Title: What Doesn't Kill Us...Betrayal From Within (1/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: PG
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. Betrayal
>From Within explores what we don't see in season six.

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**) are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

What Doesn't Kill Us...
Katherine Benton

MULDER'S APARTMENT
ALEXANDRIA
DECEMBER 8, 2004

Fox Mulder sat on his couch with his head in his hands on
his knees. The events of this day were simply too much. Five
years ago, he had completely lost his memory because of the
trauma related to loosing her. Now he had recovered only
some of his memories--he barely remembered her. For her to
show up again after all these years! He looked at the bag of
vials she had given him. A bag! God's name! He looked across
the coffee table at the five year old *daughter* she had
introduced him to! She sat in the chair across from him,
staring at him sadly. She looked just like....

His mind wandered again, back through the events of the day,
trying to make sense of them. He thought about their
conversation. The aliens he always knew existed had
discovered the work she was doing for the Consortium. Now
she was giving herself up to them for the protection of the
long-term plan. She asked him to take care of their
daughter, told him to resist to the end, and walked away
without further comment. Walked away from him again, just as
she had five years ago. He knew the death she was giving
herself up to. Six years ago he had seen the chambers--
thousands of humans in frozen chambers incubating aliens on
an alien ship.

After everything that had happened, the question was: would
he go after her again as he had six years ago? When this
thought crossed his mind, a fragment of memory came back to
him.

**"Why did you come?" He remembered asking with a level
tone.

He didn't want her to see the pain he was feeling. He didn't
want to admit even to himself how much this final blow was
going to hurt him. Devastate him. He had never believed it
would ever reach this point--the point where one of them
stood idle while the other was in danger. Of course, after
everything she had said to him several weeks ago, he should
know it was coming. Her next words shocked and relieved him
more than she would ever know.

"Mulder," she whispered, "I would never stand by if you were
in danger. No matter how bad it gets, it will never come to
that."**

He stared at the little girl in front of him as that memory
rolled around in his mind and solidified. He made his
decision and picked up the phone.  "Guys, I need your
help...." He knew the answer to his question was 'yes.' He
would go after her as he had so many times before. He had to
go after her no matter what. If only he could remember
everything...things beyond that conversation.

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
WASHINGTON, D.C.
APRIL 20, 1998

File in hand, Scully entered the office where she knew
Mulder was doing research. She had been shocked and a little
hurt by his attitude since their return to Washington from
Antarctica. At first he'd seemed despondent because They had
so effectively covered up everything he'd seen in Dallas and
Antarctica. The last few days--since the review hearing,
since Gibson had resurfaced and disappeared, since Diana's
recovery and assignment to the X Files--his attitude had
been more aggressive. Especially toward her. She shrugged--
she was sure he'd be interested in the information in this
file.

**"It would help if you'd shut the door. It would make it
harder for them to see I was totally disregarding everything
I was told."

Scully paused. Here was this attitude again. She frowned and
replied quietly, "Everything *we* were told, Mulder."

"They can't take away the X Files, Scully. They've tried."
He still didn't look at her.

She decided to beard the lion in his den. "You know...Agent
Fowley's report to OPR painted the facts in an interesting
way...I hope you haven't been betrayed." She knew her
statement might start a fight, but she felt it needed to be
said.

"Agent Fowley's report was a means to an end...trying to
protect the work...protect the X Files."

"Mulder, Agent Fowley's report states that the man you saw
attacked was bludgeoned by an unknown subject. She makes no
mention of a little boy...who as it happens is no where to
be found. It would seem her report protects everything but
you."

He turned to her angrily. "Agent Fowley took me to that
plant at great risk to herself. Where I saw something that
*you* refuse to believe in...saw it again, Scully. And no
matter what you think, she certainly is not going to go
around saying that just because science can't prove it, it
isn't true." His words dripped contempt. She stared at him.
He'd never used that tone with her. His sudden obvious
distaste for her scientific contributions hurt. Especially
in light of what he had said to her on the same topic after
the Federal Building explosion.

"I don't doubt what you saw, Mulder," she said quietly. "I
don't doubt you. I'm willing to believe. But not in a lie
and not in the opposite of what I can prove." She paused but
he said nothing. He didn't even look at her. So she
continued. "It comes down to a matter of trust...I guess it
always has."

He turned to face her. "You're asking me to make a choice?"

"I'm asking you to trust my judgement. To trust me." She
would have never believed that after seven years...and
especially after the last seven days...she would now be at
the point where she'd be asking Mulder for his trust. She
thought she'd earned that long ago. She thought after the
actions in his hallway that she might have earned something
more. Apparently not. She offered him the file she had come
in to give him. He didn't take it.

"I can't accept that," he said firmly. "Not if it refutes
what I know to be true."

She stared at him again. "Mulder, these are test results.
DNA from the claw nail we found...matching exactly the DNA
from the virus you believe is extraterrestrial."

It was his turn to stare at her. "That's the connection," he
breathed but she continued.

"Which matches exactly DNA that was found in Gibson Praise."

"Wait a minute...I don't understand...are you saying Gibson
Praise is infected with the virus?"

"No. It's a part of his DNA. In fact it's part of all of our
DNA. It's called a genetic remnant. It's inactive, junk
DNA...except in Gibson it's turned on."

"So if that were true, it would mean that Gibson is in some
part extraterrestrial."

"It'd mean that all of us are."**

They stared at each other for several seconds. Scully
expected him to be pleased with her information. She at
least expected him to stay and discuss it with her. Instead,
he took the file and left the office. Following him, she saw
he was headed to the basement. He was going to Fowley's
office. She stopped pursuing him.

"Unbelievable," she said out loud to no one. Standing and
watching his back recede down the hall, her thoughts
wandered to another conversation that had disturbed her--
back at the house in Arizona.

**"I don't see that there's any argument...you admit
yourself the crime report is a lie."

"Mulder, that doesn't mean I can just accept your theory."

He turned, exasperated. "What does it take? For this thing
to come up and bite you on the ass?" he yelled in her face.
"I saw these creatures. I saw them burst to life. You would
have seen them too but you were infected with that
virus...you were past out over my shoulder."

Shocked by his intensity, she responded in a soft voice,
"Mulder, I know what you did. I know what happened to me.
But without ignoring the science..." she trailed off, unsure
how to respond to his anger. They had often disagreed but he
had never become so irritated. His animosity seemed
especially out of place after what he had said only a few
days before in his hallway. Perhaps that would be a good way
to approach this. She took his hand in hers. "Listen,
Mulder...you told me that my science kept you honest...that
it made you question your assumptions...that I made you a
whole person. If I change now, it wouldn't be right...or
honest."

His reaction was not what she expected. "I'm talking about
extraterrestrial life alive on this planet in our lifetime.
Forces that dwarf and proceed all human history. I'm sorry,
Scully but this time your science is wrong." He pulled his
hand from her grasp and walked away without glancing back at
her.**

Scully opened a door to one of the interrogation rooms and
sat down hard in one of the chairs. What had she missed in
the last seven days that had led to such a drastic change in
Mulder's attitude toward her?

***

Mulder stomped down the stairs and knocked on the door to
his old office. It left a bitter taste in his mouth that he
should have to do so. Being reassigned to scut work while
Fowley and Spender--his mind snarled the name--replaced him
in the X Files was revolting. Loosing the X Files was enough
to infuriate him. Seeing them reassigned to that "weasel,"
as Scully called him, was unbearable. But the thing that
drove him over the edge was Scully's attitude. Mulder's mind
flashed back to the review board hearing.

**"Let us remind you that the FBI is not a school for
science or for the grinding of personal axes. Hopefully you
will be able to present us with some material evidence to
support a continued investigation."

"Agent Scully, who was assigned to the X Files as a
scientist, was stung by one of these bees and was infected
with this virus. She is here today with hard and
incontrovertible evidence...scientific proof that the virus
she was infected with is in fact extraterrestrial."

Silence. Moments later they were in the hall in each other's
faces.

"Next time I'll wear a clown suit and do balloon tricks."

"Mulder, I was hoping it wouldn't come up..."

"The only reason I was in there was because you assured me
there was a scientific basis for what we saw."

"Mulder, let me remind you once again that what I saw was
very little..."

"Look, Scully, that excuse is not going to work this time.
You were there and you were infected with that virus..."

"Mulder, yes there is a scientific basis for what happened
to me. I was exposed to a virus. But as it turns out,
Mulder, that virus is not what you thought. Look, I can't
identify it, Mulder. I have run three separate tests. But
what I can tell you without a doubt is that that virus's DNA
and proteins are very much of this world."

"I saw what that virus did. I saw it generate a new being.
An alien being inside a human body."

"It attacks and destroys human cells. But that is all it
does, Mulder. It creates nothing. Look, I don't like telling
you this...and I know that you don't want to hear it. Not
that you can't question me on what I saw but what you can't
question is the science."**

Her damned science. The hell he couldn't question it. He
*saw* aliens gestating in human bodies--that's what was
unquestionable. He saw an alien space ship...he walked
around in it and saw it fly away--that's what was
unquestionable. He'd risked his life to rescue her and she
didn't even back him up in a hearing. She completely
abandoned him in there. And after everything they'd been
through--everything that had been said. 'I guess it didn't
mean the same thing to her that it did to me,' he thought to
himself.

'You can't question the science,' he mimicked. He'd walked
away when she said that. He was afraid that if he didn't get
away from her, he'd say something that might cause
irreparable damage to their partnership. He grimaced as he
turned from Fowley's office--she obviously wasn't there. 'I
get closer and closer to saying that irreparable thing every
minute,' he steamed as he stalked to his car.

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
WASHINGTON, D.C.
MAY 1, 1998

Relations did not seem to improve over the next days. Mulder
and Scully were assigned to cases that she knew he hated--
background checks, follow-ups on purchases of federally
controlled substances...the things first year agents might
be assigned. Mulder spent more and more time with Fowley and
most of these interactions got both he and Scully in
trouble. Scully was becoming frustrated with his attitude
and a little jealous of Fowley.

She walked into the cubicle she now shared with Fox Mulder
and froze. As quickly and silently as she had entered, she
slipped back out. Heedlessly fleeing, Scully found herself
in her car--a tear flowing down her cheek, head resting
against the steering wheel. Her grief intensified as she
realized she had actually run from the sight of her partner
kissing Diana Fowley. How could she be so out of control?
Her mind replayed the scene over and over and, against her
will, Scully found her imagination reanimating a similar
moment between Mulder and herself. One that had been on her
mind almost constantly in the last weeks.

**"If you want to tell yourself that so you can quit with a
clear conscience then you can, but you're wrong!"

"Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder?
To debunk your work, to reign you in, to shut you down!"

"But you saved me...as difficult and as frustrating as it's
been sometimes, your Goddamned strict rationalism and
science have saved me a thousand times over. You kept me
honest... you made me a whole person. I owe you everything,
Scully, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I want to do
this alone. I don't even know if I can. And if I quit now,
they win."

She was enthralled by his words. For all his passion and
blind dedication to their work and to her safety, she never
really believed that she, personally, was truly important to
him. Unless she was to take his innuendo seriously, he had
never directly stated that her contributions meant anything
to him. She often felt like the office gopher--go for this
autopsy, go for that background check--things anyone could
have done. She felt the tears come to her eyes. She was at
once touched by his admission, deeply angered that it came
when it did, and hurt when she realized it was indeed too
late.  He always had a knack for saying exactly the right
thing to her at exactly the wrong time.

Overcome by emotions, she stepped into his embrace, her face
buried for a moment against his chest. The scent of his
cologne and all the other particularly Mulder smells were
intoxicating. She pulled away slightly to turn her face to
the side, but he tightened his arms around her waist and
across her shoulders. For what seemed an eternity, she
stayed as she was, enfolded in Mulder's arms, thinking about
the weight of this moment. This was not him comforting her
after some freak tried to kill her. This was not them
comforting each other in the hospital as she fought cancer.
This was Mulder declaring he needed her--and although his
words focused on work, they seemed to imply something more.
She pulled back and kissed his forehead. Struggling in her
mind for some response, she put her hands around his neck
and leaned her forehead against his to gather some coherent
thought. Why couldn't she concentrate? She looked up at him
smiling, intending to gently tell him how she appreciated
his words but that they could not change her mind. Suddenly
she realized why she could not think--his hand was cupping
her face, his thumb softly stroking her neck below her ear,
and he was staring at her intently with the strangest look
she had ever seen. He had never looked at her that way, but
she could not deny her body's reaction to his touch. She
needed to pull away lest her body betray her, but she needed
to determine the meaning of that look.

She studied his expression--they had always communicated
best non-verbally. She saw him look at her lips. Instantly
his intentions were clear and she found she was paralyzed--
completely unable to move despite the fact that all her
better judgment was screaming at her to pull away. He began
to lean closer to her, down over her, descending upon her
mouth, his eyes never leaving her lips. As if of their own
volition, her hands around his neck pulled him closer. As
their lips brushed she felt her heart leap and then--a sharp
pain under his hand on her neck.**

Scully squeezed her eyes shut and ground the heels of her
palms into them to block out both images--Mulder's
expression as he was about to kiss her and Mulder kissing
Diana. Intellectually she knew that she had no claim on
Mulder and that his private life was his own business. She
also knew that he and Diana had been involved in the past
and her own relationship with Mulder had--except for that
one fleeting moment-- always been purely professional. He
had never mentioned or even hinted at that scene between
them since their return and she had come to assume he'd
forgotten it--or worse, that he wasn't acting this way
because he'd forgotten it but rather that never really meant
anything serious by it. Still, she couldn't get it out of
her mind. She knew that somewhere along the wild ride she
had fallen in love with Fox Mulder and she could never
forget that almost-kiss. Seeing him with Fowley hurt. It
implied things about his intentions when he tried to kiss
her that were too painful to contemplate. But what hurt even
more was the trust he automatically placed in Fowley since
her recovery--and the trust Scully seemed to have lost.

"Stop it Dana!" she said forcefully to herself. "This is
pathetic...second time I've run out to the car rather than
interrupt them. Well," she said checking her makeup and hair
in the rearview mirror, "it's their fault if they can't keep
it at home." She slammed her car door shut and returned with
determination to the office. Mulder was alone, typing on the
computer, when she arrived.

"Mulder, I have the results of the tests you wanted...you
won't like them. It still only shows terrestrial proteins."
She offered him the file. Once again, he wouldn't take it so
she dropped it on the desk in the pile of the several dozen
others she had delivered to him recently. He didn't look up
or speak.

This scenario had become routine since Dallas and their
removal from the X Files. He asked her for something but it
didn't turn out as he hoped or expected. He refused to
accept it and they didn't speak about it. She kept up with
their official assignments and he ran off with Fowley on
unofficial ones he thought would further his personal
agenda. She was tired of it.

"Mulder, can we talk about whatever it is that is causing
this...I don't know what it is--silence...between us?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he still never
looked up from his work. He didn't notice when Scully turned
and left the office area.

SCOTT'S INN, MARYLAND
MAY 10
Mulder and Scully were in Maryland investigating a man who
had requested permits to buy what seemed to be inordinate
amounts of fertilizer. Mulder had ditched Scully to pursue a
lead late at night, leaving her alone and concerned about
his safety. This was not the first time he'd done that, but
it had recently become a common occurrence. And in the cases
they had been assigned recently, it was ridiculous--who
ditched their partner to follow up on tranquilizer
purchases? She decided she had had enough.  When Mulder
returned, Scully confronted him in their hotel room.

"Are you all right?" she began, entering his room through
the unlocked connecting door. She silently took in the mud
on his coat and shoes and his bedraggled, rain soaked hair.
But her silence ended when she noticed the small cut below
his eye and the bruise forming there.

"What happened!" she demanded, this time more angrily,
approaching and raising her hand to examine the injury.
Mulder roughly smacked her hand away.

"I am not in the mood for mothering right now," he
practically growled as he pushed past her into the bathroom.
He picked up a wash cloth, dampened it with cold water, and
began to dab at his wound.

Scully stood where she had been when he shoved by her, jaw
agape and eyes wide. It took her a full minute to realize
what had happened. When she did, she slowly turned to stare
at the man standing in the bathroom. She had not even begun
to yell at him for ditching her...she had simply offered to
look at his cut....

She turned to face him fully. When he didn't acknowledge
her, she walked into the bathroom.

"I am your doctor and your partner, in case you've
forgotten, not your mother. You obviously need medical
attention. If you don't want me to look at that eye, I'll
drive you to the hospital, if this pathetic town even has
one, and someone there can look at it. But someone is going
to."

He shoved past her again, causing an even more incredulous
look to spread across her face. He crossed out of the
bathroom and over to the bucket of ice he had brought in
earlier for his tea while he was looking through the
evidence he had gathered. He put some ice in the washcloth
and put it gingerly on his eye.

"I am not going to a hospital for a cut and black-eye."

His tone was not one she wanted to argue with. Besides, he
was right that the injury was minor and she was more
interested in why he was behaving so oddly, and what had
happened that night to earn him the black-eye--in that
order. She began with the easier of the two topics.

"O.K., maybe if you don't want to talk about your eye,
you'll at least share with your partner"--she put emphasis
on this last word--"what you found tonight to lure you out
into the rain after midnight."

"It doesn't matter...it didn't pan out. I'm tired, so I'm
going to shower and go to bed."

He waited for her to leave. She didn't. She waited for him
to continue. He didn't.

"Look Mulder"--she began, now really angry and no longer
disguising it--"I believe we both went through the same
classes at the Academy and I'll bet your instructors told
you, just like they told me: the number one rule of pursuit
is 'Have backup.' I can't back you up when I don't even know
where you are. Moreover, these investigations are a lot
harder when you don't share your discoveries with me. I
can't analyze evidence I have never seen. Now, from the
looks of this room, you were going through today's evidence
when you found something. You went out. You obviously
encountered something. Now you are going to tell me what it
was!"

"We did take the same courses at the Academy, I do remember
the Golden Backup Rule," he said his voice dripping with
sarcasm that was completely unlike him. "But that's just the
problem isn't it? You haven't been backing me up in these
investigations--you're too busy finding evidence that
doesn't back me up. Well, Scully, that leads me to another
rule I bet you remember. It has to do with trusting your
partner."

Finishing this sentence, he stormed past her into the
bathroom. She heard the door lock. He had turned on the
shower before she had recovered from the shock of his last
statement and could move again.

When she did, instead of going back into her room, she
decided she needed some fresh air. Opening the outside door,
she walked briskly in the direction of the street--maybe she
could find a restaurant and some coffee. She reached the
sidewalk and had begun to walk in the direction of the few
lights in the town she could see were still on, when she
noticed a car pull into the hotel lot and park in front of
their rooms. Her natural instinct was to stop and watch. She
knew she had locked Mulder's door and her own, but six years
of working with Mulder had gone a long way towards making
her as paranoid as he was--she preferred to think of it as
security conscious. A woman got out of the car--Fowley!
Scully couldn't believe it when she pulled out keys and
entered Mulder's room. Turning quickly, Scully went back to
her search for coffee.

SCOTT'S INN, MARYLAND
MAY 11th

When Scully returned to the hotel very late after sipping
coffee in the town's run-down diner until the owner chased
her out, Fowley's car was still in front of Mulder's room.
When Scully awoke that morning, Fowley's car was gone.
Scully was waiting in the car she and Mulder had rented and
she had already checked them out of their hotel when Mulder
made his first appearance of the morning. He silently
entered the passenger side of the car. Scully glanced at his
right eye in the mirror on the visor. It was puffy and red
and blue.

"Mulder, please let me have a look at that eye," she asked
very quietly without looking at him. When he said nothing,
she shifted in her seat and turned his head with one hand
while running the other gently over the wound. It was going
to be infected. She reached into her bag and pulled out a
prescription strength disinfectant cream she regularly
carried for Mulder's mishaps. While she rubbed it on, he was
silent and never looked up.

"That's the physical wound, now how about the emotional
one," she said putting the cream away and starting the car.
"What did you mean about 'trust' last night?"

He was silent.

"Why on earth won't you talk to me? What is going on here
Mulder?"

He remained silent.

"Mulder, did you meet with someone last night? I heard your
door open and close several times." If his response was a
lie, that would be the final blow.

"Yes, I did, and what I did was none of your business. Now,
can we please just discuss all this later," he mumbled
turning his head toward the window and settling in as if he
intended to sleep on the ride back to Washington.

It was obvious something was seriously wrong but years of
experience told her Mulder occasionally needed time to cool
off before thinking rationally. Although she didn't
understand it, Scully decided this was definitely one of
those times. Besides, she had no real desire to know what
Mulder did last night with Fowley in his hotel room. They
drove back to Washington in silence. She dropped him off and
returned home herself.

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
WASHINGTON D.C.
MAY 12

He was already in the office the next morning when she came
in. His eye looked much better. She sat down, read her
email, and listened to her voice mail. Mulder never even
raised his eyes to greet her. She sat for a few minutes
trying to remember how long this had been going on. The more
she thought about it, the more she realized that it had been
a long time since they had really spoken. She decided it was
time they did.

Looking straight at him so he could no longer ignore her,
she said evenly, "Mulder, I am extremely concerned about
what you said in Maryland. Will you please explain it to
me?"

"I didn't mean anything. I was tired and annoyed. Just let
it drop, ok? We've got a ton of paper work to get through,"
Mulder replied, still without looking up, with a tired tinge
to his voice.

But Scully was not ready to give up so easily. Still with a
quiet, calm tone, she continued, "I can't drop it, Mulder.
You implied you don't trust me. Why not?" He didn't reply.
"If it didn't mean anything, what has been going on
recently? We hardly speak to each other. We haven't really
been working together since..."--she paused to think--
"...since Dallas. We have to talk about this."

Mulder stood up from his desk. The expression on his face
actually made Scully flinch. He moved from behind the desk
and closed in on her. Scully backed away instinctively.
Fleetingly, it crossed her mind that she had never felt
afraid of him before--his mercurial personality made her
work harder, nothing more. But the expression on his face
made her fearful now. 'Fearful!' she thought, 'How can I be
afraid of Mulder. He would never...'

He interrupted her thought by leaning over her in a manner
she could only describe as menacing. "If you don't feel like
we're working together, that is your read on it. We have
satisfactorily investigated 18 bullshit fertilizer cases in
the last few weeks. That's twice the average rate. But then
we've been assigned cases a rookie could handle, so I guess
that record isn't much of an accomplishment," he paused and
his expression grew darker. "Of course if you are referring
to helping me do anything important, like investigate what
we--oh, pardon me--what *I* saw in the Antarctic, you're
right. You're not helping me at all. But you obviously don't
care."  He turned his back to her. Her Irish up, Scully
stepped forward, eyes cold, and prepared to give him hell
for his threatening attitude. His final words stopped her in
her tracks. "If you are unhappy with this situation, so am
I.  So ask for a transfer."

The words hit her more forcefully than if he had shot her
with his service weapon. She grabbed his arm and turned him
around. The face that met hers was a perfectly composed
mask.

"Is that what you want, for me to be transferred?" She was
surprised that her voice was nothing more than a whisper.
That it trembled.

"Maybe that would be best...if we're not working well
together," he said with perfect calm.

"What has happened between us that I missed? If you want me
transferred now, why didn't you just let me  quit a month
ago?"

"Perhaps it would have been best if I had."

After staring at him for a moment, Scully turned to flee the
room. She hoped he would assume that she was angry and that
he hadn't seen the tears forming in her eyes.

AD SKINNER'S OFFICE
MAY 13

"I have to say I am completely taken off guard by this
request for transfer Agent Scully," Skinner said shuffling
through the paperwork. "You state your reasons for the
request are 'of a personal nature.' Would you care to be
more specific about that?"

Scully shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "I believe that
the phrase 'personal in nature' indicates that I do not want
to be more specific, sir," She replied.

Skinner let the request form fall to his desk and looked at
Scully over his glasses. She knew that look. This was about
to become even more difficult than it already was. She
shifted in the chair again.

"I know you and Mulder are unhappy with your reassignment.
But we know from experience, patience is a virtue.
Eventually you will get the X Files back. Meanwhile, we both
know you and Mulder are still investigating X Files and I
think you know I will help you when I can as long as you two
are solving official cases. You are, and you have an above
average conviction rate. You work well together. It looks
good. Besides, you were assigned to this division by a power
higher than me. A power I will have to explain to if I grant
your transfer. I am not going to split you two up with out a
good reason."

Scully did not want to cause trouble for Mulder. Mulder did
a fine job of causing trouble for himself. But, if he really
wanted her to transfer, she knew that for her own safety she
had better. Partners who no longer worked together or
trusted one another could not work together safely or
productively. She remained silent, considering her options.
Apparently she remained silent for too long.

"If you do not care to discuss this, perhaps Agent Mulder
will." Skinner hit his intercom button, "Send in Mulder."

Before Scully could protest, the door opened and Mulder
strode in with a "what is this all about" look on his face.
When he saw Scully, his expression became completely
neutral.

"Sit down Agent Mulder. I asked you here to discuss Agent
Scully's request for transfer. I am hoping you can shed some
light on the reasons behind it."

Scully threw him an apologetic glance. Mulder never saw it.
He was looking directly at Skinner, ignoring her entirely.

"I believe you should ask Agent Scully her reasons."

"I have and she says they are personal in nature and won't
elaborate on that."

"What makes you think I can or would if I could?"

Skinner lost his patience. He took the request and put it in
its file. He booted his computer, pulled up a form, and in
its blank space, typed "denied." He printed out the form and
signed it. Handing it to Scully he said formally, "Agent
Scully, your request for a transfer has been denied. If you
and Agent Mulder are experiencing some differences, fix
them. You're adults. If you have some legitimate reason to
request this transfer, resubmit it--with that reason plainly
stated. Dismissed."

Mulder stood up without a word and walked out of the office.
Scully hesitated, considering pursuing the matter, but the
look on Skinner's face stopped her. She left the office.
Outside, she considered where to go. She didn't feel
particularly comfortable going back to the office she shared
with Mulder. It definitely would be good to clear the air
though, so she headed back hoping that this latest
confrontation would make him at least willing to discuss
what was going on. When she got back to the office, it was
empty. Mulder's coat was gone. He had either left on a case
or gone home for the day. She tried his cell phone. No
answer.

A WAREHOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.
JUNE 11

Matters between Scully and Mulder maintained the status quo.
He behaved as if he felt she had betrayed him. She knew she
had not. If the results of their recent experiments had not
satisfied him, that was not her fault. For her part, she
felt betrayed by his complete abandonment of her. She had
worked hard over the years to gain his trust and now she
knew that she had lost it. She had no idea how. Mulder
continued to be distant and Scully continued to be confused.
She had ceased to attempt any unnecessary interaction
between them and the relationship had settled into a
professional but completely sterile one. It was obvious to
Scully that something was hurting Mulder deeply, but it was
equally obvious he did not want her help. She had racked her
brains trying to figure out what had happened to elicit this
change in behavior, but to no avail. In the meantime, they
had continued to be assigned cases.

Tonight they were pursuing a man who had gone on a bombing
spree in Washington D.C. with home made pipe-bombs. They had
tracked the suspect to a warehouse. The Washington P.D. had
it surrounded and Mulder and Scully, the lead investigators
on the case, were going in to search the building. They
entered through separate doors at opposite ends of the
warehouse, planning to move in towards its center. The
warehouse was full of wooden pallets stacked high above
their heads. Excellent hiding places. This would be
difficult. Gun drawn, Scully moved with her back to a row of
the pallets, searching in between them, keeping Mulder's
shadow in sight at the other end of the warehouse. After a
few moments, Mulder disappeared behind a row of boxes and
Scully silently cursed him, "He never follows
procedure...how can I back him up if I can't see him, damn
it!" She continued as they had planned in toward the center
of the building trying to catch sight of Mulder again. She
never did and suddenly it no longer mattered.

Mulder stepped out of the area he had been searching. He'd
found nothing.

"Federal Agent, I'm armed. Drop your weapon and put your
hands up!" he heard Scully yell, and immediately afterward,
he was deafened by gunfire echoing through the building.

"Mulder, I need help!"

He raced toward the sound of Scully's voice and arrived in
time to see her groping in her holster for her extra clip
and staring in disbelief at the figure before her--shot,
bleeding, but still standing. The suspect moved toward her,
raising his gun. Mulder raised his but before he could get
off a shot, the man shot Scully six times in the chest at
point blank range.

The suspect fled, but Mulder never saw him. The world seemed
to stop. He watched as if in slow motion as Scully's body
convulsed six times with the force of each shot and
collapsed to the ground.  For a moment he stared at the
figure on the ground--bright red hair shining in stark
contrast to the dark suit and sooty ground. When his eyes
reached her face he seemed to see her for the first time in
months. He snapped out of shock and began to move. Her face
was contorted in pain, her hands clutching weakly at her
chest. By the time he reached her side, her face had
slackened and her hands had fallen to her sides. He turned
her fully onto her back as the police rushed the building.
Expecting to see blood staining her white silk blouse, he
tore open her FBI jacket and stared, mouth agape, at
nothing. He heard the police officers yelling something at
him as he grabbed the collar of her blouse and ripped it
open, again expecting to see blood and bullet wounds.

She was wearing a vest. And embedded in that vest Mulder saw
5 bullets.

As quickly as the relief rushed over him, panic struck
again. Five bullets. Six shots! Mulder struggled with the
fastenings on the vest and pulled it open. The sixth bullet
had somehow penetrated the vest. Hollow tips-- it had
flattened as it passed through the vest. There was a
devastatingly large entry wound in Scully's chest and it was
bleeding hard. Mulder was on his cell phone to 911, while he
sat Scully up to look for the exit point in her back. Mulder
followed the operator's instructions as he waited for the
ambulance.

MEMORIAL HOSPITAL
 WASHINGTON D.C.
JUNE 14

Scully first heard Mulder and Skinner's voices as she
drifted in and out of consciousness. She could hear they
were talking about her. She was lying down. What was she
doing lying down? She tried to sit up and the pain lanced
through her chest. She fell back into unconsciousness.

Again she heard voices. Mulder's and Skinner's. Where was
she? She forced her eyes open and took in the hospital room.
Hospital room. Pain. Chest. She had been shot in the chest
while pursuing the subject in the warehouse.  In a groggy
panic she looked down at her chest. She saw the bandage and
scanning the room she saw the respirator. She was in the
thoracic intensive care unit. Her throat felt sore. Had she
actually been on that respirator? She pressed the nurse's
call button and heard Mulder's somewhat panicked reaction to
the nurse's quick movement toward her room.

"Is there something wrong?" Mulder asked as the nurse moved
past him. He followed her into the room, Skinner right
behind him. The look of relief on his face when he saw
Scully was awake was patently obvious. The nurse began
asking her questions and calling for a doctor. Scully had
her own questions.

"Just lie still for a minute, you've had a very close call
and you don't want to rush things," the nurse was saying.
Scully weakly protested and Skinner moved to her bedside,
knowing she'd be still when she had answers.

"You were shot in the chest pursuing a suspect, Scully. You
were wearing a vest but one bullet penetrated it. It lodged
in the chest cavity without hitting any major organs. The
doctors removed it. No serious damage, but you just had
major surgery, you have broken ribs from the impacts of the
five bullets on your vest, and you lost a lot of blood.
You'll be in here for a while. You're lucky you were wearing
a vest. You'd be dead without it. I didn't know you wore
one."

Groggily, Scully slurred, "I only had reason to recently."
She fell back to sleep. Skinner glared at Mulder and left.
The nurse and doctor finished with Scully, leaving Mulder
alone with her. He sat at the side of her bed, crying
openly.

Fox Mulder was miserable. He had spent the last month
distancing himself from her because her damn slavish
dedication to her science had hurt him deeply. He couldn't
believe that she refused to believe after everything they
had seen. He couldn't understand her sudden refusal to back
him up and he thanked God Diana was still so willing to
help. But despite his belief that Scully had turned her back
on him professionally--he still couldn't bring himself to
just walk away from her as Diana had been suggesting. He
understood Diana's reasoning. He just couldn't bring himself
to do it and he knew why.

And now this. Scully had almost died because of him. If he
had seen six bullet holes in her chest as he'd expected to
see, he knew exactly what he would have done.

***

When Scully awoke several hours later, disoriented again,
she saw Mulder asleep in a chair next to her bed. He had her
hand in his lap in between his own hands. Her hoarse voice
calling his name woke him up. He had at least a three-day
growth of beard.

"You look like hell," she croaked.

"I look a hell of a lot better than you," Mulder replied
laying her hand gently back on the bed and brushing the hair
off her face. Scully closed her eyes. She was strongly
reminded of how much she missed this sort of contact between
them. Which reminded her why she was here in the first
place. If Mulder had been following procedure, covering her
rather than disappearing, she wouldn't be recovering in a
hospital room. This thought naggingly reminded her of
something else, but she couldn't place what. Never mind, she
didn't really blame Mulder, and she was relieved he was
here. It was definitely a good sign. She reached up and took
his hand as he stroked her face, hoping that they were on
the road to recovery in their partnership.

Mulder never left the hospital as Scully recovered, although
she did talk him into going down to the gift shop to buy a
razor to shave in her bathroom. He sat with her, watched the
TV with her, and was always there when she woke up. But they
didn't talk. Scully could see Mulder was consumed with
guilt. When she tried to talk with him about the shooting,
he gently put his fingers over her lips. She could see the
tears in his eyes.  When she tried to bring up the problems
in their partnership, he refused to discuss it.

MEMORIAL HOSPITAL
JUNE 23

Scully awoke and, for the first time in a week, Mulder
wasn't there. When he did not emerge from the bathroom or
with a bag of sunflower seeds, Scully called the nurse and
asked if she knew where Mulder had gone.

"That Director fellow came looking for him this morning. He
mentioned something about getting presentable for the
hearing if he wanted to have a leg to stand on. Your partner
left with him."

Suddenly, Scully remembered what had been nagging her at the
back of her mind all week--the conversation between Mulder
and Skinner outside her door in intensive care as she had
been waking up:

**"You'd better reconsider your version of events Agent
Mulder, because if you make this report, you will be
dismissed. You understand that?"

"Yes sir, I do. I speak for the record. Agent Scully is
lying in that hospital bed because I wasn't following
procedure. I stepped out of her line of sight making it
impossible for us to watch each other's backs. I willfully
violated pursuit procedures and Scully almost died for it. I
deserve what ever you throw at me."

Pause. "Mulder, there will be a hearing regarding this
matter when Scully is able to testify. The consequences will
be grave for you if she collaborates this story."

"There's no need to wait for Scully's testimony, sir. This
is a confession. I am guilty of violating procedure. I won't
deny that. Have the hearing when you like."**

Scully sat bolt upright in the bed and began pulling out her
IVs. The nurse moved to stop her.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm checking out," Scully said in that no-nonsense voice
that left no room for argument.

In an equally firm voice, the nurse replied, "You are doing
no such thing. You just had major surgery and you are only
tentatively scheduled for release on Monday. This is
Friday." She continued to try to foil Scully's attempts to
remove the I.V.

Scully grabbed the nurse's arms and held her still. "I am a
medical doctor. I know my rights. I can leave this hospital
at any time and that is exactly what I am doing. I'll check
out AMA, but I am leaving. Now call the doctor."

By the time the doctor arrived, Scully was completely
dressed and walking carefully but with determination down
the hospital corridor.

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
JUNE 23

"Agent Mulder, since you refuse to defend yourself..." was
all Scully heard as she walked into the hearing room. All
eyes turned to her. She saw Skinner stand up. At this,
Mulder turned and she saw concern rapidly chased by anger
and another expression she couldn't read run across his
face.

"Agent Scully, we were under the impression you had declined
to testify and that you were still in the hospital," the
Section Chief said.

"I was released this morning,"--she saw Mulder's expression
change to a smirk--"and I have not declined to testify. I
was never given the opportunity. I respectfully request that
opportunity now."

"Scully..." Mulder began, but was interrupted by Skinner.

"Agent Scully, this hearing is to determine if Agent Mulder
willfully disregarded procedure during the pursuit of the
suspect Jack Stafford--an action which led to your injury.
If you have testimony to offer, we will certainly listen to
it. Are you prepared to testify now?"

"Yes, sir," she said sitting down in the chair next to
Mulder, rather than in the witness chair. Mulder did not
fail to notice how heavily she fell into the chair.  She
began, "I don't have any idea why Agent Mulder would claim
to be responsible for my injury or why he would state that
he violated procedure. I never lost sight of him," Mulder
turned to stare at her, but she continued without pausing,
"I was shot because the suspect was behind boxes and pallets
and not at an angle at which Agent Mulder could help me.
When he saw me firing he moved as quickly as could be
expected to help me. If it wasn't fast enough, that's not
his fault. For the record, I discharged my weapon 6 times at
point blank range. I could not have missed all six times.
The suspect was obviously high on something and not
immediately affected. Thus, Agent Mulder's presence would
likely have only resulted in him being shot as well. I can
only conclude that he feels guilty that I was injured and is
somehow trying to alleviate that guilt by making the
statement that he has. This would certainly be a normal
reaction to watching your partner get shot, but he should
not be punished for it. He may feel guilty, but there is no
reason to find him guilty of violating procedure."

Skinner interrupted, "Agent Mulder has testified that he
stepped out of view to investigate a noise. Are you
contradicting that statement, Agent Scully?"

"Yes I am, sir."

"Agent Mulder made that testimony under oath Agent Scully.
You are also under oath, here. Are you contradicting Agent
Mulder's version of events?"

"I repeat, sir. I have no idea why Mulder has testified as
he has. I never lost sight of him. It is my belief that he
acted appropriately. I am the injured party. I have no
reason to lie. And, I know I am under oath, sir." Scully
glanced at Mulder. His eyes were closed and he was
struggling for control. She reached under the table and put
her hand on his. He closed his eyes more tightly.

The Section Chief looked at Scully for a long moment and
stated, "You're both dismissed. You will be informed of the
division's decision this afternoon."

Mulder got up to flee the room. He paused as he saw the
difficulty Scully was having in rising. Taking her by the
shoulders, he led her from the room. In the hall, she
collapsed onto a bench. "I just need to sit for a minute
longer."

"You weren't released from the hospital, you checked
yourself out AMA. After all the times you have given me hell
for doing the exact same thing.... Come on Scully, I'm
taking you back to the hospital."

"I'll just check out again, if they'll even agree to re-
admit me. I'm fine. I just need to rest a minute."

"I have never been so tired of one statement in my whole
life, " he exploded. "You are not *fine.* A week ago you had
a bullet hole the size of my fist in your chest. You just
lied straight-faced to an official hearing panel. You could
be fired for that. You are definitely not 'fine'."

"Mulder, please take me home," Scully whispered weakly as
Skinner left the hearing room.

"Is she ok?" Skinner asked with more concern than Mulder had
ever seen.

"I'm going to take her home. You can contact me at her
place." He pulled Scully to her feet and started to turn her
to the elevator. Skinner's voice stopped them.

"That was stupid, Scully. Almost as stupid as Mulder's
testimony. We don't know if any of the P.D. on the scene
testified. You stand to face disciplinary action if they
did. Let me handle this. Surely by now you know that I do
what I can to cover you two. But if you insist on burying
yourselves, what do you expect me to do? What ever it is
that has been going on between the two of you, I want it
fixed."

Mulder pushed Scully into the elevator and left Skinner
fuming in the hall.

SCULY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
JUNE 23

The ride to Scully's apartment was silent, as all their
"interaction" seemed to be these days. Mulder helped her
inside and set her up comfortably on the couch before he
went into her kitchen to prepare her some lunch. When he had
finished, he brought it out on a tray and sat it on her lap,
returning to the kitchen for his own. He sat down across
from her. He didn't meet her eyes.

"Mulder, why did you tell that hearing board you were
responsible for this?"

"Because its the truth?" he said sarcastically.

"You would have been dismissed! You would have never
regained the X Files! Your ability to investigate the
paranormal would have been seriously curtailed without
access to FBI resources! Why would you take that risk? You
know I would have collaborated any story you told them.  Or
do you think I blame you? That I wouldn't have protected
you?"

"You should blame me. You were almost killed, and it was my
fault." His sarcasm had dissolved.  He turned his back.

"I don't blame you."

He looked at her. She was obviously concerned. He sighed.
"Good thing you were wearing a vest...that you'd decided you
didn't trust me to back you up." His comment was intended as
self-derision but Scully did not take it that way. After
weeks of example after example that he no longer trusted
her, 'trust' was a sensitive topic.

"It all comes down to a matter of trust, doesn't it,
Mulder?" The vehemence in her tone surprised him, put him on
the defensive suddenly. "Trust that I'll not betray you by
refusing to collaborate your story...."

"Is that why you think I told the truth....?"

"And if I 'don't trust you to back me up,' you've earned
that lack of trust. You told me you wanted me transferred,
that I should have left the Bureau. Am I supposed to feel
perfectly safe working with you knowing you feel that way?
Anyway, you are never around during our official assignments
to back me up.  I, on the other hand, back you up, cover for
you, every day. I have done nothing to earn the lack of
trust you obviously feel. I don't understand it, and you
won't explain it." She stopped, exhausted and out of breath.

Mulder could see she was spent and knew she was in no
condition for this argument. He didn't want to have it and,
hearing her words, he wasn't sure he could defend his recent
actions. It made a lot more sense when he was talking to
Diana about it. Before he could reply, Scully heard his cell
phone ring. Speak of the Devil.

"Mulder," he answered, and pausing to listen to the person
at the other end, he continued, "This is not a good
time....I can't right now....you don't understand, Scully
was released today and we just had the hearing....no, Scully
testified....I told you this was not a good...
but...alright, I'll meet you in an hour."

She watched him throughout the conversation. He looked
guilty when he turned to face her. "I'll call your mother to
come stay with you..."

"Where are you going? You told Skinner you'd wait for the
Board's decision."

"I know, but this can't wait. Diana's found...." That was as
far as he got.

"This is a perfect example, Mulder. You are going to leave
me here to go running off with Agent Fowley? Again? You just
got out of one review board. Every time you run off with
her, it lands you in front of another. Don't you see what's
going on here, Mulder? She's setting you up to be found in
places to get you in trouble. And you're falling for it."

"Diana and I founded the X Files. I trust her. She would not
set me up." Mulder replied, hotly.

"Then how do you explain it? I don't understand your blind
faith in her!"

"The way I see it, she is trying to help me, while you are
doing nothing but 'scientifically' disproving everything
I've worked for. Everything we saw in Antarctica. She is
risking her position by including me in her investigations.
You have refused to participate, to help us. You want to
know why I don't trust you--that is why." Mulder stormed
from the apartment, leaving Scully hurt and wondering why
every time they spoke, it ended in an argument. When Skinner
called with the results of the hearing board, as Scully
predicted, it was time to call another.

continued in part 2

Title: What Doesn't Kill Us... Betrayal From Within (2/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: PG
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and  season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. Betrayal
>From Within explores what we don't see in  season six.

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**) are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

What Doesn't Kill Us...
Katherine Benton

THE LONEGUNMEN'S OFFICE
JULY 14

Weeks past. Despite Scully's close call, relations between
Mulder and Scully did not improve. The fact that he did not
even try to mend fences after she almost died was, in
Scully's opinion, a testament to the extent of the damage to
their partnership. Nevertheless, both were intent upon
proving the validity of their experiences after the Federal
building explosion, even if their different methods lead
them in separate directions.

Now they hardly spoke. Even when Mulder was emotionally
drained after their last case--the case of a man and his
wife who died when they couldn't travel at high speed--he
avoided Scully. When he'd finally escaped the man after
being hijacked by him and forced at gunpoint to drive across
country--after he'd desperately tried to save the man and
had watched this man die--all he wanted was to be left
alone. Scully did not approach him to offer comfort. She
knew he no longer found her presence comforting.

With this case, their enthusiasm for investigating X Files
led to their reassignment to AD Kersh, worsening their
original situation. Rather than bringing them together, as
aversion had done in the past, now they seemed to be
drifting more and more apart. Mulder's outings were
increasingly secretive. Worse still, Mulder seemed to be
completely shutting Scully out of their unofficial
investigation. It had been a month since he had spoken to
her about anything he and Fowley found. Frustrated that
Mulder chose to recklessly pursue leads with Fowley, Scully
began her own investigation with the help of the Lone
Gunmen.

Mulder was at their doorstep that night looking for help
with some items he and Diana had turned up. He had no idea
that the tensions between he and Scully would come to a head
simply because of this innocent plan. Mulder knocked on the
Lone Gunmen's door. No answer. "Come on guys, it's me. I
know you're in there." When the door opened, Mulder was
shocked to see Scully glance at him to confirm his identity
and turn to walk away from the door.

