I went over the conversation in my mind, and then it hit me. You're carrying our child... That's it! It must've been the first time I said that to her. In fact, it was the first time I described the baby that way to Scully. I guess she was overcome with emotion. She's been so patient with me, even when I refused to share my flashes with her. I had started to remember. It was 'them'. The aliens. They wanted to take Scully's cross away from me, but I begged them not to. They didn't, so they hurt me instead. Oh, the pain! I didn't want to think about this right now... xxxxxxx 2:18pm I finally made it back home. I took a walk in the park after my doctor's appointment. Mom and baby are in perfect health. Guess I'd better start thinking about Lamaze classes with Mulder. I felt kind of silly ending my conversation so abruptly with him this morning. It couldn't be helped, as I was so overcome with emotion with what he said to me. You're carrying our child, and I don't want anything to happen to you... I wrote a letter to him as soon as I got off the phone. I wonder when I'll feel comfortable giving them to him? In a week, or a month? Maybe never. No, I couldn't do that to Mulder. He deserves to know what happened while he was gone. Maybe on my birthday I could give him the notebooks. It'll be here in a few days. I'll be 37 years old. Boy, where does the time go? I looked in the mirror. I saw wrinkles I hadn't seen on my face before. xxxxxxx FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 16th FBI HEADQUARTERS PARKING GARAGE 11:37am "Agent Mulder!" "Good morning, sir. I was just looking for my car." "It's on the 2nd level. Didn't Scully tell you?" "No. She just said it was parked here. Thanks, sir." "How are you? How does it feel being home after all this time?" "It takes some getting used to, but I think I'm doing okay." "That's good to hear. I know you're probably wondering how I knew you were here. I told Security to call me the minute you showed up. If you don't mind, could you come to my office for a few minutes?" How could I refuse my boss? We took the elevator to his office, where I got a warm greeting from his secretary, Kim. "Agent Mulder! Welcome back!" "Thanks, Kim. I didn't think anyone would miss me." "That's not true. Some people here *do* care. Sir? Agent Scully arrived early, so I told her she could wait inside your office." "Thanks, Kim. Hold my calls." Scully is here. This must be really important. I hope we're not about to be shut down again! "Agent Mulder, have a seat. I'll try to make this brief. I know you're still recovering, so I'll just keep you on indefinite medical leave. Agent Scully has decided to return to work, at least for the next couple of months. After that, I take it you'll be taking maternity leave?" She looked at me nervously before replying, "Yes, sir." Did everybody know before I did? Of course I couldn't blame her for this. *I* was the one missing for over three months... "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Agents. All of the abductees from Bellefleur, Oregon are dead. I sat on this information, as I didn't want to worry both of you. The reports were on my desk when I got back to the office the end of last month." I closed my eyes. This is the one thing I didn't want to think about, but it was never far from my mind. Scully put her hand on my shoulder. xxxxxxx I didn't like the look on Mulder's face. That sad, dejected look I've seen hundreds of times. Couldn't Skinner have waited a little longer before telling us this? "Mulder? Mulder, are you alright?" "I don't know. What happened, sir?" "They were dropped off in random cities, all across the United States. I checked everything, and none of them have any connection with any of the cities where they were found." "All of them, sir? Ray Hoese, Theresa Nemman, Billy Miles..." "Yes, Agent Mulder. There were about 20 in all, including you. Deputy Billy Miles was found in Buffalo, New York. Deputy Ray Hoese was found in Baltimore, Maryland." "And Theresa? Where was she found?" "That's the weird one, Mulder. She was the only one not found in the US." He flipped through his reports until he found what he was looking for. "Ray's wife, Mrs. Theresa Nemman Hoese, was found in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Her father, Dr. Jay Nemman, had to send us her dental records, since her body was badly decomposed." I placed my hand on top of his and he squeezed it. "I'm the only one. The only one who survived..." "Mulder?" "I'm okay, Scully." He closed his eyes again, and when he opened them, I could tell he was putting all the information together and trying to come up with a theory on what happened. xxxxxxx I put all the facts together. Seconds later, they fell into place. "Sir, you said that there was no connection with where everyone was found. I don't think that's true. There is a connection, though it would seem to be a small one." "What is it, Agent Mulder?" "The cities are all places where Agent Scully and I worked on cases." "Mulder!" "No, Scully. Think back to the first year we worked together. Billy Miles was found in Buffalo, New York. That was the Michelle Bishop case. Ray Hoese was found in Baltimore, Maryland. That was the Eugene Tooms and Warren Dupre cases." I stopped and looked at Scully. I didn't want to bring up bad memories for her. She had lost her old boyfriend, Agent Jack Willis, on the Dupre case. I almost lost her on that case, too. I blocked that thought from my mind before continuing. "Theresa