"Quit making all that noise. Do you want the whole
neighborhood's attention?"

"Why didn't you just open the door? And what on earth are
you doing here?" he asked, closing the door. As he turned to
face the room, his confusion increased. The Lone Gunmen had
what appeared to be a nearly complete medical lab set up in
their small office space. 'You could perform major surgery
here,' he thought as he looked around. Scully had returned
to the center of the lab. On one side of her, he saw an
autopsy table and equipment. To the other he saw a variety
of chemicals and vials, microscopes and incubators. There
were notes with equations and descriptions of organic
compounds, paper files, and a computer with a partially
finished report on the screen. "This is worse then my old
office," he thought and then said out loud with a grin on
his face, "What are they doing here?"

Before Scully could reply, the doorknob turned. Scully
pulled her gun and prepared to shoot.

"Shouldn't leave the door unlocked," Langly said entering
calmly, nonchalant despite the gun in his face.

"Put that down before you kill one of us. That's why we have
a security system," exclaimed Byers testily.

"It's not my fault. Mulder didn't secure the door when he
closed it," Scully gestured at Mulder, returning her
attention to the microscope. Byers and Langly noticed Mulder
for the first time. He had buried himself among the
laboratory equipment. As they moved to greet him, the door
opened again admitting Frohike.

"So, you ready to go, Lucious?" He ducked automatically as
Scully launched a petridish at his head without looking up
from her work.

"Come here and give me a hand for a few minutes and I then
will be ready."

Stunned by this casual interchange between his partner and
the men she had thought were 'some of the most paranoid and
disturbed people on Earth,' Mulder repeated his earlier
question, "What are you guys doing in here?"

"You'd have to ask Scully the details. Biology isn't a
science any of us work with as well as she does. Langly is
the only one of us that can really keep up with her," Byers
replied as Frohike and Langly began to look over Scully's
shoulder. Mulder heard her quietly explaining what they were
looking at and the procedure she wanted help performing.
When Mulder didn't reply, Byers joined them.

"Are you sure you want to do this tonight? You couldn't
possibly be completely recovered," he asked nervously.

"We can't wait any longer. As close as we were last time,
it's a miracle they didn't move. They will soon and then
we'll loose our chance. We have to go in now." At Byers
unconvinced expression, she took his hand and continued,
"John look, I got shot the last time because I went in
alone. It was stupid. I knew this one was going to be very
dangerous and I don't want to get you guys killed for my
investigation--God I sound just like Mulder--but I learned
my lesson, ok? I need backup. So let's go."

Mulder watched, ignored and confused by this interchange. As
Langly and Frohike finished the experiment Scully had been
running, she and Byers took off their jackets, picked up
shoulder holsters, checked the guns in them, and put them
on. With her jacket removed, Mulder could see a bandage
protruding from the collar of Scully's white blouse. Had
that been why she had missed two days of work last week? How
on earth had that happened? And how did the Gunmen seem to
know more about this than he did?

"What else are we going to need?" asked Frohike as Byers and
Scully replaced their jackets to conceal their weapons and
began to review what appeared to be the floor plan of
building.

When Mulder's voice boomed out, everyone jumped. They had
forgotten he was there. "What in the hell is going on in
here?!" He repeated for the third time. "Byers what in the
hell are you doing with that gun?"

Scully replied quietly without hesitating in her
preparations to leave. "We are going to investigate a
warehouse where I think Gibson is being held--or where they
experimented on him, at least. I know that for certain." She
motioned for them to leave but their movement was stopped by
Mulder blocking the door.

"Are you still investigating X-Files in here?" he gestured
toward the makeshift lab, realization dawning.

"You can turn me in to Kersh in the morning," Scully replied
sarcastically.

"Why didn't you tell me what you were up to? Why didn't you
tell me you'd been shot? Again. Are you trying to get
yourself killed? You're a doctor, you ought to know the body
has limits..."

"It was just a grazing shot, Mulder. Nothing serious."

"...And if you are going into some warehouse, why didn't you
call me for backup?"

"Backup? You? Assuming I wanted you for backup, where would
I find you?" she replied, temper rising. "You don't keep me
abreast of where your investigations with Agent Fowley take
you. I'm too busy 9-5 doing both our share of the work so
you don't get fired to track you two down myself. Besides, I
have backup," she paused to emphasize her next words: "You
have a new partner, so do I."

With that, Scully pushed past Mulder to the door. He turned
and grabbed her arm. The look on her face when she turned to
meet his eyes was deadly. Reflexively, he let go of her arm
but spoke his mind anyway.

"Byers is your backup?! Scully, Byers is a communications
specialist, a computer nerd, he is not a trained FBI agent."

"I don't have time to debate this with you Mulder. I trust
Byers. I trust him with my life." She knew her words were
cutting. She didn't care. "We are leaving." Mulder's
complete astonishment provided them with opportunity to flee
the room and pile into Frohike's Volkswagen bus outside.
Mulder set their security system and went out to the van. He
pounded on the door.

"Let me in, I'm going with you." Mulder saw Frohike look to
Scully for affirmation before he let Mulder in. "Bizarro
World," thought Mulder as the van pulled out, "Imagine
Scully working hand in hand with the Lone Gunmen."

When they arrived at the warehouse, Mulder decided to make
one last plea for sanity. "Scully, since I'm here anyway,
why don't I go in with you?"

"Byers and I studied the layout of this warehouse and we
have a plan to search it. You don't know anything about it.
Besides, it's been a month since we did fieldwork together,
Mulder. We weren't doing so well before that and we are
rusty now. Byers and I have been working together regularly.
I don't think I'd work as smoothly with you as I do with
him." She turned to the Lone Gunman, missing Mulder's
astonished look.

"Ready?" she asked Byers. Mulder watched as Byer's
expression obviously communicated to Scully that he was.
They got out of the van as one and moved off to the
warehouse.

"OK, lets get the communications link up," said Langly,
interrupting Mulder's thoughts. He watched in amazement as
the obviously practiced team worked together to get Scully
and Byers in and out safely.

An hour later, the speaker broadcasting communications with
Scully and Byers emitted a loud bang. Mulder heard Byers
shout, "Move out, we're caught." Mulder watched Langly and
Frohike working to open secured doors and block other
security measures to facilitate their escape.  Several tense
seconds later, Byers appeared running out the front door of
the warehouse. With the door flung open, the spectators in
the van could see Scully still in the hallway of the
warehouse, running one hundred feet behind Byers. Mulder saw
it first--from around a corner in the warehouse appeared a
burly man. He aimed at Scully's fleeing back. Just as Mulder
was about to burst out of the van to help Scully, Byers
turned to check on the progress of her escape. Mulder was
impressed by his reaction. He saw the gun was instantly in
Byers hand as he signaled Scully to drop. Without
hesitation, Scully understood and obeyed Byers' signal. She
dove to the floor, reaching for her own gun and turning to
face whatever was behind her. The man got off the first
shot. Both Byers and Scully returned fire a split-second
later and he went down, hit several times in the chest.
Scully scrambled up and both Mulder from the van and Scully
emerging from the warehouse turned their attention to Byers.
He was collapsing to his knees--he'd been hit. Without
pausing, Scully ran to him, threw his arm across her
shoulder, and dragged him back to the van. As she pushed
Byers in, she was shouting, "Go, go!"

"Are you crazy! Wait a minute! That man is shot back there.
We have to call the ambulance and police and wait for them."
Mulder exclaimed.

"This isn't the FBI, Mulder. This is illegal, just like what
the conspirators are doing is illegal. Go Frohike. Langly,
get back here and help me with Byers."

Scully laid Byers, who was now completely incoherent but
still moving, on the floor in the back of the van. She took
off his jacket, shirt, and undershirt as Langly handed her a
bag from under the table of communications equipment. "It
went through the shoulder," she announced as she worked.
"Clean entry and exit wound so it passed through...too high
for a vital organ, too low to have broken his
collarbone...no real damage, just a flesh wound. Very heavy
bleeding, though. We're going to need anesthetic, suture,
and an IV antibiotic. Blood too if we don't hurry," she
ordered, pressing down hard in Byers shoulder. This caused
him to open his eyes in shock and pain.

"Shh, you're ok. You're fine," Scully soothed, stroking his
beard with one hand as she held pressure with the other.

"Hurts," Byers grunted.

"I know, we'll have anesthetic soon and I'll fix you up. But
you're fine, it just hit you in the shoulder. No damage,
you'll be fine in a few days..." Mulder listened as Scully
quieted Byers exactly as she had done for him so many times
in the past.

****

Back at the Lone Gunmen's, Scully was finishing hanging the
last IV. Langly, Frohike, and Mulder watched. Byers was
already feeling better since the painkillers had kicked in.

"Show them what we got that makes this all worth it," he
slurred. Scully smiled at him and went over to the bag she
had carried out of the warehouse. She pulled out files and
handed them to Frohike and Langly.

"Jesus, Scully! These are files on the virus, the
experiments on that kid, and on locations of some other
labs....this is incredible." They passed the files between
each other for a few minutes before Frohike said, "We'll get
moving on these right now." The Lone Gunmen got up to make
arrangements to go to the places mentioned in the files, but
Scully stopped them.

"I know those are unprecedented opportunities, but since we
were caught, I think we'd better move ourselves. I'm not
getting myself or you killed for this. They know for certain
that I'm working on this and they'll be moving to prevent me
from pursuing it further. If they had cameras that we didn't
get, and we have to assume they did, they now know I'm
working with someone. They're going to look for who that is.
We have to move."

Nodding, Frohike and Langly moved to comply. Scully,
checking one last time on Byers now sleeping form, took the
files and went over to her lab space. Mulder followed her.

"Can I see those?" No one had offered to show him the files.

Wordlessly, she handed him a stack.

"Scully, will you please talk to me?"

"About what?" she asked without looking up from studying her
newly stolen material. The role reversal was not lost on
either of them. A month ago, she had been the one asking to
talk. He didn't reply, he just stared at her.

"I took this one for you. When I saw it, I knew it would be
important to you." She pulled another file from the bag and
handed it to Mulder. It was the file on Samantha that had
been in their office when it burned--or so Mulder had
thought. Out of the corner of her eye Scully saw Mulder's
hands clench into fists as he clutched the file. His eyes
closed.

"Thank you," he murmured.

Without looking at him, she nodded her reply.

"Scully, what is going on here?"

"I've asked you that several times now myself and you never
cared to answer me." When he didn't reply or leave, she
continued. "I should think that as one of the FBI's lead
profilers and investigators you'd have figured that out by
now, Mulder. I'm trying to find scientific proof of what we
saw in Antarctica." She still did not look at him.

"I mean between us."

Her expression hardened but she still didn't look up from
her file. "There is no 'us,' Mulder. I don't think there
ever was."

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

She turned to him fully, eyes blazing. "For a Oxford
educated psychologist, you know damn little about people!"
Exasperated, she continued, "OK, you want to know what I
think, then I'll tell you. There was no us--we were *never*
partners. You never appreciated the work I did for you. I
say *for* you and not *with* you because you always sent me
off to do something in the lab while you went into the
field. Or if I did run across something in the field of
value, it was when I was out searching for you after you
ditched me. You used me when I could do something in a lab
that you couldn't, but otherwise, you shut me out."

"That's not true..."

She silenced him by enumerating the times he had ditched her
and concluded saying, "Everything I did, I did to try to
earn your trust, your respect, and nothing worked. You
continued to ditch me, or worse, to drag me out places but
not tell me why we were there. Even recently--imagine how
much more I could have done if I knew we were possibly
looking at genetically altered crops, for example. If I had
known that you suspected that, I could have taken a sample
and tested it. We would have more evidence now. But I was
always in the dark because you never trusted me. And as soon
as Agent Fowley is back in town, you ditch me permanently."

The accuracy of some of Scully's accusations hurt. Mulder
was getting angry now, "It was *you* who showed up at that
hearing 'scientifically' disproving everything I saw in
Antarctica..."

"Damn it Mulder, that is not what happened. When, in an
experiment, you get results different from what you
expected, that does not disprove your entire hypothesis. It
just indicates there is even more to the whole picture than
you knew. Your job is to figure out the whole thing. You are
looking for the whole Truth, aren't you? Or do you want just
part of it? The part that agrees with your theories."

"After everything we've been through, you should believe in
my theories..."

"How many times do I have to tell you--I *do* believe in
your theories. Unfortunately, nobody cares what I believe,
so I also have to be able to *prove* your theories..."

"You believe!? You don't believe shit, Scully. And after
everything--that hurts. After everything that has happened
between us, I can't stand your lack of faith."

She slammed her fist down on the table in frustration,
attracting Frohike and Langly's attention. "God damn it
Mulder! I have never, not even once, denied the overall
validity of your work to a single soul. I have always
defended your work and you. I haven't agreed with all your
theories, but no matter how bizarre, I have never refused to
help you, to listen to you, to do the experiment you wanted
to backup your theory. I have saved your ass and your career
more times than I can count. And I know you've saved mine--
but that's my point. You would think that after everything
we have been through together, you would trust me."

"I do trust you. Do you remember anything I told you before
that bee stung you? I said..."

"I remember exactly what you said and did," Scully cut him
off vehemently. Mulder would have sworn sparks were
literally flashing in her eyes. "And I remember that you
said the exact opposite on the doorstep of that house in
Arizona when I reminded you what you had said. And I
remember that after the whole thing in the power plant you
wouldn't even listen to what I found out about Gibson and
the alien DNA. You said you wouldn't take the file. And I
remember you implying or flat out saying several times in
the last month that you don't trust me. I remember that more
than a dozen times recently I begged you to talk to me and
that you refused. And I remember you suggesting I should
transfer or quit. All that proves that what you said to me
in the hallway after I tried to quit was just words to make
me stay because at that moment you were 'on the verge' of
something you thought you'd need my scientific expertise to
solve."

"Scully, that's not true," Mulder breathed. "I have been
angry, but because I thought you didn't care about or
believe in what I saw...I didn't...I never...." he stammered
to a stop, not sure how to approach her anger.

She didn't hear the pain in his voice. "You said what was
convenient at the time to get me to do what you wanted. To
get me to risk my career and my life again. We were chased
by black helicopters Mulder! I was infected with a still
unknown virus! I should have left the Bureau then but you
manipulated me expertly, Mulder, and I fell right for it. I
was a fool."

"How can you say that?" Mulder's expression was truly hurt,
but Scully didn't see it.

"I was a fool," she repeated, turning her back. "And you
were going to...I was going to let you...." She turned back
to face him again, anger and pain in her eyes, "If that bee
hadn't stung me when it did, what would have happened,
Mulder? It's one thing to manipulate my sense of loyalty and
duty with words. It's an entirely different thing to...
Would you have stopped at a kiss? Would you have gone
further? I trusted you Mulder. How could you use me like
that?"

"How could you accuse me of using you?" His expression
shifted from hurt to stunned.

"What were you doing, then? What did all that mean?"

Mulder paused, struggling for an answer. He delayed too
long.

"Would you have taken it further, Mulder? Answer me!" she
was yelling  in his face.

"I don't know, Scully," he whispered.

"You don't know?! Jesus, I would have let you. We have
worked together for six years, Mulder. I considered you my
best friend. How could you treat me that way?"

"Scully, I was going to kiss you, but not to manipulate
you... I don't see how you could even think that."

"If it wasn't manipulation, Mulder, what was it? You stood
there and told me 'I made you a whole person' and then a few
weeks later you told me to transfer. One month you were
about to kiss me and the next you were so oblivious to my
presence that I got shot and almost died."

"Scully, I never intended...."

She didn't hear his words. She was furious and measured her
words to intentionally hurt Mulder--something she had never
done, or even thought of doing, before. "And so, after
sleeping with me, what would you have said to Fowley?
Wouldn't she be just a little upset that you had slept with
someone else?"

"What are you talking about?" he interjected, but Scully
never paused.

"Of course she was lying in a hospital bed with a bullet in
her chest so, perhaps you thought she was going to die and
you needed a replacement."

"How dare you..."

"Oh wait--that's it. Maybe that's why you did nothing to
back me up for the last month--you needed to get rid of one
of us. Were you disappointed when I didn't die from that
gunshot wound, Mulder? Were you disappointed I was wearing a
vest?"

Mulder's mind exploded at her statement. All he could grasp
out of the utter shock and disgust her words produced in him
was the memory of how close he'd been to killing himself
when he'd thought she was dead and it was his fault. "How
can you even suggest that?" he whispered.

"Or maybe, given what your video collection tells me about
your attitude toward women, you would have slept with both
of us if that's what it took to control us. To keep us in
line, working on your cause...."

The Lone Gunmen and Mulder himself jumped at the loud slap
caused by the back of Mulder's open hand striking Scully
across the face with a force hard enough to spin her around.
Frohike was at Scully's side before she had even
straightened from the impact. Mulder was staring at his hand
as if it had turned into a thing possessed.

"I think you'd better leave now, Mulder." Frohike said in a
no-nonsense tone. Scully showed no outward reaction to
Mulder's blow, but she did not turn back to face Mulder.
While glaring at Mulder, Frohike wiped blood from her lip
with a handkerchief. To Mulder's amazement, Scully, eyes
closed, did not resist Frohike's ministrations.

"Scully..." he began, trying to pull her to face him fully.
She tensed and pulled away, refusing to look at him.

"For God's sake, Scully...."

"Make him leave...." he heard her whisper. His astonishment
turned again to anger.

"Frohike couldn't make me leave to save his life, Scully."

"No, probably not. But the three of us together could do
some damage." It was Byers who spoke, gun in his hand. He
had pulled out his IV and was unsteadily approaching Scully
and Frohike. Langly had already interposed himself between
Mulder and Scully. Mulder stared at his long time friends,
horrified.

"Byers, you're worse than Mulder when it comes to staying
put." Scully pushed Byers back to the bed, taking the gun
from his hand. "Assault on a Federal Officer would be hard
to hide." Frohike and Langly still stood between Scully and
Mulder.

"My God, what is going on here?" Mulder, dumbfounded by his
own behavior and Scully's words, said out loud to the room
in general.

"You just stepped way over the line, that's what Mulder,"
replied Frohike. "You may have decided to get back together
with Diana and that's your business. You may not want Scully
around...you can cut her out of your investigation, and
that's also your business.  But what she does here, on her
own time, is none of your business. And no matter what, you
will never abuse her in our presence."

"Abuse...? I never.... What are you talking about?" he
appeared utterly confused. "Scully, please. I'm sorry. I
can't believe I did that..."

She turned to face him and her eyes were cold, "Neither can
I, Mulder. But it proves I was right. As Frohike said, you
should leave."

Mulder stared at her a moment and turned to leave.

MULDER'S APARTMENT
ALEXANDRIA
JULY 14

Back at his apartment, sitting in the dark on his couch,
Mulder tried to sort out the day's events. He could not
believe he had actually struck Scully. He had never struck a
woman in his life, not even in the line of duty. But, he
couldn't believe the things she had accused him of either.
The idea that she thought he had tried to kiss her simply to
manipulate her and nothing more...that he would actually
sleep with her or Diana to control them! The idea that he
would be anything but devastated if he should loose Scully--
his mind wouldn't form the word 'dead.' Did they know each
other that poorly? He couldn't remember anything anyone had
ever said or done to him that hurt him as much as those
accusations. And *Scully* had said those things! The only
thing that made it worse was that she obviously believed
them. He thought they knew each other better.  He had to
figure this out.

"OK, let's start simple," he thought. Scully obviously
thought he and Diana were lovers. What on earth had given
her that idea? He had spent a lot of time with Diana
recently, that's all. OK, so he had abandoned Scully to the
office. He knew she hated being ditched and she was right to
say that was exactly what he had done. But, that certainly
didn't mean he and Diana were lovers. Scully had always
reacted poorly to him working with female investigators--
Bambi and Detective White were two examples. He never
understood that. "Scully accused *me* of being territorial
once! God, she's the one being territorial!" he said out
loud to himself.

His mind wandered on to another astonishing topic: the idea
of Scully working with the Lone Gunmen was insane, hilarious
if he blocked the rest of the evening out of his mind! He
thought about what he had seen. He had to admit, Byers was
good. He and Scully had worked smoothly together, Mulder
thought to himself with some jealousy. They obviously had
dedicated a lot of effort to her investigation. There were
hundreds of thousands of dollars of lab equipment in the
Gunmen's office and weeks worth of reports.  And they were
making good progress if she had leads like that warehouse.
He sure the hell didn't have leads like that working with
Diana.

He contemplated with mounting envy how naturally she turned
to them. When Byers mentioned the information they had
stolen, she handed the files to them, not him. When she
wanted help in the lab, they helped her. She had refused to

go into the warehouse with him. She preferred Byers--her
statement about trust implying that whereas she trusted
Byers, she no longer trusted him. That hurt, he realized
with a start. "Obviously, she would have felt the same when
I said essentially the same thing to her last month," he
thought guiltily. But, what hurt more, was how easily she
accepted Frohike's help after he hit her. She had never, not
once, let him help her without protesting first; never had
she asked him for help as she had asked for Frohike's
protection. Frohike, for God's sake! "Didn't she know she
was only feeding that little troll's lust?" he thought,
surprising himself with the intense jealousy he felt.

"Well," his mind returned to the earlier topic of he and
Diana spending time together, "if just spending time
together gave Scully the right to think Diana and I are
involved, what am I supposed to think about her and the Lone
Gunmen?" He laughed out loud at that thought.  In Frohike's
dreams! Yeah, and he sure couldn't see Scully and Langly
either. But he could see her and Byers! "Oh my God, surely
not!" he thought. His mind returned to how she held him,
touched his face, looked at him. Called him John! Since when
were Scully and the Gunmen on a first name basis?! She
certainly looked like she might be in love. She looked at
him exactly like...like she used to look at me!

His mind wandered to the one time he was certain he'd seen
something more in her eyes--the time in his hallway before
the bee had stung Scully.

**"If you want to tell yourself that so you can quit with a
clear conscience then you can, but you're wrong!"

"Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder?
To debunk your work, to reign you in, to shut you down!"

"But you saved me...as difficult and as frustrating as it's
been sometimes, your Goddamned strict rationalism and
science have saved me a thousand times over. You kept me
honest... you made me a whole person. I owe you everything,
Scully, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I want to do
this alone. I don't even know if I can. And if I quit now,
they win."

She moved into his embrace when he stopped speaking. The
desperation he felt at that moment was overwhelming. Had he
convinced her to stay? When she pulled away slightly, he
pulled her back against him, unable to let her go. Terrified
that she would leave. Only when the reality that he was
going to loose her actually struck him, did he realize how
much she meant. Fox Mulder was not good at intimacy. Too
many people had devastated him emotionally to make it easy
for him to depend on others. But he knew he depended on
Scully He desperately wished that she felt the same. That he
could make her feel the same, somehow.

Now that she was in his arms, cheek against his chest, he
was having trouble remembering that she was his partner,
that theirs was a professional relationship. When she kissed
his forehead, it was his undoing. Samantha might have kissed
him that way--it was only a chaste brush of her lips. But he
realized in that moment what he had known since he met her
but never admitted--she made him a whole person in every
way. He wanted her.

He stared at her intently, trying to gauge her reaction to
his words, his nearness, his hand on her face. He saw
realization dawn when she saw him look at her lips. His
heart was pounding. He was finally going to do what he had
joked about in endless innuendo, dreamt about countless
nights while sleeping in a hotel room next to hers.

When she pulled away he felt as if his whole being had
shattered, thinking she had rejected him. When she
collapsed, he felt as if the world had shattered.**

When she had failed to help him since their return, his
world did shatter. She had accused him of abandoning her!
*She* had abandoned *him*--left him twisting in the wind at
the review board when Spender got the X Files...refused to
help during his investigations with Fowley. And her damn
science! His mind returned to that conversation--the science
he thought had saved him. He wavered in his anger--the anger
that had been sustaining him since their return from
Antarctica-- and remembered their conversation tonight. She
said he shouldn't fault her just because the experiment
didn't come out like he'd expected. She said she was working
on proof with the Gunmen in the lab. He thought about the
last few months. He had, in frustration and anger, shut her
out. He couldn't deny that. Was he wrong to think she wasn't
helping him? Where did that idea come from? In his mind, he
heard Diana saying it to him in their private conversations.
Could he really say he believed it? No, he suddenly
realized.

"God, she was right. I've been a complete ass. No wonder she
thinks....How am I going to fix this?" he moaned.

SCULLY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
2:03am

Mulder waited. It was late, but he knew she'd come home.
There was no way Scully would actually stay with the Lone
Gunman overnight. After thinking about everything that had
happened, he went to her apartment. When she didn't answer,
he let himself in. Finding her apartment empty, he decided
to wait.

He heard the key turn in the lock. He registered the noises
Scully made entering her apartment: keys down on coffee
table, purse on coffee table, unsnap holster and cuffs from
belt, lay them in the drawer. She approached her bedroom.
Mulder was sitting in the chair at the foot of her bed. She
entered the bedroom already unbuttoning her blouse. When she
turned and saw him, she froze.

"What in the hell are you doing in here?" Her voice was
cold.

"Waiting for you," he answered evenly. He was determined to
stay calm and avoid a repeat of their earlier fight.

"Well, get out."

Instead of leaving, Mulder stood and approached her.
Reaching out his hand, he intended to take hers and lead her
to the living room so they could talk. At his advance,
Scully backed away. She quickly masked her expression, but
Mulder knew he fleetingly saw fear in her eyes. He stopped,
shocked.

"Don't come anywhere near me," she ordered in the tone of
voice she used when arresting a subject.

"Scully, let's go out to the living room and talk about
this."

She glared at him with narrowed eyes. "You are going through
the living room on your way out of my apartment," she said,
never taking her eyes off him or lowering her guard.

He studied her posture. "Scully, what is wrong with you? I
would never hurt you."

"So I suppose you think that hitting me didn't hurt? Think
again," she responded coldly.

"Scully...." he whispered. When she did not alter her stance
or respond, he continued. "Please, that whole interchange
was completely out of character...for both of us. Surely you
don't really believe that I would...." he trailed off.

She still did not respond or soften her expression.

"Scully, I...I came here to apologize...I can't believe I
did that...Some of the things you were saying to me really
hurt but...I know that's no excuse...I would never do it
again...please." He begged incoherently. If he lived to be
one hundred years old, he knew he would never forget her
response.

"Mulder, I can't trust that...I can't trust you. Please get
out."

"You can't trust....I can't believe you said that. Surely
you don't mean that. Tell me you didn't mean that." His pain
was profound. Scully no longer cared.

"Mulder, what do you expect? After everything that has
happened, after what happened tonight, how do you expect me
to trust you?"

"I don't believe that, I can't believe it."

She enumerated for him. "Mulder, I can't trust you to work
with me on either our official or unofficial cases--you only
work with Fowley. When we do work together, I can't trust
you back me up--I got shot the last time I did. I can't
trust you to be there when I need you on a personal level--
rather than help me after I left the hospital to testify to
save your butt again, you left me alone to go running off
with Fowley. I can't trust you to not hurt me emotionally--
that kiss in your hallway and your relationship with Fowley
show you have no qualms in that area. I always thought I'd
at least be able to trust you not to intentionally hurt me
physically. Well, I guess tonight proved me wrong one last
time. You  *hit* me, Mulder! You hit me! Well, this *will*
be the last time." She paused and looked at him evenly. "I'm
sorry, Mulder. I know this is hurting you, but...it has hurt
me too. And I am done with it...I'm done with you. Now get
out." When she finished, she sounded tired.

"Scully, please!" He reached out and put his hands on her
shoulders. She pulled away violently. They had been arguing
in the dark in her bedroom and Mulder had not really seen
her face clearly. Now that they were closer, he could see
the damage he had done. The heel of his hand had caught her
across the mouth and his knuckles struck her cheekbone. She
had a bruise forming over her cheek, but worse still, he saw
she had three stitches in her lip. A horrified expression
crossed his face and his eyes widened. Instinctively, he
raised his hand to brush his fingers over her cheek in a
comforting gesture. She flinched away. He felt as if his
heart had stopped.

"You have stitches," he exclaimed, anguished, and reached to
touch her again. Again, she avoided him.

"You hit me, Mulder. Hard. Hard enough to spin me around.
What did you expect to be the result?"

Tears fell from his eyes but Scully refused to care. "Scully
I..." he fumbled for words. There were none that could fix
this, he realized. "I am profoundly sorry. Please forgive
me," he begged. Scully was feeling angry, hurt,
betrayed....not forgiving. She merely stared at him. "At
least let me pay you back for the hospital bill," he said
quietly when it was obvious she was not going to offer him
any absolution.

"Langly did it. I wasn't about to go to a doctor. What would
I have said...'My partner hit me?' No thanks, I'd rather not
deal with that."

"Langly isn't qualified...."

"Well I am and I directed him. I could hardly do it myself.
He sewed up the gunshot wound so he can certainly sew up a
split lip. Why am I having this conversation? This is none
of your business. I have asked you to leave."

Reminded of the gunshot wound, another injury she had
suffered that he blamed himself for, he pushed her jacket
open and pulled her blouse aside to reveal the bandage he
had glimpsed earlier. Scully reacted violently, pulling away
from him hard.

"Scully, I am begging you to talk to me about this...."
Again she pulled back.

"Get away from me," she said, her voice extremely tense.

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of anything. I just want you to leave."

Lost, trying to remember when or how things had gotten this
bad, he stared at her for a moment and turned to leave.

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
JULY 15

Mulder was in their cubicle when Scully arrived for work the
next morning--a sight she had not seen since they were
assigned this work space months prior. She did not want to
see it this morning. Her lip and jaw still ached from the
night before and she was in no mood for a rematch,
especially where she could be fired for her actions.

Mulder looked up when he heard Scully enter their office
space. Although she had tried to conceal it with makeup,
Mulder could see the bruise on her ivory skin. She couldn't
hide the stitches. Knowing that he had caused these
injuries...that he had actually inflicted them...he wasn't
sure he would ever be able to forgive himself. He knew the
image and the pain it caused him would be burned in his
eidetic memory for all time.

"What are you doing here, Mulder?" she asked, dumping her
stuff on the desk.

"The Jenkins report," he replied, hitting print. He had
looked through their files when he came in early that
morning. He was amazed by what he found. Dozens of reports
filed in both their names, with his signature. He had never
heard of those cases. At first he was angry, but then he
realized that was why he hadn't been called in by Kersh.
According to those files, he had been doing exactly what he
had been told. Scully had been covering for him, doing all
their work alone, but giving him credit for helping where he
hadn't. She signed his name pretty well. That made Mulder
feel guilty, so he finished the report on the desk and
another he found the notes for while he waited for her to
come in.

Scully went over to the printer and shuffled through the
document looking for mistakes. Apparently satisfied, she
signed it and handed it to Mulder.

"You sign my name better than I do at this point," he joked.
The joke fell flat. Scully continued to stare at him without
speaking.

"Look Scully, can we please talk. I know that what I did
last night was unforgivable... "

"I have absolutely no intention of discussing
this...especially here."

"Scully, please talk to me about this..."

"I think we've already seen talking doesn't work too well,
Mulder."

"Well, if you won't talk to me we can't fix this."

"We can't fix this, Mulder. It is way beyond fixing."

"Scully...please." His expression was openly pleading. Her
expression didn't alter. "Are you going to try to transfer
again?" he asked sadly after a few seconds.

"I tried weeks ago. I asked to be reassigned to teach at
Quantico and Kersh laughed in my face. He said the last
thing they needed at Quantico were teachers with records
like mine and he refused my request. He said if I can do my
work quietly without getting in trouble for a year he would
reconsider."

The fact that Scully had tried to transfer and he didn't
even know it confirmed for Mulder the seriousness of the
rift between them. It hurt, but even more painful was the
fact that she had been refused on the basis of her record.
He had ruined her career as well as his. He regretted that.

"Are you going to quit?"

"No. I won't give Kersh the satisfaction." She turned to
leave the cubicle to drop off the reports at their
superior's office.

She was stopped cold by Kersh storming into their office.

"As usual, your report is late...." Scully proffered the
report in question wordlessly. He snatched it from her hand
abruptly, looking at her for the first time.

"What the hell happened to you? Have you two been involved
in unauthorized investigations again?"

"No, sir. I was injured in an argument with a friend last
night. We were a little out of control."

"I expect my agents to exercise better self-control, Agent
Scully. Don't let me see anything like this again, or I will
take disciplinary action against you. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," she responded tightly.

continued in part 3

Title: What Doesn't Kill Us... Betrayal From Within (2/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: PG
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and  season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. Betrayal
>From Within explores what we don't see in  season six.

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**) are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

What Doesn't Kill Us...
Katherine Benton

THE LONEGUNMEN'S OFFICE
JULY 14

Weeks past. Despite Scully's close call, relations between
Mulder and Scully did not improve. The fact that he did not
even try to mend fences after she almost died was, in
Scully's opinion, a testament to the extent of the damage to
their partnership. Nevertheless, both were intent upon
proving the validity of their experiences after the Federal
building explosion, even if their different methods lead
them in separate directions.

Now they hardly spoke. Even when Mulder was emotionally
drained after their last case--the case of a man and his
wife who died when they couldn't travel at high speed--he
avoided Scully. When he'd finally escaped the man after
being hijacked by him and forced at gunpoint to drive across
country--after he'd desperately tried to save the man and
had watched this man die--all he wanted was to be left
alone. Scully did not approach him to offer comfort. She
knew he no longer found her presence comforting.

With this case, their enthusiasm for investigating X Files
led to their reassignment to AD Kersh, worsening their
original situation. Rather than bringing them together, as
aversion had done in the past, now they seemed to be
drifting more and more apart. Mulder's outings were
increasingly secretive. Worse still, Mulder seemed to be
completely shutting Scully out of their unofficial
investigation. It had been a month since he had spoken to
her about anything he and Fowley found. Frustrated that
Mulder chose to recklessly pursue leads with Fowley, Scully
began her own investigation with the help of the Lone
Gunmen.

Mulder was at their doorstep that night looking for help
with some items he and Diana had turned up. He had no idea
that the tensions between he and Scully would come to a head
simply because of this innocent plan. Mulder knocked on the
Lone Gunmen's door. No answer. "Come on guys, it's me. I
know you're in there." When the door opened, Mulder was
shocked to see Scully glance at him to confirm his identity
and turn to walk away from the door.

"Quit making all that noise. Do you want the whole
neighborhood's attention?"

"Why didn't you just open the door? And what on earth are
you doing here?" he asked, closing the door. As he turned to
face the room, his confusion increased. The Lone Gunmen had
what appeared to be a nearly complete medical lab set up in
their small office space. 'You could perform major surgery
here,' he thought as he looked around. Scully had returned
to the center of the lab. On one side of her, he saw an
autopsy table and equipment. To the other he saw a variety
of chemicals and vials, microscopes and incubators. There
were notes with equations and descriptions of organic
compounds, paper files, and a computer with a partially
finished report on the screen. "This is worse then my old
office," he thought and then said out loud with a grin on
his face, "What are they doing here?"

Before Scully could reply, the doorknob turned. Scully
pulled her gun and prepared to shoot.

"Shouldn't leave the door unlocked," Langly said entering
calmly, nonchalant despite the gun in his face.

"Put that down before you kill one of us. That's why we have
a security system," exclaimed Byers testily.

"It's not my fault. Mulder didn't secure the door when he
closed it," Scully gestured at Mulder, returning her
attention to the microscope. Byers and Langly noticed Mulder
for the first time. He had buried himself among the
laboratory equipment. As they moved to greet him, the door
opened again admitting Frohike.

"So, you ready to go, Lucious?" He ducked automatically as
Scully launched a petridish at his head without looking up
from her work.

"Come here and give me a hand for a few minutes and I then
will be ready."

Stunned by this casual interchange between his partner and
the men she had thought were 'some of the most paranoid and
disturbed people on Earth,' Mulder repeated his earlier
question, "What are you guys doing in here?"

"You'd have to ask Scully the details. Biology isn't a
science any of us work with as well as she does. Langly is
the only one of us that can really keep up with her," Byers
replied as Frohike and Langly began to look over Scully's
shoulder. Mulder heard her quietly explaining what they were
looking at and the procedure she wanted help performing.
When Mulder didn't reply, Byers joined them.

"Are you sure you want to do this tonight? You couldn't
possibly be completely recovered," he asked nervously.

"We can't wait any longer. As close as we were last time,
it's a miracle they didn't move. They will soon and then
we'll loose our chance. We have to go in now." At Byers
unconvinced expression, she took his hand and continued,
"John look, I got shot the last time because I went in
alone. It was stupid. I knew this one was going to be very
dangerous and I don't want to get you guys killed for my
investigation--God I sound just like Mulder--but I learned
my lesson, ok? I need backup. So let's go."

Mulder watched, ignored and confused by this interchange. As
Langly and Frohike finished the experiment Scully had been
running, she and Byers took off their jackets, picked up
shoulder holsters, checked the guns in them, and put them
on. With her jacket removed, Mulder could see a bandage
protruding from the collar of Scully's white blouse. Had
that been why she had missed two days of work last week? How
on earth had that happened? And how did the Gunmen seem to
know more about this than he did?

"What else are we going to need?" asked Frohike as Byers and
Scully replaced their jackets to conceal their weapons and
began to review what appeared to be the floor plan of
building.

When Mulder's voice boomed out, everyone jumped. They had
forgotten he was there. "What in the hell is going on in
here?!" He repeated for the third time. "Byers what in the
hell are you doing with that gun?"

Scully replied quietly without hesitating in her
preparations to leave. "We are going to investigate a
warehouse where I think Gibson is being held--or where they
experimented on him, at least. I know that for certain." She
motioned for them to leave but their movement was stopped by
Mulder blocking the door.

"Are you still investigating X-Files in here?" he gestured
toward the makeshift lab, realization dawning.

"You can turn me in to Kersh in the morning," Scully replied
sarcastically.

"Why didn't you tell me what you were up to? Why didn't you
tell me you'd been shot? Again. Are you trying to get
yourself killed? You're a doctor, you ought to know the body
has limits..."

"It was just a grazing shot, Mulder. Nothing serious."

"...And if you are going into some warehouse, why didn't you
call me for backup?"

"Backup? You? Assuming I wanted you for backup, where would
I find you?" she replied, temper rising. "You don't keep me
abreast of where your investigations with Agent Fowley take
you. I'm too busy 9-5 doing both our share of the work so
you don't get fired to track you two down myself. Besides, I
have backup," she paused to emphasize her next words: "You
have a new partner, so do I."

With that, Scully pushed past Mulder to the door. He turned
and grabbed her arm. The look on her face when she turned to
meet his eyes was deadly. Reflexively, he let go of her arm
but spoke his mind anyway.

"Byers is your backup?! Scully, Byers is a communications
specialist, a computer nerd, he is not a trained FBI agent."

"I don't have time to debate this with you Mulder. I trust
Byers. I trust him with my life." She knew her words were
cutting. She didn't care. "We are leaving." Mulder's
complete astonishment provided them with opportunity to flee
the room and pile into Frohike's Volkswagen bus outside.
Mulder set their security system and went out to the van. He
pounded on the door.

"Let me in, I'm going with you." Mulder saw Frohike look to
Scully for affirmation before he let Mulder in. "Bizarro
World," thought Mulder as the van pulled out, "Imagine
Scully working hand in hand with the Lone Gunmen."

When they arrived at the warehouse, Mulder decided to make
one last plea for sanity. "Scully, since I'm here anyway,
why don't I go in with you?"

"Byers and I studied the layout of this warehouse and we
have a plan to search it. You don't know anything about it.
Besides, it's been a month since we did fieldwork together,
Mulder. We weren't doing so well before that and we are
rusty now. Byers and I have been working together regularly.
I don't think I'd work as smoothly with you as I do with
him." She turned to the Lone Gunman, missing Mulder's
astonished look.

"Ready?" she asked Byers. Mulder watched as Byer's
expression obviously communicated to Scully that he was.
They got out of the van as one and moved off to the
warehouse.

"OK, lets get the communications link up," said Langly,
interrupting Mulder's thoughts. He watched in amazement as
the obviously practiced team worked together to get Scully
and Byers in and out safely.

An hour later, the speaker broadcasting communications with
Scully and Byers emitted a loud bang. Mulder heard Byers
shout, "Move out, we're caught." Mulder watched Langly and
Frohike working to open secured doors and block other
security measures to facilitate their escape.  Several tense
seconds later, Byers appeared running out the front door of
the warehouse. With the door flung open, the spectators in
the van could see Scully still in the hallway of the
warehouse, running one hundred feet behind Byers. Mulder saw
it first--from around a corner in the warehouse appeared a
burly man. He aimed at Scully's fleeing back. Just as Mulder
was about to burst out of the van to help Scully, Byers
turned to check on the progress of her escape. Mulder was
impressed by his reaction. He saw the gun was instantly in
Byers hand as he signaled Scully to drop. Without
hesitation, Scully understood and obeyed Byers' signal. She
dove to the floor, reaching for her own gun and turning to
face whatever was behind her. The man got off the first
shot. Both Byers and Scully returned fire a split-second
later and he went down, hit several times in the chest.
Scully scrambled up and both Mulder from the van and Scully
emerging from the warehouse turned their attention to Byers.
He was collapsing to his knees--he'd been hit. Without
pausing, Scully ran to him, threw his arm across her
shoulder, and dragged him back to the van. As she pushed
Byers in, she was shouting, "Go, go!"

"Are you crazy! Wait a minute! That man is shot back there.
We have to call the ambulance and police and wait for them."
Mulder exclaimed.

"This isn't the FBI, Mulder. This is illegal, just like what
the conspirators are doing is illegal. Go Frohike. Langly,
get back here and help me with Byers."

Scully laid Byers, who was now completely incoherent but
still moving, on the floor in the back of the van. She took
off his jacket, shirt, and undershirt as Langly handed her a
bag from under the table of communications equipment. "It
went through the shoulder," she announced as she worked.
"Clean entry and exit wound so it passed through...too high
for a vital organ, too low to have broken his
collarbone...no real damage, just a flesh wound. Very heavy
bleeding, though. We're going to need anesthetic, suture,
and an IV antibiotic. Blood too if we don't hurry," she
ordered, pressing down hard in Byers shoulder. This caused
him to open his eyes in shock and pain.

"Shh, you're ok. You're fine," Scully soothed, stroking his
beard with one hand as she held pressure with the other.

"Hurts," Byers grunted.

"I know, we'll have anesthetic soon and I'll fix you up. But
you're fine, it just hit you in the shoulder. No damage,
you'll be fine in a few days..." Mulder listened as Scully
quieted Byers exactly as she had done for him so many times
in the past.

****

Back at the Lone Gunmen's, Scully was finishing hanging the
last IV. Langly, Frohike, and Mulder watched. Byers was
already feeling better since the painkillers had kicked in.

"Show them what we got that makes this all worth it," he
slurred. Scully smiled at him and went over to the bag she
had carried out of the warehouse. She pulled out files and
handed them to Frohike and Langly.

"Jesus, Scully! These are files on the virus, the
experiments on that kid, and on locations of some other
labs....this is incredible." They passed the files between
each other for a few minutes before Frohike said, "We'll get
moving on these right now." The Lone Gunmen got up to make
arrangements to go to the places mentioned in the files, but
Scully stopped them.

"I know those are unprecedented opportunities, but since we
were caught, I think we'd better move ourselves. I'm not
getting myself or you killed for this. They know for certain
that I'm working on this and they'll be moving to prevent me
from pursuing it further. If they had cameras that we didn't
get, and we have to assume they did, they now know I'm
working with someone. They're going to look for who that is.
We have to move."

Nodding, Frohike and Langly moved to comply. Scully,
checking one last time on Byers now sleeping form, took the
files and went over to her lab space. Mulder followed her.

"Can I see those?" No one had offered to show him the files.

Wordlessly, she handed him a stack.

"Scully, will you please talk to me?"

"About what?" she asked without looking up from studying her
newly stolen material. The role reversal was not lost on
either of them. A month ago, she had been the one asking to
talk. He didn't reply, he just stared at her.

"I took this one for you. When I saw it, I knew it would be
important to you." She pulled another file from the bag and
handed it to Mulder. It was the file on Samantha that had
been in their office when it burned--or so Mulder had
thought. Out of the corner of her eye Scully saw Mulder's
hands clench into fists as he clutched the file. His eyes
closed.

"Thank you," he murmured.

Without looking at him, she nodded her reply.

"Scully, what is going on here?"

"I've asked you that several times now myself and you never
cared to answer me." When he didn't reply or leave, she
continued. "I should think that as one of the FBI's lead
profilers and investigators you'd have figured that out by
now, Mulder. I'm trying to find scientific proof of what we
saw in Antarctica." She still did not look at him.

"I mean between us."

Her expression hardened but she still didn't look up from
her file. "There is no 'us,' Mulder. I don't think there
ever was."

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

She turned to him fully, eyes blazing. "For a Oxford
educated psychologist, you know damn little about people!"
Exasperated, she continued, "OK, you want to know what I
think, then I'll tell you. There was no us--we were *never*
partners. You never appreciated the work I did for you. I
say *for* you and not *with* you because you always sent me
off to do something in the lab while you went into the
field. Or if I did run across something in the field of
value, it was when I was out searching for you after you
ditched me. You used me when I could do something in a lab
that you couldn't, but otherwise, you shut me out."

"That's not true..."

She silenced him by enumerating the times he had ditched her
and concluded saying, "Everything I did, I did to try to
earn your trust, your respect, and nothing worked. You
continued to ditch me, or worse, to drag me out places but
not tell me why we were there. Even recently--imagine how
much more I could have done if I knew we were possibly
looking at genetically altered crops, for example. If I had
known that you suspected that, I could have taken a sample
and tested it. We would have more evidence now. But I was
always in the dark because you never trusted me. And as soon
as Agent Fowley is back in town, you ditch me permanently."

The accuracy of some of Scully's accusations hurt. Mulder
was getting angry now, "It was *you* who showed up at that
hearing 'scientifically' disproving everything I saw in
Antarctica..."

"Damn it Mulder, that is not what happened. When, in an
experiment, you get results different from what you
expected, that does not disprove your entire hypothesis. It
just indicates there is even more to the whole picture than
you knew. Your job is to figure out the whole thing. You are
looking for the whole Truth, aren't you? Or do you want just
part of it? The part that agrees with your theories."

"After everything we've been through, you should believe in
my theories..."

"How many times do I have to tell you--I *do* believe in
your theories. Unfortunately, nobody cares what I believe,
so I also have to be able to *prove* your theories..."

"You believe!? You don't believe shit, Scully. And after
everything--that hurts. After everything that has happened
between us, I can't stand your lack of faith."

She slammed her fist down on the table in frustration,
attracting Frohike and Langly's attention. "God damn it
Mulder! I have never, not even once, denied the overall
validity of your work to a single soul. I have always
defended your work and you. I haven't agreed with all your
theories, but no matter how bizarre, I have never refused to
help you, to listen to you, to do the experiment you wanted
to backup your theory. I have saved your ass and your career
more times than I can count. And I know you've saved mine--
but that's my point. You would think that after everything
we have been through together, you would trust me."

"I do trust you. Do you remember anything I told you before
that bee stung you? I said..."

"I remember exactly what you said and did," Scully cut him
off vehemently. Mulder would have sworn sparks were
literally flashing in her eyes. "And I remember that you
said the exact opposite on the doorstep of that house in
Arizona when I reminded you what you had said. And I
remember that after the whole thing in the power plant you
wouldn't even listen to what I found out about Gibson and
the alien DNA. You said you wouldn't take the file. And I
remember you implying or flat out saying several times in
the last month that you don't trust me. I remember that more
than a dozen times recently I begged you to talk to me and
that you refused. And I remember you suggesting I should
transfer or quit. All that proves that what you said to me
in the hallway after I tried to quit was just words to make
me stay because at that moment you were 'on the verge' of
something you thought you'd need my scientific expertise to
solve."

"Scully, that's not true," Mulder breathed. "I have been
angry, but because I thought you didn't care about or
believe in what I saw...I didn't...I never...." he stammered
to a stop, not sure how to approach her anger.

She didn't hear the pain in his voice. "You said what was
convenient at the time to get me to do what you wanted. To
get me to risk my career and my life again. We were chased
by black helicopters Mulder! I was infected with a still
unknown virus! I should have left the Bureau then but you
manipulated me expertly, Mulder, and I fell right for it. I
was a fool."

"How can you say that?" Mulder's expression was truly hurt,
but Scully didn't see it.

"I was a fool," she repeated, turning her back. "And you
were going to...I was going to let you...." She turned back
to face him again, anger and pain in her eyes, "If that bee
hadn't stung me when it did, what would have happened,
Mulder? It's one thing to manipulate my sense of loyalty and
duty with words. It's an entirely different thing to...
Would you have stopped at a kiss? Would you have gone
further? I trusted you Mulder. How could you use me like
that?"

"How could you accuse me of using you?" His expression
shifted from hurt to stunned.

"What were you doing, then? What did all that mean?"

Mulder paused, struggling for an answer. He delayed too
long.

"Would you have taken it further, Mulder? Answer me!" she
was yelling  in his face.

"I don't know, Scully," he whispered.

"You don't know?! Jesus, I would have let you. We have
worked together for six years, Mulder. I considered you my
best friend. How could you treat me that way?"

"Scully, I was going to kiss you, but not to manipulate
you... I don't see how you could even think that."

"If it wasn't manipulation, Mulder, what was it? You stood
there and told me 'I made you a whole person' and then a few
weeks later you told me to transfer. One month you were
about to kiss me and the next you were so oblivious to my
presence that I got shot and almost died."

"Scully, I never intended...."

She didn't hear his words. She was furious and measured her
words to intentionally hurt Mulder--something she had never
done, or even thought of doing, before. "And so, after
sleeping with me, what would you have said to Fowley?
Wouldn't she be just a little upset that you had slept with
someone else?"

"What are you talking about?" he interjected, but Scully
never paused.

"Of course she was lying in a hospital bed with a bullet in
her chest so, perhaps you thought she was going to die and
you needed a replacement."

"How dare you..."

"Oh wait--that's it. Maybe that's why you did nothing to
back me up for the last month--you needed to get rid of one
of us. Were you disappointed when I didn't die from that
gunshot wound, Mulder? Were you disappointed I was wearing a
vest?"

Mulder's mind exploded at her statement. All he could grasp
out of the utter shock and disgust her words produced in him
was the memory of how close he'd been to killing himself
when he'd thought she was dead and it was his fault. "How
can you even suggest that?" he whispered.

"Or maybe, given what your video collection tells me about
your attitude toward women, you would have slept with both
of us if that's what it took to control us. To keep us in
line, working on your cause...."

The Lone Gunmen and Mulder himself jumped at the loud slap
caused by the back of Mulder's open hand striking Scully
across the face with a force hard enough to spin her around.
Frohike was at Scully's side before she had even
straightened from the impact. Mulder was staring at his hand
as if it had turned into a thing possessed.

"I think you'd better leave now, Mulder." Frohike said in a
no-nonsense tone. Scully showed no outward reaction to
Mulder's blow, but she did not turn back to face Mulder.
While glaring at Mulder, Frohike wiped blood from her lip
with a handkerchief. To Mulder's amazement, Scully, eyes
closed, did not resist Frohike's ministrations.

"Scully..." he began, trying to pull her to face him fully.
She tensed and pulled away, refusing to look at him.

"For God's sake, Scully...."

"Make him leave...." he heard her whisper. His astonishment
turned again to anger.

"Frohike couldn't make me leave to save his life, Scully."

"No, probably not. But the three of us together could do
some damage." It was Byers who spoke, gun in his hand. He
had pulled out his IV and was unsteadily approaching Scully
and Frohike. Langly had already interposed himself between
Mulder and Scully. Mulder stared at his long time friends,
horrified.

"Byers, you're worse than Mulder when it comes to staying
put." Scully pushed Byers back to the bed, taking the gun
from his hand. "Assault on a Federal Officer would be hard
to hide." Frohike and Langly still stood between Scully and
Mulder.

"My God, what is going on here?" Mulder, dumbfounded by his
own behavior and Scully's words, said out loud to the room
in general.

"You just stepped way over the line, that's what Mulder,"
replied Frohike. "You may have decided to get back together
with Diana and that's your business. You may not want Scully
around...you can cut her out of your investigation, and
that's also your business.  But what she does here, on her
own time, is none of your business. And no matter what, you
will never abuse her in our presence."

"Abuse...? I never.... What are you talking about?" he
appeared utterly confused. "Scully, please. I'm sorry. I
can't believe I did that..."

She turned to face him and her eyes were cold, "Neither can
I, Mulder. But it proves I was right. As Frohike said, you
should leave."

Mulder stared at her a moment and turned to leave.

MULDER'S APARTMENT
ALEXANDRIA
JULY 14

Back at his apartment, sitting in the dark on his couch,
Mulder tried to sort out the day's events. He could not
believe he had actually struck Scully. He had never struck a
woman in his life, not even in the line of duty. But, he
couldn't believe the things she had accused him of either.
The idea that she thought he had tried to kiss her simply to
manipulate her and nothing more...that he would actually
sleep with her or Diana to control them! The idea that he
would be anything but devastated if he should loose Scully--
his mind wouldn't form the word 'dead.' Did they know each
other that poorly? He couldn't remember anything anyone had
ever said or done to him that hurt him as much as those
accusations. And *Scully* had said those things! The only
thing that made it worse was that she obviously believed
them. He thought they knew each other better.  He had to
figure this out.

"OK, let's start simple," he thought. Scully obviously
thought he and Diana were lovers. What on earth had given
her that idea? He had spent a lot of time with Diana
recently, that's all. OK, so he had abandoned Scully to the
office. He knew she hated being ditched and she was right to
say that was exactly what he had done. But, that certainly
didn't mean he and Diana were lovers. Scully had always
reacted poorly to him working with female investigators--
Bambi and Detective White were two examples. He never
understood that. "Scully accused *me* of being territorial
once! God, she's the one being territorial!" he said out
loud to himself.

His mind wandered on to another astonishing topic: the idea
of Scully working with the Lone Gunmen was insane, hilarious
if he blocked the rest of the evening out of his mind! He
thought about what he had seen. He had to admit, Byers was
good. He and Scully had worked smoothly together, Mulder
thought to himself with some jealousy. They obviously had
dedicated a lot of effort to her investigation. There were
hundreds of thousands of dollars of lab equipment in the
Gunmen's office and weeks worth of reports.  And they were
making good progress if she had leads like that warehouse.
He sure the hell didn't have leads like that working with
Diana.

He contemplated with mounting envy how naturally she turned
to them. When Byers mentioned the information they had
stolen, she handed the files to them, not him. When she
wanted help in the lab, they helped her. She had refused to

go into the warehouse with him. She preferred Byers--her
statement about trust implying that whereas she trusted
Byers, she no longer trusted him. That hurt, he realized
with a start. "Obviously, she would have felt the same when
I said essentially the same thing to her last month," he
thought guiltily. But, what hurt more, was how easily she
accepted Frohike's help after he hit her. She had never, not
once, let him help her without protesting first; never had
she asked him for help as she had asked for Frohike's
protection. Frohike, for God's sake! "Didn't she know she
was only feeding that little troll's lust?" he thought,
surprising himself with the intense jealousy he felt.

"Well," his mind returned to the earlier topic of he and
Diana spending time together, "if just spending time
together gave Scully the right to think Diana and I are
involved, what am I supposed to think about her and the Lone
Gunmen?" He laughed out loud at that thought.  In Frohike's
dreams! Yeah, and he sure couldn't see Scully and Langly
either. But he could see her and Byers! "Oh my God, surely
not!" he thought. His mind returned to how she held him,
touched his face, looked at him. Called him John! Since when
were Scully and the Gunmen on a first name basis?! She
certainly looked like she might be in love. She looked at
him exactly like...like she used to look at me!

His mind wandered to the one time he was certain he'd seen
something more in her eyes--the time in his hallway before
the bee had stung Scully.

**"If you want to tell yourself that so you can quit with a
clear conscience then you can, but you're wrong!"

"Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder?
To debunk your work, to reign you in, to shut you down!"

"But you saved me...as difficult and as frustrating as it's
been sometimes, your Goddamned strict rationalism and
science have saved me a thousand times over. You kept me
honest... you made me a whole person. I owe you everything,
Scully, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I want to do
this alone. I don't even know if I can. And if I quit now,
they win."

She moved into his embrace when he stopped speaking. The
desperation he felt at that moment was overwhelming. Had he
convinced her to stay? When she pulled away slightly, he
pulled her back against him, unable to let her go. Terrified
that she would leave. Only when the reality that he was
going to loose her actually struck him, did he realize how
much she meant. Fox Mulder was not good at intimacy. Too
many people had devastated him emotionally to make it easy
for him to depend on others. But he knew he depended on
Scully He desperately wished that she felt the same. That he
could make her feel the same, somehow.

Now that she was in his arms, cheek against his chest, he
was having trouble remembering that she was his partner,
that theirs was a professional relationship. When she kissed
his forehead, it was his undoing. Samantha might have kissed
him that way--it was only a chaste brush of her lips. But he
realized in that moment what he had known since he met her
but never admitted--she made him a whole person in every
way. He wanted her.

He stared at her intently, trying to gauge her reaction to
his words, his nearness, his hand on her face. He saw
realization dawn when she saw him look at her lips. His
heart was pounding. He was finally going to do what he had
joked about in endless innuendo, dreamt about countless
nights while sleeping in a hotel room next to hers.

When she pulled away he felt as if his whole being had
shattered, thinking she had rejected him. When she
collapsed, he felt as if the world had shattered.**

When she had failed to help him since their return, his
world did shatter. She had accused him of abandoning her!
*She* had abandoned *him*--left him twisting in the wind at
the review board when Spender got the X Files...refused to
help during his investigations with Fowley. And her damn
science! His mind returned to that conversation--the science
he thought had saved him. He wavered in his anger--the anger
that had been sustaining him since their return from
Antarctica-- and remembered their conversation tonight. She
said he shouldn't fault her just because the experiment
didn't come out like he'd expected. She said she was working
on proof with the Gunmen in the lab. He thought about the
last few months. He had, in frustration and anger, shut her
out. He couldn't deny that. Was he wrong to think she wasn't
helping him? Where did that idea come from? In his mind, he
heard Diana saying it to him in their private conversations.
Could he really say he believed it? No, he suddenly
realized.

"God, she was right. I've been a complete ass. No wonder she
thinks....How am I going to fix this?" he moaned.

SCULLY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
2:03am

Mulder waited. It was late, but he knew she'd come home.
There was no way Scully would actually stay with the Lone
Gunman overnight. After thinking about everything that had
happened, he went to her apartment. When she didn't answer,
he let himself in. Finding her apartment empty, he decided
to wait.

He heard the key turn in the lock. He registered the noises
Scully made entering her apartment: keys down on coffee
table, purse on coffee table, unsnap holster and cuffs from
belt, lay them in the drawer. She approached her bedroom.
Mulder was sitting in the chair at the foot of her bed. She
entered the bedroom already unbuttoning her blouse. When she
turned and saw him, she froze.

"What in the hell are you doing in here?" Her voice was
cold.

"Waiting for you," he answered evenly. He was determined to
stay calm and avoid a repeat of their earlier fight.

"Well, get out."

Instead of leaving, Mulder stood and approached her.
Reaching out his hand, he intended to take hers and lead her
to the living room so they could talk. At his advance,
Scully backed away. She quickly masked her expression, but
Mulder knew he fleetingly saw fear in her eyes. He stopped,
shocked.

"Don't come anywhere near me," she ordered in the tone of
voice she used when arresting a subject.

"Scully, let's go out to the living room and talk about
this."

She glared at him with narrowed eyes. "You are going through
the living room on your way out of my apartment," she said,
never taking her eyes off him or lowering her guard.

He studied her posture. "Scully, what is wrong with you? I
would never hurt you."

"So I suppose you think that hitting me didn't hurt? Think
again," she responded coldly.

"Scully...." he whispered. When she did not alter her stance
or respond, he continued. "Please, that whole interchange
was completely out of character...for both of us. Surely you
don't really believe that I would...." he trailed off.

She still did not respond or soften her expression.

"Scully, I...I came here to apologize...I can't believe I
did that...Some of the things you were saying to me really
hurt but...I know that's no excuse...I would never do it
again...please." He begged incoherently. If he lived to be
one hundred years old, he knew he would never forget her
response.

"Mulder, I can't trust that...I can't trust you. Please get
out."

"You can't trust....I can't believe you said that. Surely
you don't mean that. Tell me you didn't mean that." His pain
was profound. Scully no longer cared.

"Mulder, what do you expect? After everything that has
happened, after what happened tonight, how do you expect me
to trust you?"

"I don't believe that, I can't believe it."

She enumerated for him. "Mulder, I can't trust you to work
with me on either our official or unofficial cases--you only
work with Fowley. When we do work together, I can't trust
you back me up--I got shot the last time I did. I can't
trust you to be there when I need you on a personal level--
rather than help me after I left the hospital to testify to
save your butt again, you left me alone to go running off
with Fowley. I can't trust you to not hurt me emotionally--
that kiss in your hallway and your relationship with Fowley
show you have no qualms in that area. I always thought I'd
at least be able to trust you not to intentionally hurt me
physically. Well, I guess tonight proved me wrong one last
time. You  *hit* me, Mulder! You hit me! Well, this *will*
be the last time." She paused and looked at him evenly. "I'm
sorry, Mulder. I know this is hurting you, but...it has hurt
me too. And I am done with it...I'm done with you. Now get
out." When she finished, she sounded tired.

"Scully, please!" He reached out and put his hands on her
shoulders. She pulled away violently. They had been arguing
in the dark in her bedroom and Mulder had not really seen
her face clearly. Now that they were closer, he could see
the damage he had done. The heel of his hand had caught her
across the mouth and his knuckles struck her cheekbone. She
had a bruise forming over her cheek, but worse still, he saw
she had three stitches in her lip. A horrified expression
crossed his face and his eyes widened. Instinctively, he
raised his hand to brush his fingers over her cheek in a
comforting gesture. She flinched away. He felt as if his
heart had stopped.

"You have stitches," he exclaimed, anguished, and reached to
touch her again. Again, she avoided him.

"You hit me, Mulder. Hard. Hard enough to spin me around.
What did you expect to be the result?"

Tears fell from his eyes but Scully refused to care. "Scully
I..." he fumbled for words. There were none that could fix
this, he realized. "I am profoundly sorry. Please forgive
me," he begged. Scully was feeling angry, hurt,
betrayed....not forgiving. She merely stared at him. "At
least let me pay you back for the hospital bill," he said
quietly when it was obvious she was not going to offer him
any absolution.

"Langly did it. I wasn't about to go to a doctor. What would
I have said...'My partner hit me?' No thanks, I'd rather not
deal with that."

"Langly isn't qualified...."

"Well I am and I directed him. I could hardly do it myself.
He sewed up the gunshot wound so he can certainly sew up a
split lip. Why am I having this conversation? This is none
of your business. I have asked you to leave."

Reminded of the gunshot wound, another injury she had
suffered that he blamed himself for, he pushed her jacket
open and pulled her blouse aside to reveal the bandage he
had glimpsed earlier. Scully reacted violently, pulling away
from him hard.

"Scully, I am begging you to talk to me about this...."
Again she pulled back.

"Get away from me," she said, her voice extremely tense.

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of anything. I just want you to leave."

Lost, trying to remember when or how things had gotten this
bad, he stared at her for a moment and turned to leave.

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
JULY 15

Mulder was in their cubicle when Scully arrived for work the
next morning--a sight she had not seen since they were
assigned this work space months prior. She did not want to
see it this morning. Her lip and jaw still ached from the
night before and she was in no mood for a rematch,
especially where she could be fired for her actions.

Mulder looked up when he heard Scully enter their office
space. Although she had tried to conceal it with makeup,
Mulder could see the bruise on her ivory skin. She couldn't
hide the stitches. Knowing that he had caused these
injuries...that he had actually inflicted them...he wasn't
sure he would ever be able to forgive himself. He knew the
image and the pain it caused him would be burned in his
eidetic memory for all time.

"What are you doing here, Mulder?" she asked, dumping her
stuff on the desk.

"The Jenkins report," he replied, hitting print. He had
looked through their files when he came in early that
morning. He was amazed by what he found. Dozens of reports
filed in both their names, with his signature. He had never
heard of those cases. At first he was angry, but then he
realized that was why he hadn't been called in by Kersh.
According to those files, he had been doing exactly what he
had been told. Scully had been covering for him, doing all
their work alone, but giving him credit for helping where he
hadn't. She signed his name pretty well. That made Mulder
feel guilty, so he finished the report on the desk and
another he found the notes for while he waited for her to
come in.

Scully went over to the printer and shuffled through the
document looking for mistakes. Apparently satisfied, she
signed it and handed it to Mulder.

"You sign my name better than I do at this point," he joked.
The joke fell flat. Scully continued to stare at him without
speaking.

"Look Scully, can we please talk. I know that what I did
last night was unforgivable... "

"I have absolutely no intention of discussing
this...especially here."

"Scully, please talk to me about this..."

"I think we've already seen talking doesn't work too well,
Mulder."

"Well, if you won't talk to me we can't fix this."

"We can't fix this, Mulder. It is way beyond fixing."

"Scully...please." His expression was openly pleading. Her
expression didn't alter. "Are you going to try to transfer
again?" he asked sadly after a few seconds.

"I tried weeks ago. I asked to be reassigned to teach at
Quantico and Kersh laughed in my face. He said the last
thing they needed at Quantico were teachers with records
like mine and he refused my request. He said if I can do my
work quietly without getting in trouble for a year he would
reconsider."

The fact that Scully had tried to transfer and he didn't
even know it confirmed for Mulder the seriousness of the
rift between them. It hurt, but even more painful was the
fact that she had been refused on the basis of her record.
He had ruined her career as well as his. He regretted that.

"Are you going to quit?"

"No. I won't give Kersh the satisfaction." She turned to
leave the cubicle to drop off the reports at their
superior's office.

She was stopped cold by Kersh storming into their office.

"As usual, your report is late...." Scully proffered the
report in question wordlessly. He snatched it from her hand
abruptly, looking at her for the first time.

"What the hell happened to you? Have you two been involved
in unauthorized investigations again?"

"No, sir. I was injured in an argument with a friend last
night. We were a little out of control."

"I expect my agents to exercise better self-control, Agent
Scully. Don't let me see anything like this again, or I will
take disciplinary action against you. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," she responded tightly.

continued in part 3

Title: What Doesn't Kill Us...Betrayal From Within (3/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: PG
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. Betrayal
>From Within explores what we don't see in  season six.

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**) are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

What Doesn't Kill Us...
Katherine Benton

Mulder concentrated on trying to work on their assignments.
It was deadly boring but he had to do something to get
Scully to talk to him. He figured staying here, in their
office, under her nose would force her to eventually give
in. Besides, he had to admit she was right. He seemed to do
nothing but get in trouble running around with Diana--
somehow he never saw what he needed to see but always
managed to end up in a compromising position.

He had been in to work everyday for several weeks. He
dressed conservatively, focused on the work, treated her
differentially, and showed the perseverance that made him an
outstanding agent--a model agent in fact. It bothered him
that they still had no conversations except those absolutely
necessary to complete their work, but he could see his
presence was having its usual affect on her. She knew that
was exactly his intention, so she put as great a distance,
physically and emotionally, between them as she could.

She had to admit to herself, she was a little disappointed
when he wasn't in the office this morning. "Couldn't last,"
she thought to herself, gathering the files she would need
to do both their work that day. She was shocked when, one
hour into what promised to be a long day, the Lone Gunmen
strode into her office space.

**"What are you guys doing here?"

"Mulder's in trouble, big trouble," Langly said without
preamble.

"What do you mean?" she replied, tensely, already weighing
her options in her mind. She was angry with Mulder--furious
actually. She was completely uninterested in attempting to
mend their partnership or friendship. It was far too late
for that. Too much had been said and done. But, she knew she
could never  remain inactive when his life was in danger.

"Let's take a walk...."**

ST VICENT'S HOSPITAL
BERMUDA
AUGUST 20

Scully sat in the chair in Mulder's hospital room waiting
for him to awaken again. She had arranged for him to be
released. As she waited, her mind reviewed their latest
incident.

**"I thought I'd never see you again, but you believed me,"
he said quietly as the Lone Gunmen and Skinner left the
room.

"In your dreams," she replied in a child-like voice, teasing
him. "Now Mulder, I want you to close your eyes...I want you
to think to yourself: "There's no place like home.'" He
chuckled softly and Scully turned to leave.

"Hey, Scully..."

She returned to his bedside and leaned over him. "Yes?" she
whispered.

There was long pause as he looked at her. She recognized
that look and she began to panic.

"I love you."

She turned away, "Oh brother." She left the room.**

"How dare he?! There is no way he is going to this to me
again!" she thought, looking at him sleeping in the bed.
When she had found him floating face down in the Atlantic
Ocean, her heart sank. OK, it broke. As Langly and Byers
pulled him into the boat, the only thing Scully could think
was 'How could I have allowed this to go unresolved?' As she
began CPR, she found she could barely control her tears. Now
that he was out of danger, now that they had spoken, she was
angry again. She wished she could sort this out.

He rolled over and she went to the bed. The sooner she could
get him out of the hospital and back to Washington, the
faster she could get away from him.

"Mulder," she whispered. "Wake up, Mulder. You've been
released...do you want to get out of here?"

He opened his eyes and looked at her wordlessly.

"I'll let you get dressed." She turned to leave the room.
Sitting up quickly, he grabbed her wrist before she could
escape the room. She turned. He was growing accustomed to
this expression--her eyes drilled through him.

"Let me go."

"Why are you running from me?"

"I'm not running."

"Then stay here for a minute. Talk to me."

"There is nothing to say, Mulder. The sooner you get
dressed, the sooner we can get back to Washington. I want to
get back before Kersh thinks of some new way to punish us. I
didn't exactly follow protocol coming out here after you."

"Why *did* you come?" He asked with a level tone.

She looked at him for the first time during their
interchange and saw his expression was entirely neutral. She
knew him well enough to know the pain this expression hid--
he believed she no longer cared enough to go after him. She
didn't believe she would ever reach that point with Mulder.
She knew that no matter how infuriated she was, her sense of
loyalty would never allow her to stand idle while he was in
danger.  It hurt her to realize he thought she had reached
that point. Of course, after everything that had happened
between them and everything she had said to him several
weeks ago, she could certainly understand why he did.

"Mulder," she whispered, "I would never stand by if you were
in danger. No matter how bad it gets, it will never come to
that."

He saw her eyes soften and he relaxed slightly. Scully
noticed his attitude change and something inside her
snapped. With a jerk, she pulled her wrist free from his
grasp.

"No way are you doing this to me again. How dare you say 'I
love you?' How dare you ask me why I came after you with
that look on your face? I'm not stupid, Mulder. I learn from
my mistakes. I don't know what you think you saw or what you
think you need from me, but its not going to work again. I
will not let you manipulate..."

He sat up and grabbed her roughly by both arms and prevented
her from turning. "I am so tired of hearing that. What in
the hell is that supposed to mean? I hit you. I hate myself
for that. I'm sorry. I can't say or do any more than that. I
have been trying to apologize for ditching you and accusing
you of abandoning our investigation. I have tried to make it
better by not missing work, by not ditching you. I have been
on pins and needles trying not to cross you. I want to make
this better. You won't let me. And you continue to accuse me
of manipulating you. By God, you are going to explain that
one to me right now because I don't understand how you could
think that."

"You tell me how you have the nerve to say to me that you
love me."

Mulder did not expect this. 'Because I do,' he thought, but
her expression forbade words. His hands slackened on her
arms and she pulled away but did not leave. It was time for
this showdown.

"Tell me how you dare say that to me when we both know you
and Fowley are involved." Without letting him answer, she
continued, practically yelling. "There could only be two
reasons. One: you think that you're so *hot* that two women
won't mind sharing you. Well, Mulder, that could be. But I
won't be one of those women. Two: you think I'm so *stupid*
that if you simply say you love me I'll come simpering into
your arms like some love-struck teenager and remain at your
beckon call. I am not a simpering idiot. I will not be
manipulated that way again." She ran out of breath.

"You think I'm hot Scully?" Mulder replied with the leering,
smart-assed tone that Scully learned a long time ago he used
to try to divert her when the conversation got too intense
for him. With a look that should have turned him to stone,
Scully turned to leave the room. He grabbed her wrist again.

"Scully, after all we have been through together...as well
as you know me...do you honestly believe I would use you
that way? Do you think so little of me? You think Diana and
are involved? I don't know where you got that idea. And I
can't believe you think I would make a move on you when I
was involved with Diana or anyone else.  I would never cheat
on any woman. But it doesn't stop there. The rest of
this...that I would manipulate anyone's emotions, much less
yours, to get something in return! How can you even think
that? Do you honestly think that for the last six years I
have been doing nothing more than using you emotionally and
professionally? Do you really believe that I am such a
cunning liar to be able to pull that off? And what you said
at the Gunmen's...that I would wish you dead! After the
lengths we have gone to in order to save each others'
lives...my God, Scully! All I remember thinking after you
were shot was "If she dies, I'll kill myself.'"

Scully had seen him after his worst nightmares about
Samantha's abduction, seen him in the hospital facing his
own death and hers, she had seen him loose everything when
the office burned, but she had never seen that much pain in
his eyes. Hearing him, her words to him sounded so wrong, so
crazy. But he had tried to kiss her and she had seen him
kissing Fowley.

"I saw you kissing her, Mulder. Holding her hands. Holding
her. I know she spent the night in your hotel room in
Maryland. And I know your intention in the hallway was to
kiss me...you just told me that you love me. What would you
have me think?" Her voice was small, her eyes haunted.

"My hotel room? Scully I have never even kissed Diana...not
since she returned to Washington. We were involved before,
but not now." He looked completely shocked by her statement.
She did not look at him to see his expression but instead
closed her eyes.

"You're lying, Mulder. I never thought I'd say that to you.
I never thought I'd hear you lie to me," her voice broke and
tears slid down her cheeks. "I saw her use her own key to
enter your hotel room when we were in Maryland on the Lohr
case. I know she spent the night with you. And I saw you
kissing her in our office, Mulder. You were standing by the
filing cabinet, the day I gave you the DNA report."

"What? Scully, that never happened...." He paused, horror
slowly spreading across his face. "Scully, look at me."

She looked at him.

"That was not what you think. I admit, I was working with
her on the Lohr case. It was an X File and I should have let
you in on that aspect of the case. I didn't, and I got her a
key because I didn't want you to hear her knocking. But
nothing happened. We went over evidence. That's all. And, I
did not kiss her in our office, she kissed me. You couldn't
have watched for any length of time because I pushed her
away a second after she started kissing me. I swear that's
the truth." He paused. "When you came into the office with
the file, I was upset. I had just thrown her out. She has
been putting on the seductive routine even though I told her
I wasn't interested. I threatened a harassment suit, Scully.
Diana and I were over eight years ago. "

He turned her face to him with his hand under her chin.
"Please believe me, Scully. Please," he whispered. She felt
herself slipping and she didn't want that to happen.

"None of this matters. We're partners. That's all. When I
can transfer, I will. In the meantime, let's try to maintain
a professional relationship." She tried to flee the room
again. This time, his words stopped her from leaving.

"If we are going to maintain a professional relationship, we
need to talk about this--accept our part of the blame for
what has happened and agree to move past it. I admit most of
this is my fault, Scully. I took your experiments
personally, I shut you out, and when you tried to fix it--
when you wanted to talk--I refused. But I *never* did
anything to manipulate you. And the only way I could
honestly be accused of betraying you with Diana is on a
professional, not personal, level--I worked with her when I
should have been working with you. Nothing happened between
us on a personal level."

Without looking back at him, Scully responded in a quiet
voice, "Fine Mulder...I admit I took your actions personally
as well and I shut you out by working with the Gunmen." Her
voice softened, "And I should have known better than to
accuse you of the things I did. What I said was very wrong.
I believed some of it, but I said most of it just to hurt
you because I was angry and hurt myself. I can't believe I
treated you that way and I'm sincerely sorry for it."

"And I can't express to you how sorry I am that I hit you. I
don't blame you for not wanting to forgive me for that but I
hope you'll believe me when I say that I'm sorry and that it
will never happen again."

"I do, Mulder. And I do forgive you. It wasn't you, it was
what I said. I accused you of some pretty horrible things
and I hope you will be able to forgive me for that."

"I do, Scully. I hope you believe me about Diana."

"I do." There were several moments of silence. Scully still
hadn't turned around to face Mulder. Now she reached for the
door.  "At least something good came out of you almost
getting killed again. Maybe now we'll at least be able to
work together." She opened the door to leave but was stopped
again by Mulder's next words.

"If a professional relationship was all you wanted...all
either of us wanted...this wouldn't have escalated as it
did." She looked at him and he found her expression, for
once, to be unreadable. "Scully, I meant what I said to you.
You make me a whole person."

"Please don't do this again, Mulder. I don't even understand
where this little revelation came from. What? Did you just
suddenly realize after six years that you love me? That's
ridiculous."

"Of course not. Scully, I've known for years that I was
attracted to you. But you are always purely professional and
I assumed you'd never be interested in that type of
relationship with someone like me." Scully looked at him
sharply, the subtle self-derision not lost on her. "When I
thought you were quitting, when I thought I'd never see you
again, I realized that I can't go on without you. I don't
want to. I love you."

"Then how do you explain your attitude since we returned
from Antarctica? Your actions don't make a strong case in
support of this little declaration, Mulder."

"I know. I told you...I acted like a jerk. I was really
upset after that hearing...I was lashing out and your
science seemed like a good target. From my admittedly over-
emotional point of view, the results of your experiments
seemed to be systematically destroying everything I was
working so hard to prove. I took it out on you. And because
I loved you, I reacted even more emotionally. I'm
sorry...but I do love you."  He paused.  "If you don't feel
the same, I can accept that," he whispered. Scully could
hear the pain. "But I can't accept loosing your friendship.
I want more than to 'be able to work together.' We can have
that--our friendship--if you will talk about this with me.
Please."

"Mulder, I appreciate your apology and I accept it. I
appreciate you accepting mine. I can work with you...but...
alot has been said to return to the type of relationship we
had before....Do you have any idea how much your behavior
recently has hurt me?" she whispered, eyes lowered, unable
to face him.

"I do. I want to fix it. I'll do whatever it takes but I
don't know what that is. You have to tell me."

"Ok," she looked at him levelly, "Trust is the basic issue.
I worked for six years to be your partner, to earn your
trust. All Fowley had to do was return to Washington and you
trusted her instantly. You and she were inseparable. You
didn't just leave me out of our investigation, you actively
worked to exclude me from it. You made it plain that you
didn't trust me to participate in it any longer. I know
reacted more to that in light of what happened after Dallas.
But regardless, I resent the way you treated me. Actions
speak louder than words, Mulder. You have told me several
times that you trust me, but your actions show me you
don't."

Mulder thought of all the reasons he had ditched her in the
past--to protect her, because she honestly could do more
good elsewhere, because he just got caught up in an
investigation and acted without thinking. He also thought
about how hurt he had been when he believed she had refused
to accept his theories about Antarctica. Mulder, the
psychologist, fortunately stopped him from explaining these
issues. The last thing Scully wanted to hear was excuses.

"Scully, give me a chance to make it better. To prove to you
I do trust you...that I love you."

"I don't know if I can. I'm sorry."

Mulder was finding it difficult to breathe. "Will you work
with me? Try that way."

"We have been working together, until this incident, at
least."

"No we haven't. We don't speak. We split the workload, we
don't share it. Be my partner again. Please Scully, give me
that much."

"Sure, fine, whatever," she replied exhausted. "Please get
dressed. I want to leave."

PLAYALINDA HOTEL
BERMUDA
AUGUST 20

After signing Mulder out of the hospital, Scully drove him
to the hotel where she, Skinner, and the Lone Gunmen were
staying. They were no where to be found and Scully was
angry. The longer she stayed in Bermuda, the more explaining
she would have to do to Kersh. The door to their adjoining
rooms was open in case Mulder began to feel ill. Through it,
he watched his partner pace around the room impatiently. He
rose and went into her room.

"Maybe if we talk or something the time will pass faster and
you won't give yourself a heart attack with all that
pacing."

She turned, angrily, "This is your fault, Mulder. So don't
push it."

"What?" he responded, truly lost as to why she was so angry,
except she was always angry with him these days.

"Mulder, have you lost your memory? We don't work on the X
Files anymore. We are not allowed to disappear just because
you think something weird is happening. We report to a 9-5
job, in an office, to a boss. We are no longer allowed the
liberty of deciding what we want to work on or when and
where we want to do it. We have to follow orders," she
paused and looked at him. He was staring blankly at her.
"For God's sake Mulder, when I left the office yesterday
morning, an armed agent tried to chase down the van. We are
in a lot of trouble. Don't you see that? Kersh might dismiss
us."

He continued to stare at her.

She stood next to him where he was sitting on the bed. "Did
you win the lottery or something, Mulder? Does the prospect
of being fired not bother you at all?"

"Scully, you could be in private practice in a week, making
a lot more money than you do now working for the FBI. And we
could still investigate the conspiracy. More easily in fact
because They would have a harder time keeping track of us if
we didn't have to report to Them from 9-5. That's why They
won't fire us, but They will make our lives hell. So, to
tell you the truth, no. I don't care if I violate their
precious protocols. I have nothing to loose. Putting me in
that position was a bad tactical error on Their part."

While he spoke to her, she was looking at his left eye. A
yellowish bruise had formed under it that she hadn't noticed
before. It wasn't particularly bad, but it peaked her
curiosity because it was obviously from a fist, not a piece
of debris in the ocean. How could someone punch him when he
had been shipwrecked alone in the middle of the Atlantic
Ocean? Accustomed as she was to determining cause of injury
during autopsies, she could plainly see the imprint of
knuckles and fingers. The more she studied it as he spoke,
she realized it was from a very small fist--a woman's or
even a child's. Without thinking about what she was doing,
she ran her fingers over the bruise as Mulder finished
speaking. He winced, both from the slight pain caused by
touching the bruise and because he was so unaccustomed to
such contact between them these days.

"How did you get this?" Her anger and their previous
conversation forgotten, Scully was completely absorbed by
this new mystery--a bad habit she had picked up from six
years of working with a man obsessed by mysteries.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he grinned. His
smile faded when he saw her expression harden.
"Hey, I didn't mean to touch a nerve--it's just this one is
really unbelievable, even I'm having trouble convincing
myself it really happened."

"Try me, Mulder. It couldn't be any weirder than your other
crazy ideas," she said this with a half-smile.

"OK.  You did it. You punched me..."

 "I never did...I shot you once..."she interrupted,
stammering, half truly shocked and half-joking.

"...when I kissed you," he completed his sentence. Scully
stammered to a stop and stared at him, eyebrow raised.

"You have never kissed me," she replied evenly.

"Told you that you wouldn't believe me," he retorted
playfully.

"Why don't you try to convince me?" She had to admit, she
missed their easy repartee, and even though the direction of
this conversation made her nervous, she couldn't resist the
familiar interchange.

"OK." He related to her the details of his experience on the
Queen Anne. She listened with an openly skeptical expression
until he reached the part where he described their kiss. At
this point, his description was purposefully detailed--the
details resembling narration from a Harlequin Romance.
Scully found she could no longer look at him. She took a
step back from the bed, looking at the blank television.
Mulder did not miss her change in attitude, and for some
reason, it enticed him. Rising from where he was still
seated on the bed, he pursued her, purposefully stepping
into her personal space, looming over her with a quietly
seductive expression as he finished his story. He turned her
face to his with a hand under her chin.

"Are you having some problem with these events, Agent
Scully?" he asked calmly. She could feel his breath on her
cheek.

She pulled away from him harshly, determined not to fall
into a trap. "Your *dreams,*" she emphasized the word, "are
obviously acting out the guilt you feel for hitting me. If
you are dreaming that *I * hit * you,* it's like your
subconscious needs to pay for what you did to me by giving
me some sort of revenge." She turned her back to him, afraid
her eyes would give away the affect his description of that
kiss really had on her.

He stepped into her space again, leaning over her. She could
again feel his breath as he spoke, this time on the back of
her neck and her hair.  She felt goosebumps rise on her
neck.  "I do feel very guilty for hitting you. I will never
forgive myself for that. I think about it constantly." His
tone was sincere. It made her turn to face him--his face was
inches from hers. She wanted to step back, but she refused
to let him know the affect he was having on her. She stood
her ground.

He continued, "So Dr. Freud, since you are analyzing my
'dreams,' what does it mean that I'm 'dreaming' that I
*kissed* you?" He looked suggestively at her lips as he
spoke.

She drew a breath to speak and her expression adopted the
professional posture she used when discussing autopsies or
any other facet of their work, but when she began to speak,
no noise escaped her lips. She blew out the breath she had
drawn, took at step back, and shook her head as if to clear
it.

"I'll tell you what I think," he continued, in a soft voice.
"I think that I am 'dreaming' about never seeing you again
because everything that has happened recently between us has
made me so incredibly afraid that I am going to loose you. I
couldn't live if that happened."

Mulder stepped forward also, closing the distance between
them entirely. Instinctively, she tried to step back again
but found her back was against the hotel wall. Before she
could protest, his hand went to her neck, the other to the
small of her back, pulling her against him. She looked at
his eyes--they were dark with passion, desire. She found she
couldn't protest. For a long moment, they remained as they
were--Scully with her back to the wall, pressed against her
partner's body by the pressure he held on her back and neck,
unable to turn away--Mulder staring at her intensely, his
mouth inches from hers. With a start, she realized he was
shaking.

As suddenly as she found herself in Mulder's embrace, he
released her and backed away--hands up. She stared at him as
if he were mad, trying to interpret his wild expression.

To the questioning, hurt look in her eyes, he responded,
"Not this way, Scully. God only knows what you think my
intentions are this time--what I'm trying to manipulate you
to do. It's not going to happen this way. When I kiss you,
it's going to be when I know you understand what's going on.
When I know you want it and when I know that I am not
hurting you." He turned and fled the room, shutting the
adjoining door behind him.

She exhaled sharply, realizing she had been holding her
breath the entire time. She was still staring at the closed
door, when she stopped shaking.

****

When Skinner and the Gunmen returned, they found Scully
sitting on the floor of her hotel room leaning against the
wall where she had slid to the ground after Mulder had fled
her room. After his departure, she had felt a little sick.
How had she fallen into this again? In only a few hours?

"Less than a month ago I was removing the stitches I got
when Mulder hit me," she said firmly to herself, trying to
fight the feelings her encounter with Mulder had just
ignited. "And shortly before that I was in the hospital. I
can't allow this to happen again."

In her heart she knew she couldn't control the way he made
her feel. For six years, her entire life had revolved around
Fox William Mulder. Just on a professional level, she knew
that partners as committed as they had been to an ongoing
investigation formed a bond that was impossible for people
not in law enforcement to understand. Just that made turning
her back on Mulder difficult. But very soon after she joined
the X Files division, they had become more than just
partners. They were friends--they shared with each other
problems and feelings that they couldn't confide in anyone
else. They helped each other remain balanced in their high
stress lives. And somewhere along the line, Mulder had
become the center of her world. She planned everything
around his needs. To be fair, she had to admit she knew that
to the extent that Mulder gave himself to anyone, he had
given himself to her.

She needed him. She had lost the central focus in her life
over the last few months and it was going to be hard to deny
she wanted that back. Furthermore, she had trusted him
implicitly for six years, on levels that most people don't
even know a need for trust exists. It was hard to change six
years, even in light of his  recent actions. She had to make
a conscious effort to remember not to trust him
unquestionably.

If she were to make that effort, it would have to be based
on a desire to prevent a return to their old relationship.
She knew she really did want to return to that relationship,
no matter how much she tried to deny it to herself and
Mulder. So, she was scared. Since she cared about him on
such a deep level, he could hurt her at that same level. And
he had. Despite that, she wanted her life back. She needed
her partner, her best friend, back in her life. She wasn't
going to be able deny these truths to herself or anyone else
much longer.

"Scully! Are you ok?" She felt the hand on her shoulder
before she heard Byers' voice calling her name. She realized
she was still sitting on the floor. Looking around, she saw
the outside door to her room open and Skinner and the Gunmen
standing over her. Hearing the commotion, Mulder had
apparently re-entered through the adjoining door and was
looking at her, concerned, as well.

"Sorry, just lost in thought," she mumbled, brow furrowed,
as she stood up and straightened her clothes.