Nemman was found in Vancouver, Canada. That was the Gibson Praise case." "But, Mulder, that didn't take place the first year we worked together." "I know, Scully, but we *did* work on the case." Skinner said, "What about you, Mulder? We found you in Seattle, Washington." "Sir, this wasn't the first year we worked together either-- that would be the Lucy Householder case." "Yes, you're right, Scully. I don't understand why I'm still alive when everyone else is dead." "Don't worry about it. Just be thankful you're still here. Dr. Collins told us that with the condition you were in, you should've been dead, too." Skinner was right. Just be thankful you're alive. "Agents, if you don't have any other questions, I'll dismiss you." "Thank you, sir." "Thank you, sir. I'll have that report ready for you by close of business." We walked out of the office. xxxxxxx I wasn't expecting to see Mulder today. I hadn't seen him since Sunday, but I wasn't worried. He called me everyday like clockwork to tell me how he was. "So, how are you today, Mulder?" "I was okay, until we got the bad news from Skinner." "I don't want you to think about it, Mulder. There's nothing we can do." "I know." "I'm going down to the office. Want to come with me?" "No, maybe another time, Scully. I don't think I'm ready yet. I just came today to get my car." "It's alright, Mulder. I won't pressure you. Your car is on the 2nd level. I don't think I told you that before." "I know, Scully. Skinner told me. Well, I'd better go now. You've got a report to finish." "Yes, you're right. You'll call me when you're ready to see the office?" "Yes. Scully? I know it was a couple of days ago, but happy belated Valentine's Day." "Mulder, you didn't have to say that! I'm not really in the mood for celebrating things right now. I just want you to get well." "Before I go, I want you to have this." He reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a handful of sunflower seeds, and placed them into my hand. "Think about me while you finish the report!" He quickly kissed me on the cheek, before running down the hall to the elevator. Leaving me standing outside Skinner's office with a goofy grin on my face. I'd kiss you if you weren't so damn ugly. xxxxxxx I left Scully standing in the hallway before she could say anything. I found my car in the garage, unlocked the door, and got inside. I thought about what Scully said to me. She's too busy worrying about my recovery to just relax and have a little fun? I'll have to fix that! And then it dawned on me--Scully's birthday is a week from today! I pulled out of the Bureau, wanting to head home so I could think about that, when I got an idea... MARGARET SCULLY RESIDENCE 1:30pm "Fox, how nice to see you!" "Sorry I didn't call you first." "That's alright. How're you feeling?" "For a man who should be dead? I'm doing okay." "I don't want to hear you talking like that, Fox. You had pretty good reasons for not dying. You had to come back to Dana." "I know. For the baby." "I'm glad she finally told you. How do you feel about being a father?" "I don't know yet. I was quite shocked when she told me." "I was, too. It just proves that miracles can happen." "Margaret, I came over here 'cause I'm worried about Scully." "She's okay, isn't she?" "Yes, she's fine, but she told me something rather disturbing today." "What is it?" "She told me that she's been so consumed with how I'm feeling, that she hasn't been celebrating anything. Now I know a few holidays have gone by since I was gone, and her birthday is next week..." "Say no more, Fox. I tried to get her to do just that. She only celebrated Thanksgiving with me and your boss." "Director Skinner?" "Yes. It was a very relaxed evening, but that was the only holiday I could get with her." "I was wondering what I could do for her. Do you have any suggestions?" "Let's put our heads together. I think we can come up with something very simple..." xxxxxxx FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 23rd X-FILES OFFICE 7:00am I came in early, but I don't know why. It's not like I really have anything to do here. I finished Skinner's report last week, and I've basically been twiddling my thumbs ever since then. I've also been trying to decide whether or not to give Mulder my notebooks of letters to him today. My birthday seemed like the best time to do it, but now that its here, I'm not sure. I put all thoughts of that aside, and decided to call Skinner to get another temporary assignment. 1:45pm Skinner said he couldn't assign me anywhere until Monday, so I took an early lunch and came home. I hadn't even heard from Mulder yet today, which is unusual. He usually calls me in the morning, either at home, or the office. Should I call him? No, maybe he went out for a run. He said he was going to try to get into a regular routine again. I told him not to push himself too hard. I was about to pick up the phone and call him anyway, when the doorbell rang. I went to the door to see who it was. "Who is it?" No answer, so I asked again. Still no answer, so I looked in the peephole. I didn't see anyone. I still had my gun on my hip, so I opened the door slowly to see what was going on. "Okay, who's the practical joker?" "Surprise!" "Mom, Mulder! Jesus! I could've shot you! Why didn't you say something?" "And ruin the surprise, Scully? You are the birthday girl today." "Look you two, I know your hearts are in the right place, but you didn't have to go to all this trouble with the balloons, and whatever