"I'll say you were, it's like we weren't even here. You
ready to go or what?" asked Langly impatiently.

"Yeah," she slurred, her mind still on recent events with
Mulder. She shook her head. "Yes," she corrected herself,
"my bag is over there. If you put it in the van, I'll meet
you outside in a minute." She moved toward the bathroom
without looking at any of them.

Langly seized the bag and carried it outside. Skinner towed
Mulder out the door along with Frohike. Mulder looked behind
him at Scully and saw Byers approach her putting his hand on
her back. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Mulder saw her turn to face him and he took her hands in
his.

"I'm fine. Something Mulder said upset me, it's nothing."
Her face openly revealed her emotions. Byers, and Mulder
from his vantagepoint by the rented van, could see the pain
in her eyes. Byers pulled her into an embrace that Mulder
was stunned to see she easily accepted. Resting her cheek on
his shoulder and closing her eyes, Mulder saw her relax
against his body.

"You've got to stop letting him get to you."

She smiled, "You're one to talk. We're here because you all
spy on him."

"Hey, besides you, he's the only friend we've got. We have
to keep an eye on you two. You're important to us." Byers
smiled.

Scully's expression softened as well and she kissed Byers on
the cheek. "You all are great friends--the best I've ever
had." She proceeded him out the hotel door. Mulder's
simmering expression was lost on her as she climbed into the
packed rental car.

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
AUGUST 21

'Scully sure was right,' Mulder thought as he listened to
Kersh finish reprimanding them. They hadn't been at work two
minutes when Kersh's secretary came to escort them to his
office.

"...one week without pay. Do you hear me, Agent Mulder?"
Mulder tuned back in at the question.

"Yes, sir."

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"No, sir." Mulder replied, biting his tongue.

"As for you, Agent Scully," he began, turning to Scully.
"You asked both myself and Assistant Director Skinner to
break several policies to provide you with information, you
threatened Agent Spender--he claims you threatened to kill
him." He paused to watch Scully's reaction. She made none,
but Mulder's jaw dropped. "I will choose to ignore the
specifics there. You then proceeded to Bermuda against my
direct order that you stay in Washington. Is this an
accurate description of the events, Agent Scully?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you have any explanation?"

"None that you want to hear, sir."

"Very well, you are suspended as well. Two weeks, without
pay." Scully looked at him sharply and stopped herself just
before she began to protest. Mulder did not.

"You power-drunk son-of-a-bitch. You can't do that. I was
the one who ran off. She knew I was in trouble. What was she
supposed to do, sit in Washington while I almost died?"

"Since you had no business in Bermuda, Agent Mulder, that is
exactly what I would expect her to do." Kersh interrupted
Mulder's tirade. "And you both are lucky you are not being
fired. Since you have difficulty believing that I have the
authority to suspend you Agent Mulder, you can join your
partner--two weeks without pay. Leave your id's and weapons
on your way out." He turned and went back to sit at his
desk. Before Mulder could make the situation any worse,
Scully dragged him from the office.

She let go of his arm once they had left Kersh's office and
stormed out alone after dropping her badge and weapon on the
secretary's desk. He caught up with her in the parking
garage. Before he could speak, she turned and gestured for
him to stay back.

"Don't Mulder. I don't want to deal with you right now. I
have to go home and figure out how I am going to pay my
bills without two weeks salary." She slammed her car door
and drove off without another word. Mulder watched her go.

SCULLY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
AUGUST 21

He saw the light on in her living room a few hours later
when he drove by her apartment.  Parking in front, he
contemplated whether he should go up or not. "She's not
armed, how much damage can she do?" he quipped to himself as
he mounted the stairs.

"Go away, Mulder," was her reply to his knock. She did not
open the door or even move off her couch. He came in anyway.

"Are you deaf, stupid, crazy, or suicidal?" she asked as he
entered her apartment. She was surrounded by bills and bank
account statements. She had been serious in the parking
garage.

"I'm sorry about this," he whispered, expecting her to blow
up. Instead, she shrugged her shoulders. "Aren't you going
to yell at me?"

"Nope."

"Because you're too mad to want to or because you hate me
too much to bother?" he asked without looking at her.

Hearing the regret in his voice and seeing the pain in his
eyes again, she took pity on him. "Mulder, I don't hate you.
I could never hate you. We've hurt each other a lot
recently, but...well, after six years it's hard to just
reverse course, no matter what has happened. Right now, I'm
angry about the suspension and you running off is the
underlying cause, but getting caught is as much my fault as
it is yours. Skinner warned me to use my head. I should have
known better than to go to Kersh and Spender.  What ever
happened to 'trust no one?' " she laughed to herself. "I
wouldn't have spoken to them if I'd been thinking."

"I can't imagine a moment when Dr. Scully wasn't thinking,"
he ventured to joke, hoping her mood was truly such that the
joke didn't blow up in his face.

She smiled at him and he smiled back, relieved. He sat on
the couch next to her, idly picking up a bill to inspect it.
"So, why weren't you thinking?"

She snatched the bill from his hand, smacking him with it
playfully. Looking at him, she saw he expected an answer to
his question. She sighed and contemplated lying. She wasn't
sure she was ready for this. But she had never lied to him.
"I was afraid you would get yourself killed before we had a
chance to fix this mess between us. If you had died...I
would have never forgiven myself..."

"So you do want to fix it? Are you ready to?" he whispered.
She could see the fear and hope in his eyes.

She sighed and looked at him with an expression that said
'in for a penny, in for a pound.' Drawing a deep breath, she
plunged in, "I'm afraid. You don't trust easily, but neither
do I. To be honest, I am having trouble trusting you. Like I
said, we have both said and done a lot of things to hurt one
another recently and it frightens me to try to trust you
again--to take that risk. But," she hesitated, "you are my
best friend. I've missed you so much."

He looked at her, stunned.  "Scully, I want an opportunity
to earn your trust again. I am begging you for it. I already
said that in the hospital." He stopped and took her hand.
"I am extremely glad to hear you say that I am your best
friend, but I don't understand it. Just yesterday you were
so mad you would barely speak to me."

"It helps to know some of the things you told me in the
hospital. Mulder--about Fowley, about...us. I know I don't
have any right to have reacted the way I have recently. I
owe you an apology...."

He put his finger over her lips. "We already went through
this. You do not owe me anything, Scully. I want to try to
move on."

It was her turn to silence him. "But I have been so out of
line recently. We are not involved, we never have been. It
was none of my business if you were involved with Fowley or
if you investigate with her. I have no right to act the way
I have."

"You have every right. You are my partner and I should be
working with you. And more importantly, Scully, when I
kissed you in the hallway of my building, that gave you the
right to act this way. It brought an entirely new dimension
into our relationship. I should have talked to you about
Diana. We should have talked about us, what that kiss meant.
We still should."

She stared at him. He could see she was apprehensive.

"I think we should talk now. I'll start, if you'll listen
and believe me, trust that I mean what I'm saying."

She was silent. He could see she was scared...he knew she
was if she had actually admitted it.

He looked at her a moment before beginning, trying to figure
out where he should start. Might as well jump right in: "I
love you, Scully. I tried not to get too close to you for a
long time for a lot of reasons. The biggest one was that
everyone I have ever loved has been taken from me, left me,
or has been hurt because of me. And I've hurt you so many
times. Your abduction, the cancer, the virus--all those
things were done to you to hurt me. But when you were
leaving, after Dallas, I realized I couldn't let that
happen. Or if I couldn't prevent it, I knew I couldn't let
you leave without kissing you once.

"I was angry when we lost the X Files. I didn't mean to take
it out on you, but I did. I was so focused on the work that
didn't realize how much it hurt you that I worked with
Diana. I only did it to stay close to the X Files, not to be
close to her and not because I trust her more than you or
prefer to work with her. I do trust her, for the most part.
I know you don't and I don't blame you--she's done nothing
to earn your trust. I prefer to work with you--your
skepticism keeps me honest. I know I said that before...I
mean it.

"Bottom line is I should not have reacted as I did to your
experiments and I should have taken you with me when Diana
and went out. I value you as a partner. I need you as a
friend. I'd like to have more than your friendship. But, I'm
a selfish bastard, completely absorbed in my own cause, so I
don't always show you how much I appreciate you. I know I
couldn't have gotten as far as I have without you,
professionally. On a personal level...Scully I would have
ended it a long time ago if I didn't have you to fall back
on. I know you know that. I'm not making threats to coerce
you. It's just the truth. Please give this another chance."

She stared at him, eyes wide at his last words,
contemplating all he'd said.

He continued, "You were jealous of Fowley?"

"On a number of layers--professional, personal..."

"Did you know I was jealous?" he whispered. When she
responded with a shocked expression, he continued, "Do you
have any idea how jealous I am of Byers these days?"

"Of Byers? Why?"

"You said it yourself, you have a new partner now. I know I
deserve it and that you did what you had to,  just as I did,
to keep investigating the conspiracy. But I see the way you
turn to him, and Frohike and Langly too, for that matter.
You accept more from them than you ever did from me."

"I don't understand."

"You actually asked Frohike to protect you when I hit you,
as if you couldn't do a better job yourself. And you and
Byers seem to speak more openly, more...intimately...than we
ever have. I saw you in Bermuda as we were leaving the
hotel. I saw you kiss him," this made her look sharply at
Mulder, anger forming in her eyes. Mulder put a hand up to
stop her interruption. "I know it was nothing more than a
friendly kiss on the cheek. That's not the point. The
closeness...the intimacy between the two of you is. You
except his help, his support so easily. Its obvious you have
talked to him a lot lately...about me. And I've seen the way
he looks at you."

"You're hallucinating..."

"Please don't get angry. Maybe I am. I'm just telling you my
point of view, it could very well be wrong."

"Mulder, if I have a close relationship these days with the
Lone Gunmen, its for three reasons: because we've been
working together and depending on one another a lot, because
I trust them, and because I know they have complete
confidence in me--I don't have to prove anything to them. I
am always having to prove myself to you."

"You have nothing to prove to me."

"I feel like I do, otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to
protect me. Otherwise, you would trust me with all the facts
of a case and not string them out to me."

"I know you hate it when I am overprotective. I don't do it
because I don't think you can defend yourself--believe me, I
know you can. I just don't want you to get killed because of
my cause. And if I don't tell you everything, its because
I'm afraid that if I do tell you everything, you'll think
I'm crazy and leave."

"The X Files aren't just your cause anymore, Mulder. They
are ours. I have invested myself in them. You lost your
sister, I lost mine. I also lost my daughter and my ability
to have children. I have been abducted, experimented on,
given cancer, been exposed to viruses. The X-Files are my
life too. And, have I ever left you, Mulder?"

"You were about to...after Dallas," he interrupted.

She shook her head. "On the contrary, Mulder. I was leaving
the FBI so I could stay in Washington, with you. If I had
stayed with the FBI, I would be in Salt Lake City right now.
And you would still be here. Mulder, even when I was angry
with you, did I ever refuse you anything? I'll never leave
you, Mulder--I may disagree with you, but I won't leave you
because of it. One in five billion, remember?"

"OK, so I promise to never ditch you or keep you in the
dark, if you promise to never say 'I'm fine' to me again.
How's that sound? Deal?" Mulder always reacted to intensely
personal conversations by joking. Scully was amazed he had
lasted through this one as long as he did. She smiled her
reply to him and they sat in silence for a few moments.

"Scully?"

"Hmm?" She replied, still sifting through her bills.

"Can I ask you something?"

His solemn tone made her stop what she was doing to look at
him, "Of course."

"How do you feel about me?"

He was looking at his hands in his lap, expression
completely neutral. She knew it had cost him everything to
ask that question. She wanted to be sure he had complete
faith in her answer. She knelt in front of him so he was
forced to look at her. He did. Scully expected to see his
typical leering expression--the one he always wore when
discussing something too serious. Instead, she saw a very
sober one.

"Mulder, are you sure you have a Ph.D. in psychology?" she
joked, taking his hands in hers. "Isn't the answer to that
obvious? As you said, if you were only my partner, or even
just my friend, this would not have escalated as it has."
She paused and continued in a whisper. "I love you more than
I could ever show you." She caressed his cheek. Before she
could say anything further, he put his arms around her and
drew her forcefully against him, burying his face in her
hair. The intensity of his reaction to what seemed to be a
transparent truth shocked Scully.

"God I love you, Mulder. I'm sorry, I should have said that
sooner. I honestly thought you knew that."

"Scully..." he whispered, pulling back to look at her. "I
would never presume...." Lost for words, he caressed her
cheek.

"Mulder..." she stopped and shook her head. His bravado and
intensity so skillfully covered such deep insecurity in
personal relations that Scully often forgot how fragile
Mulder's psyche was. Tears in her eyes, she continued "You
are an incredible person. I know you have had a difficult,
maybe abusive, life emotionally. But with everything you
have accomplished, and knowing you personally as I do, I
can't believe or understand how you can have so little faith
in yourself. You deserve someone who truly loves you...."
She hesitated again, then whispered. "I want to be that
person, Mulder. I love you...I can't imagine not being with
you. But I am so afraid of feeling this way."

"Scully, I don't deserve you, but I would do anything for
you." He cradled her face in his hands.

She nodded, "I know. And I would do anything for you." He
continued to hold her face in his hands, stroking her neck
as he had in his hallway. The sensation made her shiver.
"Kiss me, Mulder, please," she whispered, eyes closed, her
face inches from his. She felt, more than heard, his breath
catch in his throat. His thumb brushed over her lips and she
felt his breath as he leaned closer to her. When his lips
finally brushed hers, she felt a rush of desire wash over
her. With her hands on his neck, she pulled him closer. The
kiss deepened and Scully was overwhelmed by emotions and
desire--the feel of Mulder's hands, his lips, were her
entire world. When he pulled away, she felt as if she had
lost a part of herself. She leaned against his chest to
prolong the contact. He could feel her trembling.

"What is it?" he whispered into her ear, his breath warm on
her skin.

"I'm so afraid of this Mulder. If this turns out...as the
last few months have...I'm sorry. I just have trouble
trusting this."

"I will prove to you that you can trust it...that you can
trust me. Please, give me time." He held her and they talked
until well into the night.

End Part One
Continued in: What Doesn't Kill us...Part II: Betrayals From
Without

Title: What Doesn't Kill Us... Betrayals From Without (1/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: NC-17 for graphic sexual situations
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and  season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. Betrayals
from Without continues to explore what we don't see in
season six as well as complications in Mulder and Scully's
new relationship.

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**) are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

What Doesn't Kill Us...
Katherine Benton

SCULLY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
SEPTEMBER 12

Scully sat on her couch, trying to figure out what was going
on. Mulder had obviously been working hard to keep his
promise to her. She was pleased when Mulder contacted her
and filled her in completely on his latest confidential
source. She was even more pleased when he took her to Area
51 with him, even though she knew she'd probably be
suspended again if they were caught. And, in fact, they had
been. But the important thing was that Mulder's behavior
since then had been so unusual. Since when was he so willing
to reveal the names of their sources? And what had that been
with Kersh's secretary?

**"Mulder...Mulder!"

"What?"

" What was that about?

"What was what about?"

"'I'd give you his name if I had it?' What ever happened to
protecting our contacts...protecting our work?"

"He asked." Mulder shrugged without really giving her his
attention. "Hang on a second." Scully watched as Mulder went
back in to speak with Kersh's secretary.

"Well, ok then,." he said, returning. "What?" he said in
response to her quizzical expression.

She looked at him for an explanation. When none was
forthcoming she asked, "What is going on with you?!"

"Will you please stop trying to pick a fight with me?"

She was hurt. She thought they both knew they were past that
stage. "Mulder, you are acting bizarre!"

He leered at her. "Jealous?" He turned to leave, slapping
her across the butt as he did. She was left  staring after
him slack jawed. How could he behave that way?**

'Well, what ever that was, he'd better not think he's going
to get away with that kind of crap,' Scully thought. But
things had taken a turn for the worse later that day. She
had gone to his apartment trying to find him to turn over
the information about the trace on their unusual call. She
was shocked to see Kersh's secretary giggling her way down
the hall half dressed. She couldn't believe her eyes. Had
she and Mulder not just had this conversation? Did she not
make herself clear? She pounded on the door.

**"Can't get enough, huh?"

"Its me," she replied, voice frigidly cold.

He opened the door. "Oh, hey...Dana."

"What do you think you're doing?" The anger in her voice
should have been enough to scare him straight. It wasn't.

"Oh, you know...just a little lunch break," he replied
casually, turning his back to pick up his jacket. "What's
up?"

Scully entered the apartment. Her anger was boiling, but she
decided if he wanted to play that game, she could too. She
reported her news to him as if nothing were wrong.

"We got the trace back on the call we received...."**

She couldn't believe that he would do this to her. He knew
how hurt she was when she thought he and Diana were
involved. They had a conversation about their feelings that
Scully thought was sincere. She thought she
understood....that he did.

Now Scully was back in her apartment after returning from
Nevada for the second time. She went there to meet with
Mulder's confidential source, but instead, threatened by
Kersh, she had helped to betray that source. On top of
everything that had happened with Mulder and Kersh's
secretary today, that was the final straw. She had never
revealed one of their sources before, much less taken in
active part to betray one. Scully was drunk. There was an
empty bottle of wine in front of her on the TV table. The
days events swirled around and around in her clouded head.
Mulder calling her Dana, Mulder swatting her, Mulder kissing
that woman in his door, betraying Morris Fletcher. And Mr.
Fletcher screaming at her as they took him away. Not "I'm
innocent" or "This isn't what it seems." He was screaming,
"He's not me." Her drunken mind rolled this around. Could it
be true?

"God, I *am* drunk if I'm even entertaining this idea," she
thought, rising to go to bed. "I've got to sleep this off."

MULDER'S APARTMENT
ALEXANDRIA
SEPTEMBER 13

After Kersh had suspended Scully for the second time in two
months, Mulder invited Scully to his apartment for a 'home
cooked meal.' Her thoughts from the night before resurfaced-
-Mulder and cooking? Mulder could burn water. But it
couldn't be true that it wasn't Mulder. Impossible. She
accepted his invitation, saying to herself that the visit
would help sort out the recent weirdness.

Scully was in his apartment less than one minute when she
was certain she was not dealing with Mulder. Two minutes
after she walked through the door, she had 'Mulder'
handcuffed to the bed. Later that night she was talking to
the real Mulder in Morris Fletcher's body trying to believe
what had happened. Trying not to believe there was nothing
she could do about it.

**"You don't look too happy. Tell me I don't have to put two
kids through school."

"That is you in there Mulder, isn't it?

He nodded.

"I just got off the phone with Frohike. They were able to
down load and analyze the crash data. And yes, there was an
anomalous event that night..."

"And how do I get back?"

"Well, that's just it. Its all about random moments in
time...about a series of variables approaching an event
horizon, and even if we could recreate that moment...if we
could sabotage another craft...Mulder if we were off, if the
event were off by even one millisecond..."

"I might end up with my head in a rock."

"Something like that. Yeah."

"What about him? I mean, me. Whatever. Who ever he is."

"Agent Mulder has become AD Kersh's new Golden boy. He's
been tasked with returning the flight data recorder that he
and I stole. The Son-of -a-Bitch confesses to Kersh even
more than I do to my priest. I'm just tagging along for the
ride."

"What do you mean just tagging along?"

"I'm out of the Bureau. I've been censured and relieved of
my position."

"No! You can explain it to them like you explained it to me.
You have the data. You can make them understand. You can get
your job back."

"I'd kiss you if you weren't so damn ugly."

He smiled but they were interrupted by Fletcher honking the
horn and yelling, "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

"If I shoot him," Mulder fairly snarled, "is that murder or
suicide?"

"Neither if I shoot him first."

She ran her hand down his arm and took his hand in hers.
They looked at each other, communicating far more this way
than most people did with words. Finally, she dropped his
hand and turned to leave. It would be the last time they saw
each other.

"Hey, Scully," he called, stopping her departure. She
turned. He held out his hand and made as if to give her
something. She opened her hand and he dropped a hand-full of
sunflower seeds into to it, taking one back out to eat
himself. He stood back and watched as she turned and walked
to the car where Fletcher was waiting--a quiet look of
desperation in his eyes.**

Scully drove away without looking back. She would not give
up. She would find a way to get things back to normal. And
as it turned out, she did.

MULDER AND SCULLY'S OFFICE
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
SEPTEMBER 12

**"Mulder."

"Mulder, its me. I just wanted to let you know that we
slipped in under Kersh's radar. That little field trip to
Nevada went unnoticed."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mulder, I'm sorry that your confidential source didn't pan
out."

"Well, I guess you were right Scully. Just another crack pot
that watches too much Star Trek."

She smiled, "Goodnight."

"Hey Scully...I know its not your normal life but...thanks
for coming out there with me."

"You're welcome."

When she hung up the phone, she reached into her desk for a
paperclip and found a penny and dime fused together at right
angles. "What the hell?" she thought, turning it over in her
hand.

When Mulder hung up and entered his apartment he stumbled to
a stop just inside the door. It was immaculate--even the
bedroom. He opened the door and looked at the number. Was
this his apartment?**

SCULLY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
SEPTEMBER 12

Returning from the office, Scully entered her apartment and
heard a noise in her kitchen. The light was on. She was
certain she had not left it on. Drawing her gun, she quietly
approached the kitchen.

"Its just me, Scully. Don't shoot me," she heard Mulder's
voice from the kitchen.

"Damn it, Mulder. One day you are going to get killed
pulling this stunt." Mulder emerged from the kitchen with an
iced tea. "Make yourself at home," Scully said
sarcastically, plopping down on the couch.

"Have you noticed anything strange?" Mulder asked without
preamble.

"Just you in my apartment when you should be in your own.
Its been an exhausting day, Mulder. I'm taking a shower and
going to bed."

"Come over to my apartment."

"Mulder, if you want to proposition me, pick a night that
I'm not exhausted. You'll have a lot more fun."

"I'm serious Scully."

"So am I."

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her out the door.

MULDER'S APARTMENT
ALEXANDRIA
SEPTEMBER 12

"This had better be good, Mulder," Scully said as Mulder
propelled her through his apartment door. He chuckled to
himself when she stumbled to a stop just as he had. He
laughed out loud when she reopened the door and looked at
the number, just as he had done.

"How could you afford to hire a maid?" she asked wandering
around the room. Then she spotted the open bedroom door.
"Mulder! I didn't know you had a bedroom," Scully added
teasingly, entering it. Her eyebrow shot up when saw the
waterbed and she turned to face him, hands on her hips, when
she saw the mirror above the bed. "If you did this for my
benefit...."

"I didn't do this, Scully."

"What?" Her brow furrowed and he watched her switch to
investigative mode. He let her look around a little.

"Joke by the Lone Gunmen? Maybe they figured out... our
relationship has changed and decided to have a little fun."

"Nope, I found these," he handed her his checkbook. The
carbon copies showed he had written several checks to Ethan
Allen Furniture for some very expensive pieces of furniture.
Scully picked up a piece of paper to do a rubbing on the
area blacked out over the signature. Mulder handed her
another piece of paper with rubbings on it.

"Already did it--its my signature. I didn't buy this,
Scully. This is too tacky."

"Could the Gunmen have a copy of your signature...?"

"If they wanted to do this, they wouldn't need to steal my
checkbook...Why don't we call them though and see if they
have any ideas, just in case."

"Actually, they went out of town this afternoon for a MUFON
conference. Byers mentioned to me they were going on the
plane back from Bermuda."

"Ok, we'll try them later. Are you certain you haven't seen
anything out of the ordinary since we got back yourself?"

Scully considered the question for a moment. "I found
something in my office drawer I don't remember putting
there." She pulled out the dime/penny and handed it to
Mulder. He frowned, turning it over in his hand.

"Why don't we go through the apartment more carefully and
see if we can find anything else?"

At 2:00am Mulder and Scully collapsed on the couch. "We're
going to have a rough day tomorrow," Mulder yawned. Scully
nodded her reply, resting her head lightly on Mulder's
shoulder. This type of casual contact was still foreign to
them--she watched his face carefully for a reaction. Without
looking at her, he drew her closer with an arm around her
waist and a hand caressing her neck. She was amazed how
comfortable he seemed. "He is so unpredictable," she
thought. "Variably insecure and confident. Enough to drive
me crazy!" She responded by putting her arms around his
waist and leaning fully against him, her head sliding from
his shoulder to his chest for a more comfortable surface.
She could hear his heartbeat.

"I'm too tired to drive you home. Do you mind crashing
here?" Then quickly, "That's not a proposition, I just don't
want you taking a cab at this hour. It's too dangerous, and
besides, by the time you got home, it would be time for you
to get up for work."

She nodded her head against his chest and her eyes drifted
shut. Mulder quietly watched her slip to sleep curled up in
his arms. He'd be very stiff in the morning if he slept like
this, but it would be worth it.

An hour or so later, Scully woke up with a start when,
stretching, she almost fell off the couch. She tensed,
trying to figure out where she was. Mulder's steady
breathing and the weight of his arm still around her waist
brought it back to her.

"Wake up, Mulder. You won't be able to move tomorrow if you
sleep like this."

"I always sleep on the couch," he slurred, still mostly
asleep.

"I don't. And you don't usually share this itty-bitty couch
with anyone. It will destroy my back, but I'm going to go
sleep on that ridiculous waterbed."

"OK."

****

The next morning Mulder wandered toward the bathroom and was
stopped cold by the sight of Scully asleep in his bedroom.
She had thrown the covers off while she slept. Mulder saw
that she had taken one of his undershirts to sleep in. She
had it on, lavender silk panties, and nothing else. It was
an older undershirt and was rather thin, leaving very little
to the imagination. He felt like a voyeur, but she was
beautiful. He loved watching her while she slept. After a
few moments, prudence took over--she would be furious if she
woke up and he was staring at her like some kind of a letch.
He closed the door and went into the bathroom.

After his shower, he went into the kitchen. Their search of
the apartment last night had turned up a complete assortment
of food. The least he could do was offer her breakfast--
well, if he could make one that wouldn't kill her. Surely he
could do cereal and toast. While he was 'cooking,' he heard
the shower turn on. Fifteen minutes later he heard Scully in
the kitchen doorway.

"Mulder, would you go down to the car and get the overnight
bag I leave in the trunk? I'm hoping it at least has a clean
shirt."

He turned and almost dropped the plate he was holding at the
sight before him. Scully, hair still damp from the shower,
was standing in his kitchen in his short little robe. Her
legs well up her thighs were exposed and the front of the
robe was open enough to clearly reveal more of her cleavage
than Mulder had ever seen--at least when she was conscious.
He quickly turned around to put the plate on the counter.

"Yeah, I'll be right back." He fled the kitchen.

She was waiting in the door with a concerned expression when
he returned.

"I hope you don't mind that I borrowed this," she asked,
indicating the robe.

"Of course not," he answered. Now that he was ready, that he
knew what was coming, he could look at her more calmly, with
more control. But she knew him too well to not notice
something was wrong. She just did not yet know him in the
way necessary to interpret this particular expression.

"Well then, what's wrong Mulder?"

"Nothing."

"Mulder," she repeated with a half warning, half concerned
tone.

"Scully," he breathed, turning to face her fully. "You don't
do this often, do you?" he joked.

"What?" she responded, confused.

"Spend the night at men's apartments. 'Cause if you did,
you'd know the affect this..." his eyes wandered over her,
the robe, her legs, her cleavage, "was having." Scully
blushed bright red. But she did not leave, or close the top
of the robe. "Scully, I think you'd better go get dressed."

"Or what?" She was obviously as shocked as Mulder that she
had said it.

He grabbed the front of the robe and pulled her roughly
through the threshold of the kitchen door to him. Backing
her against the wall, he pressed against her body and leaned
over her suggestively. Looking into her eyes he saw surprise
and mild fear there, mixed with open desire. Standing over
her, as he was, he could plainly see her breasts. After a
moment, he closed his eyes and backed away slightly so that
their bodies were not pressed so tightly together.

"Or I'll do something I'll regret. Make no mistake, Scully.
I want you so badly, I can barely restrain myself from
pushing you down to the floor right here and now. But I
don't want it that way. Not with you. I want to do this
slowly. I want to do it right. Not when we have to be at
work in an hour. When I...make love to you, " he whispered
this, "I want to be able to spend the whole night holding
you...kissing you..." he leaned closer again and his hands
moved up her arms to caress her neck, "touching you....And I
need to know you trust me completely." Scully could feel his
breath on her throat. A moan escaped her lips and she turned
his face to kiss him. She was shocked when he backed away.

"You just don't understand the affect you are having...you
are not safe. If you don't get dressed right now, I won't be
held responsible for my actions." Then, in a more serious
tone he added, "I want to wait and do it right. I don't want
to act like an animal. Not with you...at least not the first
time."

Scully smiled, picked up her bag, and went into the bedroom.
"Leave it to Mulder--he can't complete a sentence
seriously," she laughed to herself. She purposefully left
the bedroom door open as she got ready for work. She dressed
with her back to the door, but nonetheless, she put on quite
a show. This fact was not lost on Mulder.

MULDER'S APARTMENT
ALEXANDRIA
SEPTEMBER 13

Work was boring and Mulder was frustrated. At 5:00pm he
practically leapt out of his chair and, dragging Scully
behind him, he ran from the office.

"Mulder, if we don't finish the Langsbury investigation
Kersh is going to put our butts in a sling."

"We worked until 5:00. And its Friday. Anyway I want to
figure out what's up with my apartment. Want to come over
and help me? We can get dinner." Scully rose and followed
Mulder out of the office. When they got to the car, Scully
suggested they stop by her apartment for a change of
clothes. When they finally reached Mulder's apartment, they
were greeted by an angry deliveryman.

"You were supposed to meet me an hour ago. It's Friday night
for Christ's sake!"

"Sorry, traffic," Mulder replied letting both the
deliveryman and Scully in and mouthing 'Oops, forgot.' to
Scully behind the deliveryman's back. He went into the
kitchen to get plates for the chinese they had picked up on
the way. Meanwhile, Scully watched the deliveryman
disassemble the waterbed. Mulder came out into the living
room.

"Returning the waterbed?" she quipped, sitting on the floor
in front of Mulder's coffee table and starting in on her
dinner. It had been a long day and she was definitely
hungry.

"And the mirrors," Mulder replied laughing as well.

"Thank heavens."

Scully did not expect the deliveryman to carry in a
replacement bed since Mulder always slept on the couch.

"Mulder, I think you did win the lottery. How can you afford
to keep this, especially after we just got off our
suspension?"

"I got some money when my Dad died that I haven't touched
yet," he replied dismissively. "I have to admit, I kind of
like the place clean and with the furniture. It feels less
like a cave. So I thought I'd keep some of it. I didn't
think I'd need the waterbed or mirrors though."

They finished their dinner and when Mulder was cleaning up,
the deliveryman gave him the paperwork to sign. Mulder went
into the bedroom to check out his new furniture before
signing. Scully followed them.

"You and your wife ought to like this bed...much more
comfortable. And this mattress is the best we have. You
folks made a good choice."

Scully blushed slightly. Mulder laughed and signed the
paperwork.

"I'll let myself out so you can try out your new stuff," the
deliveryman winked at Mulder.

This made Scully blush even harder. As the deliveryman left,
Mulder seized Scully unexpectedly by the upper arms and
threw her down on the bed. "Comfortable?" he laughed as
Scully shrieked from the surprise attack. In retaliation,
she kicked playfully at Mulder's midsection with both feet
from her vantage point on the bed. Mulder easily grabbed
both her ankles and pinned them to the bed. Thus challenged,
Scully grabbed Mulder's shoulders and, twisting him off
balance, she threw him to the bed. Moving quickly to press
her advantage, she straddled his waist and pinned his
shoulders.

"More comfortable than you," she replied with a wicked
smile.

"You better not bite off more than you can chew Scully. You
may be a better shot than I am, but I outweigh you by at
least 75 pounds and a wrestling match is a game I can win
just by sheer size advantage."

"You should have learned a long time ago not to challenge
me," Scully declared and with out warning dragged his right
arm above his head and knelt on it, securely pinning it
down. As Mulder rolled over to fight back, he unwittingly
gave Scully exactly the advantage she was looking for. She
swiftly reached behind Mulder and seized his handcuffs from
his belt. Before Mulder realized what was happening, Scully
had clamped one cuff on his wrist and the other on the
headrest of the bed. Mulder tried to grab Scully with his
free arm, but she leapt off the bed and out of reach before
he could get a good grip on her arm.

"Get back here!" he yelled, laughing hard and grabbing at
Scully. Scully was also laughing triumphantly. Slowly her
smile faded and Mulder saw a confused expression cross her
face.

"Scully, I didn't mean that this should go anywhere. I'm not
trying to push you." Mulder reached for the keys to the
cuffs on his belt, while keeping a concerned eye on Scully.
He was obviously worried by her sudden change in attitude.

Scully shook her head, "No, that's not it." She was still
staring at him, handcuffed to the bed. "I have the strangest
sense of deja vu. This has happened before."

"Scully, I really don't want to know about your
experimentation with bondage--that's more honesty than I
really need," Mulder replied while freeing himself. Scully
could see he was only half-joking.

"Mulder, don't be ridiculous. I'm serious. I've done this
before. Here. With you."

"Scully, I would remember that."

Scully took her gun from its holster, took out the clip,
emptied the chamber, and pointed it at Mulder.

"Scully, what in the hell are you doing?"

"I remember this. But...you were on the waterbed...and it
was your other arm that was handcuffed." She lowered the gun
and put the clip back in it. Then she stood back and stared
at Mulder on the bed with a far away look, brow furrowed, as
if trying to remember. "I swear Mulder, I remember you
handcuffed to the waterbed and pointing my service weapon at
you. Why would I do that?"

"Was Krychek around? You seem to like to shoot at me when
he's around." Mulder joked, pulling Scully to sit next to
him on the edge of the bed.

"I said to you that if you 'babied me' again you'd be peeing
through a catheter...."she was struggling to remember. "And
I said you weren't you. That's all I can remember."

"You said my dreams were weird," Mulder laughed and Scully
looked at him sharply. He continued, "You slept on that
'ridiculous' waterbed last night and on some level you are
still angry with me. You are dreaming of your retaliation."

"Mulder, I don't think so...and if I were to dream about
retaliation, I wouldn't dream about handcuffing you to a bed
and threatening you in...such a particular way."

"Why not? You were angry because you thought Diana and I
were involved physically."

"I don't think that way, Mulder."

"Maybe your subconscious does. Or was being rebellious."

Scully frowned and shook her head. "I'm sure you're right."
Mulder could tell she was completely unconvinced.

"Hey," Mulder said gently, putting his arms around her
shoulders, "it's Friday. I'll tell you what...I'll drive you
out to State Road 20--it's a great place to watch UFO's."

That broke Scully out of her reverie. "Mulder you are a
nut!"  She punched him playfully. "I am not driving all the
way out to nowhere with you to look at meteor showers that
you think are UFO's" She turned and smiled at him so he'd
know she was joking. She looked into his eyes and saw
something else there. Suddenly she was very aware for the
first time that she was on Mulder's bed. Her heart began to
beat faster. She had flirted with him blatantly just this
morning, was she really ready to make good now?

Mulder saw her expression. He caressed her cheek, pushing
her hair behind her ears with his finger. "Scully, I will
never push you. We will do what ever you want...what ever
you are ready for. You want to go back out in the living
room and watch some TV?"

She leaned towards him, put her arms around his neck, and
kissed him. He pulled her to him. Again, she was overwhelmed
by the sensation caused by his touch. His hands caressing
her back and waist, pulling her closer to him. His hands
were on her neck and stroking her hair. His lips moved down
as he placed kisses along her jaw and slid down her neck.
Scully let her head fall back slightly. Her eyes were
closed. Mulder could feel her pulse racing as he kissed her
throat.

Mulder leaned forward, toward Scully, and gently, slowly
pushed her back onto the bed. He continued kissing her. He
was suddenly aware of how small she was. He was afraid to
crush her under the weight of his body, but she pulled him
to her. He closed his eyes and savored the feel of her hands
on his back, his chest. His kisses moved down her throat to
the top button on her blouse. His hands softly hovered over
fabric of her blouse, barely touching her.

Scully was surprised when a moan involuntarily escaped her
lips as Mulder's hands passed vaguely over her breasts. He
was so gentle, she couldn't actually be sure he was touching
her. Encouraged by her response, he cupped her breasts in
his hands, kissing her through the fabric of her blouse. He
felt her nails on his back. She slid her hands to his waist
and pulled his shirt out of his pants. She began to unbutton
it. As he was shrugging it off his shoulders, she began to
unbutton her blouse. He stilled her hands. Kissing her
again, he slowly unbuttoned her blouse himself and pushed it
open to reveal her lace bra. He opened it, and pushed it off
her shoulders with the blouse. She was beautiful.

When he brushed his fingers over her bare breasts Scully
knew she was lost. She felt him tease her with his fingers
and then felt his tongue circling her nipples, his teeth
lightly biting.  "God Mulder," she gasped, amazed at the
sound of her voice. Pushing himself up off the bed slightly
and putting his arms around her, he pulled Scully more fully
onto the bed. Now he was lying fully on top of her. She
could feel his swelling desire. His hands continued to run
over her breasts, through her hair, to cradle her face as he
kissed her.

After a few moments he pulled back, propping himself up on
one elbow. "Scully I don't want to rush this."

"Mulder," she breathed, "I would hardly call six years
'rushing' things."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Jesus, Mulder, if you are expecting me to make a rational,
impartial decision, you picked a poor time to pose the
question." Scully watched Mulder's obvious desire struggle
with his need to protect her, to keep her on the pedestal.
"Mulder, I am not a china doll, you cannot hurt me this way.
I want you. I want this."

Eyes dark, Mulder reached for the button on her jeans.
Tugging them off, Scully was clad only in silk panties. She
shivered slightly. Mulder pulled the cover over them on the
bed and returned to his adoration of her body. He lazily
brushed his fingers over her thighs. His lips moved again to
her breasts as he parted her legs with his knee. He played
with the laced edges of her panties. His hands moved over
her through the silk, gently, driving her insane. He traced
a line of kisses down her stomach. She felt him run his
tongue along her inner thighs.

"Mulder, please," she begged.

He slipped his hands under the edges of her panties and
slipped them off. He parted her with his fingers and slowly
stroked her center. Scully moaned softly under his touch.
When he entered her with one finger, then two, she cried
out.  He silenced her with a kiss. "I love you, Scully."

Scully reached for his belt buckle and unfastened his pants.
He kicked them off and gasped when he felt Scully grasp his
length. She pushed him off her and onto his back.
"Scully?..." "Shh." She kissed him and continued to stroke
his member. She kissed his chest and trailed kisses down his
stomach. "Scully, you better not do this...." he gasped. She
responded by running her tongue along his length and ended
by teasing the head of his member with her tongue. Taking
him fully in her mouth, she heard him moan out loud. After
several moments, he sat up and pulled Scully roughly to face
him.

"You have exactly two seconds to change your mind about
this."

She pushed him back to the bed but he pushed her off him and
onto her back. Leaning over her, she felt his fingers play
with her momentarily before entering her again. Hands on his
hips she guided him toward her. He entered her slowly,
fearing to hurt her. She encouraged more from him, thrusting
against him. Stroking her with his thumb, he moved in and
out slowly. He knew she was close. He was also. He felt her
muscles spasm and quickly followed her.

Collapsing, he kissed her deeply, holding her tightly in his
arms. "Jesus, Scully. I love you. I love you." He repeated
over and over as he kissed her. She ran her hands softly
over his back, through his hair.  "God I love you Mulder. I
want to stay just like this forever."

"I'll crush you to death this way," he whispered, laughing
and rolling off her and onto his back. Arms around her, he
pulled her against him. She saw him looking at her body.
"You are so tiny. I know you'll hate this, but I have a lot
of trouble believing that I won't hurt you accidentally."

She leaned against his chest, her hair spreading across it,
"Believe me Mulder, I wasn't making those silly noises
because you were hurting me." Cheek on his chest, she rubbed
her hand over his chest and stomach idly.

After a few moments Mulder seized her hand and trapped it
under his own pressing it over his heart. "Scully, if you
don't stop that, you'll be sorry."

She propped herself up on one elbow and looked at him
playfully. "I don't think sorry is quite the right word,
Mulder. Exhausted maybe, but not sorry." Arms around his
shoulders, she hugged him tightly, pulling him close. "I
just can't seem to be close enough to you." After a second,
she whispered shyly, "Mulder, I have never felt this way
before...so intense, its overwhelming...I literally can't
feel close enough to you...the way it makes me feel just
when you hold me like this is...intense. I can't describe
it."

"You don't have to." He rolled on top of her, and holding
her tightly, kissed her deeply.  The kiss lasted an eternity
and when Mulder finally pulled back, Scully was completely
breathless. Her renewed desire surprised her. She had
experienced satisfying sex before but, "Jesus, I'm ready to
attack him like an animal again right now and we just..."
her thoughts stumbled to a stop and escaped her when she
looked into his eyes. They were dark, with a primal passion
Scully had never seen before. Suddenly she was aware how
tense his shoulders and arms were as she ran her hands over
them. He was entirely focused on her and his need for her.
His mouth descended on hers again roughly and she responded
in kind, pulling him against her, her nails digging into his
back.

This time their lovemaking was uncontrolled, his hands
almost brutal. In the back of her mind, Scully thought,
"This is wrong, I don't want this." But she knew she did.
Scully was never aggressive sexually, but being with Mulder
made her want to be. She was surprised by her actions, but
she had no control over her body. She was frightened by this
lack of control, but exhilarated by it all the same. These
contradictions swirled in the back of her mind as Mulder
relentlessly pursued his attack on her senses.

When he entered her this time, she did not moan softly as
she had the last time, she screamed. "Are you alright?" she
heard Mulder's panicked voice ask. But she was lost.

"God, yes Mulder, don't stop." She begged. He complied and
when he collapsed on top of her this time, they were both
completely spent. He was silent and very still, but Scully
never noticed. Breathing raggedly, eyes closed, she clutched
him to her. Suddenly aware of how wildly she had behaved,
the Catholic girl in her was slightly ashamed. She opened
her eyes and looked up at Mulder, timidly. She was startled
and a little frightened to see tears in his eyes. 'God,
please don't let him regret this happened, don't let him
think it was a mistake,' she begged as her eyes registered
the worry his expression triggered.

"What is it, Mulder? Tell me."

He could hear the panic in her voice. "Scully, I'm sorry. I
never want to treat you so roughly.... I love you." His
hands gently reached to touch her face.

"Jesus Mulder! I am not a china doll! God gave me the power
of speech so I can communicate my needs. If you are hurting
me, I won't hesitate to tell you--I am not into masochism.
That was the most incredible, phenomenal sex I have ever had
in my life. I have never been made to scream before." She
stopped, mouth a little "o", and blushed furiously as she
realized what she was saying.

She dropped her eyes but Mulder turned her face to his. "Are
you sure you're alright?" She could see he was unconvinced
and very worried about her.

"Mulder," she said more calmly. "Have you ever known me to
not express myself? To lie to you? Do you think I would lie
to you about something so important? I'll admit, I am
completely shocked by...this...by my behavior here. I have
never done anything like this. I've never responded so
roughly or enjoyed it so rough." She stopped, shocked by her
words again. "But...it was right. I meant it, Mulder, when I
said this was the most amazing.... Please don't make me go
on with this...just believe me that I'm alright and
I...enjoyed....this. Please." She was bright red.

"Scully," he said softly, "I love you. You are my whole
world. I have never wanted anyone as I want you. I
couldn't...I was completely out of control. I am not usually
an animal. I don't want you to think that."

Scully laughed. "Mulder, I know you better than any other
person on this planet. When you are engaged by something,
whether it's a person, thing, or abstract concept, you
pursue it as relentlessly as any animal would its prey. You
are the most focused person I have ever met in my life. It's
frightening sometimes. Right now, your 'focus' is on me.
It's a little frightening. And I like it that way. I've
wanted this for a long time. I've loved you for a very long
time."

He pulled her tightly against him. They fell asleep in each
other's arms.

****

When Mulder awoke the next morning, Scully was lying on her
side, using his shoulder as a pillow. Her cheek was on his
chest and her left arm was draped over him. Her hair was
scattered across her face and his chest and shoulders. At
some point in the night she had put on the undershirt that
he had thrown to the floor with his shirt and tie. Softly so
as to not wake her, he pushed the hair from her face. Even
though she was right there in his arms, he still couldn't
believe she was his. He immediately chastised himself for
even having that thought. Scully was definitely her own
woman and would not appreciate being thought of in that way.
He couldn't believe they had actually had the courage to
admit to each other how they felt, and then even more
courage to act on it. He knew he could live forever exactly
as he was at that moment.

Scully floated to wakefulness slowly. She was not a morning
person. She realized she was lying with her head pillowed on
a man's chest and his change in breathing as he awoke had
awakened her. For a moment she felt disoriented, but the
events of the past twenty-four hours quickly returned to
her. Mulder was definitely awake--he had just moved her hair
from her face. 'Let him think I'm asleep a few minutes more
so I can enjoy this a little longer,' she thought, sleepily.
'God!' her thoughts raced on. 'I am lying practically naked
in my partner's arms, in his bed...where, last night, I had
the most incredible....' She squelched that thought quickly.
She couldn't believe any of this had happened. For a
fleeting moment she felt panicked. Had this been a mistake?
She felt his arms tighten around her waist as he softly
placed a kiss on top of her head. 'How could I even think
that?' She suddenly knew she had never done anything so
completely right in her life.

"Scully," he whispered. "Do you want to get up? It's almost
10:00."

This brought her around quickly. Scully slept later on the
weekends, but never past 9:00. She hated wasting her only
days off. "God, Mulder, is it that late?" She propped her
self up with her hand on his chest and twisted to see the
clock. "I guess I was exhausted." She meant the comment
innocently but remembered suddenly what she had said earlier
that morning when Mulder had said she'd be 'sorry.' For the
fifth time in the last few hours, Scully found herself
blushing.

Mulder had the good grace to ignore the opportunity for a
wise-crack. Kissing her lightly on the forehead and then
again on the cheek he said, "If you want to take the first
shower, I'll go down and get your overnight bag and I'll
start some coffee."

"That would be great," she smiled at him.

****

When Scully emerged from the shower, she could smell the
coffee and it smelled like he had fished out some gourmet
brand. Scully was surprised Mulder even had coffee, much
less gourmet coffee, so she went directly into the kitchen
in Mulder's robe, hair in a towel. She found Mulder staring
at an assortment of coffees and teas.

"What kind is it? It smells wonderful." Scully asked
appreciatively taking the cup that Mulder proffered without
looking up when he heard her enter the kitchen.

"It's 'German Chocolate Delight,'" he recited from the
label, still staring at them. Scully joined him at the
counter to see what was so interesting. He had almost a
dozen types of coffees and that many teas in a little
basket.

"I didn't know you were so domestic, Mulder." Scully joked.
The coffee was having its desired affect.

"I'm not," Mulder said looking at her. He had a serious
expression on his face. "I don't like flavored coffees and I
hate gourmet teas. Especially these kinds," he indicated
several of the teas. "And Scully, can you see me putting
this cutesy little basket together? This isn't mine. None of
this is," he swept his hand around the kitchen. "I feel like
I fell down the rabbit hole."

"We'll work on figuring this out today."

"Oh, I already did. When you were in the shower, I called my
credit card company and asked for my balance and last
charges. My card is to the limit, Scully--the $10,000
limit."

"Jesus, Mulder." Scully exclaimed, eyes wide.

"The charges were for the things you see around you. All
this...stuff. Scully, I am not opposed to living neatly.
It's just not something I take the time for. I'm not opposed
to having nice things. But this," he made another sweeping
gesture, "why would I buy kitchen stuff--I can't cook. Why
would I buy bedroom furniture--I can't sleep anywhere but on
the couch. Why can't I remember doing any of this--the
credit card company assured me it was my signature, and I
believe them--look at this checkbook. And when did I have
the time to do this? We just came back from Nevada. You were
there. You saw me there. When we left everything was normal
and when we came back it was like this."

"Mulder, I think I may be associating with you too much. I
am about to suggest something insane," she said,
interrupting his tirade.

He looked at her.

"I think we may have experienced lost time," she flinched
visibly after she said it. "I can't believe I am saying
that, but I keep remembering things, only partially
remembering them. Just like I have bits of memory from when
I was abducted."

Mulder put his hand on Scully's forehead. Then he moved his
fingers to her pulse at her throat. With a joking tone, he
said, "Well, you're not sick--no fever, pulse normal. So I
can only assume you are not Scully. Dr. Dana Katherine
Scully would die before she would suggest such a thing,
especially to me. I'm surprised you didn't turn into a frog
or something after you said it." Mulder was laughing now.

"What other explanation can you think of?"

"Someone is playing a joke on me."

"Who? Why?"

"I don't know. Let's go see the guys. They're our best
guess, and they ought to be back by now."

continued in part 5
Title: What Doesn't Kill Us...Betrayals From Without (2/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: NC-17 for graphic sexual situations
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. Betrayal
>From Without continues to explore what we don't see in
season six as well as complications in Mulder and Scully's
new relationship.

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**) are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

What Doesn't Kill Us...Part Two
Katherine Benton

LONE GUNMEN'S OFFICE
WASHINGTON DC
SEPTEMBER 14

The Lone Gunmen swore they did nothing, offered to clear
Mulder's credit card--illegally with computer hacking, of
course--and told them about their MUFON conference in gory
detail. Bored, Scully leaned against Mulder who was leaning
against a table. All the seats in their office were covered
with MUFON paraphernalia. When Mulder responded by putting
his arm around her waist, Byers stumbled to a halt in his
outburst about government conspiracies to cover up
cooperation with alien invaders. All three Lone Gunmen
stared at them.

"That's very interesting," Mulder said, taking Scully's hand
and leading her to the door, "but we should be going. We
still have to figure out my little spending problem." Mulder
moved to open the door but was stopped by Langly's hand over
the doorknob. Mulder and Scully, still hand-in-hand turned
to face the room again with questioning expressions.

"Don't stare at *us* like we're nuts," Langly said. When
neither Mulder nor Scully responded, Langly grabbed their
intertwined hands and raised his eyebrows. "Perhaps there is
a logical explanation for that." Byers added, eyebrows also
raised. Frohike, Mulder noticed, just looked pained.

Mulder did not want to discuss his newly formed personal
relations with Scully with the same men he had gone to bars
and watched porno. Especially when Scully was right there to
hear the lewd comments he knew would ensue. Scully beat him
to the punch.

"Our personal relations are just that guys--personal. We
will try to remember to keep them private by not putting on
public displays, but I don't think I want to discuss them
either." She dropped Mulder's hand and steered him out with
a hand on his shoulder, leaving three shocked conspiracy
theorists staring after them.

Outside in the car Scully stopped Mulder from turning over
the engine. "We need to talk."

"OK." He responded, feeling nervous.

"We can't make that kind of slip at work. Kersh will, at the
least, split us up. He may fire us--you know what he said
the last time about 'one more breach of FBI protocols and
regulations.' And if the Smoking Man sees this or hears
about it...."

"I agree we have to separate our personal life from work. I
have always had trouble watching you put your life on the
line and it's going to be a million times more difficult
now. But you are crazy if you don't realize that the Smoking
Man already knows the best way to me is through you. He even
admitted you were given cancer to hurt me. We know you were
taken to Antarctica and exposed to that virus to reign me
in. We already live that risk. We can't make it any worse."
He paused. "I definitely did not want to discuss this with
the Gunmen--I can only imagine the lewdness with which they
would have reacted--but I can't hide it completely either,
Scully. I can keep my hands off you at work and treat you
professionally, like just my partner, there. I have been
playing that game for years. But I can't do that in every
public situation we are in."

"I know," she replied, softly.

"You want to head back to my apartment?" he asked starting
the car.

"Can we stop by mine on the way? I'd better at least check
my messages and get another change of clothes. It's already
late and we still have to figure this out," she quickly
added as an explanation for the 'change of clothes' not
wanting to look brazen.

MULDER AND SCULLY'S OFFICE
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
SEPTEMBER 16

They spent the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday trying to
dig up leads on Mulder's apartment. They spoke to his
neighbors and to the employees in the stores where he had
made his purchases. None of them remembered anything
unusual. Most of them didn't remember him at all. They did
see some security tapes showing Mulder making purchases. It
certainly appeared to be him. Scully and Mulder spent Sunday
night in their respective apartments. When Scully appeared
Monday morning, Kersh was in their office.

"Nice of you to join us this morning, Agent Scully."

Scully was no more than two minutes late, but she could see
Kersh was angry about something. Better play it safe.

"I apologize for being late, sir."

"What I want to know about is the Langsbury report--that's
what's late. Where is it?"

"We have about one hour more work to do on it, sir. You'll
have it by 9:00."

"I'd better." He stomped out of their office. Mulder watched
him go and turned to Scully.

"Good Morning, Agent Scully," he said in a fake perky voice.
She gave him a warning glance and settled down to paperwork.

They spent the entire day filling out reports. Scully took
only one break. Mulder heard her making an appointment on
the phone. It sounded as if she were speaking with a
doctor's office. They had no time to break for lunch, so he
never asked her about it. When 5:00pm rolled around, Mulder
literally dragged Scully out of the office.

"But Mulder we have to finish...." He didn't hear her.
People stared as he dragged her through the hallways. He was
silent on the ride home. He didn't stop by her apartment,
but drove her straight to his. He followed her up the stairs
and propelled her through the door after he opened it.
Holding her by the arm, he quickly closed the door to his
apartment, looked around briefly, and satisfied no one was
there, he pushed Scully against the door of the apartment
and kissed her passionately.

When he pulled back he said, "OK, I admit this is going to
be harder than I thought it would. Who would have guessed
I'd miss that basement office. At least it was private.
Let's see...where in that building could we...?"

"Mulder...!" He pulled her back into his arms, laughing at
his joke and her reaction. She pushed him away in mock
indignation. "Mulder, the day I'd let you do anything in the
Hoover Building..."

"Oh I've always fantasized about you and that basement
office... that desk..." As he spoke he pushed her backwards
into the living room toward the desk by the window. He was
kissing her passionately. She felt his desk press into the
back of her thighs.

She pushed him away again, this time more firmly and
seriously. "You can forget about any fantasies you might
have regarding desks, me, and the Hoover Building, Mulder."

He nodded but leaned over her again. "I know," he whispered
while raining feather-like kisses on her face and neck. "But
I have a desk right here." She squealed involuntarily when,
hands on her waist, he lifted her onto the desk. In the same
smooth motion, he parted her legs, stood between them,
pulled her against him, and kissed her again.

"Mulder," her tone was warning.

He ignored her. His hands slid from her waist, over her
hips, and down her thighs to the hem of her skirt. He pushed
it up.

"Mulder, I am not doing this on a desk in front of a
window."

"Bet I can make you want to," Mulder whispered before he
claimed her mouth with a kiss. Scully heard him shove the
items on the desk off onto the floor. He leaned over her,
pushing her onto her back on the desk, pinning her down with
the weight of his body. She put her hands on his chest to
push him off her.

"Mulder, let me up."

"Not a chance. If you fight me, I'll cuff you to the drawer.
Now be still." Her eyes went wide.

"You wouldn't dare," she whispered but stilled her struggles
beneath him.

"Try me," he whispered in reply. Hands on her hips again,
still standing between her legs, he pulled her closer to the
edge of the desk against his groin and moaned softly. His
hands slid up her body to her breasts. He unbuttoned her
blouse and pulled it off her along with her bra. She tried
to sit up to put her arms around him...to convince him to
take this somewhere else. He held her down and his hands
descended again to her hips. She felt him pull her pantyhose
off, stepping back to do so. She took the opportunity to sit
up.

"Mulder, stop this...."

He stepped between her legs and pulled her against him
again. His hands roamed over her body. She was wearing her
skirt pushed up around her hips and nothing else. He used
his body to push her down on the desk again while his hands
worked up her thighs. "It doesn't feel like you really want
me to stop," he whispered parting her slick folds with his
fingers. She was wet. Scully squirmed against him and he
entered her with one finger, circling her clit with his
thumb.

When he felt her protests stop, he slid down her body,
trailing kisses down her stomach. He knelt between her legs.
Scully gasped as she felt his tongue on her. "God, Mulder,"
she moaned as his tongue moved over her clit and his fingers
continued to move slowly in and out of her. His tongue was
hot and soft and hard in all the right ways. She came hard,
writhing on the desk.

When she relaxed, he stood and she heard him unzip his
pants. Before she could respond, he entered her again,
pulling her closer against him with his hands on her hips.
He thrust into her and she wrapped her legs around him. He
ran his hands over her thighs. His thumb brushed her
sensitive clit. She moaned. He continued to brush over her
while he drove into her. When she responded by arching her
back and raising her hips, he caressed her more firmly. He
felt her muscles tighten around him and the sensation was
enough to send him over the edge as well. He grasped her
hips almost painfully to keep her from sliding away from him
on the desk as he thrust into her a few last times as he
came.

Eyes closed, he steadied himself by leaning on the desk,
hands on either side of her, trying to regain control. She
looked up at him and ran her hands over his chest.

"Mulder," she whispered. He responded by standing and
gathering her against him in his arms.

"Scully, I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm more than alright," she whispered.

She felt him smile. "I have a few more fantasies, Scully."
She laughed.

MULDER AND SCULLY'S OFFICE
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
SEPTEMBER 17

The next morning was very much like the one before, except
they came in together. Kersh was waiting to yell at them
about something, they spent the day doing paperwork, and
they were both amazed how difficult it was to conceal their
feelings. At lunchtime Scully stood and gathered her purse
and keys.

"Going to lunch? I'll come." Mulder asked.

"No, actually I have an appointment."

"The one you made yesterday?" Scully stared at him. Did he
hear everything? "It sounded like you were talking to a
doctor's office. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. I'll tell you more about it when I get back if it
works out." With that she left the office, leaving Mulder
wondering what it could be. She returned an hour late from
lunch and appeared to be very distracted.

"You're late."

"Yeah, I know. Sorry." She shuffled through the files on her
desk.

"I had to cover for you with Kersh. He's pissed."

Her brow furrowed. "Sorry." She repeated, still not looking
up.

"Well the least you could do is tell me why you were late."

"I'll tell you about it later, ok?" Her voice was small, she
was obviously upset.

They worked through the rest of the day. At some point,
Mulder finally took the files away from Scully and finished
the report they were compiling himself. Scully busied
herself  typing from a dictaphone in her ear. She never
looked up  from her typing. At 4:30 she stood, declared she
was leaving, and marched from the office without another
word. Mulder finished their work and turned it in to Kersh
on his way out.

****

He debated going to Scully's and finally decided to do it.
He didn't know what had upset her so, but he was going to
find out. He wasn't sure whether he was more bothered by the
fact that she was upset or by the fact that she had refused
to talk with him about it. He thought they understood each
other on that score. As he drove home, his mind raced. It
had been a doctor's appointment. What could it be? His first
thought was that she was pregnant. But that couldn't be and
even if it could, she couldn't know about it yet. Could the
cancer have come back? "God, don't let it be that," he
prayed as he sped to her apartment. Pounding on the door got
him no answer, so he let himself in. She wasn't home. Where
in the hell had she gone? Cell phone. He called her cell
phone.

"The cellular customer you have dialed...." he hung up the
phone. Why did she turn her phone off? He tried her mother.
She wasn't there either. "Damn it!" he yelled, leaving her
apartment. He drove to the Lone Gunmen's. When they opened
the door, he rushed in.

"Have you seen Scully today?"

"Yeah," answered Frohike. "She came in here, accessed a
computer file, copied it, and left without a word to any of
us. It was weird."

"How long ago was that?"

"About one hour."

"Did she say where she was going?"

"She said to talk with you."

"She's not in her apartment," Mulder said to no one in
particular.

"Why would she go to *her* apartment to talk to *you*?"

Mulder stared at him a moment and left without another word.

MULDER'S APARTMENT
ALEXANDRIA

When Mulder burst through the door of his apartment, Scully
was sitting on the couch looking at the receipts again. When
she saw him she opened her mouth to ask him why he was so
late. His expression silenced her.

He crossed the entry hall in one motion and stopped in front
of her. Looking at her with a wild expression, he asked,
"Are you alright? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Mulder." She was confused by his intensity.

"Why the hell were you at the doctor's? Why won't you talk
to me about it? He obviously told you something upsetting.
I've never seen you such a basket case at work."

"Mulder!" she said gently. She put her hands on his
shoulders and pulled him to the couch next to her and
caressed his face. "Nothing is wrong with me. It wasn't that
kind of a doctor. I went to a psychologist."

"What on earth for?" he asked, still panicked and confused.
"And what could a psychologist tell you to upset you so
much?"

She motioned for him to calm down. "Please, Mulder. Let me
explain."

"That's what I'm asking you to do."

"OK, just try to listen calmly. I went to the psychologist
you took me to after I was abducted, Dr. Werber. I asked him
to hypnotize me again."

"Why?"

Scully looked hesitant, but answered his question. "I meant
what I said yesterday about lost time. I know that's not my
usual line, but I really believe it."

"Scully, that's crazy...."

"It wouldn't be if you were suggesting it."

"If we had lost time, wouldn't we both be remembering
things."

"What if I am still in the environment I was in during the
time we lost and you are not? Then seeing things like the
changes in your apartment would trigger memories for me but
not for you."

"You're suggesting we lost time. You were here and I was
somewhere else? But some of these supposed memories involve
me."

"That's where it gets a little weird."

"Oh! *That's* where it gets weird! Now I understand why you
hate it when I string out the facts to you. You want to give
me the whole explanation?"

"Now I understand why you often don't give me the whole
explanation. You won't believe me Mulder but I can prove I'm
right."

"Go for it."

She related to him what she had remembered during her
regression. When she stopped, out of breath, she looked at
him for the first time during her narrative. His expression
was neutral.

"And you can prove that?"

"Yeah."

"Well I'd love to see that Scully because that story tops
anything I've ever asked you to believe! I switched bodies?
That's crazy."

She looked miserable. "I know. Look at this. I got it from
the Lone Gunmen this afternoon. It's the data from the
recorder and their analysis of it. How would that be there?
These are the tapes of my regression. I want you to listen
to them. I'd also like to ask you to do one, too." She
looked at his expression and continued, "I have submitted to
stranger  and more painful examinations and procedures to
help prove your crazy theories...you owe me."

"Alright, I'll look at the disk." She stared at him,
waiting. "And listen to the tape," he continued.

"And I made you an appointment for tomorrow."

"Fine, I'll go."

"Thanks. I appreciate you playing along with this," Scully
replied quietly.

"You don't have to thank me. It's something you do for me
every day."

"I know Mulder, but this is the first time that I've
believed in an X File and you haven't denied the possibility
of its validity out right."

"That couldn't be true."

"Luther Lee Boggs? Kevin Kryder? Polly's doll? Father McCue?
Cassandra Spender? I've never understood why couldn't
believe in these cases."

"Scully...." Mulder looked hurt, apologetic. Scully hadn't
intended to open old wounds, and this was a conversation she
really didn't want to have. Not now.

"Why don't you listen to the tape."

"Ok," he said quietly.

Scully sat on the couch looking at files while Mulder
listened to the tape. When he was done, he looked up at her.
"You want to talk about this?"

"Sure," she replied. She could see that intensity, the focus
he always had when he found an interesting bone. "What did
you think?"

"Seemed like a legitimate session. He didn't seem to lead
you. There are a lot of details there. You've already been
able to collaborate some of them." His answer struck her as
evasive.

"OK. That's Dr. Mulder, the psychologist's opinion. Next I'd
like to hear Agent Mulder's opinion."

"Certainly sounds like an X File. Given the apparent
validity of this session and given what I know about the
subject of the regression," he smiled, "I would tend to
believe the events described here happened as they were
related."

"OK Mulder. What's bothering you then?"

"About the facts and about your investigation of them,
nothing. You've done an excellent job figuring this out. I
doubt I would have done as well. I am somewhat amazed at
your willingness to accept this. I assume you were convinced
by the scientific analysis of the data on the flight
recorder," he smiled teasingly at her again and dropped the
professional demeanor. "I suppose I am a little bothered by
the fact that you ran off to do this by yourself. You hate
being hypnotized. Your previous experiences with it were
uncomfortable, at best. I would have gone with you."

"I know. I just wanted more information to go on. I didn't
know what I was going to find, if anything. I didn't see the
point of wasting your time for no good reason."

"That sounds like something I would say."

"Touche. We need to concentrate on working together. We got
out of the habit." He nodded. Scully could see something
else was wrong. "Is there something else?"

He looked at her hesitantly. "Scully, did you really believe
this behavior was mine? Did this guy fool you?"

She appeared to be concentrating on trying to remember. "I
remember I was always asking him what was wrong with him. He
smoked Mulder! He asked me to buy him Morleys! I said to him
at one point something about having him examined for drugs
or a head injury. He didn't fool me, but switched bodies?
That never occurred to me either. I thought about the
clones. Or the alien bounty hunter."

"What about his attitude toward you?"

"Well of course that upset me. I certainly don't like being
swatted on the butt...."

"Scully, the comments that you mention on this tape that he
made. Do you honestly think I'd speak to you that way?"

"Of course not."

"And what was that about Kersh's secretary. I can tell you
remembered more than you said."

She looked at him and he could see the pain in her eyes. "I
wasn't very comfortable with that." She said neutrally.

"Well I'm less comfortable with it. It's my body he did
these things with. You mention you saw Kersh's secretary
coming out of my apartment and you were obviously upset by
those memories. But you don't vocalize what you remembered."

"Mulder..." her voice was pleading.

"Scully, I can have a regression to but I won't remember any
of this. I didn't do any of it. But I have the right to know
what was done with my body. What was done to you."

She didn't look at him. "I remember Kersh's secretary
leaving your apartment...." she began slowly. "She
was...disheveled, practically undressed." In her peripheral
vision, she saw Mulder's jaw drop. "I saw him kissing her in
the doorway. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he
had taken a 'lunch break.'"

"When did you cuff him to the bed?"

"The next day."

"Why not right then? Surely that did not seem like my normal
behavior, Scully. Jesus, that would have been two weeks
after we first kissed! Do you honestly think I would do that
to you?"

"Of course not...."

"Then why didn't you confront him right away?"

"With what? I hadn't yet been back to Nevada. I hadn't
spoken with you. I knew something was wrong. I just didn't
know what. Without knowing, I didn't know if it was too
dangerous to confront him. Mulder I love you. I do know you
better than to think you'd act that way. I just didn't know
what was going on."

"I am almost afraid to ask you this, but I have to know. How
did you get him cuffed to the bed?"

Scully looked at him again. "When Kersh suspended me,
you...he....whatever, asked me to dinner. He had a big
seduction thing going. It was so transparent. He asked me in
here to see how he fixed it up. He sat down on the bed and
patted it so I'd come to sit with him. When I sat down, he
jumped on the bed and it made me fall backwards. That's when
I saw the mirrors. He went in the kitchen and came back with
wine. It was obvious what he wanted. I thought it would be a
good opportunity to subdue him, so I pulled out my cuffs and
asked him if he thought they would be fun. The idiot
handcuffed himself to the bed."

"Scully," Mulder's voice was so pained that Scully jumped at
the sound of her name. "What if he had raped you?"

Scully started to reply and found she didn't know how.
Finally she said, "Honestly, I don't think that ever
occurred to me." Her brow furrowed. "That wouldn't have
happened. I can defend myself. Even against you. I was
armed, he was not. It wouldn't have happened."

"That wasn't me, Scully. Anything could have happened."

"Well it didn't."

"Scully...if he had attacked you, both of us would have to
live the rest of our lives with that. Do you think you could
ever let me touch you after I, or at least someone who
looked just like me, forced you..." he appeared almost ready
to cry. Scully reached for him and pulled him into her arms.
He drew her into his lap. Scully laughed a little at this
but sobered when she saw how upset Mulder was. She held his
head against her chest and stroked his hair.

"It's alright. Nothing happened and it's over. It wasn't
you. I knew that," continued to whisper to him soothingly
and to hold him.

When she felt him relax, she pulled away from him slightly
and asked, "Why is this so upsetting to you? I don't
understand."

He shook his head, "For a lot of reasons. He did these
things as me. If you can remember, Kersh's secretary might
too. What then? And it bothers me to think that even for a
second you thought it was me behaving that way.  But, I hate
most of all thinking of the risk to you. I know you can
defend yourself. I have seen you take down men twice your
size. But at some point Scully, you won't be so lucky. And
that was a very dangerous situation. What if he had thought
the cuffs would have been more fun on you? What if you had
come in the bedroom and he had just attacked you? If you
weren't expecting an attack I could take you out easily.
What if..."

"No more 'what if.' I'm fine. You are going to drive
yourself insane worrying about me. You might make me regret
the change in our relationship this way." He looked sharply
at her. She was only half teasing.

"Scully, I am not any more worried about you now than I was
before. The only difference is I'm letting you see it. I can
stop doing that if it makes you uncomfortable." He sounded
very sad.

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't want you to feel you have to conceal
your feelings from me," she whispered. She ran her hands
over his chest. Pulling him to her by his shirtfront, she
kissed him softly. He pulled her closer and deepened the
kiss. After a few moments, she got up and led him by the
hand to the bedroom. Standing by the bed, still kissing him,
she pulled his T-shirt off. She pushed him back on the bed
and shrugged off her jacket and unbuttoned her blouse. He
pulled her to the bed.

They both were feeling needy. Mulder was hurt by the things
Scully had remembered, but so was she. She knew Mulder
hadn't seduced Kersh's secretary or treated her that way,
but along with the memory of the actions, came the memory of
how they had made her feel. Hurt, jealous, lost, angry. She
needed Mulder to make those memories fade. He was doing a
good job.

Mulder could not get the idea of Scully with that pervert
out of his mind. The fact that the pervert had looked just
like him, had betrayed Scully's trust while bearing his
face, made it worse. He wanted to make certain she knew he
loved her, worshipped her. He wanted her to trust him, love
him, and forget Morris Fletcher. He reached for the clasp on
her skirt and unfastened it. He knelt over her and pulled it
off her, along with her pantyhose, sliding his hand down her
leg with the hose. When he slid his hand back, she moaned.
He pushed aside her panties and touched her.

Scully stroked Mulder's length through the boxers he was
wearing. She felt him tense, trying to maintain control. She
wanted him to loose it. She tugged them off, continuing to
tease him. When she couldn't wait any longer, she straddled
him and began to guide him into her. She was shocked when he
stopped her.

"Scully, stop. We can't do this."

"Are you insane? Why can we not do this?" Frustration was
evident in her voice.

He sat up and made her look at him. "We know you can't get
pregnant and we know each other well enough to know we're
healthy. So when we did this before neither of us thought of
protection. But we don't know exactly what 'I' did with
Kersh's secretary or anything about her. Well, I can guess a
few things about her if she came over here. I don't even
know her name, and I know I've never spoken to her before so
she must be quite a woman to walk out of a perfect
stranger's apartment after a one hour 'date' half dressed."
He stopped when he saw Scully's expression. "I'm sorry. I
don't want to hurt you. I just don't want to take any
chances with you either."

"It's alright. I understand. You're right." In the light
coming in from the living room, Mulder saw the glint of a
tear on her cheek.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I ...."

"It's alright," she repeated. "I'm just mad. I only want a
normal relationship with you. Is that so much to ask for?"
He could hear the anger and frustration in her voice.

"Hey, Scully. It's me you're talking about. That is too much
to ask for," he joked, kissing her. "I'll buy something
tomorrow and we can use it until we're certain it's safe.
I'll go see a doctor this week too." She nodded, mutely,
still upset.

"Do you mind if...Can I stay here tonight?" Scully
whispered. "I need to be near you." He responded by pulling
her closer to him, arms around her waist.

MULDER APARTMENT
ALEXANDRIA
SEPTEMBER 18

Mulder did a regression as well. Some of what he remembered
collaborated Scully's memories. They were discussing more
details of the experience. Scully was amazed by Mulder's
attitude.

"When you came to Nevada, why did you do it?" he asked.

"Hoping to get some idea what was going on, I suppose. And
because even though you...Fletcher, whatever...didn't seem
to think it was a good idea to follow up on that phone call,
I thought it was very important. So I went." She shrugged.

"What made you decide to cooperate on that set up?" Scully
looked at him sharply. She could see that he saw it as a
betrayal, not of him personally, but of their unspoken code
of conduct.

"Mulder, Kersh found out I was back in Nevada. He said if I
didn't cooperate, he'd see me prosecuted for our actions on
the base at Area 51."

"How'd he figure out that you went back?"

"Fletcher."

"And after that, knowing that 'I' betrayed you to Kersh, you
still didn't believe me when I told you it was me. How could
you not believe me then?"

"Mulder, when I realized it was 'you' that told Kersh, that
is when I knew I needed to believe it. But that was after
they were dragging you out of that store. I just couldn't do
anything about it then. Surely you aren't angry about this."
He didn't reply. "Mulder! None of this actually happened,
remember? Time was reversed."

"OK, forget about trusting me. How about protecting our
sources?"

"Mulder for God's sake. How could I trust you? You weren't
you. Fletcher was you. Do you have any idea how confusing
this was? As for the 'source,' I had two options: Protect
the source, go to jail, and never figure this out or betray
the source, stay out of jail, and have a chance to solve
this. Do you understand me? If I hadn't cooperated with
Kersh, I'd be in jail and you'd be permanently in Fletcher's
body. What good would that have done? I don't understand
your attitude about this."

Mulder shook his head and got up from the couch. Scully
stared at his back.

"Are we done?"

"Yeap."

"Mulder!"

"I don't want to go on with this. It didn't happen, you're
right. Let's drop it."

Scully stayed on the couch watching Mulder's back retreat
into the kitchen. After a few moments, she followed him into
the kitchen. He was digging through the cupboards for
something to eat. She pulled some steaks out of the freezer.

"Do you want these and some sort of vegetable...maybe a
salad?"

"Scully, you don't have to cook for me."

"Well, if somebody doesn't, you'll starve," she joked. He
didn't laugh. She became more serious. "Mulder, I know I
don't have to cook for you. I'm offering to, that's all. If
you'd prefer I didn't, if you want to be alone, I'll go
home. Is that what you want?"

"Scully, I know this wasn't fun for you. It was worse for
me. It happened to me. My body was used for behavior that I
find contemptible. I was stuck in a body and a life I knew
nothing about. I need a little time."

"OK. I understand. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, honestly, I do want to be alone."

"OK," she was hurt, and a little confused, but obviously
Mulder was too. She had to admit he had the right to be. She
left the kitchen and put on her coat. When Mulder didn't
come out of the kitchen, she yelled, "Call me if you need
to."

MULDER AND SCULLY'S OFFICE
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
SEPTEMBER 19

Mulder never called and Scully didn't call him. She had come
into their office early because she needed to think before
she saw him. As the hours passed the night before, she
realized how hurt she was that he wouldn't talk to her.  She
wasn't sure how to approach this. When she and Mulder
disagreed on work issues, she knew him well enough to know
that the best way to handle him was to give him some space.
But this was a personal issue. She didn't know how to handle
it. The more she thought about it, the more she realized she
was having trouble deciding if this really was a personal
issue. Was it about her trusting him? Was it about betraying
a source? Was her reaction exaggerated by her feeling that
because they were involved personally, he shouldn't shut her
out now? Did she have the right to feel that way? How was
all this going to affect their ability to work together?

She looked up as Mulder entered their office. "Hi."

"Hey," he responded quietly.  She could tell he was still
upset. "What's on the agenda for today?"

Scully stared at him a minute and tossed him some files. She
began explaining the case Kersh had handed them the day
before when Mulder was at the psychologist's office. In the
back of her mind, however, her thoughts were spinning. She
couldn't believe he was going to continue to shut her
out...that he wasn't even going to mention their
conversation from the night before. They worked quietly
through most of the day. At 3:00 Mulder announced that he
was leaving early for a doctor's appointment. He didn't
return to their office.

SCULLY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN

Mulder didn't call Scully at home that night either. She was
definitely hurt. She didn't know whether she should call
him, or give him some space. She wanted to know how his
doctor's visit had gone. Not because she was worried about
herself, but because she was worried about him. If something
permanent actually came of all this, she wasn't sure how
well Mulder would handle it. She felt certain that since he
had physically been at the point where time snapped back,
anything negative that Fletcher might have done would have
been reversed. But this certainly wasn't a phenomenon they
completely understood, so she respected Mulder's desire to
be certain.

In addition to worrying about him, she missed him. It was
amazing how quickly she had become accustomed to being with
him. How quickly she had become accustomed to sleeping in
his arms. She realized that scared her. She didn't like
being dependent on Mulder, or anyone. She didn't like giving
up that control.

Having time alone, she decided, was definitely a bad thing--
too much time to think. She went over to the Lone Gunmen's.
It had been a few weeks since the last time she had made any
effort to make progress on her investigation. She still had
a lot of those files she had stolen to analyze.

continued in part 6

Title: What Doesn't Kill Us...Betrayals From Without (3/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: NC-17 for graphic sexual situations
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. Betrayal
>From Without continues to explore what we don't see in
season six as well as complications in Mulder and Scully's
new relationship.

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**) are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

What Doesn't Kill Us...Part Two
Katherine Benton

LONE GUNMEN'S OFFICE

Scully made progress on their unofficial investigation, but
not as she had planned. When Cassandra Spender reappeared,
Diana Fowley emerged as well, and everything went to hell.
Fowley isolated Cassandra and dragged them to some
'decontamination center.' She remembered turning to see him
staring at her naked in the shower. It was their most
intimate moment in weeks and it occurred in a public place
while they were separated by a concrete wall. What a joke.
In Scully's mind the entire thing was a joke. A perfectly
timed joke. Cassandra was important. Scully agreed with
Mulder on that, if not the details. And Fowley's scheme was
a set up to keep them away from her and the truth.

'If Mulder wasn't still blindly trusting in Fowley, he would
be able to see that,' Scully thought angrily. It had upset
her that Mulder wouldn't speak to her about Fletcher. It
hurt her that he shut her out and refused her support. It
was torture that he refused to see that Diana was playing
them. Well, she was going to make him see it. She was
determined to get to the bottom of who and/or what Diana
Fowley was, once and for all. With the Gunmen's help, she
had all the information she needed.

**"I'll ask you to hear me out before you launch any
objection." She paused and he nodded. "Mulder, I asked them
to pull up everything they could on Diana Fowley..."

"I don't have time for this," he sighed.

"Mulder, she's playing you for a fool..."

"I know her, Scully. You don't."

"You knew her. You don't anymore. I think we can prove that
to you."

Byers intervened, "She took a position in the FBI's Foreign
Counter Terrorism Unit in 1991...seven years in Europe..."

"Yet there isn't a single piece of information available on
her activities in the FBI files."

Mulder feigned horror. "I hope you've got something more
than that to indite her with."

"Travel records, pulled from airline manifests that have
been purged from her FBI records...extensive movement
throughout western Europe...almost weekly trips to and from
Tunisia..."

"For the purpose of what?"

"That's what we couldn't figure," Langley intervened. "Until
we took a flier and we found this."

"Mutual UFO Network logs."

"MUFON."

"Special Agent Diana Fowley of the FBI was visiting every
European Chapter. Collecting data on female abductees."

"So she's collecting data. Big deal."

"Or hiding it."

"Scully, you're reaching."

"Mulder, when I was abducted, a chip was put in my neck,
when I happened upon a MUFON group filled with women who had
the same experience."

"So you're suggesting that Diana is monitoring these
abductees...monitoring these tests?"

"You tell me that Cassandra Spender is the critical test
subject.  The one who could prove everything. And yet, who
is watching over her? Mulder, I can prove what you are
saying, or I can disprove it. But not when Diana Fowley is
keeping us from even seeing her. Mulder, ask yourself why
there is no information what-so-ever on Special Agent Diana
Fowley...why she would suddenly happen back into your life
when you are closer to ever to the truth. I mean... you ask
me to trust no one. And yet you trust her on simple faith."

"Because you have given me no reason here to do otherwise."

"Well then I can't help you anymore."

"Scully, you're making this personal."

"Because it is personal, Mulder. Because without the FBI,
personal interest is all that I have. And if you take that
away, then there is no reason for me to continue."**

Scully left the Gunmen's feeling lost. She couldn't believe
they had come to this again. Personal?! She was making this
personal?! Of course it was personal. She and Mulder were
personally involved. How did he expect her to react to being
shut out--again. She had found the information on Spender.
She had sacrificed her career. And Mulder had resorted to
knee-jerk reactions. He had turned to Diana Fowley again,
unquestioningly. That was difficult to stomach before. Now
it was intolerable.

Mulder followed Scully from the Gunmen's office, but she had
left too quickly. He stood for a moment before making a
decision. He would go to Diana's apartment and confront her.

The events of that evening would floor Mulder. When the
Smoking Man walked into Diana's apartment, Mulder almost
fell over in shock.  His shock turned to rage at the
bastard's sorry-assed excuse for being there. Scully was
right, he realized as he listened to him speak. There's no
way this bastard would be in her apartment, to take her to
this meeting place, if Diana wasn't one of them.

Apparently that didn't matter, now.  The invasion was going
to begin. Tonight. Yet somehow he couldn't bring himself to
leave her apartment. He had to talk with her. He had to hear
her side of this. When she came in, she had the nerve to
tell him she wasn't working against him. She had the nerve
to tell him they should flee together. She had the nerve to
kiss him.

And he didn't resist. And he left with her. He called Scully
to tell her where to go, but he didn't go to meet her. He
intended to flee with the members of the Consortium. To
sleep with the enemy. As he sat in Kersh's office, watching
him look at photos from the scene, guilt for his actions
consumed him.

**Kersh was actually speechless as he looked at the photos
Jeffery Spender had given him. "The way these people
died...the loss of life here...it is beyond words. I can't
imagine how it must be for you...loosing your mother."

"Yes sir. But that is not why I asked for this meeting."

"Why did you ask for it?"

"Because I am responsible for the deaths of those people in
the airbase hanger in no small way. I certainly didn't
prevent them."

"I can assume then that you can explain how they died.
Because I have yet to hear any explanation."

"Agent Mulder can explain it. I think Agent Scully to an
extent. They might have even prevented what you  see in
those photos."

"Agent Scully and Mulder have been suspended by the FBI..."

"Also my doing.. .and my mistake..."

"I would ask...

"I'd ask sir, before you tell me that it's not my business,
that you do everything you can to get them back on the X
Files. Far worse can happen...and it will." He arose to
leave.

"Where are you going?"

"To pack up my office."

"Agent Spender!" He turned to Mulder and Scully. "You have
answers now? Why didn't I hear about those answers before?"

"I've had answers for years."

"Then why didn't we hear about them?"

"Nobody ever listened."

"Who burned those people?"

"They burned themselves. With a choice made long ago by a
conspiracy of men who thought they could sleep with the
enemy...only to awaken another enemy."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Means that the future is here. All bets are off."

"Agent Scully. Make some sense."

"Sir, I wouldn't bet against him."**

As they left Kersh's office, he took Scully's arm to steer
her toward the garage. She pulled away from him.

"I need some time alone, Mulder." She picked up her pace to
walk away from him.

He stared at her. "Scully, please talk with me about this."

She turned and faced him, brow furrowed. "They were leaving,
weren't they?" He nodded. "Something was going to happen
tonight, wasn't it?" He nodded again. "What?"

"Invasion," he responded quietly, "of the planet."

"By aliens?" she asked incredulously.

"You have trouble believing that?"

She looked at him evenly. "No, I suppose I don't." She
paused and her expression hardened. "And you were going to
leave with them...with her." It wasn't a question. "That's
what I can't believe." She turned to leave but her grabbed
her wrist.

"I wasn't leaving with Diana. I called you...."

"Do you think I would have left with you? Left my mother, my
brothers, the Gunmen, Skinner, your mother...do you remember
any of these people Mulder?"

His brow furrowed now as well and anger spread across his
face. "What would you expect me to do? How can we fight an
alien invasion?"

"I don't know what you've been doing for the last six years,
Mulder, but I've been fighting an alien invasion. And I
intend to continue to do so."

"You didn't even believe in aliens until tonight."

"You don't know me as well as you should if you think that."
She turned to leave again and again he prevented her.

"So you think I've betrayed our work? You think I betrayed
you?"

"I don't know, Mulder? Did you?" The memory of Diana's lips
on his, the taste of her mouth, overwhelmed Mulder. He
dropped his eyes. Scully nodded. "That's what I thought,"
she said unable to disguise the hurt. She walked away. This
time he didn't stop her.

MULDER'S APARTMENT
ALEXANDRIA
OCTOBER 3

Over a week passed after the incident at El Rico. Mulder and
Scully had regained the X Files, Jeffery Spender had turned
up dead, and Diana had disappeared again. Scully had avoided
speaking with Mulder, claiming she had errands to run after
work. She avoided personal conversations at work. Mulder,
still uncertain how to react to the insane events of the
last month, didn't know how to fix things. He was surprised
when she showed up at his door tonight.

She went straight to the living room and, without
hesitation, she began, "Mulder, the last few weeks have been
difficult for me. It was very hard to go from a month of
being together almost constantly to not seeing each other at
all except at work. It was even more difficult to see your
blind dedication to Fowley..."

"Scully..."

"Let me finish. All of this...the last week...made me
realize some things. The most important thing...the bottom
line...is that I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. I
don't think I can handle giving up that much of myself. Not
just to you. I don't think I can give that much of myself to
anyone right now. I don't want this to hurt you. I don't
want it to affect our partnership or our friendship. But I
had to be honest with you."

Mulder stared at her. The speech he had listened to was
obviously carefully prepared and scrupulously rehearsed. But
he could tell it was just a speech. He could also tell
Scully was tightly controlling her emotions. She was scared.
He could see that. He didn't know what she was afraid of.
For his part, he was completely stunned. But, she had
obviously thought about what she was saying. She obviously
meant it. The only thing he could think about at that point
was salvaging their friendship.

"Are you sure about this, Scully?" he was amazed how calm
his voice sounded.

"Yes." Nothing more.

He drew a deep breath and stood up. When he turned back
around, she saw the neutral mask. She knew the pain it was
disguising. "OK, if that is what you want. Our partnership
means a lot to me. As long as we don't loose that...."

"I see no reason why we should."

"OK."

Pause. "I'd better go." Scully rose from the chair and left
as quickly as she could without appearing to flee.

***

Scully couldn't believe their first case back on the X
Files...their first case since she broke off their personal
relationship...was an undercover case in which they had to
pose as a married couple. Unbelievable. Rob and Laura
Petrie. And Mulder was totally on--never passing up an
opportunity to put his arm around her shoulders or waist,
his hand on her knee, to make some innuendo, or to call her
some obscene pet name. She had pushed him off her more than
once. She knew why he was doing it but it was unbearable.

But the most difficult aspect of that case was when she
forgot to push him off her. Sitting there in Gogolak's
house, on his couch practically enveloped by Mulder's arm,
Scully realized a little too late that when Gogolak declared
basketball hoops were not allowed, she reached over and took
Mulder's hand. She saw him smother a grin as she quickly
returned her hand to her own lap. Not five seconds later,
she caught herself again--this time her hand covering
Mulder's on her arm. Again she retracted the hand and
sighed.

Even after returning, the next few weeks at work were
awkward--neither Mulder nor Scully was quite certain how to
approach or react around the other. Mulder was suddenly
aware of how often he touched her. A hand on her shoulder as
he looked at her computer. A hand on her back to guide her
through the door. A hand on her arm to get her attention or
hold it. After her standoffish attitude in Arcadia, he was
careful not to do these things--he wasn't sure how she'd
feel about them now. He also was sensitive about her
personal space. He was so much taller than she was, he
realized he was always leaning over her to speak quietly
into her ear, to force her to look at him. He knew he
couldn't handle that type of physical closeness, so he
avoided it.

He also caught himself slipping on occasion. When they were
investigating the dog case with Karen Burquist, he had the
distinct impression that Scully was jealous. She made a
number of comments about Mulder being 'chummy' with Karen
and about 'having made quite an impression on her.' Her
insinuation when he said he had met Karen on-line was
patently obvious. She went so far as to warn him that Karen
was 'enamored of him' and that woman could be tricksters.

All this had inspired him to allow himself to hope. To allow
himself to believe that she might reverse her decision. Yet
he still couldn't trust himself to touch her to awaken her
on the couch in the hospital. Instead of using his hand to
brush her cheek, he used the newspaper he'd been reading.