that is Mulder has in the box." "Dana, don't you want to have a little fun today? I was coming in, and I ran into Fox. You told me that he never remembered your birthday." They gave each other a sly look, like they just shared a private joke. "Well, Mulder *did* remember one year, and gave me a really nice present." I just thought it was a really cool keychain. "Come on, Scully, let's go inside!" They brought everything in--the balloons and the mysterious box--a pink box. We sat down at the dining room table. "So Mom, Mulder--what's in the box?" "You have to close your eyes first, Scully." "Yes, dear, close your eyes." "Okay, but it better not be anything alive in there, ready to jump out at me!" "Why, Scully--would your mother and I do that to you? Just close your eyes, and all will be revealed in a couple of minutes!" xxxxxxx Scully finally closed her eyes, then Margaret tiptoed to the kitchen to get what we needed. She brought it back to the table, and I opened the box. "Okay, Scully, you can open your eyes now." "Oh, Mulder, Mom--a cake? You shouldn't have!" "You don't like it, Dana?" "No! I mean, yes, I like it, Mom. Was this your idea, Mulder?" "The cake? No, that was all Margaret. I thought of the balloons, though. Do you like them?" "Yes. Yes, I do. Especially the purple one." "I knew you would. Before you cut the cake, we have one more thing to do. I have three candles here I'm going to put on the cake, and I want you to make a wish." "Alright." I put the candles on the cake, careful not to stick them on the 'Happy Birthday, Dana!' inscription. I lit them with a match. "Okay, Dana, make a wish!" Scully closed her eyes, and opened them seconds later, blowing out the candles. "What did you wish for, Scully?" "You don't tell what you wish for on your birthday, Mulder. If it comes true, maybe I'll tell you, but it's too soon." "Here, Dana, cut the cake!" "OK! You're in such a hurry, Mom." xxxxxxx 3:15pm My mother left 15 minutes ago, telling me she thought Mulder and I deserved some time alone together. I had just finished my second piece of cake. It was really good. There were strawberries inside, which was quite a surprise. That must've been Mulder's idea, but I didn't ask him. "So, Mulder, would you like another piece?" "No, I think two is my limit." "I'll just wrap up a piece for you to take home." "That's a great idea." I went to the kitchen to find some wax paper. I came back with it, tore off a piece, then started to cut a slice. I placed it on the paper, with frosting and a piece of strawberry falling on my fingers. I was about to pick it up, when Mulder reached out to stop me. xxxxxxx "Here, let me." I picked up the piece of strawberry, and placed it in front of Scully's mouth. She wrapped her lips around my fingers, and closed her eyes. "Mmm--this is really good cake. Oh, where are my manners! Frosting, Mulder?" She raised her hand in front of me, her fingertips covered in frosting. I brought them to my mouth, and sucked it off. "Mulder..." "Scully..." She looked so beautiful at that moment. I wanted to kiss her so badly, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I gave her a hug instead. "Happy birthday, Scully." "Oh, damn!" "What is it?" "I was hoping this wouldn't happen!" "What wouldn't happen?" "Let me go, Mulder, or I might ruin your clothes!" "What? Oh!" I let her go, and she ran to the bathroom, with me tailing right behind her. She kneeled over the toilet, and all her cake came back up. I held her until she was finished. I got her a wet washcloth to wipe her face off. "I'm sorry, Mulder. It really was good cake." "That's okay, Scully. How about some water?" "Yes, that's good, but let me brush my teeth first to get this awful taste out of my mouth." After she was finished she sat down on her bed, and drank the water I gave her. "Mulder, could you bring the balloons in here? I think I'll lie down for a few minutes." I brought them inside. Scully was lying down with her eyes closed, and a pained look on her face. "Scully, are you alright?" "Not really. My stomach is doing flip-flops right now." "Take deep breaths, Scully. In and out." She turned on her radio, and I sat down next to her on the bed. "You know, Scully, I have a present for you, and I was trying to figure out the best time to give it to you. It's in my coat pocket. Let me go get it." xxxxxxx I wondered what kind of present he could have in his coat pocket as I continued to slowly breathe in and out. He came back, carrying a small, purple box. "Mulder, you know you don't have to get me a present. The balloons and cake were enough." "I know I don't. I saw this, and I knew you would really like it. Go ahead, Scully. Open the box." I took the lid off, to find earrings inside. Amethyst earrings. "They're beautiful, Mulder. And they're not very big--just the way I like them." "I'm glad you like it. Why don't you put them on?" They were perfect. I would cherish them forever just like the gold bracelet he gave me last year. "Thank you so much, Mulder. I really love them, and I love you." I wanted to show him how much. I leaned over to kiss him, trying to reach his lips, but Mulder quickly turned his face to the side, so I only got his cheek instead. "Mulder..." "Scully, I've got to go. Happy birthday." He got off the bed, and headed for the living room. I ran after him. "Mulder, look, I'm sorry. Don't go. We can talk about this." "No, I can't. Not *now*, Scully." He grabbed his coat and went to the door, not turning back to look at me. "Call me if you need anything." "I need you here--with me. Right now." "I can't stay, Scully. I've got to go." He left, leaving the door open. I ran out into the hallway, calling him back. "Mulder, please don't leave!" He just kept on walking. I went back inside my apartment, closing the door. I went to the window, where I saw Mulder looking up at the sky strangely, before putting on his coat, and getting in his car, driving away. What the hell just happened to him? It's like he turned into a different person right before my eyes. I sat down at the dining room table, suddenly bursting into tears. *To Be Continued...* COME BACK TO ME III: RECOVERY By mulder42 PART TWENTY: JUST BREATHE... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 5:17pm I'm still sitting at the dining room table, in shock. What is happening to Mulder? I never thought he would turn away from me, not from a kiss! And why was he looking up at the sky that way? I had to get some answers, and the only way to do that was to call him. I went to the living room to turn on the lights, but something on the couch caught my attention. It was my cell phone. It must've fallen out of his coat pocket. He told me a week and a half ago that he would get his phones turned back on. I sat down, looking at my phone. I had to take a chance and call him. I just hope he got his old number back. I pushed #1 on my speed dial, and I heard ringing. I'm in luck! xxxxxxx 5:50pm I'm lying on my couch, thinking about what happened at Scully's apartment. I started having flashes again of my abduction. I saw the Alien Bounty Hunter. Scully tried to kiss me on the lips, and I turned away from her. Why did I do that? How could I turn away from a kiss, from the woman I love? Suddenly, the phone rang. I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anybody, so I let my answering machine get it. "This is Fox Mulder. Please leave a message after the beep." "Mulder? I'm glad you got your old number back. I have my cell phone, in case you were wondering if you'd lost it. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Mulder. I guess I pushed you too fast, and you weren't ready. But I'm worried about you. Did you have another headache--is that why you turned away from me? Look, I'm gonna go out for a walk and get some fresh air. Give me a call later, okay?" She hung up. I can't believe she would apologize to *me* after the way I acted towards *her*. Exercise did sound like a good idea, though. I got up to change clothes. A run would do me good, and I can call Scully when I get back. xxxxxxx 8:00pm I just got back from my walk, and I feel lots better. I took the stairs up to my apartment. I was almost to my door, when I heard the phone ringing. I ran, fumbling with my key. Damn--I was going to miss the call! I heard the machine click on, and then Mulder's voice. I hope he doesn't hang up... "...must not be back yet, so I'll call you--" "Hello!" "Scully? What's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong." "You sound like you're out of breath." "I am. I just got back, and I didn't want to miss the call. I had some trouble opening my door, that's all. I'm fine." "You've been walking all this time?" "No, I drove a little bit, too. Mulder, can you tell me what happened earlier today?" "I saw something. Just some flashes of memory about my abduction." "Can you tell me about it?" "No." "Okay, as long as you're alright, I'll let you go. Goodnight, Mulder." "Goodn--" xxxxxxx She hung up, but I could hardly blame her. I wouldn't tell her about my flashes, so what do we have to talk about? SATURDAY, MARCH 10th 8:32am Scully and I didn't talk much after her birthday. I stopped calling her everyday, and I started going to the gym regularly. My basketball playing is not as good as it used to be, but it should improve. I'm still a little slow, so I go out for a jog to the park everyday as well. I finally went to see my doctor, and it looks like I regained twenty pounds, so that's good. Thirty more to go, and I haven't even had that greasy cheeseburger yet! I was about to jump in the shower, when I heard my phone ringing. "Mulder!" "Good morning, Fox. I'm sorry to call you this early." "That's alright, Margaret. How are you?" "I'm alright. It's my daughter I'm worried about." "What's wrong with Scully?" "She says that she wanted to ask you, but ever since her birthday, you've been different." "Ask me what?" "About taking her to Lamaze classes. She's been afraid to ask you." "I'm sorry, Margaret. It's just some things about my abduction I'm trying to get through. When do the classes start?" "Today, that's why I called. I told Dana that I would go with her, but the father really should take her, don't you think?" "Yes, Margaret, you're right. Just tell me when and where, and I'll be there. Don't tell Scully, okay? I want it to be a surprise." "Thank you, Fox." "For what?" "Just for being you. I knew all those years ago that you and Dana would be great friends. It's just because you're such a caring person. You have a gentle soul, Fox. You truly care, and want to help people. That's why you're such a great FBI agent. I knew back then when Dana was gone, and when she was fighting her cancer. You two can't live without each other." "You're right. Thanks for saying that. I really appreciate it. Dana's very lucky to have a mother like you. I am, too." "Oh, Fox, you're going to make me cry! I'd better tell you where the class is being held, or I'll have to grab a tissue..." I'm surprised I said that to