Scully found interaction with Mulder to be difficult in
general. She was regretting her decision and especially
regretting that she had not given him the reasoning behind
it or the opportunity to discuss it. On the other hand, he
hadn't tried to argue with her, so perhaps it was what he
wanted. After all, he hadn't really spoken to her for weeks.

 The whole situation was complicated by how tired Scully
felt. Depression, she thought. I've got to shake this off--
try to concentrate on saving our partnership...our
friendship.

Scully threw herself into the work. After their official
assignments ended at 5:00, she suggested they should  both
go to the Lone Gunmen's to work on their unofficial one.
Mulder enthusiastically agreed. With so much time dedicated
to the work, they were making great progress. They also
slowly returned to their smooth partnership--a relationship
they hadn't experienced in months.

End Part Two
Continued in What Doesn't Kill Us...Part III: The Ultimate
Betrayal

Title: What Doesn't Kill Us...The Ultimate Betrayal (1/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: NC-17 for graphic sexual situations
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and  season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. The
Ultimate Betrayal continues to explore what we don't see in
season six as well as the question, "What would it take to
make Scully go to the other side?"

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**)  are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

What Doesn't Kill Us...Part Three
Katherine Benton

SOMEWHERE IN MARYLAND
DECEMBER 24

**"That's a good story, Mulder. And very well told. But I
don't believe it"

"You don't believe in ghosts?!"

"That surprises you?"

"Well, I thought everyone believed in ghosts."

"Mulder, if it were any other night, I might let you talk me
into to it. But the halls are decked, and I've got to go."

"Give my best to your family."

"What are you doing...Mulder don't you have somewhere to
be?"

"I'm just going to take a look...."

"I'm not going to do it....my New Year's resolution..." she
turned, searching for her keys.**

After an extremely weird, and Scully had to admit,
terrifying night, she found herself on Mulder's doorstep
early Christmas morning.

**"I, um, couldn't sleep...Can I come in?"

"Yeah. Aren't you supposed to be opening Christmas gifts
with your family?"

"Mulder, none of that really happened out there tonight.
That was all in our heads, right?"

"It must have been."

"Not that my only joy in life is proving you wrong."

"When have you proved me wrong?"

"Well, why else would you want me out there with you?"

"You don't want to be there?" Pause. "Oh, that's self
righteous and narcissistic of me to say, isn't it?"

"No, I mean, maybe I did want to be out there with you."

"Um, I know we said we weren't going to exchange gifts, but
I got you a little something."

"Mulder!"

"Merry Christmas"

"...Well I got you a little something too."**

Like children, they went over to the couch to open their
presents. Tearing them open, laughing. The moment was
intimate--more so than any other they had shared recently.
She looked into his eyes, thanking him for the present and
wished for the millionth time that she had not said what she
did to him. That she had another chance. She knew she was
going to have to talk with him again soon. The things they
had imagined that night had shaken her up. That seemed like
a good place to start.

"Mulder, tonight, in the house, did you
see...imagine...whatever...did any of the ghosts...talk to
you?"

"You won't believe me."

"I will. They talked to me, too." He was astonished that she
admitted it. "Said some things about our partnership and my
personality that I hate to admit were pretty much on target.
I really need to talk about it. Do you mind?"

"Of course not."

She hesitated. "I imagined that one of the ghosts said to me
that I thought I worked with you out of a sense of duty but
that I really did it out of a need to seek fulfillment
through someone else, you I suppose. She said the real
reason I work with you is because my only joy in life is to
prove you wrong," she looked at him. "That is not true,
Mulder. Or at least not entirely true. My only joy in life
is our work. If I enjoy proving you wrong, it's because our
most intense interaction is when we fight over this stuff. I
think I like to fight with you for that reason. I don't know
what to think about all this." She sighed. "I guess I'm
asking you for your professional opinion."

"Scully, I'm a little too close to this to analyze it
objectively."

"Please try, Mulder. I can't go to anyone else, they'd
commit me," she joked.

"Well, I saw ghosts tonight too. Their agenda was the same
with me. The ghost said I am self-righteous, over-zealous,
narcissistic, obsessive, lonely. That I had an impulse to
make everyone believe me. That I pursue the things I do
because I was too socially maladjusted to have a real
relationship. That I couldn't have a relationship because
the way I behaved was a subconscious attempt to drive others
away because I couldn't handle relationships. Why don't you
tell me how accurate you think that is?"

"I'm not a psychologist, Mulder."

"You know me pretty well...take a shot."

"Mulder, you are not self-righteous or socially maladjusted-
-although a lot of people don't understand you. And you are
certainly not narcissistic. I do think you are obsessive,
but I've told you before, I think that is a positive
quality--it makes you good at your work. But it also causes
a lot of people to refuse to try to understand you--I think
it intimidates them and drives them away. Maybe that makes
you lonely. Only you could say if that was true."

"Did I drive you away?"

"Mulder...you don't intimidate me."

"Did I drive you away?

She sighed. She had wanted to talk about it and this was a
perfect opportunity. "We didn't communicate. We stopped
talking to each other. I don't know why, but that is what
happened. We drove each other away when neither of us knew
how to let the other in. Or maybe we knew at some point, but
we just didn't have the courage. You were right, you know.
You said you wanted to take things more slowly. That was
smart. We rushed from the lowest point in our partnership to
the most intimate of relationships in a span of less than
one month. That probably wasn't a good idea, in retrospect."
She sighed again.

"What could I have done to prevent it?"

"Mulder, why beat a dead horse?"

"I need to know. It'll help my social maladjustment." She
knew his sarcasm hid deep pain.

"If you had let me know how you were feeling. If you hadn't
seemed to blame me for what happened with Fletcher. But
mostly if you had let me in. I know that is hard for you,
that it's not something you do naturally. But I needed that
emotional intimacy after the physical intimacy. I suppose,
once again, it is a matter of trust. I had trouble trusting
you really wanted the relationship when you seemed so
unwilling to talk to me. And then when you turned to
Fowley... I couldn't handle it, so I ran."

"I'm sorry, Scully."

"It's not only your fault. If I had told you that I felt
shut out, that your silence was hurting me, I'm sure things
would have been different. But admitting that would have
meant loosing control--giving it to you. I couldn't stand to
loose that much control. So I hid instead. It was a very big
mistake."

They sat in silence for a long while. Then Scully looked at
him again. From the expression on her face, she had
something very serious to say.

"Mulder, I need to tell you something. Christmas Day is
definitely not the best time to drop this on you, but I
can't hide it for much longer, and we don't have these
'personal' conversations much anymore."

"You've been hiding something?"

"Yeah." She paused, gathering her thoughts. How could she
say this? "The reason I didn't want to go into the house
with you tonight had nothing to do with Christmas Eve. That
was an excuse. I've been avoiding field work in general."

"I noticed."

"It's my New Year's resolution--especially in the case of
the outrageously dangerous stuff we usually fall into. I
can't afford the risk."

"You've never been afraid of risk before. You have a
reputation for being one of the more physical female agents.
You had that reputation before you joined the X Files
division."

"I can't afford the risk anymore, Mulder. I have to protect
my health."

Before she could continue, she saw the panic spread across
his face. "Scully you promised me after the cancer that
you'd tell me if something was wrong."

"I didn't break that promise. I didn't lie to you. I just
didn't tell you the whole truth either. I didn't know how
to. It was a complete shock and we had ended that part of
our relationship. We were doing very well in our partnership
and I was afraid to jeopardize it. I didn't know what to say
and I was afraid to say anything for fear of ruining what we
had left. Besides, it was so unexpected, anything could
happen. I didn't want to get you upset for nothing if it
didn't...turn out."

"Scully, you are babbling." Mulder interrupted, practically
yelling. "Tell me what is wrong with you."

She looked at him for the first time. "Nothing is wrong with
me, Mulder. It's the most natural condition in the world.
Just very unexpected in my case, given my... history...."she
trailed off and looked down again. She couldn't face Mulder.
Her heart was racing.

Mulder was silent. She could feel him staring at her.
Finally he said, "Scully I don't think I understand what
you're saying. Could you please tell me plainly?"

She bit her lip. "OK. Mulder, I 'm 13 weeks pregnant." She
still didn't look up. Her anxiety only increased when Mulder
said nothing.

"Please say something, Mulder." He could barely hear her.
Her voice was scarcely a whisper. Even so, he could hear it
tremble. Instead of speaking, he stood up and paced. A tear
slipped down her cheek. He didn't see it. Suddenly her mind
focused on the fact that at no point in their conversation
had Mulder expressed regret that their personal relationship
had ended. She had. He hadn't. He merely wanted to know why
it had ended. 'He didn't care that it ended,' reverberated
in her mind. She felt as if her heart might stop. A familiar
nausea began to rise.

Finally he said, "Why are you telling *me* this?" Her head
snapped up. His expression was completely neutral.

"How dare you say that to me?" her eyes and voice held a
level pain Mulder had never seen before.

"I don't know why it upset you so much. I mean it. After
three months, why tell me?"

"Because I work with you every day and you would have
noticed sooner or later? Because I can't accept any
dangerous assignments and I thought you should know why? Oh
wait, here's a good reason--Because I thought you might want
to know that you were going to be a father?"

"Am I?"

Scully did feel her heart stop. She hadn't expected him to
be thrilled, but she had expected him to make the usual
gentlemanly responses--'I'll help you however I can,'
whatever. She had certainly not expected that he would
suggest he wasn't the father. It was the last blow in a
series of overwhelming incidents.

He was standing over her. She pushed him away hard, knocking
him across the room. She heard a snapping sound as his head
hit something. She didn't care. She stood to march out of
the room. Mulder recovered quickly and prevented her escape
by immobilizing her against a wall.

"What in the hell is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? How dare you
ask me if you are the father? How many men do you think I've
slept with in the last four months? In the last four years
for that matter?"

"Scully, I'm not questioning paternity. I'm questioning if I
am going to be a father."

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You waited months to tell me about this. You just said the
reason you were telling me now was because you couldn't hide
it any longer. As if telling me was something you dreaded.
Do you intend to allow me to be a father?"

He felt Scully relax suddenly. He moved to let go of her,
but realized, almost too late as she slid down the wall,
that she was faint. Grabbing her upper arms, he dragged her
back to the chair and knelt in front of her.

"Put your head between your knees. Deep breaths. Are you
ok?" he asked when she straightened up. "Do you want some
water? Anything?"

"Mulder," she whispered, her head in her hands on her knees.
"Why are you doing this? Telling you this was the most
difficult thing I have ever done in my life. Do you have any
idea how difficult it is to tell you I'm pregnant when we're
not even...I certainly did not intend to get pregnant by a
man with whom I had a one month relationship--really little
more than a one night stand."

He was amazed. "Scully, we have known each other six years.
You are alone because you chose not to tell me. If you see
our relationship as a one night stand...I don't even know
where to start to tell you what's wrong with that. Do you
know how difficult it is for me to hear that you are
pregnant--a miracle, one that I know means everything to
you--and the only reason you are telling me is because I
'would have figured it out soon enough anyway?' Scully, if
this were another man's child, I still would have expected
you to tell me you were pregnant as soon as you knew
yourself. I know how much you wanted to have a child and how
much it hurt you when you discovered you couldn't. That was
a discovery that we shared, a pain that we both share. So
this is a joy we could both share. But this is my child, not
another man's. And you are telling me as if it were your
death sentence to have to tell me. Do you have any idea how
much that hurts?"

"Mulder...it was you that pushed me away..."

 "Me?! You broke off our relationship..."

"Because you wouldn't speak to me. You made me feel as if
you didn't want me. You turned back to Fowley at the first
opportunity. Something happened between the two of you and
you never even told me what it was. After that, why would
you think telling you about this would be easy. And look how
you're reacting...."

"How I'm reacting! I think I'm reacting fairly well. I only
asked what you intended to do where I was concerned...what
you intended to let me do. You are the one who is acting
insane. For God's sake, Scully, I think you broke my jaw.
What in the hell is wrong with you?"

She stared at him, mind whirling--she wished she hadn't said
anything, that she had quit or taken a leave of absence to
hide this. Her head swam. She had known this would be
difficult. She never knew it would be this difficult. For
the last few months, she had felt completely overwhelmed.
Event after event had transpired to make her feel smothered,
as if she had been physically buried under the weight of
recent occurrences. For a long time she had felt too tired,
physically and emotionally, to go on. She had hoped he would
hold her, tell her that everything would be alright, offer
to be with her, or at least to help her somehow. Instead, he
was angry. She didn't think she could take that. She said
nothing.

He took a deep breath and spoke more calmly. "Whatever. I
know it is your choice to let me participate in this or not.
I will respect your decision." He stood and turned his back
looking out his window.

She said nothing. After a while he thought she might have
left. He turned around and saw her crying silently on his
couch.

He knelt in front of her. "OK, Scully, we can't handle this
right now. You are obviously exhausted. You are going to
stay here and get some sleep. I'm going to call your mother
in a few hours and tell her you are sick. When you've had
some sleep, we are going to talk about this in much more
detail." When she didn't move, Mulder picked her up and
carried her to the bedroom and placed her on the bed.

"No," she struggled to get up. "I can't sleep here. Not
here. Let me up."

"OK, ok...calm down, Scully. I can't drive you home, it's
too late and the snow is really picking up."

"I can go home myself."

"Please stay," he whispered.

She closed her eyes and sighed, too worn out to resist.
After nearly an hour, she fell asleep on the bed.

MULDER'S APARTMENT
ALEXANDRIA
DECEMBER 25

Scully awoke with start. Sitting up, she tried to take in
her surroundings. Her eyes fell on Mulder sitting in a chair
next to the bed. He was awake and watching her. Suddenly it
occurred to her that it was Christmas morning and that she
was supposed to be at her mother's. She moved to edge of the
bed to get up.

"I have to call mom."

"I called her several hours ago. I told her you would call
her this evening."

"Several hours ago?"

"It's almost noon."

"My God, Mulder!" Scully struggled to gather her thoughts.
"How did I sleep so late? What did you tell my mother?"

"I told your mother that I kept you out most of the night on
a stakeout and I apologized that you had fallen asleep over
here and that I didn't want to wake you. She said she
understood, your brother threatened me again, and everything
seems to be normal on that front. As to why you slept so
late--I imagine it might be associated with how much you've
been working lately and the fact that fatigue is normal in
the first trimester of pregnancy."

She looked at Mulder apprehensively. "Mulder I don't want to
fight with you."

"I have no intention at all of fighting with you. I would
like to talk with you."

"I'm not sure I want to talk to you."

"Will you listen to an apology?" When she didn't respond, he
took her silence as acquiescence. "I did not mean to upset
you last night. I realize now that I should have thought
about how you were feeling. How afraid you must have been.
How awkward a situation it was for you to find out about
this after you decided to break off ...our personal
relationship. I was selfish, again. I hope you can give me
another chance to talk with you about this. I promise I will
try to be more sensitive."

Scully looked down at her hands. After a few minutes, she
looked up to reply. "Mulder, how many times have we had this
discussion? We had it just last night before I told
you...and still we repeated the same thing. One of us stops
communicating. When communication finally occurs, we allow
emotion rather than reason to govern the discussion, so we
don't really talk. Instead we hurt each other. You're a
psychologist. Why do we do that?"

"I don't want to speculate on whether you do that or why.
I'd rather not put words in your mouth. I admit I do. I
believe I do it because it prevents a serious discussion. I
know I have problems in this area. I did not intentionally
do that last night, though.  I seriously only intended to
ask if you plan to allow me to be part of this child's life.
I should have phrased my question more carefully. I never
intended to imply I doubted I am the child's father. Most
importantly, it would have been more sensitive to focus
first on how you felt, given how emotional an experience
this must be for you. I already said I was selfish and that
I was sorry."

She stared at him. His conciliatory attitude was making her
feel extremely guilty. "It seems that you have done a lot of
apologizing lately, Mulder. You have been the one that has
made all the concessions...all the efforts to reconcile each
time we've fought recently. I think I'm the one that's been
selfish. And it was certainly selfish not to tell you about
this sooner. I just didn't know how to do it. What was I
supposed to say, 'Hi Mulder, here are the autopsy results
you ordered, oh and by the way--remember that little fling
we had? Well I'm pregnant. Have a nice day.' Honestly. I
just didn't know how to tell you and I didn't want to come
across as trying to trap you."

It was Mulder's turn to stare at her. "Fling? Is that how
you feel about...? How could you think I'd feel
trapped...that I'd feel anything but thrilled?" He knew he
found intimate relations difficult because he had so much
trouble trusting people. He never realized Scully had an
even bigger issue with trust than he did. He at least
trusted her--it didn't appear she trusted anyone.

"Scully, do you trust me?"

"How can you ask that?" She was amazed.

"Well, you told me several months ago that you didn't trust
me anymore. Have I managed to regain your trust on any
level?"

"Yes, Mulder," she replied hastily, remembering the
conversation he was referring to and the pain it still
caused them both, "of course you did. You never really lost
it. I was extremely hurt that night. I didn't mean most of
what I said deep down."

"OK, so then you trust me to back you up at work, to protect
our work, to protect you, to tell the truth...these sorts of
things?" She nodded and he continued, "Do you feel you can
trust my friendship? Do you feel you can trust me not to
hurt you intentionally on a personal level."

"I..." she stopped. "I'm not sure I trust anyone that much
anymore, Mulder. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I think that's a very important discovery."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You haven't, I understand a lot of things better now that I
understand that one thing. How long do think you've had
this... lack of trust?"

"Are you asking if you are rubbing off on me?" She looked at
him ruefully.

"Maybe."

"You're not--I never dated many people because that level of
intimacy has always been difficult for me. I...had a
difficult experience when I was a teenager. I never really
trusted relationships since then."

They were both silent for a moment. "Scully...is some of
that lack of trust still associated with Diana?"

"Mulder," she whispered sadly.

"Tell me, " he replied.

"Tell me what happened between the two of you that night."

He closed his eyes. "She kissed me. I admit...I didn't
exactly shove her away." He didn't continue.

"What did it mean to you?" she whispered.

"Nothing, Scully," he said emphatically. "I swear it. Please
tell me you believe me."

"I do, Mulder."

He sighed. "Ok. Scully, let's deal with the present. How do
you feel about this pregnancy? Can you talk about it with
me?"

"I...." she sighed, frustrated.  "Of course I am thrilled. I
never expected to have a child of my own. This was a
complete surprise. When I was so tired, it never occurred to
me that I might be pregnant--even when I missed two periods.
I assumed it was stress. It was the best surprise I ever had
from a doctor. But, I wish it could have been under
different circumstances. I would prefer..." she paused to
look at him. "Please don't take this the wrong way."

"I will try not to."

"I would prefer to be more than a business associate of the
father of the child. I pictured a more traditional situation
if I were ever to become a mother."

She couldn't bring herself to look at him so she didn't see
him close his eyes. She didn't see the pain in them when he
spoke. "What do you want...need from me? What do you want me
to do in all this?"

Scully broke. Struggling to control her emotions, she
managed, "God, Mulder, I don't know. I don't know what I
have the right to ask for. You said it yourself last night--
I was the one who broke off the relationship that produced
this child. A relationship that only lasted a few weeks to
begin with. I don't feel I have the right to ask you for
anything. All I wanted last night was for you to..." She
shook her head, cutting herself off, determined to preserve
what was left of her dignity by not appearing to beg now.

"What did you want, Scully?" he prompted her.

"Something you obviously couldn't give, Mulder." She
continued at his hurt expression, "That's not your fault. I
don't blame you. This isn't any easier for you than it is
for me." Her control was back. Her voice calm and quiet. Her
walls up higher and stronger than Mulder had ever seen them.
Suddenly Mulder realized that they weren't just a
professional facade but rather a defense mechanism she used
to keep anyone from getting too close. She was afraid. Of
him. Of intimacy. More afraid than he was. His heart broke.

"OK, Scully," he said levelly as if discussing evidence.
"Would you feel comfortable if I made some suggestions in
that area?"

She nodded.

"Alright, I'll be frank. I love you. That didn't change when
you broke off our personal relationship. It won't change. I
love this child. I would like to have as close a
relationship with this child and you as you feel comfortable
with."

"Do you mean that?"

"Did you truly expect me to say anything different?
Honestly, Scully, it hurts me a great deal to think you
would. "

"I just didn't know...wasn't sure."

They were silent a few minutes. "Scully, I am really
concerned about how you reacted to this conversation last
night."

"I said I was sorry...."

"Not just this," he said indicating his jaw. "I mean...what
you said about us."

"Mulder...."

"Please, just hear me out. You were the one that said we
aren't communicating as we should. I agree. And it's a
serious problem. How can we deal with raising a child if we
communicate so poorly that we can't discuss the pregnancy? I
think maybe we should both speak to someone together...."

"Are you are volunteering to see a psychologist for reasons
other than to be hypnotized?!" She exclaimed, laughing. His
suggestion struck her as completely hilarious. "Mulder, what
do you think would happen? We would walk in. He'd say, 'So,
what do you folks do for a living?' And you would say we are
investigating an international alien conspiracy to enslave
the human race. That would be it. They'd lock us up and
throw away the key."

To Scully's relief, Mulder saw the humor--and the truth--in
that statement.

"If you want to help me," she continued "just put up with
me. The next few months are going to be a little rough. All
I need is to know is that you're there."

He took her in his arms again, "Of course I am."

"And promise you'll let me do this my way."

"Scully, I would never try to tell you what to...how to...."

Mulder held Scully and for a long time they enjoyed the
closeness. Mulder was strongly reminded of how much he
enjoyed holding her, kissing her.... He was reminded how
much he missed her and still wanted her.

"Scully, can you tell me specifically how you want me to be
involved with this or do you need more time to think about
it?"

"Mulder, I just can't get past feeling like I am trapping
you--we didn't exactly plan this pregnancy and I don't want
to use it or appear to use it to obligate you."

"Scully, I told you, I don't feel that way. I'm not sixteen.
I know how to take responsibility for my actions. I am not
asking you about my responsibilities. If all you want is
child support, you certainly won't have to sue me for it. If
you want material things--a better apartment or a house, a
nanny...whatever--I will provide them. I may not live like
it, Scully, but I am a very wealthy man from a very wealthy
family. Neither you nor this child will want for anything.
I'm not talking about material things. I loved you, Scully,
when this child was conceived. I love you now. I don't see
what happened between us as a 'fling' or a 'one night
stand'--I never did. I also never understood why you ended
it. So, I am asking you how I can support you and this baby
emotionally. Not because I'm obligated to, but because I
love you. I want to do this. What I need to know is if you
will let me. It has to be your decision and I need to know
what that decision is."

She looked at him and he saw the fear in her eyes.
Swallowing nervously, she said, "Mulder, I have never
regretted anything in my life as much as I regret telling
you that I wasn't ready for a relationship with you. It
might be true that I wasn't ready, but not because I don't
want the relationship, but because I am so frightened by it.
I was telling the truth when I said I don't know how to give
that much of myself. You are so intense and that intensity
demands so much. But...I love you...I regretted saying what
I did immediately after I said it...when I found out I was
pregnant, I didn't know how I would do this...."

"I need to be clear on this. Are you suggesting that we
return to that relationship?"

"Yes."

"Scully, you don't have to do this. I will support you any
way you ask. Unconditionally--regardless of whether we have
a physical relationship. I don't want you to think you have
to do anything you don't feel comfortable with to... buy my
support."

"I know that, Mulder. I know you better than to think you
are the type of man to expect something in return for
helping me." She paused and looked at him. "I love you. I've
missed being in your arms. I want you and I always have.
After the Fletcher case, when you didn't speak to me for so
long, when we fought over Diana, I was afraid you didn't
want me."

"Scully!" He pulled her into his arms again and nearly
crushed her in his embrace.

"Mulder, be careful," she stammered, breathless.

"I'm sorry...are you ok?"

She responded by kissing him, hungrily. Mere seconds later,
she was pulling off his T-shirt and pushing him back on the
bed. Lying on top of him, she ran her hands over his chest,
savoring touching him this way again. Careful of the bruise
on his jaw, she kissed his neck and trailed kisses down his
chest and waist to the button on his jeans. She rubbed her
hands over his swelling erection. He moaned. Kissing him
again, she unbuttoned his jeans and almost literally tore
them off him. Mulder was surprised by how fast this was
moving. He was considering protesting when Scully took him
into her mouth. She expertly alternated between teasing the
head of his member with her tongue and running her tongue
along his length. When he began to think she was
purposefully trying to drive him insane, she stopped and
pulled off her blouse and pants. He reached to touch her
breasts as she straddled him. She leaned down and kissed him
as she eased him into her.

"Jesus, Scully. Slow this down...I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want to slow down. I need this. I want it."

"This is dangerous Scully...we should use something. I don't
want to risk hurting you."

"Did the test results come back negative?"

"So far but...."

"Then it's a little late to think about protection Mulder
and there is no way doing this is going to hurt me or the
baby. So shut up." She kissed him again and began to move up
and down on him, slowly.  Mulder put his hands on her hips
to quicken her pace. Soon he was bucking under her,
convulsing with the intensity of his climax. When she felt
him relax, she collapsed on top of him and he felt her move
to slide away from him. He grabbed her arms and kissed her
fiercely.

"You're not going anywhere."

He rolled her over onto her back, careful not to put any of
his weight on her. He wanted to devour her. He moved his
kisses down her throat to her breasts. Cupping them in his
hands, he teased her nipples with his tongue. He moved his
hands lower. Still biting lightly at her nipples, he entered
her with one finger and teased her clit between the thumb
and finger on his other hand. She moaned as she climaxed,
writhing on the bed. When she regained control, she pulled
him to her, holding him tightly.

"Scully...?"

"Just hold me, Mulder. Please."

For nearly an hour Mulder held Scully silently on the bed.
He listened to her breathing calm and become steadier.
Stroking her hair, he waited for her to let him know what
she wanted. He began to believe she had fallen asleep again.

"Scully? Are you awake."

"Yes," she whispered in reply.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes."

"I love you. I know it's a little frightening for you, but
from my point of view, I can't begin to express to you how
happy I am that we are going to have a baby. I won't push
you, but I want you to know I will help you any way I can. I
want to be as much involved with this as you can let me be.
But most of all, I want to make this work between us. If we
can trust each other enough to tell each other how we feel,
there's no reason why we can't make it work. I need it to
work. I can't loose you again."

"I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that." She held
him tightly.

After a few moments, Mulder reminded her, "Hadn't you better
go to your mother's, or at least call her?"

She sat up a little to look at him. "I'll call but I'm not
going over there. I can't lie to my mother and she'll be
able to tell something is up in a heartbeat."

"Do you mean to tell me your mother doesn't know about this
yet?"

"No, I hadn't told anyone."

"No one, Scully? You've been dealing with this completely by
yourself?"

"I told you that."

"I didn't think...I mean I assumed you told your mom....
You'd better call her."

Scully got up from the bed and pulled her blouse off the
floor. Putting it on, she went into the living room and
called her mother. She told her she was coming down with
something and promised to come over later that week. When
she got off the phone, Mulder was standing behind her in his
boxers. She hadn't taken the time to button the blouse. She
saw Mulder was staring at her stomach.

"You certainly don't look pregnant."

"I'm only thirteen weeks pregnant, Mulder." She laughed when
he came over to her and put his hands over her stomach.
"Mulder it will be awhile before you will be able to feel it
move. Wait a minute though...get dressed and go down to your
car. I keep a more complete medical bag in your car and
there should be a stethoscope in there. Bring it up."

"Can you actually hear a heartbeat?"

"We should be able to. You can usually begin to detect a
heartbeat between twelve and thirteen weeks." she replied.
Mulder's nearly naked dash to the car through the snow made
Scully laugh. When he returned with the stethoscope she
backed away from him playfully.

"Do you have any idea how cold that thing is going to be
after sitting in the car all night?" A few minutes later,
Mulder was listening to the heartbeat of his baby. Scully's
baby.

He sat up, drawing a deep breath. "Jesus, Scully!" his voice
broke.  She caressed his cheek. He kissed her tenderly and
stood up. "You have to be starving. I'll go into the kitchen
and see if I can scare anything up."

continued in part 8
Title: What Doesn't Kill Us...The Ultimate Betrayal (2/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: NC-17 for graphic sexual situations
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and  season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. The
Ultimate Betrayal continues to explore what we don't see in
season six as well as the question, "What would it take to
make Scully go to the other side?"

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**) are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

SCULLY'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
DECEMBER 31

Mulder had been unusually happy most of the week after
Scully revealed her secret to him. His obviously sincere
euphoria relieved her more than she could express. She
hadn't really acknowledged even to herself how nervous she
had been about having that conversation. When Mulder showed
up on her doorstep on New Year's Eve and dragged her to his
car, Scully wasn't really surprised.

When they drove without explanation into the upper-class
neighborhoods in Georgetown, Scully raised her eyebrows but
nothing more. Finally, she broke the silence, "Where are we
going? Stakeout? Ghostbusting?" she asked in her tolerant
tone. Mulder knew it from numerous cases.

"House shopping."

"House shopping? At midnight? On New Year's eve? In this
neighborhood? Mulder, are you feeling ok? You are acting
bizarre again."

"I'm not entitled to be outrageously happy right now? I have
a baby on the way. I don't think it's unreasonable to look
at houses."

"It's midnight, Mulder. You can't see the houses. Besides,
they'll arrest us for driving around in this neighborhood
thinking we're casing the joint. Oooh, look at that one,
it's beautiful." She exclaimed as Mulder drove slowly by a
house with a "Sale Pending" sign on it. "When I was a little
girl, when we lived in San Diego, we had a house a lot like
this--only the neighborhood wasn't this nice.... Why are you
stopping?"

"I remember you telling me about that house. You like it,
let's look at it." He opened the car door.

"Mulder, it is midnight! We are going to get arrested!
Besides it's already sold." She stared at him as he got out
of the car and walked to the porch. He turned and gave her
the 'you coming?' look she'd seen millions of times. She
looked straight ahead, refusing to meet his eyes. There was
no way she was doing this tonight. She was not going to get
arrested. She looked at the porch. Mulder was going inside
the house. 'He's crazy,' she thought dashing out of the car
and up to the porch.

"Mulder! What did you do? Pick the lock!? This is not an X
File. This is a house. A private one. Our badges are not
going to do us a bit of good if we are caught trespassing
here."

"Do you like this house?"

"Yes, it's beautiful. Ideal. Now let's get out of here."

"Really?"

"Yes, for God's sake, let's go."

"Good, because I bought it." He pulled the keys out of his
pocket and tossed them to her. "I thought you'd like it,
given how much it's like that house both you and your mom
talk about so much. Besides, you can't raise a baby in
either of our tiny apartments, so I thought...."

"Mulder, I am literally terrified to ask this. How did you
get the money for this? Did you and the Gunmen do something
to the IRS computers? Tell me you didn't do anything like
that."

"I told you, I was the only person in dad's will when he
died. Mom didn't want any part of it. I didn't either,
really and I haven't touched it because I suspect it's
dirty. The only thing I did was to sell the house Samantha
was abducted from. I was in no hurry, so I got a good price.
That was a while ago and I invested the money. When all this
happened, I used that money to buy this the day after
Christmas. If you don't like it, we can put it back on the
market and buy a different one. I just wanted to see the
look on your face, that's all." He was grinning. Mulder did
not grin. Scully had never, in six years, seen Mulder grin.

Scully debated between accusing him of being an alien clone,
pursuing the conversation further, kissing him, and
fainting. 'No point in talking to a clone,' Agent Scully
thought, looking narrowly at Mulder. "Mulder, tell me
exactly what you said to me when you gave me my necklace
back after you found me in Antarctica." That was a safe
choice. No one could possibly know that--they had been in
the middle of an ice plain, thousands of miles from
anything. They couldn't have been bugged or watched.

"Why on earth do you want me to do that?" He looked at her
incredulously.

"Because you are acting bizarre," she replied evenly. Mulder
saw the skeptical Agent Scully before him.

He laughed at her. Nothing could shake his mood tonight.
Smiling, drawing her into his arms as he had held her on the
snow, he whispered, "I took the necklace from my pocket. You
looked at it and then me like you couldn't believe it. I put
it on you and I said, 'Every time you've gone missing that
necklace has represented my faith that I would find you and
it's been my link to you. I wore it when you were abducted
to feel near to you. When I found it today, I knew I'd find
you. I know it means a great deal to you, but it means more
to me.' You said, 'At first I wore it because my mom gave it
to me. When I had cancer and my faith became so important to
me, I wore it to remind me. Now, it is still a symbol of
faith...the faith I have that you will always be there for
me. The certainty that I have that I will always be there
for you.' And you kissed my cheek. Right here," he said
pointing to a place close to the corner of his mouth. Then
he kissed her in the same spot on her cheek. "Are you
convinced I'm not an alien clone or bounty hunter or
something worse?"

Scully answered by kissing him full on the lips.

"Do you want to look around the house?" He asked after
holding her a few moments.

She nodded. The electricity was still on so Mulder proceeded
her from room to room turning on lights so she could see.
She wandered the house in silence. Complete awe. It was
beautiful and ideal. Looking into the yard from the kitchen
window after she had checked out the entire house she said,
"Mulder I can't believe this."

"Believe it--you're going to have to decorate it. Imagine
the work! But you can't let me do it. You've already seen my
skills in that area." Joking again--never too close to a
serious situation.

She smiled at him. "Mulder, I am exhausted. We'd better head
back to my apartment before I fall asleep here." He nodded
and escorted her out, a familiar hand on the small of her
back.

MULDER'S OFFICE
JANUARY 11

Mulder looked across the room at Scully. She was quietly
reading files on their current case. He had always enjoyed
watching her when she was working--something about that
intensely studious attitude she adopted turned him on. He
had always thought that smart was sexy. Now, looking at her,
she was even more beautiful. The woman sitting primly across
from him, legs crossed, toes tapping on the tiled floor, was
pregnant with his child. Every time that thought occurred to
him, his heart swelled with emotions he didn't yet
completely understand.

Mulder was finding it increasingly difficult to work with
Scully knowing that she was pregnant. He knew it was sexist
and he knew she wouldn't take any unnecessary risks. He just
hated the idea of her taking any risks at all. And their
current case was an extremely violent crime--someone was
randomly attacking young people and ripping their hearts
from their chest.

When Mulder began to believe that their prime suspect,
Padgett, had some sort of attraction to Scully, the
investigation became even more difficult. He looked at the
pendant Scully had found under their door.

**"It's called a milagro. It's the Spanish word for miracle.
It's worn as a lucky charm."

"It came here for me?" he asked incredulously.

"It was dropped off at reception by a man in his late
twenties, early thirties. Average looking, average build.
They were not able to get an ID. There are no fingerprints
and no DNA from his saliva."

"I don't think it's the killer, Scully."

"Do you see it's a burning heart?"

"I see it has a burning heart. But we're dealing with a
killer that leaves no clues. Why would he do something as
heavy handed as this?

"Well, maybe it has something to do with his next victim.
Maybe he's taunting you."

"Maybe it's not me at all. Maybe he sent it to you. Maybe
it's a secret admirer." Scully sighed and looked at him
disgustedly, taking the pedant back.

"I think I'll check it out."

"Actually let me. You've got a 9:00am with the DC medical
examiner. He's going to let you autopsy the latest victim."

Now her expression was mildly irritated. "Thank you for
making my schedule for me Mulder. But I think I'll have to
be late for that appointment."**

Mulder watched her leave. He knew it was presumptuous of him
to make appointments for her. He couldn't seem to resist
doing it. He wanted her in the lab. The field was going to
be too dangerous during this case. He also knew if he became
overprotective, it was the surest way to drive her away. He
took his calendar out to try to figure out how many more
weeks Scully would be pregnant--how many more weeks before
he could breath again.

POLICE STATION DISTRICT 12
JANUARY 13

When she confirmed that Padgett was stalking her, that he
had 'cornered' her in the church and admitted his
attraction, Mulder became even angrier. His conversation
with Padgett in the elevator was intended to put Padgett on
alert. Mulder went through Padgett's mail afterward and
connected the dots. He was shocked into a stupor when he
burst into Padgett's apartment moments later and found
Scully sitting on his bed.

When he read Padgett's manifesto, and his descriptions of
Scully and the Stranger, Mulder simply felt ill. Violated.
Revolted that anyone would write such intimate things about
Scully.

**"Scully, it's all on the page. How else would he know it."

"Maybe he imagined it, like he said. Like Shakespeare or
Freud or Jung...I mean...maybe he has some gift. Maybe he
has a clear window into human nature..."

"No one can predict human behavior. Nobody can tell you what
another person is going to do..."

"Well isn't that what you do Mulder as a behavioral
profiler...you imagine the killer's mind so well that you
know what they're going to do next.

"If he imagines it, it's a priori--before the fact. I think
that's pretty clear from what he wrote about you." There was
an uncomfortable silence. "You do know you're in here don't
you?"

"I read a chapter." Another silence. "What does he say?"

"Well let's just say it ends with you doing the naked
pretzel with the Stranger on a bed in an unfurnished fourth
floor apartment." She stared at him. "I'm assuming that's a
priori too?" His tone revealed his anger.

She looked down and let out a breath. "I think you know me
better than that, Mulder," she responded quietly. He nodded.

"Well you might want to finish it," he said handing her the
book.**

He didn't really want her to see it--he knew she would be
horrified, as he had been, by the graphic descriptions
involving her--but he needed her to know how dangerous this
man was. Padgett's later words as they were releasing him,
while still amazing to Mulder, sounded a lot like a threat
to him.

**"I made a mistake myself."

"What's that Mr. Padgett?"

"In my book I write that Agent Scully falls in love but
that's obviously impossible. Agent Scully is already in
love."**

Mulder recognized the jealousy in Padgett's voice--the
resentfulness. And the sadness. Mulder knew the power of
those emotions. He had felt them himself many times in the
past. He was actually feeling them now as well. He had no
doubt Scully loved him and felt nothing for Padgett beyond
pity. But what that pervert had written about her kept
running through his mind, driving him insane with a feeling
that his privacy and Scully's had been invaded in a most
intimate and depraved manner.

MULDER'S APARTMENT
JANUARY 13

Mulder's brow furrowed when he heard Scully sob. He pulled
her tighter against him. When her crying only continued, he
picked her up and carried her to the couch. His doorway was
now full of neighbors. "Call the police," he mouthed to the
building super while settling Scully in his arms against the
couch cushions.

"Ambulance?" he mouthed back. Mulder nodded. The super
closed Mulder's door and he heard him chasing the bystanders
away.

Mulder rocked Scully silently in his arms, smoothing her
hair. Her tears were drying on the fabric of the shoulder of
his shirt but her breathing was still ragged, her chest
heaving. "Shhhh," he whispered soothingly. He felt her relax
slightly against his body and he pulled back from her. "Let
me look at you, Scully. You are covered in blood." She
didn't look up at him. "Yours?" he whispered.

"I think so," she murmured in reply.

"Where are you bleeding?" he asked running his hands and
eyes over her exposed skin.

"I don't think I am," she answered in a distant voice.

"Too much blood, Scully. Any wound that bled this hard isn't
going to stop bleeding on it's own."

She was shaking her head. "No, Mulder. It was...the
Stranger...he tried to..." she stumbled to a halt, brow
furrowed, not believing what she was going to say. He looked
at her sharply for a moment before his eyes slipped to her
chest. He slowly unbuttoned her blouse. Her bra was soaked
in blood, as was her shirt. Studying her more closely,
Mulder saw the majority of the blood was concentrated around
her chest as she had implied. He saw blood had run down her
abdomen, where Mulder could now see a bulge that he hadn't
been able to detect just two weeks ago.

"Scully, you need to let a doctor look at you. If all this
blood is yours..."

She nodded. "I know. I just...I really need to have you hold
me a little longer."

In response, he pulled her into his arms again and held her
until the police and ambulance arrived.

MERCY HOSPITAL
JANUARY 14

Scully had agreed to go to the hospital in the ambulance
without hesitation. That relieved Mulder greatly. He didn't
want to upset her further, but the quantity of blood would
have been frightening if she wasn't pregnant. Now that she
had been checked out, however, she was getting difficult to
handle.

"Mulder, I am going insane. I'm fine and I want to go home."

Mulder turned to reply but was silenced by the sound of the
door to Scully's hospital room opening.

Scully gasped. Without a word, Mulder grabbed the man who
had entered by the lapel and pushed him out the door.
Outside her door, Mulder spoke quietly with the Smoking Man.
When he re-entered Scully's room, they exchanged a fearful
look.

"We're getting you out of here," Mulder declared, tossing
her clothes to her.

" Fine. What did he say? What was he doing here?"

"It's too dangerous for you to stay," Mulder said, oblivious
to her questions. He was taking out his cell phone.

"Mulder!" she stopped him with a hand on his arm. "What did
he say? What's wrong?" He looked at her. She could see
abject fear in his eyes. "What is it?" she whispered again.

"Something is going on here, Scully. He knows you're
pregnant. He knows we're involved. He said..." Mulder drew a
deep breath. "He said it was no mistake, and that accidents
like the one you had yesterday wouldn't be tolerated."

She stared at him, horrified. "Jesus, Mulder. What in the
hell does that mean? How could he know?"

"I don't have any idea, but we both know what he's capable
of."

She began to get dressed and pressed the call button.

The nurse entered the room. "What is going on here? You need
to be in bed, Ms. Scully."

"I'm checking out, AMA. Go get the paper work. Don't bother
to argue." The nurse stared at her, dumbfounded.

LONE GUNMEN'S OFFICE

Two hours later, Scully sat quietly while Mulder and the
Gunmen had a heated exchange regarding their sudden
appearance and even more sudden and shocking request that
the Gunmen help them dusappear. Byers' voice rose above in
din, "Everyone shut up. This isn't going to be a secure
place if you yell enough to attract the attention of the
police." They quieted, surprised by his outburst. With
things more calm, Byers continued, "Mulder, I think you do
owe us an explanation."

"You tell them, Scully."

She looked at her partner. "Mulder I'm as much in the dark
here as Byers seems to be."

"OK," Mulder shook his head and turned to face his three
friends who were waiting impatiently for their explanation.
"Scully is pregnant." He saw the anger spread across her
face but continued before she could protest. "She...was
injured yesterday during a stakeout and went to the
hospital. Our favorite smoking friend showed up in her
hospital room. To the best of my knowledge, I'm the only
person who knew Scully was pregnant," he looked to her for
confirmation. She nodded. "Well old Black Lung informed me
he knew Scully was pregnant and that he knew I was the
father. As you gentlemen know, Scully can't have children--
so my question is, 'How and why does the Cigarette Smoking
Man know so much about her pregnancy? Why is he the only one
not surprised that she is pregnant? And why did he tell me
that accidents in this pregnancy will not be tolerated due
to it's importance to the experiment?'"

Everyone was staring at Mulder, shocked. Scully, hand over
her mouth, looked faint.

"Well, it wouldn't be hard to assume that you were the
father given that you two are involved, and he undoubtedly
found out she is pregnant through FBI sources," Byers
suggested.

"Scully told the FBI nothing about the pregnancy. As for our
relationship, Scully and I were involved for less than a
month in September and less than a week now--since Christmas
Day. We know the consequences if knowledge of our personal
relationship becomes public information. We have been
exceptionally discreet. No one knows."

"And besides, what did he mean by 'experiment?'" interrupted
Scully.

"That's what I'd like to find out now. Scully, do you know
how to do paternity tests and a complete genetic work-up?
And can you pinpoint the date of conception?"

"Well, as for the date, it would have to be the third week
of September. That's the only time we...had intercourse, so
those are the only possible dates...."

"Does fetal development confirm that?" Mulder interrupted.

"Yes," she looked at him somewhat confused. "What are you
implying, Mulder? Why this sudden interest in the date of
conception and paternity tests?"

"Scully, I'm not accusing you...."He began in a conciliatory
manner, but she waved him off.

"I know that, Mulder. I just suspect you have a theory here
and I want to hear it. I will have an easier time with these
experiments if I know what I'm looking at."

He looked at her sidelong, "You won't like it."

"I rarely like your theories, Mulder. I always hate them
when they involve me. Just let me have it."

"OK...Third week of September..." he repeated, then
continued, "...same week we lost time." He saw Scully roll
her eyes and turn partially away. "Just hear me out, Scully.
You can not have children. We only had intercourse three
times. What are the odds that an infertile woman would
conceive after one attempt...?"

"I wasn't aware we were 'attempting' anything, Mulder." She
interrupted tiredly. "Besides, we recovered our memories of
that period and collaborated them with physical evidence--
the flight recorder, for example."