her, but it was true. She was like a second mother to me. I took a quick shower and got dressed, ready to meet Scully for her class. It's time for me to start acting like a father. xxxxxxx 11:55am We were at the clinic, waiting for class to start at noon. I had requested a small class, and luckily, I managed to get the last reservation. Only ten mothers and their partners would be in class. "Mom, I see a water fountain down the hall. I'll be right back." "Dana, don't be so nervous! Having a baby is the most natural thing in the world." "I'm not nervous! I'm just thirsty." I walked towards the fountain. I was nervous, but I wouldn't admit that to my mother. I took a long drink, and headed back towards her, waiting for the instructor to arrive. "Hi, Mom!" It *couldn't* be him! I turned back around. "Mulder, what are you doing here?" "Margaret called me. I'm sorry you felt you couldn't ask me yourself, Scully." "I'm sorry, too. It's just that...Mulder, what are you hiding behind your back?" "A pillow. Margaret told me to bring one." "You didn't have to, Mulder. I brought my own." "So now you'll have double protection! I can't wait to learn all those cool breathing exercises. Let's go--the instructor's here now..." I think Mulder enjoyed Lamaze more than I did. I'm glad that he brought his own pillow. Double protection can be a good thing. He could hardly contain his excitement. The next class wouldn't get here soon enough for him. xxxxxxx Who knew breathing could be so much fun? I think I enjoyed the class more than Scully did. I couldn't wait for the next one. Margaret watched us for a few minutes, before leaving. She had a huge smile on her face. I helped Scully into my car to take her home. "Could we stop at a store first? I have to pick up something." "Sure." I stopped at the first store I saw. Scully came out ten minutes later, carrying a small bag, but she wouldn't tell me what it was. I drove her home. When we got there, she told me to take off my coat and get comfortable. She hurried to the kitchen, but when she came back, she was empty-handed. "How do you feel, Scully?" "I feel great! How about you?" "I can't complain. So, you've got about three more months to go." "Yes." "You're beautiful, Scully." "You say that now, but wait until I get really fat!" "You'll still look beautiful to me." She put her hand on my face. "Thank you for saying that, Mul--oh!" "What is it?" "The baby just kicked. It's happened before, just not that hard. Here, feel..." She placed my hands on her stomach. She really wasn't showing yet, but I could feel a roundness that wasn't there before. Before I was gone. I moved my hands lightly over her belly, and then I felt it. That was a pretty strong kick! "Wow, that's amazing! Does it hurt?" "No, sometimes it feels like a tickling sensation. Sometimes, when I go to sleep at night, I can feel her rolling over." "Her?" "Yes, *her*. It's just a feeling I have." I put my arm around her, and we just sat there, while Scully moved my hand over her stomach. The baby kicked again, and she lifted her shirt some so I could feel it better. "Ooh, that's a strange sensation, feeling it this way, with direct skin contact." I pulled her closer to my body, and Scully closed her eyes. "Thanks for sharing this with me, Scully." "How could I not? I don't think it's really sunk into your head yet, Mulder. You're going to be a father..." Scully was right. I still found it hard to believe that we were going to be parents. Our lives were going to completely change. "Scully?" "Yes, Mulder?" "How do you feel about all this? About being pregnant?" "I feel fine, Mulder. I admit I was really shocked when I first found out, but I'm ready. I'm happy--aren't you?" "Yes, Scully. I'm ecstatic!" "Good. I'll be right back." She got up, and walked towards the kitchen. When she came back, she was carrying a pint of ice cream, and one spoon. "I don't get to have any?" "Of course you do. I thought we'd share. You don't mind, do you?" "No, let's dig in." xxxxxxx I bought vanilla ice cream to share with Mulder. I only brought one spoon, so I could feed him. "Mmm, very good." "Glad you like it." I continued to feed him spoonful after spoonful, and then he started to feed me. When we were all finished, I put my head down on Mulder's shoulder, and he held me. "Lie down, Scully. You look tired." I wasn't tired, but I got the feeling that Mulder was trying to open up to me. He sat down on the floor. "Scully, I've been seeing things--things that happened to me while I was gone. They were going to take your cross away. I convinced them not to. When they let me go, and dumped me in Seattle, I took it off, and held it in my hand." "I know, Mulder. You were holding on to it so tightly. You were still holding on to it when the paramedics put you in the ambulance. I held your hand, and you gave it to me. I put it back around your neck after Dr. Collins got you stabilized." "I know, Scully. I could hear you crying at my bedside. I know you were trying to hide it from me." "Mulder..." "It's okay. I understand." He held my hand, and laid his head down by my stomach. I ran my fingers through his hair. "Mulder, are you okay?" "I don't know, Scully. I'm just trying to get through each day." "I can help you." "I know, but I've been trying to sort through things on my own. I can manage, but I'll let you know. Scully, thank you for helping me--for taking care of me." "I'll always be here, Mulder. Always." *To Be Continued...* COME BACK TO ME III: RECOVERY By mulder42 PART TWENTY-ONE: IN YOUR EYES XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Love, I get so lost, sometimes Days pass, and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are All my instincts, they return And the grand faŻade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside In your eyes The light, the heat In your eyes I am complete In your eyes I see the doorway to a thousand churches In your eyes The resolution of all the fruitless searches In your eyes I see the light and the heat In your eyes Oh, I want to be that complete I want to touch the light The heat I see in your eyes Love, I don't like to see so much pain So much wasted, and this moment keeps slipping away I get so tired of working so hard for our survival I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive And all my instincts, they return And the grand faŻade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside In your eyes The light, the heat In your eyes I am complete In your eyes I see the doorway to a thousand churches In your eyes The resolution of all the fruitless searches In your eyes I see the light and the heat In your eyes Oh, I want to be that complete I want to touch the light, The heat I see in your eyes In your eyes In your eyes In your eyes In your eyes In your eyes In your eyes... SATURDAY, MARCH 24th SCULLY'S APARTMENT 6:37pm As the days went by, Mulder and I got into a set routine. We continued to go to Lamaze classes, and everything was fine. It was the times when we were alone that were the most difficult. I felt him growing more and more distant from me--away from me and our baby. Seven months along today. When I told him, I got only a blank expression from him. I try to get him to stay with me at my apartment, but I get a resounding 'no' from him every time. I miss the times we spent together, before he was gone. When we couldn't stand to be away from each other for a long period of time. All the good times together. Watching a movie. Dancing. Holding each other. Kissing. Making love. No, Dana, don't go there. I have to let this play out. However long it takes, I have to let Mulder do this his own way. I can't pressure him. xxxxxxx MONDAY, APRIL 2nd MULDER'S APARTMENT 7:07pm I felt myself getting restless. I know I've been acting strange with Scully, but I have to do this. The flashbacks are getting more prominent, and now I'm starting to have nightmares about what they did to me. I decided to go out for a drive to clear my head. I ended up at the FBI Building. I immediately went down to the office, for the first time since my abduction. I thought back to the end of May, last year. I surprised Scully right here, the first day back from our vacation. The look of love and happiness on her face was incredible. I miss the moments alone together with her. I know I've been distant towards her and our baby, but I don't know how to get a handle on things. Sometimes I ache, wondering how to get those good feelings between us back. Sometimes, I want so badly to hold her in my arms. Dance with her. Watch a movie with her. Kiss her. Make love to her. No, Mulder, when you can get all this under control, then you can go to her. I sat down at my desk, and looked at my 'I Want To Believe' poster. I really *did* want to believe I could get my life back together with Scully. I opened my desk drawer, and found an envelope with my name on it. It was Scully's familiar handwriting. I opened it, and read her note. Welcome Back, Darling! I sure hope I'm not down here with you right now. I think you should have this time to yourself, to get reacquainted. Take all the time you need, and then come see me. I love you. Scully She was right. I wonder how long this letter's been here, just waiting for me to find it? I looked around for a couple more minutes, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. Time to go see her. 9:17pm My heart was pounding so fast, I thought it would jump right out of my chest. I ran up to the third floor, and as I got closer, I heard laughter coming from her apartment. Watching a funny TV program, perhaps? I took the key out of my pocket, unlocked the door, and slowly crept in, thinking I would surprise her. Little did I know that I would be the one in for a surprise. She hadn't seen me yet, because she was too busy laughing. With Assistant Director Skinner. She had her hand on top of his, holding a glass in her other hand. It looked like champagne. They were sitting at her dining room table, and they looked comfortable. "Thanks so much, Walter." *Too* comfortable. "Is this a private party, or can anybody join in?" They both jumped up from the table. Looks like I caught them red-handed. "My goodness, Mulder! What are you doing here?" "I wanted to see you. To see how you were doing. Guess Skinner's got it all under control. *Sir*." "Agent Mulder! I don't know what you think is going on here, but--" "Oh, I think I know. I can't understand why you would bring Scully alcohol. She's seven months' pregnant! And you, Scully--how can you sit here and drink that? How much have you had?" "What? Mulder, this isn't what you think..." "Right. I'm outta here!" xxxxxxx I can't believe this! I had to set him straight. He started to leave. Oh, no--you're not going to do this to me again... "Mulder, don't you dare walk away from me! Not again!" I ran out into the hallway after him. "Mulder, that wasn't alcohol. It's sparkling white grape juice. Walter brought that over, along with a present for the baby." "Okay, I'm