"Did we recover our memories? All of them? The flight
recorder might be a remnant from the event that caused the
lost time...a legitimate piece of evidence. The memories
could be planted to cover the real ones. And you still
haven't explained how you conceived this child."

"How do you 'plant' memories, Mulder?" He didn't reply.
"Fine, so what am I supposed to be looking for?" She paused
and looked at him severely. "And if you say 'alien DNA,' be
prepared to defend yourself, because I'll kill you."

"Then, will you just do the tests I asked for?"

"Mulder! I hate you, do you know that!" She whined,
exasperated. She stared at him and waited for him to say
something.  When he simply returned her stare placidly, she
continued. "Mulder, I have *seen* these tests, I've never
*done* them myself. I know the theory, that's all. And to
get the material for the test, I'll have to do an
amniocentesis. *On myself.* I've only *assisted* one
amniocentesis and that was ten years ago during my
rotations. I don't know what I'm doing, here. That could
compromise the test results...this is insane."

"Is there any danger to the baby or to you if you do this?"

"No, Mulder," she sighed. "I am not that inept a
physician...."

"Well then, will you try the tests? If you doubt the results
or if they warrant someone more experienced than you to
repeat them for some reason, we'll go from there."

"Sure, fine, whatever...." She mumbled, turning and walking
toward where her lab was set up. "Come on Langly...Frohike,
you're going to have to help me with this. Frohike, why
don't you help me set up some more of this equipment.
Langly, I'll need a blood sample from Mulder. Will you draw
that, please?" She saw Mulder's slightly panicked expression
and turned a harsh eye on him. "Don't even think about
protesting. I don't have time to draw it. I have to set up
this equipment. If I can sit still while he does an
amniocentesis, you can sit still for a simple blood test."
She had turned back around to her lab equipment while she
spoke, so she didn't see Langly's expression.

"Uhh, Scully...?" She turned again and saw he was pale
white. "I know I've helped you with some stuff, but only on
dead people. I stitched up your lip that time, but...that
was really different than an amni....I can't even say that."

She looked at him steadily, "We all graduate from practicing
on corpses to practicing on live people at some point,
Langly. You have talent. You'll do fine. Besides, I can't
even give myself an injection, I know I can't do this
myself. Even if I could psychologically, I couldn't
physically. I won't be able to see well enough. Now go draw
Mulder's blood."

"Aren't you going to supervise? I've never done this
myself...." Langly started to say and Mulder's eyes grew
wider.

"Langly, you've graduated med school--it's time for your
residency." She smiled at him, joking, then said more
seriously, "You don't need me standing over you just to tell
you you're doing fine." She turned back to her equipment,
ignoring their further protests.

Frohike and Scully had set up the equipment she would need
by the time Langly located a needle and vial and got Mulder
to hold still. Langly walked over to the lab area with
Mulder and the blood. Scully stored it while she directed
Frohike how to set up the instrument table for the
procedure.

"Frohike, let's get started. Why don't you go ahead and turn
on the ultrasound so it will warm up. Langly, you need to
scrub and put on gloves," she said and shocked them all by
beginning to unbutton her blouse. Mulder stared at her.
Frohike looked sidelong at her now clearly exposed bra and
then looked pointedly at the floor. Langly turned his back
suddenly. "What's wrong with you all?"

"What are you doing, Scully?" Mulder asked with a shocked
expression.

"What does it look like? Do you want these tests or not?
Mulder, you can't get an ultrasound through clothes and you
certainly can't do an amnio through them."

"Scully," Frohike interjected. "We are not doctors."

"You know you've always wanted to see me naked, Frohike,"
Scully couldn't resist quipping. If she was going to
participate in this insanity, she was at least going to have
some fun with it. She laughed out loud when Frohike dropped
the equipment he was holding and it clattered to the floor.
Stealing a glance at him from the corner of her eye, she
laughed harder at his scandalized, utterly confused
expression.

She took her shirt off, climbed up on the table, and draped
a sheet over her chest leaving her abdomen exposed.
Reaching, she pulled the instrument table nearer to her.
When she unzipped her pants and pulled them off her hips
slightly, she heard the men behind her suck in their breath.
"You all are pathetic. I am perfectly decently clothed." She
began to apply the jelly needed for the ultrasound.

"You are sitting on a table in your bra with your pants half
off, Scully. That is not decent." Mulder exclaimed.

"Get over it. All of you. I want to get this procedure
finished" she said sternly. Her glare silenced them all.
"Frohike, get over here." He approached the table
reluctantly, his eyes anywhere but on her. She scowled.
"Frohike, I need you to be able to pay attention to what you
are doing because I need my attention on the needle. So just
take a deep breath and a long look at me and get it out of
your system."

"Scully!" Mulder exclaimed. Frohike covered his eyes and
backed away from the table, as red as a beet. "This is
pathetic," she muttered, grabbing Frohike's arm and hauling
him back to the table. She picked up the ultrasound's sensor
and activated the machine. Putting it in Frohike's hand, and
placing her hand over Frohike's, she moved it firmly over
the slight bulge visible on her stomach and watched the
monitor. Finally, she found the picture she wanted. "OK
Frohike, watch this..."she demonstrated the use of the
ultrasound. "Try to keep this a clear picture like this.
Langly, given the fetal position, we're going to go in
here," she indicated a point on her stomach. "It goes
without saying that you will insert the needle slowly and
keep an eye on the fetal position.  You'll be able to see
the needle on the monitor. I want a topical anesthesia for
this. I need to be able to concentrate on the procedure, not
how much it hurts. Do we have any of that...."

As Scully began to explain the procedure to Langly and
Frohike, Mulder looked at the ultrasound's monitor. The
baby...his baby...was a perfect little tiny person. He
walked closer, looking at the little hands and legs. His
reverie was interrupted.

"Mulder, I have to be able to see that monitor to perform
this test. Mulder! Will you get the hell out of the way!" He
stepped back alarmed. Langly had partially inserted the
needle. Mulder looked at it and gulped--it was six inches
long. Scully's brow was furrowed.

"Does that hurt?"

"No Mulder, it feels great," she responded sarcastically as
she helped Langly get the needle into the position he
needed. "OK Langly, go ahead and draw there. That's good
enough."

A few minutes later she was cleaning the gel off her stomach
with a towel as Langly and Frohike stored the equipment and
began to set up the next set of materials she would need.

"Scully, can you do a maternity test as well?" Mulder asked
as she dressed.

She looked at him as if he were crazy. "Mulder, did you see
the ultrasound!? That baby is inside me. How do you suppose
it got there?"

"If someone is doing genetic experiments, they could implant
anyone's genetic material...."

"Fine, whatever. Just leave me alone so I can concentrate on
these tests. They are very exacting and I've got to do the
entire procedure by memory since we can't go get any of my
references. A procedure that I remind you I have only seen
done. One that I've never done myself."

LONE GUNMEN'S OFFICE
WASHINGTON DC
JANUARY 15

Scully emerged from her lab around midnight the next day
with the results of the tests. Her expression made it clear
she had found something very alarming...something she didn't
quite believe. Mulder and the Lone Gunmen looked at her
expectantly.

"Well." She said, looked at them, looked down, and stopped.
"I don't know where to begin with this," she breathed,
finally.

"Just tell us what you found."

She pulled out three sets of DNA results and put them next
each other. "OK, this is my DNA. I've never seen yours but
I've seen my own DNA results many times before and I am very
familiar with them. These are correct, so I used them as a
base to assure I was doing these tests correctly. This is
your DNA, Mulder. And this is the baby's. You can see
plainly that the baby is the genetic result of combining our
DNA patterns. These tests show 98% certainty that this is
our offspring, genetically."

"Then, what's the problem?"

"This," she pulled a fourth DNA test out of her folder. "is
a portion of Gibson's DNA, the remnant DNA that I spoke to
you about. This is the remnant in the sample of my DNA. See
the difference. That's how you can see when you are looking
at active DNA..."

"Yeah, you've explained this to me before. What does it have
to do with our current situation."

Scully looked at him with an expression that made it
patently obvious that she couldn't believe what she was
saying and explained, "This is Gibson's result for that
specific DNA strand," she paused, "and this is the fetus'
result for that strand." They stared at it. They were
identical.

"Scully, are you saying that this baby will be like Gibson?"
He was completely shocked.

"Mulder, I don't have any idea what I am saying. But there
is more."

"What!?" He looked at her with anticipation and a little
fear. She pulled out another result of that same strand of
DNA and placed it next to Gibson's and their baby's. It was
also identical. His eyes widened even further and he stared
his question at her.

"This is *your* DNA, Mulder." He stared at her, for once
unbelieving.

continued in part 9
Title: What Doesn't Kill Us...The Ultimate Betrayal (3/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: NC-17 for graphic sexual situations
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and  season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. The
Ultimate Betrayal continues to explore what we don't see in
season six as well as the question, "What would it take to
make Scully go to the other side?"

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**) are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

LONE GUNMEN'S OFFICE
WASHINGTON DC
JANUARY 15

After her announcement, Mulder had stared at her moment and
then walked away. Byers moved to go after him, but Scully
stopped him. "Give him a little time."

An hour later, Mulder was staring at the ultrasound pictures
they had of the fetus. Scully approached him quietly and
placed a hand on his shoulder. When he didn't react to her
presence, she put her arms around him. He hugged her tightly
to him.

After holding him a few minutes, she pulled back slightly
and said "I'd like to get a genetic sample from your mother
and father."

"Scully, my dad is dead," he whispered, still in shock.

"I know, Mulder. I need the sample anyway. We'll just have
to get it somehow. And I don't want old medical results, I
want a sample I'm sure isn't contaminated and I want to run
the tests myself."

He turned to her sharply. "Are you saying that I am some
sort of alien? I don't have Gibson's abilities. This is
crazy."

"Mulder," she said soothingly, "we don't know what we are
saying here. The only thing we know for certain is that you,
our baby, and Gibson share an extremely common genetic tag
in an extremely rare state. What that means is what we have
been investigating all this time.  Has it occurred to you
how significant this is for our investigation?"

"Sorry, Scully," he replied bitterly, "but I don't make a
good lab rat."

"Mulder." She whispered and embraced him, but he pushed her
away and turned his back.

"Mulder, please don't shut me out. I know you need space.
But don't shut me out completely. Don't do this again,
please," she pleaded.

Eyes closed, he reached out to her and embraced her. "I'm
sorry, Scully. I'm not good at...I've never had anyone...."

She placed a finger over his lips, "You don't have to
explain anything to me. Just let me be with you."

GRAVEYARD
WASHINGTON DC
JANUARY 16

"I can't believe I am doing this," Scully repeated for the
hundredth time. "Mulder, I am a legitimate forensic doctor
with a position in the Federal Bureau of Investigation. That
gives me the right to order a body to be exhumed. I have the
next-of-kin's permission to exhume the body. So, explain to
me why I am sneaking into the cemetery in the middle of the
night to exhume the body myself, illegally."

"Because if we do this through legal channels, we will give
away what we know and we won't get the real results," Mulder
said.

"This is crazy." They began digging.

An hour later, Frohike was ready to pry open the coffin.

"Mulder, I don't think you're going to want to see this.
We'll just be another 15 minutes or so. Why don't you wait
in the car."

"I'm ok Scully. This is not the first body I've seen
exhumed."

"This is your father, Mulder. You don't need to see this. Do
you really want this image in your photographic memory for
the rest of your life? Wait in the car, please. It would
make all of us more comfortable." The Lone Gunmen all nodded
at Scully's cue. Resigned, Mulder turned at walked to the
car. Scully motioned for Frohike to pry open the coffin.
They all recoiled back as he did.

"Let's do this fast and get out of here," Scully said,
covering her nose and mouth with her hand and lowering
herself next to Frohike to collect her sample. In twenty
minutes they were back in the car heading to the Gunmen's
office.

LONEGUMEN'S OFFICE
WASHINGTON DC
JANUARY 17

For the second time in a week, Mulder and the Gunmen watched
Scully emerge from her lab with a stunned, troubled
expression. Again, she had a stack of DNA results and again
she stared at them without any clue where to begin her
explanation.

"Just tell me, Scully." Mulder's expression was carefully
neutral.

"OK. These are your DNA results. These are your mom's and
these are your father's." She placed them next each other
and looked at him to see whether he could interpret the
results without her help. He looked confused. She could
understand that. "They don't match, Mulder," she said
gently. "You are not genetically related to Teena and
William Mulder." When he didn't react at all, she continued,
"I took the liberty of looking up your birth records on the
computer with Frohike's hacking skills as help. According to
these records, your mother did give birth to a live male
baby on the date you were born. I ran the fingerprints
against yours. They match. Assuming these records aren't
falsified, your mother did give birth to you." She paused
and waited for him to react. He didn't. "I'm not really sure
what this means or how we can follow up on it."

"It doesn't matter," he finally replied calmly.

"Of course it does, Mulder." She was really worried about
him. He was silent. It appeared he was concentrating on
something. "Mulder?" she whispered, caressing his cheek.

"Scully?" he turned to her sharply. "What exactly do you
need for a paternity test?"

"Genetic material of some kind," she replied, somewhat taken
aback by his question. She didn't understand why he wanted
to know.

"What, specifically?"

"Blood, hair, skin. Every cell has the genetic code in it.
It doesn't matter as long as it's not too badly degraded.
Why do you want to know?"

"I'm going to get you another sample." He left the office
without another word.

****

Late that night, Mulder finally returned to the Gunmen's
office. He had a black eye and a swollen jaw. Despite this,
he strolled in calmly and tossed Scully two small evidence
bags containing hair.

"Could you run paternity tests on these. They may have some
of my blood on them, so be careful not to contaminate the
tests."

She stared at him. "Mulder, what in the hell have you done?"

"Just do the tests, Scully. Please."

She stalked out of the front office without comment. Hours
later, when she returned, she was even more confused with
these results than with any of the others.

"What are the results?" Mulder asked without preamble as
soon as she entered the room.

"Who are these people?"

"What are the results?"

"I ran several tests to be sure. They match, Mulder. The one
is a complete match. A parent. The other is a partial match.
A sibling or a half sibling. Most likely a half sibling. Now
who are these people? How did you figure this out? Is the
one Samantha? Where would you get a hair sample from
Samantha?"

"Never mind. Did either of them have the remnant DNA in the
active state?"

"They both did, now who are they?"

"I can't tell you."

"Mulder!"

"I can't talk about it, Scully," he practically yelled. Then
he added more gently, "I'm sorry. I just don't want to talk
about it. I need some time...to take it in."

"Can I look at that eye?"

He nodded.

****

Mulder was looking at the ultrasound pictures again. Scully
gave up waiting for Mulder to come around and went back over
to him. She could see it would do no good to try to wait out
his brooding mood this time.

"I can make guesses as to who these samples are from,
Mulder. From the guesses, I can do research. I will find
out. You have to know that, so I don't understand why you
won't tell me."

He didn't reply.

"I know everyone you do and I know your past fairly well. I
was there when you asked your mother to tell you who your
father was--I've known for a long time you had doubts." She
paused again to see if he'd reply.

He didn't.

"OK, you obviously got into a fight with whoever you got
those samples from and you obviously are deeply upset by the
positive results. So my guess would be that you don't
exactly like who you got them from."

He still said nothing.

"Of course, that doesn't narrow it down much, because you
don't like or trust many people. But, it would probably also
be someone who has been associated with and trusted by your
family for some time. If your mother actually gave birth to
you, than that would require some cooperation on her part,
and your father's too presumably, in so much as they would
have had to implant the fertilized embryo in your mother's
womb."

He still said nothing.

"I can't think of more than one or two people that fit that
description and who are still alive for you to get into a
fight with..." she continued hesitantly, "and they are all
known members of the consortium now."

Mulder spoke for the first time. His voice had a far away
quality to it. "My dad, just before he died, told me I would
find out things. He implied they were things that he was
ashamed of." He looked at her for the first time. "With
everything dad said, that Kurtzweil told me, that I've seen,
and now this, I'm positive dad was deeply involved in the
conspiracy."

"Will you tell me who those samples were from or are you
going to leave me to guess?"

"Scully, do you have any idea how hard....?"

"No Mulder," she whispered gently, cupping his face in her
hands in an attempt to make him look at her. "I can't even
begin to imagine. But maybe talking will help. You know I'll
always be there for you..."

"You might not want to be when you hear this," he
interrupted bitterly.

"It's the Smoking Man, isn't it?" she said softly, putting
her arms around him. He stared at her, horrified and she
continued, "I know that's what you suspected after you had
those flashbacks due to that crazy experimental treatment
you underwent. Mulder, tell me if I'm right."

He closed his eyes and looked away from her.

"Tell me," she whispered.

"You are," his voice was barely audible.

"OK, what about the partial match? I'm completely stumped by
that one." She sounded like she was discussing any case. He
couldn't believe she could react--not react, really--in such
a matter-of-fact manner.

"Scully!" he exclaimed incredulously, "I just told you my
father is the Cigarette Smoking Man--the man at the center
of the conspiracy, who was responsible for your abduction,
your infertility, your cancer, your exposure to the
virus...."

"He was responsible for those things, not you."

"And he is my father!"

"Your biological father, yes. And it makes no difference,
Mulder. You are nothing like him and you never will be. Your
personality is the result of your life experiences--all of
which make you believe men like him are contemptible. It
makes no difference who you are genetically related to. The
only thing that is important is who you have become
throughout your life. And you have become one of the most
honorable men I have ever met."

"We both know environment *and* genetics determine who we
are..."

"You tell me how you are anything like the Smoking Man."
Mulder was silent. "So who is the partial match?"

"Jeffery Spender."

"Spender!" she exclaimed and then he heard her say under her
breath, "God I hate that little weasel." That made him smile
slightly. She continued, "How on earth did you make that
leap? And where in God's name did you get the hair."

"I don't know. I just had a feeling...so I did a little more
digging."

She looked at him with an amazed look on her face for a
moment. "Mulder, sometimes when I've seen how you
investigate cases with the uncanny instinct that you have,
I've wondered if you were psychic. Now, well...I guess I
really am wondering." He laughed at that and caressed her
cheek.

"Scully, I don't know how I lived without you. Somehow, you
always get me out of these moods." He smiled at her.

"I'm serious though, Mulder," she continued. Underneath she
was pleased she had achieved her primary goal--to break
Mulder's mood--but she knew she had to keep distracting him
if it was to last. "It is eerie. And frankly, sometimes I
wonder if you can read my mind. We communicate better non-
verbally than we do verbally."

"Stop! You're killing me! I can't hear Dr. Scully talk about
psychic phenomenon. You're the skeptic, remember Scully? You
don't believe. I like it that way. It keeps me in line." He
was laughing but he was also serious.

"Mulder I know you're only half-joking, but I'm really not
joking at all. We have some scientific evidence here. DNA
evidence. I think it's worth looking into."

"Scully," he said firmly but with amusement still in his
voice. "I am not psychic, but I'm going to accuse you of
being psychotic in a minute." He smiled and so did she.
"Come on, let's go brainstorm about what we're going to do.
The Smoking Man's comment can only be seen as a threat...and
we can't really go into hiding from them. We both know how
completely ineffective that would be. We have some decisions
to make."

"That much is patently obvious," she agreed, still smiling.
He led her over to some chairs in the Gunmen's lab.

"Well, I'd like to make one of them right now." He paused
and looked at her, taking both her hands in his. He looked
at her oddly. She frowned. His intense expression had
captured her complete attention. "Scully, we are going to
have a baby. I love you..." he stumbled to a stop.

"I love you too, Mulder," she whispered, confused by his
strange tone and behavior. "You know that."

"Then marry me."

"Mulder!"

"I want that settled at least."

"Mulder..." she said again, her tone protesting.

"Scully, I know you think this is out of the blue but it's
not. I've thought of it a hundred times before. I need this
security...and I think you want it too." She stared at him
wordlessly. "Say yes, Scully. Say you'll marry me."

She nodded, tears filling her eyes. "Yes, Mulder. I'll marry
you," she whispered. He smiled broadly and leaned toward her
to kiss her.

***

One week later, Mulder and Scully were quietly married by a
Justice of the Peace. Mulder begged her to agree to a
complete wedding in a church with all the frills, but Scully
gently refused. She didn't want the hassle or the attention.
And if they were married in a formal ceremony, it would take
months to arrange so she would be obviously pregnant. She
did not feel comfortable with that.

Mulder none the less surprised her with a diamond ring.
Scully laughed when he gave it to her, saying it was foolish
to spend so much money when they would only be engaged a few
days. He insisted that she take it and wear it. For the week
before the civil ceremony, whenever Scully looked at it, she
smiled. 'Only Mulder,' she laughed to herself. It *was* a
beautiful ring.

J EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
JANUARY 25

In between making arrangements for their marriage, Scully
studied the tests she had done on Mulder, Spender, and the
fetus' DNA--comparing them with Gibson's. She couldn't find
any significant difference in their genetic structures that
would explain why Gibson exhibited psychic ability and
Mulder and Spender did not. Although she had been partially
joking, Scully did wonder if Mulder did occasionally
demonstrate such abilities. He seemed to read her mind, his
memory was incredible, and his instincts in investigations
were flat out disturbing sometimes.

Scully didn't have to wait long to get more information to
work with on this topic. On their next case, Mulder began to
display overt symptoms of psychic ability after being
exposed to supposed alien material. The first instance of
this behavior that Scully witnessed occurred in the
elevator. She and Mulder had just left Skinner's office
after discussing the alleged alien rubbing with him. Scully
had to admit, this case interested her very little. She
didn't believe that the missing scientist had uncovered any
reliable evidence of the existence of alien life.
Furthermore, it had been obvious to her that Mulder was less
than comfortable with her in the field since her revelation
about her pregnancy. She was frankly uneasy herself. The
Padgett case had been a close call. Therefore, she had
decided to breach the topic of taking a leave of absence for
the duration of her pregnancy in the elevator.

**Mulder saw Scully was speaking, but he couldn't focus on
her words. As he held the alien rubbing and studied it he
was overwhelmed by the sound of other voices. But they were
distant...he didn't understand it.

"...this endless pursuit of the Truth, Mulder. It just
doesn't make any sense to me now.... Mulder? Did you hear a
word of what I just said?"

"No."

"No? Well, maybe you didn't want to hear it."

"No...I...couldn't hear it," he muttered.

"Mulder. Look, after all you've done...after all you've
uncovered...a conspiracy of men doing human
experiments...men who are all now dead...you've exposed
their secrets...I mean...you've won. What more could you
possibly hope to do or to find?"

"My sister."**

He walked into their office, Scully staring after him. She
didn't expect him to be enthusiastic about her proposal, but
she had expected him to listen. Something was plainly wrong.
She followed him into the office.

"Well, Mulder however you feel about the Conspiracy and
Samantha, I know better than to try to influence your
opinions. But I still want to know how you feel about me
taking a leave."

He turned and looked at her, stunned. "A leave! Of absence?
Why?!"

She studied him carefully. "Why are you so surprised by this
topic?" she asked in a neutral tone.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because it's what we were talking about on the elevator?"

"I told you. I couldn't hear you."

"You were serious?"

"Yes."

Her brow furrowed. "Mulder, you're scaring me. I want you to
tell me exactly what you experienced." She sat on the desk
in their office and guided him into the chair.

"I don't know...I could hear...voices. But I couldn't follow
what they were saying...I guess I was a little dizzy...a
little confused. I can't really explain it."

"Did you eat this morning?"

"Yes, some toast and juice?"

"Have you hit your head recently? Fallen?"

"No."

"Did you take anything? Even aspirin?"

"No."

"Drink anything?"

"Scully, it's 10:00am. I'm not drunk."

"Did you eat or drink anything you didn't open and pour for
yourself?"

"Do you think somebody slipped me a date rape drug, Scully?"
he joked.

"Disorientation and dizziness are serious symptoms, Mulder."

His expression became serious again. "No, Scully. I only had
toast and juice at home and the coffee you made in the
office."

"This really worries me, Mulder. I want you to tell me if
you have another episode."

He nodded meekly. "But Scully, I think it was caused by that
alien object."

"Mulder, that wasn't an alien object. It was a rubbing of an
alleged alien object." He stared at the floor. "Ok, let's
assume it's really alien. How could it cause this?"

"That's what I need you to find out, Scully. I need your
help on this. Are you really going to take a leave? Why? Why
now?" His voice sounded slightly panicked. Scully spoke
soothingly.

"I thought about it because I wanted to protect the
pregnancy. But if you want me to work on this case I will.
You know you can trust me."

Mulder took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I know a sound a
little crazy....I just can't trust anyone else to work on
this. This is it Scully. I know it's associated with what
you found in the DNA results. I can't explain why I feel
that way...I'm just certain of it. And I can't trust anyone
else." He looked at her pleadingly and his voice was
intense.

"I'll work on it, Mulder. All you have to do is ask. You
know that. We'll figure all this out. I promise." His tone
and fervor made her very concerned.

"Do you believe me, Scully? About the rubbing?"

She looked down. "I believe something is affecting you. I
can prove that something is abnormal about your DNA. If you
think this is the connection, I will look into it." She
smirked. "And since the DNA remnant matches the claw and
virus that were alien in origin..."

His eyebrows rose at this statement "You believe that?" he
asked astonished.

"I have told you before--I always believed what you saw in
Antarctica. I just couldn't prove it. As I was saying--since
the alien virus and claw match the DNA remnant, maybe it
makes sense somehow that contact with alien material is
triggering some kind of response in you. You do have the
remnant DNA in the active state."

"You really believe that?"

"I definitely believe it's worth investigating."

He smiled and drew her into an embrace. "Thank you, Scully.
I love you more than I can tell you. And I really appreciate
you humoring me on this."

GEORGETOWN MEMORIAL HOSPITAL
JANUARY 31

Scully's study of Mulder's condition led her to New Mexico.
When she called Mulder, she recognized that it had been
Fowley that answered the phone and a spike of jealousy
stabbed into her heart. What in the hell was Fowley doing in
Mulder's apartment at this hour? Scully concentrated on
controlling her anger. She had no doubt she could trust
Mulder. Fowley on the other hand.... So when she saw Fowley
in the nurses' station at the hospital after returning at
Skinner's summons, her blood boiled.

**Scully raced into Georgetown Memorial Hospital directly
approaching Skinner.

"They just told me he's in the Special Psychiatric Unit..."

"I told you on the phone..."

"No you said there was bad news. You never told me what was
wrong." He looked at her sternly. "Look, I'm sorry. It just
took me three flights to get here..."

"I don't know what to do, Dana. No one else does either. I
knew you'd want to be here to see him...to talk to the
doctors." He took her hand.

She looked at him, terror in her eyes. "What?" Silence.
"What is it?"

He led her into the nurses station where video monitors of
the patients' room could be seen. Scully saw Mulder pacing
in a padded cell, screaming like a banshee. Diana was
present in the room, already looking at the monitors. She
spoke when she saw Scully.

"Thank you for coming. He was asking for you last night."
Her implication was obvious. Scully barely spared her a
glance, studying the video images instead.

Several minutes later Scully, Skinner and Diana were in the
hall at Diana's insistence.

"When did all this start," Diana asked.

"When we took this case. When Skinner gave it to us," Scully
replied.

"What kind of case is it?"

"Investigation into a murder," Scully responded, feeling
like a suspect herself under Diana's questioning.

"Of whom," Diana pressed but Skinner intervened.

"The case has nothing to do with him."

"Agent Scully says it does," Diana retorted sharply. "And
you know my background...my previous work on the X
Files...if I can help on this case..."

"The X File here is a fraud. Scully has ample proof of
that," Skinner interrupted again. "Evidence authenticated by
a scholar and authority."

Scully had turned to stare up at Skinner. "I never sent you
that report," Scully said with an accusing tone.

"Anyway, the case is being resolved."

"Not as far as it affects Agent Mulder," Diana said. "If you
know what's happening, why won't you tell me?" she directed
herself to Scully.

"Why were you with him last night?" Scully asked in reply.

"He called me. I found him in a university stair well. He
could barely speak. He said I was the only one who would
believe him. About an artifact."

Scully looked at Diana for a moment. "You're a liar," she
said softly, the dangerous tone of her voice very obvious.
She turned to walk away.

"Scully!" Skinner said, shocked, grabbing her wrist.

"You're both liars," Scully said pulling her wrist free of
Skinner's grasp and walking away.**

Diana pursued her. "I need to know the connection between
Mulder and that artifact."

Scully turned to face her, eyes cold as ice, "Well, I guess
you're just shit out of luck. Go back and tell Spender you
failed. You'll get no information from me."

SOMEWHERE IN WASHINGTON D.C.

Scully awoke in five point restraints on a gurney in what
appeared to be a surgical suite. Panic rushed over her. She
remembered walking away from Fowley in the hospital and
boarding a plane for Africa for a first hand look at the
camp where the artifact had been found. What she saw there
was the most incredible thing she'd ever encountered--an
alien spaceship. Then she remembered the prick--a needle
prick--while she was sleeping. They'd drugged her.

Her heart began to race and she registered voices in the
room. They were discussing her, the baby...and their plans.
Scully felt nauseous and fought the restraints. Immediately,
she felt another prick and a rush of heat in her arm.

When she awakened again, she was being dragged to her feet
by strong hands. She slowly regained consciousness as she
was hauled down a corridor. The hands released her, throwing
her through a door. She didn't hear it lock behind her, but
as she prepared to turn and run she saw the reason why they
knew there was no need to lock her in this room. Why she'd
stay willingly. Mulder was on a surgical table in the back
of the room.

She approached him slowly, fearing what she would find. He
wasn't moving at all. The were two IV's, one  supplying some
kind of medicine and the other saline. That scared her and
she rushed to close the last few feet between them. He was
still hooked up to monitors. Scully noted they showed a
normal heart rate and blood pressure. She checked his pulse
at his throat to be sure. He did not react to her touch at
all.

His eyes were closed and he was covered by a sheet and
blanket, but was apparently unclothed otherwise. She pulled
the blanket to cover his arms and smoothed the hair from his
face, softly calling his name in an attempt to awaken him.
He did not wake up.

His head was bandaged. It was obvious that they did the same
type of surgery on him that they had done on Gibson. That
frightened her. She didn't know how long she had stared at
the incision before she noticed Mulder's eyes were open.
They were empty, devoid of emotion. That scared her more.

"Mulder, it's me. Can you hear me?"

His only response was to focus his gaze on her. She saw no
recognition there. No reaction at all.

"Can you tell me what happened here?" No response. "If you
can move, I want to try to get us out of here."

He still did not react at all. But Scully did hear a sound
behind her. Turning, she saw the Cigarette Smoking Man. She
rushed him with intent to kill. The two men with him stopped
Scully, restraining her by forcing her arms painfully behind
her back.

"What did you do to him?" Scully yelled, fury and hatred in
his voice.

"Let her go," the Smoking Man said softly to his men. "She's
pregnant. You can't handle her that way."

The men released Scully and she walked straight to Spender,
leaning in his face. "I asked, 'What did you do to him?'"

"I wouldn't be so concerned about him. You have a child to
protect now. That should be your highest priority." He
stared at her, eyes running over her, sliding to her
waistline. Scully automatically took a step back and her
hand went to her stomach. "It's certainly *my* priority," he
added quietly.

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" she asked
angrily.

"This child is very important to us. We will learn a lot
from it."

"What in the hell does that mean?" she asked again, this
time cautiously.

"We want this child. We want Mulder's offspring to see if it
might help us determine what is special about him. It was my
suggestion to artificially inseminate specifically your ovum
and to let you actually raise it. Think of it as a gift. Of
course, I'd hoped I could use it later to keep you under
control."

She glared at him without replying, so he continued, "We are
not the enemy. I've tried to tell you that before. We were
made aware of the invasion 50 years ago. We don't know why.
We've been working with the colonists. But only so we could
get involved enough to learn how to stop them. That vaccine
your partner gave you...the one that saved your life in
Antarctica...it took us 50 years to develop that. We are
still working on how to stop this." He smiled. "Ironically,
you are the enemy, you and Mr. Mulder. You have strived to
inhibit our work on the vaccine, to expose knowledge of the
invasion. If that knowledge were to be exposed, the
colonists would only step up the timetable to invasion and
we'd have no hope of stopping them."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't care. Mulder and that child you are carrying ought
to provide all the information we need." He smiled at her.
"Don't worry Dr Scully. You'll live another five months,
more or less. That ought to be more than enough time for you
to see Mulder's end so you'll have no unfinished business."

She looked at him, trying to conceal the fear she was
feeling. She had no idea what they had done to Mulder, but
she knew it wasn't good. As for herself, she had no doubt
that she'd be of no use to them after the baby was born.

She replied very quietly, "If you let Mulder go and if you
let me raise this child rather than taking it from me, I'll
give you the information you want. I have it." She saw
Mulder's vague gaze focus upon her.

"Come now Dr. Scully. I am supposed to believe you found by
yourself in six years what a team of scientists hasn't found
in 50 years. I'm not so stupid."

Scully pressed him. "Spender is one of your chosen people
too, isn't he? And Gibson."

Spender narrowed his eyes but said, "Not too hard to guess
since I gave Spender the X Files and killed people to get
Gibson."

"I would have given the X Files to someone inept if I wanted
them incapacitated. Spender is a weasel, but he's not inept.
He's also your son."

"So, now I know why Mr. Mulder was so intent on becoming my
barber."

"And so is Mulder."

"You've been most thorough, Ms. Scully."

"And you three and Gibson all share something in common. You
just don't know what. You don't know what you're looking for
in Gibson or Mulder. Brain surgery shows you're in the wrong
field of science all together. I know what you have in
common. I'll deal with you."

Mulder interrupted them, voice weak, "Scully, this is a set
up. You'll never get what you want, and you can't help them.
You can't advance the conspiracy." Mulder was frantic. "I
dealt with him before, for a cure for your cancer. He
screwed with me, nothing more. Don't do this."

"You got the cure to Ms. Scully's cancer. It was you who
didn't hold up your end of the bargain."

"I don't care about the cancer or cures or anything else. An
offer is on the table. Do we have a deal or not?" Scully's
voice was hard. She knew what she was doing, she knew it was
the right decision, but that didn't make it any easier.

"Well, Dr. Scully. You haven't told me anything yet really.
And we need Mulder and that child ourselves to be able to
learn more from them. Of course, if you were working with us
on a regular basis, if you were one of our scientists, that
would make the situation much easier."

"I will not do experimentation on live human test subjects
or on any sentient being."

"I could arrange for you to work in other, equally
productive, areas."

"I will not support in any way an investigation that
experiments on live, unwilling, sentient test subjects. But
I can show you another way. You have found nothing in 50
years because your Nazi background has you looking in the
wrong place. You don't need live test subjects."

"We do for the vaccine."

"You have the vaccine."

"Alright, Dr. Scully. You show us what you have, work with
us, and if you can show us a way to work with us and avoid
human test subjects, that would be fine with us. It's so
messy, after all. In exchange, your daughter is yours."

"And Mulder?"

Spender waved his hand and the two men with him removed
Mulder from the room.

"Scully, you can't do this!" Mulder moaned desperately as
they dragged him out. An hour later he was dumped on a
country road. Alone.

End What Doesn't Kill Us...Part 3
Continued in What Doesn't Kill Us...Even the Strong Will
Crumble
Title: What Doesn't Kill Us...Even the Strong Will Crumble
(1/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: NC-17 for graphic sexual situations
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and  season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. The
epilogue explores what happens when Mulder sees Scully
again--five years after she joined the Consortium.

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**) are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

EPILOGUE: EVEN THE STRONG WILL CRUMBLE

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
FIVE YEARS LATER

Mulder burst through the doors of AD Skinner's office
determined to discover why his recent line of investigation
had been terminated. He was sick of being jerked around.
Skinner had, for the last two weeks, refused to see him or
return his calls. Mulder was doing legitimate FBI business.
Just trying to do his job. Skinner seemed to be pulling his
chain just for the entertainment factor.

The object of Mulder's wrath was sitting at his desk when
Mulder pushed past his assistant. He entered the office
demanding an explanation but stumbled to a halt as he sensed
a presence in the room--a presence he had felt many times
before. Then he smelled the smoke.

"I should have known you were involved in this. But really,
this time I'm at a complete loss. What did I get too close
to?" Smirking, Mulder turned to face the enemy. What he saw
there made him freeze.

She was standing next to the Smoking Man, looking as she
always had. Knee length black skirt, white silk blouse,
black jacket, black high-heel shoes. But this time, she
stood with *him.* She didn't meet his gaze. Mulder exited
the office with out another word. Hours later, when he had
reigned in enough control to return to his office, he found
the picture on his desk turned facedown. Picking it up, he
saw a post-it note stuck to it with a number written on it.
An old signal, from better times.

REFLECTING POOL
WASHINTON DC
MIDNIGHT

"Is this seat taken?" he heard her voice ask. He found he
couldn't reply or even look at her. She sat down and they
sat in silence for several minutes.

"Will you listen to me?" When he still didn't respond, she
spoke. "I want to explain...what happened." He remained
silent. "Mulder the experiments they were doing on you would
have killed you--they intended to kill you. And their plan
was to keep me alive until the baby was born and then
'dispose' of me and experiment on it. It was hard enough to
see you like that...It's not easy hear someone plan your
death. It's harder when you're pregnant. It's harder to know
you're going to die and in doing so you'll leave a child in
your murderer's care...especially that kind of care. Can you
understand I had no choice."

She was looking at her hands rather than at him. The pain in
her eyes matched the pain in his. But still--she was one of
Them now. She had betrayed him.

"I would have done anything, Mulder, absolutely anything to
make sure you were alright and that the baby was alright.
There is nothing I can do to make you understand what I
felt... Can you understand at all?"

She looked at him. His expression was pained. She saw that
as much as he would ever understand, he did. She closed her
eyes.

He responded in a soft voice, "None of this makes any
difference. You work for Them now. It's obvious we can't
have any contact. I'm surprised you came to meet me.
Frankly, I was expecting an ambush."

"I would never betray you."

"Given your current alliances, I can't trust that."

"You can't trust me?! Mulder, I traded my freedom for your
life and our daughter's. I made the only choice available."

"You betrayed me. You betrayed everything we worked for.
You're one of Them."

She was too stunned to continue, so they sat in silence. It
appeared the conversation had ended so he moved to leave.
She stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Mulder, please wait. I need you to do something for me.
Please."

"What? What could I possibly do for you?"

"Well two things." She pulled a bag full of vials from her
coat pocket. "Will you give these to my family, your mother,
the Gunmen, and Skinner. It's the vaccine. We've developed
it to the point that it actually works as a preventative
although it isn't always effective. It depends on the person
and we haven't figured out why yet, but it's the best we
have right now and this will be my last chance to help them.
I can't guarantee it will work for everyone, but it's the
only thing I can do to protect my family. I want them to
have it in case the invasion starts sooner than planned."

He took the bag with a confused expression.

"Will you tell me how my mother is...and my brothers? Are
you still in touch with them?" He didn't speak, but he
didn't move either. She took his left hand in hers and
touched his ring finger. It was bare. "Did you divorce me?"
she whispered. "Abandonment...you certainly have grounds..."

After a brief pause, he responded. "I never knew what
happened to you. They dumped me on a road and when I was
found I couldn't remember anything--not my name, nothing.
Amnesia triggered by severe physiological and psychological
trauma was the official diagnosis. I spent over a year
trying to remember my life. Your mother spent months trying
to convince me I ever knew you. I eventually remembered
events up to when the Federal Building exploded. Your mom,
Skinner, the Gunmen...they've told me other things, showed
me pictures, but I don't remember any of it. I never
remembered what happened that night, only images--images of
where we were taken, being semi-conscious on a gurney, you
agreeing to stay. I told your family that I thought you were
killed when we were abducted. As soon as I could legally, I
had you declared dead. We had a memorial service. Your
mother is only now recovering, but I thought it would be
better to tell her you were dead than to tell her you went
to the other side. I thought a clean break would be best.
Your brothers won't speak to me, so I don't know how they
are."

Scully stared at him stunned. Finally she managed, "When I
told you just now about that night...do you mean to tell me
that you didn't even remember that I was pregnant?"

"Remember it, no. But I knew it...I mean the Gunmen had told
me."

"You don't remember me telling you Christmas night?" He
shook his head without looking at her. She continued,
refusing to believe, "You don't remember proposing to me?
You don't remember getting married?"

"I've seen pictures...." To her stunned expression he
responded, "Scully, I don't even remember having the type of
relationship with you that might lead to a pregnancy or
marriage. I remember our partnership...I have vague memories
of fighting a lot after returning from Antarctica...I
remember you left...that's all. I'm sorry. I imagine that
given the circumstances, the rest was just too painful and
my unconscious mind was protecting me."

They sat in silence for several minutes and Mulder asked,
"You said there were two things you wanted me to do for you.
What's the other?"

"I don't think I can ask it anymore," Scully responded in a
strangled whisper without looking at him.

"Ok." He turned and began to walk away. Behind him, he heard
Scully get up and walk away as well. He glanced over his
shoulder and saw her approaching a limousine. Mulder watched
as her driver got out and opened the door for her when she
neared it. She waved him off and knelt down in front of the
open door. A child emerged from the car and Scully scooped
her up into her arms. Mulder watched, fascinated, as Scully
sat on the ground and hugged the child. Mulder saw the
little girl perk up and strain to look over Scully's
shoulder. Scully followed her gaze and saw Mulder staring at
them. The driver looked over as well and Mulder saw him
reach for a weapon and Scully signal to him to stop.

"Is that him? Is that him?!" Mulder heard the child ask
excitedly. Mulder watched Scully speak quietly to the little
girl for several seconds before he made his decision and
walked over to the car. Seeing his approach, Scully gestured
for the driver to return to the car. She stood to meet her
partner. The question in his eyes when he reached them was
obvious.

"Mulder," he could see she was nervous, "this is Stephanie.
Our daughter." Mulder stared at Scully, but his heart melted
when the little girl offered him her hand to shake.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Mulder." She said formally with
an accent that struck Mulder as slightly foreign. Mulder
knelt on the ground and shook her hand gently. He saw she
was wearing Scully's cross necklace. In addition to the
cross, there was a locket on the chain. Subconsciously, he
fingered the necklace as he looked at the child.

Her eyes lit up. "Mommy gave it to me. It was hers. Her
mommy gave it to her. Or the cross part anyway. Mommy got
the locket for me. See," she said opening the locket, "it
has your picture in it. I've got lots of bigger ones, but
this is for me to always have with me."

Mulder looked at Scully for an explanation.

"I wanted her to know who her father was. I wanted her to
know about you."

"Is this the 'other thing' you decided you couldn't ask me
about?"

"Mulder, please...." But his attention was already drawn
back to the little girl.

He turned back to his daughter. He didn't want to do
anything to hurt the child. He'd deal with Scully later.
"Well I never got a chance to meet you or talk to your mommy
about you. Do you want to go sit on the bench with me and
talk?" She nodded enthusiastically and threw her arms around
his neck. Mulder picked her up and carried her to the bench.
Scully followed them.

"So," he started. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this
visit?" Mulder laughed at himself. What a way to speak to a
child! He opened his mouth to rephrase the question, but
Stephanie interrupted him.

"Mommy was going to ask you to take care of me because she
has to go away and she doesn't want anyone else to take care
of me. Didn't you ask him yet, mommy?" Scully saw Mulder's
jaw drop. Scully was amazed at how uncomfortable this was.

"No, I didn't have the chance to yet. But that's ok."

"No it isn't. He's really mad and you are sad. What's wrong
mommy?"

Scully picked up her daughter. "It's rude to intrude on
other people's emotions. We've had this conversation twice
now. I know perfectly well you can remember every word of
it."

"But I can't always help it," Stephanie appeared ready to
cry.

Mulder interrupted them.

"Is she psychic?" he asked, amazed.

"Yes, she's learning, anyway. She has a good grasp on
reading emotions but not coherent thoughts. She does have an
incredible memory--like yours."

Stephanie interrupted, "I got the gene from you, daddy.
Mommy doesn't have it. That's why she has to go away."

Scully explained, "Mulder, the colonists discovered my lab.
They discovered we were working on a vaccine. They have
threatened to step up the schedule for invasion and they are
looking for me. Stephanie will be immune when the invasion
begins, but she still won't be safe with me. You'll be
immune as well."

"And you were going to ask me to take her?"

"Yes."

"But you decided not to." She heard the betrayal in his
voice. The hurt.

"Mulder! You don't remember me, you don't remember loving
me, you don't remember loving this child. How could I ask
you...how could I expect you to....?