sorry. But you certainly looked cozy. How close did you two get while I was gone?" "I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer. How *dare* you accuse me! Do you know the hell I went through while you were gone, wondering if I'd ever see you alive again?" "Scully, I..." "No! Go home, Mulder." I turned around, and went back to my apartment, slowly closing the door behind me. I wish Skinner hadn't witnessed that. "Dana, are you alright?" "I'm fine, sir. It's just that...Mulder hasn't been himself lately. This is so embarrassing." "Maybe I should have a talk with him?" "Oh, no, sir--please don't do that! He'll be okay." "Alright. I'd better go home. Please don't hesitate to call me if he acts like that again. You really shouldn't be getting upset right now." "I know, sir, but you really don't have to concern yourself with this. Goodnight." "Goodnight, Dana." I sat down and took a deep breath. Mulder seems to be getting worse. I was going to have to do something, and soon. I didn't know how much longer I could live like this. 10:07pm I decided I'd better go see Mulder tonight, to try and convince him to see someone--a doctor, a specialist--anyone. All these different types of mood swings--it's got to be building up inside of him, and it's not good for him or me. xxxxxxx 10:57pm I came back to my apartment, where I've been sitting on my couch in the dark. I've got a pounding headache, and the flashes keep coming quickly. What they did to me--the punching and kicking, the cutting and the burning. I felt myself slipping away, like I would go mad. Then I heard knocking at my door. "Mulder! Mulder please let me in!" "Scully, what are you doing here? Go home." "Not before we talk. Are you sitting here in the dark?" "Yes, and please don't turn on the lights." "Okay. Mulder, I want you to see someone. I can't take your behavior towards me anymore. We've both been walking on eggshells around each other. I can't live like this. I want the old Mulder back. The one that makes me so happy, the man I love..." I could hear her, but it was like she was far away, even though she was standing no less than ten feet away from me. "Mulder, have you heard anything I've said to you? Mulder!" "Yes, Scully?" "Where are you? Where did you go?" "I'm right here, Scully." "No, you're not! You're a million miles away. Come on, I want to take you to a hospital to get checked out." Oh, the pain in my head! I had to get her out of here. I grabbed her, and opened the door. "Scully, you have to go. I don't want you here." "Mulder, you're hurting me! Let me go!" I let go, and she backed away from me, a frightened, but determined look on her face. "Mulder, please. Let me help you!" "I don't need your help, Scully! I don't need anybody's help!" She closed her eyes, and I saw a tear roll down her cheek. "Okay, if that's the way you want it. Goodbye, Mulder." I watched her leave. xxxxxxx 11:17pm I just sat there in my car, too much in shock to move. I slowly drove home, let myself into my apartment, and sat by the window. Minutes later, it started to rain, really hard. TUESDAY, APRIL 3rd 12:07am I'm still sitting by the window, watching the rain. The baby started to kick then. I guess she could feel my tension. I put my hands on my stomach, feeling her move around. "It's okay, sweetie. Looks like it'll just be you and me now. Daddy wants to be alone." I put my forehead on the glass, letting the coolness of the surface calm me. I'm *not* going to cry. I looked up, seeing Mulder staring at me. He was just standing there, getting soaked by the rain. I can't believe he would show his face here again, not after what just happened between us! I jumped up. He's not going to get off so easy for his behavior... xxxxxxx 12:27am I saw her sitting by the window, and we made eye contact. She didn't look happy. I rushed to her apartment, only to be greeted with a note taped to her door. It said: 'GO AWAY!!!' Short and to the point--OK, I get the message. I knocked on the door anyway, but she wouldn't answer. I thought about using my key and letting myself in again, but I wasn't sure what she would do, so I gave up and went home. I'll give her some time, and then I'll try again. xxxxxxx FBI HEADQUARTERS OFFICE OF KAREN KOSSEFF, L.C.S.W. 9:30am I debated whether or not I should speak to her. After thinking about it in the basement for a full half hour, I stand here in her office, ready to run. I shouldn't have come. This wasn't a good idea... "Dana, how nice to see you. My secretary told me you were out here. Why don't we go inside where we can get comfortable and talk?" "No, I don't think that's a good idea. Just forget I came here, okay?" "No, Dana, I can't do that. Please, come inside, and you can tell me what's troubling you." "Alright, though I have no idea where I should start." "The beginning would be the best place. Here, drink this water. Take a deep breath, and tell me what's happened." I did as she instructed, then told her the whole story--how Mulder and I got involved; me becoming pregnant; his abduction; his return--everything. "Dana, you've gone through a lot. How do you feel about all this?" "I'm confused. I want to help Mulder get through this, but yesterday he pushed me away, and that was the last straw." "How do you mean, Dana?" "Karen, don't doubt this. I still love Mulder, and I'm sure he still loves me. It's just that...I don't think...I don't think that we can live a normal life anymore. I want to be happy and healthy when this baby is born, and I don't know how I can do that with the way Mulder is now." We continued to talk for another hour. I truly felt better once we were finished. "Congratulations on the baby, Dana. I don't want you to worry about this." "I'll try not to, but I think I should take some time off from work." "That's a good idea. Call me if you need anything." "I will. Thanks, Karen." I had some plans to make. I told Skinner, then went down to the office. I sat at my desk, picked up the phone, and called my doctor. I could come see him later on today, due to another patient's cancellation. After that, I'll give my favorite gunman a call... 7:30pm All is well with my pregnancy, though like before when I was in Seattle, my blood pressure is high again. I packed some bags, then called Frohike. "Lone Gunman--may I help you?" "Is that you, Frohike?" "Yes. Agent Scully?" "Yes. I need your help. Can you come over here?" "Yeah. Should I bring Byers and Langly?" "No, just yourself." "Sure. No problem, Scully. Anything for the hottest agent in the FBI! I'll be right over." I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot. I smiled, and waited for him to arrive. 8:47pm "Hi, Frohike. Come in." "Oh, Agent Scully! When does the blessed event arrive?" "Sorry. Guess the cat's out of the bag now. Sorry I didn't tell you guys earlier." "Mulder must be ecstatic!" "How did you know?" "I'm no fool, Scully. That's something you can't hide from anyone. The way you two look at each other..." "Okay. Mulder is the reason why I called. He's not himself, Frohike. Ever since we got back from Seattle, he's not the Mulder we all remember." "But he seemed okay when we saw him in February! What happened?" "I don't know, but it has to do with his abduction. He's been having flashbacks about it, but he won't let me help him. I need to get away, and I know you can help me." "Whatever you need. Look, Scully...Dana, you know I love you, don't you?" He reached for my hand and squeezed it. "Yes, Melvin. I love you, too." "Tell me what you need, and its done." I told him, then he got up to leave. "Dana, if you need anything while you're away, please don't hesitate to call. Take care of the bambino, okay?" "I will. Thanks, Melvin." He hugged me before he left, catching me off-guard. I was so tired. I sat down on the couch, and fell asleep a few minutes later. WEDNESDAY, APRIL 4th 8:00am I woke up to pounding on my door. "Dana? Dana, open the door!" "Frohike, is that you? Bill? What are you doing here?" "Mom called me. I couldn't believe the news when she told me. Seven months, Dana? When were you going to tell us?" "I wish she hadn't done that. I wanted to tell you and Charlie myself. She *did* tell Charlie, didn't she?" "Yes. Look, Dana, I didn't mean to wake you up." "I'm alright." "Who's Frohike?" "He's a friend." "It's good to have friends. Where's Mulder?" "He's not here right now. Bill, I really don't need a lecture from you." "Well, little sister, you're going to get it. I'm happy for you and the baby. It truly is a miracle. But Mulder, Dana? Couldn't you have picked someone a little more stable? I mean, how long are you gonna follow him around, looking for little green men? Okay, you got involved with him. You think he could've married you first, before you two decide to become parents..." That was it. I stood up, walked towards him, and slapped him cleanly across the face, as hard as I could. "How dare you! You don't get it! Mulder is my life!" "But Dana, he's--" "Bill, you don't understand. I *love* him! I know you don't like him. You never did. That's why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you would react just like this." "Dana, I'm sorry." "I want you to leave, Bill. I need to be alone." "Okay. Tara sends her love." He left, and I went to the bedroom. I packed a few more things, sat down, and looked up at the ceiling. The phone rang. "Hello?" "Dana, it's Melvin. Everything's ready. You can go whenever you like." "Thank you." "Call me when you get there. Be safe." "I will. 'Bye." I'm all set. Before changing clothes to leave, I wrote Mulder one last letter. 10:15am I called a cab, but before I left to go to the airport, I made one last stop... ST. JOHN'S CHURCH ALEXANDRIA, VA I sat in a pew in the back, got down on my knees, and prayed. I got up, and went to light a candle. Maybe when I get back, things will be different. I left, got back in the cab, and headed far away from DC-- and Mulder. xxxxxxx MULDER'S APARTMENT 11:30am I woke up from a nightmare. I was back there--with 'them.' I called out for Scully, but she didn't answer. I continued to call for her, and she appeared. She reached out for me, then faded from view. I screamed. "Scully!" I had to go to her. Something was wrong--terribly wrong. I rushed to her apartment as fast as I could. The sense of dread I felt started to overwhelm me. When I got there, I could hardly get my key in the lock. Once inside, I knew she was gone. I could feel it. I called the office, but all I heard was a message saying that Agent Scully had taken some time off. I called Skinner, but he couldn't tell me anything. She requested the leave, and he approved it. I didn't know what to do next. I went to her bedroom. Maybe I can find some clues there as to where she's gone. All I found was our picture on the bed, with the bracelet and earrings I gave her lying on top of it. That sent me a clear message. She was leaving her past behind... *To Be Concluded...in Come Back To Me IV* "In Your Eyes" is by Peter Gabriel, from his album SO.