"So was I your first choice, Scully, or did her grandfather,
the Smoking Man, turn you down?" Mulder interrupted her
bitterly.

"Mulder, please, she can read your emotions." Scully said,
but their attention was immediately fixed on Stephanie when
she wrenched herself from Mulder's lap and stood behind her
mother's legs.

Mulder heard the child speaking but didn't really listen. He
was absorbed by two thoughts. First, the sudden realization
that, after five years with them, Scully knew everything.
She could give him everything he'd been looking for--
including Samantha. Second, Stephanie was so much like
Scully. Looking at her expressions and posture, he could see
his partner. He could even hear her in some of the five year
old's choice of words. He knelt on the ground and beckoned
for the child to come to him. Hesitantly, she did. Mulder
took her little hands in his.

"I'm very sorry I frightened you. I didn't mean to. Your
mother and I haven't seen each other since before you were
born and we aren't...operating together as smoothly as we
once did. But that doesn't have anything to do with you. I
was just a little surprised to see you. You heard your
mother say I didn't remember?" Stephanie nodded. "Well I had
amnesia. Amnesia is when...."

"I know, it's when you can't remember things that happened
before, usually because something physically or emotionally
traumatic happened."

"Traumatic!" Mulder raised his eyebrow and glanced at
Scully. "That's a very big word." He laughed, "So is
amnesia, for that matter. You are a very smart girl."

"I work with mommy every day and she teaches me in the
afternoons when work is done." Stephanie beamed with pride.
Mulder smiled at her.

"OK, well I had amnesia because when your mommy left, it was
very traumatic for me. That's why I was surprised to see you
and why your mommy didn't ask me to look after you. She
needs to know you're with someone you'll be safe with."

"But you're angry," she said with a frightened voice.

"You're right. I can't deny that," Mulder sighed. "I'm angry
about a lot of things. I'm angry Scu...your mommy and I
couldn't be together while you were growing up. I'm angry I
missed your childhood. Those are the two main things, but
they're not your fault."

"Why did you say that about Papa?"

Mulder looked at Scully for an explanation. Scully knelt
next to them. "Stephie, remember I told you that Daddy
wasn't raised by Papa and he didn't look at him as his
father." The little girl nodded again. "Well, you also
remember I told you he doesn't like Papa very much."

"You said Papa is one of the bad men, but he's not. I told
you that before!" This was said in a loud, defiant voice.

Mulder still looked very confused, so Scully explained. "Mr.
Sp...the Cigarette Smoking Man has been in Stephie's life
for as long as she can remember. I have to admit, he has
always been very good to her. She knows he is her
grandfather because he told her so, and she loves him. She
has so few people to...I'm sorry. Mulder. I know how angry
this must make you. I know it's getting to be an old excuse,
but I didn't have any choice."

"Why does everyone hate Papa?" Stephanie intervened, tearful
again.

"I don't hate him sweetheart, I just don't trust him. And he
is the reason why Daddy and I haven't been able to be
together. We've discussed all of this a hundred times."
Stephanie fell into her mother's lap, crying. Scully put her
arms around her and directed her attention back to Mulder.
She wanted to take advantage of the child's distraction to
speak seriously with Mulder. "She can be a handful. She is
very smart and you can't lie to her, even for her
protection. She can tell. That means she has experience with
things that most five-year-old children couldn't even begin
to grasp. Mulder, it isn't that I don't want you to have her
or that I think you wouldn't be a wonderful father. But if
you don't even remember me...Stephie can read emotions.
She'll know. It's only a matter of time before she'll be
able to read complete thoughts. It will confuse her great
deal to know that the man she has idolized for years, who
she knows I...well, that I have missed so much, doesn't feel
the same way."

"Scully, I want her. If you are leaving, I want her. I have
that right. She is my daughter."

Scully closed her eyes and nodded. She knew she couldn't
deny Mulder the opportunity and besides--now he knew she
existed and Scully had direct experience with exactly how
determined he'd be to find her if he wanted to. She turned
Stephanie's chin so she was looking at her.
"Shhh...sweetheart...everything is going to turn out like I
said it would. Did you hear what daddy said? He doesn't want
anybody else to have you, so you're going to go with him
just like we planned. That's good isn't it?" Stephanie
nodded and sniffled her reply, turning her face to bury it
against her mother's neck. "You remember everything I told
you. And remember I love you." Stephanie hugged her mother
tightly around the neck. Scully set her on the ground and
took two pictures from her purse. "I want you to have these.
Cut this one out and put it in your locket. Keep this one.
You can put it in a frame. It's a picture of me and daddy at
Christmas time...when I was pregnant with you. When we were
all together. And daddy will take you to meet your
grandmothers, won't that be nice?"

"Will daddy tell me stories about you like you did about
daddy?"

"I hope so, Stephie. But remember, I told you daddy is a
little upset with me because my work made it impossible for
us to live together and that hurt his feelings. So you may
have to give him some time."

"I'll miss you mommy."

"I'll miss you too, sweetie." She stood and turned to leave.
Mulder couldn't believe she was going to walk away with no
further comments.

"Scully, wait just a minute. You owe me some explanations."

Giving him a sharp look, she turned back to her daughter.
"Stephanie, do you see that bench over there? Go sit on it
and wait for daddy." Stephanie slowly left.

Scully watched her daughter's back as she walked to the
bench and sat down. Mulder's pulled her back around to face
him.

"Mulder, please don't frighten her. She been through so
much--seen so much a five-year-old shouldn't even know
about. She's frightened enough. I want her to have a normal
life."

"Fine, just tell me what I want to know."

"What do you want to know?"

"The Truth. How about starting with that. You've been with
them five years. There can't be much you don't know."

"OK. Well," she appeared to be struggling with where to
start. "You basically had it all figured out. You just
didn't know how to stop it. There is an alien race that
inhabited this planet millions of years ago. They intend to
take the planet again by means of spreading a virus using
bees. When they inhabited the planet before, their DNA
became mixed with some human's. They are unwilling and
frankly unable to use those humans who still have active
strands of alien DNA--like you and the members of the
Consortium. That's why they were chosen to work with the
colonists. To prepare for the colonization. The colonists
showed the Consortium members The Method. The Method is a
cloning procedure that combines alien DNA and human DNA,
making the clone immune to the affects of the virus. The
clones are supposed to be created to help prepare for the
colonization and they are supposed to be drones. The
Consortium has been secretly using them and samples of the
virus to develop a vaccine. They've also been trying to
perfect the cloning technique to eliminate it's undesirable
affects--such as complete personality loss. There is another
group of aliens that oppose colonization--resistance
fighters. But I know less about them--all I know is that
there is some debate whether we should ally with them
against the colonists--if that would be an effective
defense. Your father gave your sister to the Consortium to
clone her--to make her immune. He didn't have to turn you
over because you have the DNA."

"So, what's your story? Why come back now?"

"I told you. I was discovered."

"So why give me Stephanie? Why not take her with you? You
sacrificed a lot to keep her. I find it difficult to believe
you wouldn't run with her."

"I'm not running, Mulder."

"What? What are you doing then?"

"If it looks like the Consortium knew what I was doing--if
the aliens think I was working for them--they will invade
sooner. We're not ready yet. We're close, but we're not
ready yet. But if they turn me over to the colonists, it
will appear that I was working alone, that they had no
knowledge, and that they're cooperating. The work might be
saved and the invasion delayed. Listen, Stephanie is very
advanced--she can do fourth and fifth grade work--better
than that in math and science since she's in the lab all
day. She also has a perfectly eidetic memory. She has read
all my work. She doesn't understand much of it, but she can
recite it. Take her to the Gunmen. Maybe they can continue
the work with some of their connections. I don't trust the
Consortium to do it right."

"What will happen to you?" She could tell he was trying to
hide his fear.

"I'm amazed that, after everything, you would even ask." She
sighed and turned away from him to look at her daughter.
"It's cold out here, Mulder. Stephie has lived in warm
climates all of her life. Get her indoors. Take care of
her."

He stopped her by grabbing her wrist and demanded more
forcefully, "What will happen to you?"

She looked at him with pity in her eyes. "They will kill me
by infecting me with the virus. As you saw in Antarctica. Do
you remember any of that?" she responded evenly.

She watched the panic spread across his face and saw he did
remember. She imagined her own expression must have been
similar when she realized this was the best option. "You
can't go back to them!"

"Mulder don't...I've worked hard to not let Stephanie feel
my fear about this. I don't want her to be afraid."

"Scully, I can't let you do this." He grabbed her arm again
as she walked away, making her face him. She saw raw fear,
horror really, in his eyes. "Let me help you find another
way."

"There is no other way. We...The Consortium...protect the
work at any cost. Before I became part of the Consortium,
before I knew the whole truth, before I'd seen it with my
own eyes, I didn't understand their motivations. How they
could justify the things they do. I do understand now. We
are talking about the lives of every living being on the
planet Earth. The sacrifice of a few thousand for a few
billion is a fair trade." She paused at his horrified
expression. "Do you remember the case where you went looking
for the Queen Anne? When we found you, you said that I
'saved the world.' That was a hallucination--this is
reality. I can save the world, for a few more years anyway,
by sacrificing myself now. I have to. And, even more
importantly, if you see my work on the vaccine continued, if
it eventually results in a fully effective vaccine, you can
make it worth it."

She touched his cheek and continued in a softer, heavily
emotional voice. "Mulder, I need you to know something. No
matter how you feel now, I can't leave without saying this.
There was never a day when I didn't think of you. How I
missed you, loved you, needed you on so many levels. I never
took this off," she raised her hand indicating her wedding
band and engagement ring. "I lived through it all
remembering making love to you." She faltered, her voice
barely a whisper, "It was so hard because I knew you hated
me. That if you thought of me at all, you only thought of
how I betrayed you. I was never a prisoner, but I couldn't
leave. I was valuable to them and so was Stephie. If I had
left, they would have taken action against some one
important to me before I could contact you. That was the
arrangement. For years I held out hope that you would find
me, take me away. Or least take Stephanie. After a few
years, I figured out that this time you weren't looking for
me. I suppose I'm glad to hear that you didn't come because
you didn't remember...." She paused again and took off the
wedding band and engagement ring. Placing them in Mulder's
hand she said, "I don't want them to have any part of you or
Stephie. Give these to Stephie when she's older. Don't do it
now because she'll never understand why I took them off."
Turning away partially, she concluded. "Mulder, you can
still resist. I want you to do it. To the end." She touched
his cheek again, turned, and walked away.

continued in part 11
Title: What Doesn't Kill Us...Even the Strong Will Crumble
(2/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: NC-17 for graphic sexual situations
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. The
epilogue explores what happens when Mulder sees Scully
again--five years after she joined the Consortium.

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**)  are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

A LABORATORY
LOCATION UNKNOWN
DATE UNKNOWN

Consciousness returned slowly and painfully. First, there
was a vague awareness of self--breathing, scents, pressure
against the skin, pain in the throat, chest, abdomen, a
sense of being cold. Shivering. Then, there were sounds.
Slowly the sounds became coherent--beeping, voices, buzzing
of electrical devices. Understanding came last as the
machines' noises were recognized as those made by life
support equipment and the voices as those belonging to
people she knew. She struggled to gain control, to open her
eyes. When she did, even unfocused, the light seemed
blinding. She turned her head to the side and moaned softly.
She had meant to scream. With consciousness came terror.
Terror at the realization that she should be dead and that
being alive meant a much worse fate. As she tried to make
her eyes adjust to the light, she felt something touch her
hand, then grasp it.

"Shhh. Don't fight the sedative. You need some more rest," a
voice said. She couldn't understand the words or put a name
to the voice. She only had a sense that she knew she could
trust that voice. Closing her eyes, she slipped back into
unconsciousness.

****

When she awoke again, things were much clearer, more easily
understood. The noises were instantly recognizable, the pain
was almost gone, and she finally felt warm. She opened her
eyes cautiously. The lights in the room were dimmed. She saw
a movement to her left and turned her head as quickly as she
could in that direction, afraid of what she might see. It
was Mulder.

He saw her brow furrow in confusion. Her eyes began to dart
around the room and confusion turned to panic. She tried to
sit up. With one hand, Mulder held her down. With the other,
he caressed her face.

"It's ok. You're safe," he soothed.

"But how...? Mulder, you can't do this...it's important the
colonists think..." she was interrupted.

"Your loyalty and sense of duty are two of the things that
make you most valuable, Dr. Scully. Along with your
scientific expertise, of course." She saw Mulder tense and
turned her head to see the Smoking Man on the other side of
her bed.

"Can you leave us alone, please? I will be the one to
explain this to her."

"As you wish, Mr. Mulder." He turned his attention to
Scully, "It is a pleasure to have you back. You would have
been missed."  Scully turned back to Mulder, the questions
plainly written on her face, and then spoke to the Smoking
Man.

"Wait, Mr. Spender! What is this? How do you intend to
justify this to the colonists? I won't be the cause of an
early invasion."

"Don't worry Dr. Scully. Mr. Mulder and I have worked out
every detail. The colonists have a prisoner they believe to
be you and we still have one of the greatest scientists ever
to be a member of our Consortium. And we finally have Mr.
Mulder as well. Everything has worked out well."

"Who?" Scully demanded in a pained voice.

"Excuse me?"

"Who is the person you put in my place?"

The Smoking Man smiled, "Why, when you dye Ms. Covorrubia's
hair red, she bears an amazing resemblance to you. And as
you know we've been looking for a useful way to dispose of
her for years."

"You can't do this." Scully breathed, sickened.

"I already have. With Mr. Mulder's help." He turn and left
the room and Scully turned to Mulder.

"I understand you hadn't tested your new vaccine for its
effectiveness as a cure." She shook her head, confusion
increasing. "I did. Congratulations, another success. It
seems to work just fine."

"You tested it on me?"

He nodded. Scully's eyes filled with tears. The strain of
giving up Stephie, learning Mulder didn't remember her,
turning herself over to the aliens, being infected again
with the virus, and then learning that another poor victim
was sacrificed in her place was too much. And now what?
Returning to work for the Consortium? It was too much. She
felt as if she was loosing her mind.

"It was one of the conditions I agreed to in exchange for
the Consortium's help in finding you and freeing you from
the colonists. They wanted to test the vaccine. Some hope
was better than none--without their help, I would have never
found you."

"One of the conditions?"

"The other is that I work for them now." He looked at her
with an unreadable expression. Her expression held profound
grief.

"Mulder, you can't do that. You have been hurt by them so
many times. You can't expect to work with them. You can't be
useful to them...."

"I'm ok with this, Scully. If you say you believe in their
work...if you say you think they are truly working to help
us all rather than give us up and save themselves, that's
enough for me. You've been here for five years. I believe
you. I trust you."

"Mulder..." Scully closed her eyes and Mulder saw a tear slide
down her cheek. Several minutes later, when he thought she had
fallen back asleep, he let go of her hand and sat back down in
the chair next to her bed. "Where's Stephanie?" she whispered.
Leaning over, he took her hand again.

"I thought you fell asleep again."

Opening her eyes, she looked at him, "Where's Stephanie.
What part does she have in this deal?"

"I'll bargain my own life Scully, I won't bargain my
child's. She's hidden and if she is to remain that way, I
can't tell you where she is right now. She's safe."

Scully closed her eyes again. "They won't let her stay
hidden. Like Gibson, she has talents they don't have.
Talents they don't understand but that they want to develop.
I kept her from becoming part of an experiment only with
great difficulty. There is no way they'll allow her to
remain out of their control."

"I know that. The plan was for me to turn Gibson and the
alien's location over to them. In exchange for Stephie's
permanent uninvolvement, they'll capture them. Gibson has to
stay with them but he won't be experimented on. They want
you and I to work with him to learn about his abilities and
to examine the alien."

"Then they lied to you. They know I won't experiment on
sentient beings. I won't touch the alien. We've had this
argument before and I've never backed down. They're lying to
you. They have their own agenda."

"You said you trusted them."

"I said I believed in them. I didn't say anything about
trust. It took some time, but I learned how to deal with
them. I can deal us out of this, but I need some time to get
my strength back, physically...and to think. Meanwhile, how
well is Stephie hidden?"

"Extremely well."

"Where are we, exactly?"

"I'm not really sure."

"Well guarded? Any hope of escape?"

"Yes, well guarded. Probably not any hope of escape,
especially given your current condition."

"Ok, then just keep acting like you plan to uphold your end
of the deal." She closed her eyes.

****

When Scully opened her eyes the third time, Mulder was
sleeping in the chair by her bed and the Smoking Man was in
her doorway. She struggled to pull herself to a sitting
position. The Smoking Man moved to her bedside to help her.
Mulder awakened to the noise in time to see him pulling
Scully up.

"Take your hands off my wife," Mulder pushed him away from
Scully's bed. Scully looked at Mulder, shocked.

"Why Mr. Mulder, you have to realize...Dr. Scully and I have
grown so close over the years. And I was only helping her
get more comfortable."

Scully glared at him. "You can't bait him that easily, so
don't bother," she said tiredly. "OK, I don't have enough
information to figure out what your real agenda is here and
I'm not likely to get it, so why don't you just tell me and
we can shorten the time table." The Smoking Man stared at
her, knowingly. "I won't experiment on Gibson or the alien,
and holding them is worthless without my cooperation, so why
are you playing with Mulder?"

"Maybe I just like playing with him."

"Yeah, well, play with this--I'm done. I won't stay here, I
won't work for you, I won't be your prisoner. You don't hold
anything over me anymore. Stephie is safely hidden, I know
now that the virus will have no effect on Mulder so you
can't try that trick again. I know you can't kill him or you
risk incurring the colonists' wrath. Mulder's contacts
already have the vaccine and are working on perfecting it.
If you try to hold me, I'll kill myself. I've made that
choice once, for the sake of others. I won't hesitate to
make it again, for my sake. Anything is better than being
your captive. Besides, if I'm dead then all the people
important to me are no longer threatened by you"

"You're bluffing."

"You know me better than that. I'm worthless to you just
locked up. Worse than worthless because now people know I'm
still alive and they'll look for me. You put me in that lab,
and you couldn't stop me from injecting myself with
something...or just slitting my wrists. Let Mulder and I go.
You get the alien, but Gibson Praise is mine. And you leave
me and Mulder alone."

"Not enough, sorry."

Scully glared at him, "You don't get it, Mr. Spender. It
isn't that I refuse to do this. It's that I can't do it
anymore. I just can't. Now you can profit from this--get the
alien--or you can just cause more death--mine and my
family's. Your choice."

"Dr. Scully, you are overwrought. In the morning you'll see
our side of this." He turned to leave.

"No I won't!" Scully screamed. Both Mulder and the Smoking
Man stared at her in shock. Without noticing, Scully began
ranting, "Why did you do this Mulder? Did you think you were
helping me?! I would rather be dead! Don't you see that?!
Dead is better than being this man's prisoner. Spending day
after day in his lab. Doing the experiments he orders.
Repulsive tests that are the products of human
experimentation. Wondering every day if this will be the day
when I am forced to actually experiment on a human or
sentient alien myself. Arguing and conniving to avoid that
type of work but knowing that each time I avoid it, I'm one
step closer to running out of arguments."

She paused briefly to catch her breath and her expression
became darker, "But worse still is wondering every day if
this will be the day when I loose Stephanie. If this will be
the day when someone gets tired of waiting and takes her to
do the same type of sick work on her that you did on Gibson
Praise. Knowing I can't really do anything to stop it."

She stopped again and covered her face with her hands, "At
least before, I had memories and dreams of how things could
have been...." She stammered to a stop and Mulder stared at
her speechless. The Smoking Man smiled.

"Now we come to the real truth. This isn't about experiments
or Gibson Praise. It is, as usual, about Mulder."

 ****

When Scully awoke for the fourth time, she again saw Mulder
sitting by her bed staring at her. She turned her head away
from him and closed her eyes but felt the bed sink when he
sat on its edge. She still did not respond when he took her
hand and pushed her hair from her face behind her ears.

"Scully, can we talk about this?"

"What?"

"How you're feeling, us, Stephanie, what we're going to
do...I could keep going. Scully, I can't begin to imagine
how difficult the last five years have been for you. I wish
I could do something about that, but I can't. I will do
anything I can about right now. But you have to let me know
what it is you want."

"What I want?"

"Yes."

"Mulder, I want it to be over."

"Scully, you're scaring me."

She sighed, too tired to care how Mulder felt. Too numb to
feel anything herself. Finally she replied, "I've been
afraid for years, Mulder. Don't worry. Eventually you won't
feel it anymore."

He stared at her, shocked. He could not remember a time when
Scully had appeared to be defeated. "Scully, let me help
you."

"Why Mulder? I'm way past the stage where the best
psychologist could actually help me. And you haven't
practiced in years. What could you possibly hope to
accomplish?"

"Scully! The hell with psychology. You're my wife. I want to
help you."

"Wife," Scully whispered. "Mulder, I was your wife for less
than eight days...eight days you don't even remember. It was
a lie...all a lie. It's as if it didn't happen...." She
drifted off, still staring at the wall.

"Scully, I'm sorry I don't remember it. That doesn't mean it
didn't happen...that we can't work something out now.
Scully...." he looked at her, eyes full of pain and regret.

"I loved you so much...I can't believe you don't even
re...." She was gazing at him as if she was looking through
him. When she finally focused on him, she saw the look in
his eyes and it sobered her. She turned her face away
quickly and said in a firmer voice. "I'm sorry Mulder, it
must still be the drugs in my system. They'll wear off and
I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Why don't
you go back to Washington."

"Scully, that little speech might work on most people, but I
know you too well. I know what fine is for you and you are
far from it. Why won't you let me help you?"

"Mulder, you don't owe me anything. You already risked your
life. Again. I don't want to make you feel further
obligated."

It was Mulder's turn to look distant. "Obligated..." he
repeated, whispering. "What does that remind me of? When
have you said that to me before?"

"Mulder let it go..."

"Scully, I have been trying for five years to break this
amnesia. To remember everything. After five years, I've
become pretty good at distinguishing real memories from
false ones. I know this is real. If you can help me remember
something.... I really can't imagine why you wouldn't."

She sighed. "How can I help?"

"Do you recognize what I'm remembering?"

"Yes."

"Then tell me."

"You are remembering the time after I told you I was
pregnant. I didn't want you to feel obligated."

"Why on Earth wouldn't I feel obligated? We were obviously
involved if you were pregnant. Surely it was something we
wanted...?"

"We weren't involved when I discovered I was pregnant. We
only had a short...relationship, and I found out I was
pregnant months after it ended. I didn't want you to feel
like you had to have a relationship you didn't want. Mulder
this was hard then...I don't want to go through it again."

"Surely I wasn't...reluctant to help you...?"

"No, of course not...Mulder, please... I really don't want
to do this."

"Was our relationship that painful?!"

Scully sighed again, "Mulder it wasn't easy. As you said at
one point, it was us. How could it have been easy? That
isn't the problem."

"What is?"

"You don't want to hear it."

"Yes I do."

"OK, fine. The problem is how I feel now. You may not
remember our personal relationship. I do. I lived by the
memories for five years. It is very difficult to...react to
you now."

"Why?"

"Isn't that obvious?"

"No."

"I still love you. I have a child with you. I dreamt every
night of what it would be like to see you again...of kissing
you again, feeling your arms around me. I never dreamt that
you wouldn't even remember me. My reaction to being with you
is to reach out to you physically--to touch you, to want to
hold your hand, put my arms around you. I can't do that. I
don't know how to deal with you."

"Why can't you do that? Why is still loving me a problem for
you?" She stared at him so he continued. "Do you think I
don't love you?"

"Mulder you don't remember me. You said I betrayed you." she
whispered, closing her eyes again.

"I don't remember that part of our relationship. That
doesn't mean I don't remember loving you." She looked
confused. "I can't believe I never told you that I had
always loved you. I fell in love with you during our first
case. I just always assumed you'd shoot me or sue me for
harassment if I ever said anything. I'd love to know how it
finally did happen."

"It was not flowers and hearts, Mulder."

"What ever it was, will you help me to remember it? More
importantly, will you give it another chance?"

"Is that what you want?" her voice shook.

"Of course. Scully, I know you were hurt by my attitude at
the Mall last week. I have hurt a lot of people with my
attitude since you disappeared. I have been a very bitter
person. Try to understand, I didn't remember what happened
to us. When I did start remembering, I remembered only you
deciding to stay, not the reason behind it. If I had
known...if I had remembered.... But even if I had, I was
institutionalized, Scully. It was a year and a half before I
was released from the hospital. I didn't come for you
because I literally had no where to start. Skinner and the
Gunmen did look for you, but they had nothing to go on. But
I do love you. I do want to remember. I do want this to
work. That's the only reason I would agree to the things I
have agreed to here...so I could be with you again."

"Mulder...." Her eyes were full of tears, hope, and love.

"Shhh...you need to get some rest so I can get them to let
you out of here so I can take you back to Washington."

"I can't go back to Washington...." Scully whispered,
exhausted, already half-asleep again.

"I'm taking you back to Washington. I'm taking you home."

She slipped back to sleep.

RONALD REAGAN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
WASHINGTON, D.C.

As Scully and Mulder got off the private jet, she looked
around as if she had just stepped off a spaceship onto the
surface of the moon. Mulder looked at her from the corner of
his eyes. "Scully, you were here last week."

"Mulder, I haven't been anywhere in the light of day, not
escorted by 'body guards' for five years. Anytime I left
that lab--and I can count the number of times on one hand--I
went at night, in a limo, and I wasn't free to make any side
trips. I can't believe Mr. Spender let us come here by
ourselves. And there is no one here to meet us. Where's my
driver?"

"I'm your driver Scully. At least until we can get you
another identity and a driver's license." She looked at him
incredulously. "I hold a few cards here too, Scully. I am
not going to let anyone control your life. Come on, let's
get going." Mulder led Scully through the airport to the
parking lot. She saw he was still driving the same car.
Settling into the passenger side, Scully watched Mulder pull
out of the lot. She continued to stare at the familiar
objects around her as they drove through the city, memories
rushing over her. When he turned toward Georgetown, she
looked at him strangely.

"Where are we going?"

"I assumed you would want to go to your apartment to get
cleaned up and relax a little."

"My apartment? Mulder are you ok?"

"Yeah, are you? You look panicked."

"Mulder, we are not returning from a case. I don't live in
Washington anymore. I don't have an apartment here anymore.
Do you remember any of this?"

Mulder smiled. "Scully, I'm fine. My memory is as bad as it
was before, but not as bad as you think.  You do still have
an apartment here. Your mom and I couldn't bring ourselves
to...change it. Your mom still comes over a lot. She slept
in it for a long time after your memorial service. I haven't
been there. I just couldn't...." He pulled up in front of
her building and his words and the sight of the place she
had called home for years brought tears to her eyes. Without
looking at him she got out of the car and walked up the
steps of the building. Mulder watched her reverie with some
concern. Her expression as she approached the apartment door
was unreadable.

"I don't have a key." She stood in front of the door. Mulder
reached into his pocket, pulled out his keys, and unlocked
the door for her. Opening it, she stepped inside. Mulder
watched her wander around, picking up things as if looking
around a stranger's home. She drifted back to her bedroom
and following her, Mulder saw her sifting through her
closet.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah..." her voice was distant. "This is like stepping back
through time." She went back into the living room and leafed
through the items on her desk. She picked up a notebook and
flipped through it. Mulder approached her and put his hands
on her shoulders. He didn't want to interrupt her journey,
but he was growing concerned. "This is my journal. I kept it
in the desk." She commented idly.

"I know your mom read them...she wanted me to read them also
to try to jog my memory," Scully looked at him sharply. "I
never did. I couldn't bring myself to invade your privacy
that way."

Scully put the journal back on the desk. "You can read them
if you want. Some of what I wrote might be a little painful
for you though." It was his turn to look at her sharply.
"You're a psychologist. The point of a journal is to sort
out one's feelings. We went through some pretty rough times.
And I wrote things much more frankly than I would have
spoken to you about them. But reading that will certainly
jog your memory." While she was talking, she was wandering
around the room again. She spotted her badge and ID on the
shelf. Picking it up, she looked at the picture and then
into the mirror on the wall.

"I look so much younger...." she whispered looking at the
ID. "This was another life. God, Mulder. I miss it so much."
She turned and buried her face against his shoulder. He
automatically put his arms around her. "I loved that job. I
loved working with you. I..."

"I miss it too, Scully. We're together again. We're going to
get some semblance of that life back. I promise you. Scully
you're scaring me. I've never seen you this emotional.
You're not usually so..."

She smiled through her tears and pulled away from him to
look into his eyes. "As much as you always complained that I
wouldn't let you in...that I always said I was 'fine,' you
never did handle it well when I was emotional. I see you
still can't."

"I'm sorry...."

"It's ok. I'm ok. I'm going to take a shower. I'll just be
minute." She paused. "Mulder, do you think you could order
Chinese? I haven't had Chinese in years."

"Sure, you want the usual?"

"Do you remember what that is?"

"Of course. Scully, can I call your mother over here? I need
to let her in on this but I don't want to rush you."

"You didn't tell her yet?"

"I didn't know how it would turn out and I didn't want to
hurt her if I didn't...well, if I wasn't able to find you."

"Definitely call her. Who else is going to be in on this?"

"Skinner and the guys."

Scully looked at him, surprised. "Mulder, I've been working
with Skinner for the last few years. He's known all along.
Most of the information I've had to work with, I got from
him and he got it from you. I ordered most of your
assignments since I moved to the new lab two years ago."

"Are you saying he knew how to find you?" Mulder's voice was
barely controlled.

"No, of course not. No more than he could find Mr.
Spender...or even knew his name." Scully disappeared into
her bedroom.

****

When she turned off the shower, Scully heard a commotion of
voices in the living room. She listened to them as she towel
dried her hair and put on her make-up. Her mother had
apparently just arrived. The Gunmen were already there.

"Fox, what is it? You never come over here. What's going on?
Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I have some news for you and I needed to
give it to you in person."

"Is it about Dana?" Her voice shook.

"Yes." He pulled her gently to the couch.

"Fox, please just tell me. It couldn't get any worse," her
voice fell to a whisper, "Did you find her?"

"Yes I did," Scully heard her mother sob and went out into
the living room. She saw her mother crying and Mulder
holding her and trying to get her attention. "No, mom,
listen to me. I didn't find her *body*...I found *her.*" But
her mother didn't hear him. Scully, trying not to react to
Mulder calling her mother 'mom,' quickly walked over to the
couch and put her hand on her mother's shoulder.

"Mom, I'm fine. I'm right here." Mrs. Scully looked at her
daughter and fainted into Mulder's arms. The apartment
erupted into pandemonium. Mulder yelled at Frohike to get
some water. Byers began to fan Mrs. Scully with a magazine.
Scully took over. "Give her a little space." Scully knelt in
front of her mother and lightly slapped her face, calling
her name. Slowly Mrs. Scully began to mumble. Mulder offered
her the water. As she came around more fully, Mrs. Scully
pushed the water away and focused on Scully. Without warning
Mrs. Scully threw her arms around her daughter and, sobbing
uncontrollably, nearly squeezed the life out of her. "It's
ok, mom, it's ok." Mulder held them both.

Finally, Mrs. Scully regained some control. "Fox, how? When?
My God Fox, how long have you known this?" She looked at him
grief-stricken.

Scully intervened. She did not want her mother to find out
Mulder had known all along. "Mom, I saw him last week but I
wasn't in any position to...it's hard to explain. Do you
remember the men we were trying to avoid when I was
pregnant...?"

"I know they kidnapped you. Fox said you were killed..."

"And that's what he was made to think, but I wasn't. They
needed my scientific expertise so they didn't kill me...."

"Do you mean to tell me they've been...holding you against
your will somehow all this time?"

"No mom. They showed me what they were working on and
convinced me to stay...."

"Why on Earth didn't you let us know you were alright? I'm
your mother for God's sake. This is your husband...."

Mulder cut her off as he saw Scully's expression. "Mom, this
isn't as simple as all that. It's going to be a little hard
for you to understand. You're going to have to trust me on a
lot of it. Can you trust me?"

She turned to face him fully, "Of course, Fox but...."

"Ok," he looked at Scully and began, "Think of it as Scully
being under cover--but this is a permanent situation. Scully
is going to remain officially dead. She'll be given a new
identity...." At Mrs. Scully's confused expression, Mulder
took her hands, "Mom, this is for her safety. Please try to
understand.  The important thing is that she's here."

"But..." the confused expression melted from her face. "Oh
Fox, you're right of course. I just want...oh I don't know.
Has this helped you remember anything?"

"A little, yes."

Mulder, Mrs. Scully, and the Lone Gunmen spent the rest of
the afternoon talking and hugging Scully. By the time they
reluctantly left, Mulder could see Scully was exhausted. As
he closed the door behind Mrs. Scully, he looked at Scully
still sitting on the couch. Walking over to her, he stroked
her face. "You ok?"

Scully nodded, "I'm just really tired. I haven't really had
much in the way of human interaction the last few years.
It's a little...uncomfortable. I think I'm going to go to
bed." She stood up and looked at him sidelong. "Are you
going to stay here tonight?"

"That's up to you. Do you want me to or would you prefer to
be alone?"

"I don't want to be alone, Mulder," she whispered. "I really
would like you to stay."

Mulder nodded. "I'll go down to the car and get my bag."

"You don't really need to. Your stuff is still here." When
he looked surprised, she added, "You lived here after I told
you I was pregnant. Mom obviously didn't disturb anything.
Your razor is still on the sink along with the wash cloth
you left lying there. You've got some clothes in the closet
and the dresser...."

Raising his eyebrows, he walked past her into the bedroom
and opened one of the drawers. Fishing out a few items, he
began to smile. "I wondered where this went. And this is my
favorite old sweat shirt."

Scully interrupted his reunion with his personal items by
pulling off her own sweatshirt. When she was about to step
out of her sweatpants, she noticed Mulder's uncomfortable
expression. "Sorry." She reached for her robe in the
bathroom. "Where do you want to sleep?" she asked quietly.

"Excuse me?" Mulder looked almost shyly at the bed.

"I'll get some pillows for the sofa. Do you still sleep on
the sofa or do you want me to open up the fold-away bed for
you?" She started to walk back out to the living room. He
stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"Scully, I just need a little time to adjust to this. I
don't know what to expect I guess. Would you...I mean did
you want...are you comfortable with the idea of me staying
in here with you."

"Mulder I don't want to push you."

"And I don't want to push you. If you want me to stay, I
will. I'm not uncomfortable with it, it just surprised me.
I'm still looking at my partner."

"I would like you to stay. I can't really handle being
alone. This has been so...strange."

"I understand that. Just about everyday after your
disappearance was an adventure in trying to remember one
thing or another. It's a very strange sensation to feel like
an outsider in your own life."

Scully smiled her agreement to him and finished undressing.
She was very aware of him intently watching her. Newly
clothed in a pair of pajamas, she climbed into the bed.
Mulder slipped his shoes and socks off. His pants followed.
Sitting on the bed, he unbuttoned his shirt and threw it to
the floor. He laid back, next to her. She automatically
reached out to him, touching his chest. He looked at her
with a slightly startled expression and Scully quickly
withdrew her hand. Mulder reached under the blanket for her
hand. Capturing it, he pulled it back out from under the
blanket and pressed it between his own hand and his chest.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want to rush...well, I can't
promise you that...this won't go further than you think. I
don't remember marrying you. I remember wanting you just
fine."

"Mulder, it's you we need to worry about not rushing. I'm
fine with this. I have been for years." She smiled at the
amazement he was trying to disguise and then became serious.
"Mulder, when we first slept together, you really didn't
want to. It was me who pushed you," his eyebrows went up at
that but Scully interrupted his question to finish her
point. "We were at a very low place in every aspect of our
relationship--from our partnership to our friendship. We had
hardly spoken to one another for months. We really rushed
things...that is, I did. You said we should go more slowly
but I didn't want to. We managed to maintain that
relationship less than one month. When I discovered I was
pregnant, I didn't even know how to tell you, so I didn't
for months. I was actually very uncomfortable with the idea
of marrying you. Not because it wasn't what I wanted, but
because I felt I was pressuring you. It was very hard for me
to believe it was really what you wanted...that you had
really thought about it. My point is this: you don't
remember any of this. I don't want to push you now...again,
into a situation you aren't ready for."

"Are you ready for this? What do you want? To be my wife, my

friend...?"

"Mulder, I spent five years away from you. Unlike you, I
remembered every detail of our personal relationship. I
lived by those memories. If I had any doubts about how
difficult it would be to live without you, they were all
erased over the last five years. I love you. I can't go on
without you. That's why I want to take this slowly. I don't
want to push you away. I can't loose you now, after
everything that's happened, because of some foolish
argument...I quite literally could not survive that."

He brushed his thumb over her lips. "I don't remember
anything of that relationship. I can't imagine it. The
Gunmen told me some things. Your mother too. Some of them
are things I can't picture myself doing at all." He was
leaning over her, studying Scully's lip. She raised herself
off the bed and caressed his cheek. "Scully," he said
warningly, moving away from her slightly, "if you want to
take this slowly, be careful."

She moved against his body again and his eyes widened. "I do
want to take it slowly. I just want to kiss you...I want to
feel your arms around me." Her voice was scarcely a whisper.
It was his undoing. Catching her face between his hands, his
lips descended quickly on hers. He felt a wave of desire
consume him as his hands slid from her face, down her
throat, and to her body. He pulled her tightly against him,
still kissing her. He felt her hands in his hair, on his
back. He heard a low moan in her throat. Pushing her down on
the bed, he laid down on top of her. She broke the kiss and
it was his turn to moan as she trailed kisses down his
throat, pulling him even closer to her with her hands on his
back.

"Jesus, Scully...if you're thinking this is going to go
slowly, you're out of your mind..." before he could finish
his sentence, she was kissing him again. She pushed him off
her, onto his back, kissing him the whole time and running
her hands over his chest.

Mulder was lost. He did not remember his partner like
this...passionate.... His mind struggled to grasp this
version of Scully.... As Frohike had said so many years ago,
'She's hot.' He knew that if he allowed this to go much
further that he would end up taking it further than Scully
had said just a few moment ago that she would be comfortable
with. 'But I'm not the one doing that,' he thought as
Scully's hand worked down to his abdomen and her kisses down
to his chest. When her hands slid down to push away his
shorts, he froze.

"Scully, stop." He held her face between his hands and
looked into her eyes. "Two minutes ago, you were saying you
didn't want this...not this fast. God knows I do, but I
don't want you to regret it. I don't want you to feel
worried that you pushed me. I don't want either of us to
feel obligated by it. So I'm asking you--Are you really
ready for this?"

"How do you feel about it?"

"You picked a hell of a time to ask...." He trailed off his
response and his expression became distant, his brow
furrowed.

Scully recognized this expression. "You are remembering the
first time we made love, only the situation was reversed.
You asked me if I was certain and I responded as you just
did."

"I do remember it. In my apartment...I just had a bed
delivered...replaced actually. Scully what in God's name was
I doing with a waterbed?"

She propped herself up on one elbow, leaning over him. "Does
the name Morris Fletcher ring a bell?" His expression became
even more distant.

"This is insane...I have a distinct memory of looking in the
mirror and seeing an older man's face...I was in somebody's
house..."

"Not insane, Mulder. Very accurate from what I remember of
your regression tape." Scully briefly recounted the Fletcher
incident. "Do you remember any of that?"

"Yes..." he touched her face. "It's what led up to you
wanting to end...." He stopped at the pain he saw in her
eyes. "I'm sorry, Scully. I don't want to drag you through
painful memories. It's just this is the most I've managed to
remember for years."

She interrupted him. "And it's enough for tonight. Mulder
you're a psychologist. You know you need to take this
slowly. Your mind has blocked these things out for a
reason."

"The reason is you were gone. Now you're back."

"I just want you to take care of yourself."

They fell asleep in each other's arms.

****

Scully awakened slowly and rolled over to throw her arm
across Mulder's chest. Her arm encountered pillow. Terror
immediately overcame her. "No! Mulder!" Tears forming in her
eyes, she picked up the phone by her bed and dialed the
number. By the time the phone began to ring, Mulder had run
into the bedroom. She dropped the phone. Mulder hung it up
and put his arms around her. She was crying uncontrollably.

"Scully, what is it? Who were you calling. What in God's
name is wrong?"

With obvious effort, Scully pulled herself together. "When
you weren't here...I thought they had taken you away...."

"Scully, that isn't going to happen. I just went into the
kitchen to get some coffee going." He closed his eyes. "God,
Scully. I was on my way out to get something for you to eat.
You can't panic like that. Look, I'm safe and you are safe.
I honestly agree with Stephanie's read on Spender. He was
genuinely pleased when I showed up demanding to get you out
of there. He questioned me at length about how Stephie was
handling all this but never once asked her whereabouts. I
don't think he's going to try anything. I haven't met any of
the rest of them."

Scully stayed quietly in his arms for a few seconds. Without
raising her head from his shoulder she said, "Mulder, please
don't leave me alone here. I'm afraid they'll take me back
to the lab."

"Scully, take a shower and then I'll prove to you that they
are not coming to take you back to where ever that lab was.
Ok?"

She nodded and silently got off the bed, obedient as a
child. She was definitely scaring him.

When she emerged from the shower, Mulder was hanging up the
phone. She looked at him questioningly. "I was checking in
with Diana. I told her I was going out of town last week but
I didn't tell her why. I thought I should at least check in
with the office." She nodded and lowered her eyes. He
frowned. "Why do I feel guilty about working with Fowley?"
Mulder said with the now familiar distant expression.

"Careful, Mulder. Those are not going to be pleasant
memories."

"We fought over Fowley...I remember images, arguing with
you...you crying, trying to make me leave you alone...you
were hurt...injured. I can't remember what we said." He
turned to her. "Scully what happened?"

"Mulder," Scully sighed. He could see she was completely
miserable. "You thought I had betrayed you after
Dallas...that my scientific findings did not back you up.
You told me to quit the Bureau. I accused you of
manipulating me. Of sleeping with Fowley and trying to
seduce me too. You slapped me when I said that. Kersh
wouldn't let me transfer so we worked together but we didn't
speak for months. It was hell, Mulder. Trust me when I say
you don't want to remember this."

"Frohike told me I....I didn't believe him. Scully..." he
looked again, as he had last night, at her lip. "In God's
name, is that a scar...?"

"Do you remember?"

"Some of it."

"Trust me. Leave it there."

They were silent a few moments. "If you don't like Fowley,
why are she and I working together? You seem to have been
making the decisions."

Scully looked back at Mulder. "Because she was the only
person working for the Consortium that I knew you would
trust that I could therefore use to control you." She paused
to let that sink in. "Just like Mr. Spender pulled Skinner's
chain, I've been pulling yours. If I had partnered you with
someone else, you wouldn't have trusted them and I wouldn't
have gotten any real information. Don't think I don't feel
bad about this. I did it in part to keep you safe too."

But Mulder wasn't hearing her. His face betrayed his
disbelief. "Diana is part of the Consortium?"

"Yes."

"She's been...." he trailed off.

"She's been reporting back to me everything that you do.
Based on that information, I send the next assignment to
Skinner. I met with Fowley a few times. It wasn't easy. I
wanted so much to be in Fowley's place."

"Scully, I wished a thousand times you were with me. I could
have used your help to figure out a lot of what I was
looking at." Scully laughed at that. "What?"

"Mulder, Fowley's primary assignment was to make sure you
*didn't* figure out what you were looking at. Not my idea,
it was Mr. Spender's. He opposed your direct involvement.
That's another reason I wanted Fowley with you. I had
experience with her *inability* to keep you in the dark."

"God, Scully. This is really hard to believe."

"You never suspected her...?"

"Yeah, I suppose I didn't really trust her...completely...."

"Mulder, I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you contact me somehow? It sounds like you could
have."

"I couldn't. I told you before. If I had contacted you, they
would have acted against me. They could have done a lot
worse than kill me. I think the only reason they are letting
this go on right now is because they realized I wasn't going
to be worth anything to them for much longer. I was really
at the end of my rope emotionally. That's been obvious for a
while. But that's also why I'm so worried now. It's very
difficult for me to believe that they don't have some plan
to undo this. To separate us. To send me back to that lab,
or some place worse, where you couldn't find me. You are how
they control me."

"Scully, you said it yourself. You are a liability to them
now. I will never again let them hold you against your will.
I would never stop looking for you if they took you. And I
have information they'd rather keep quiet. They won't betray
us because they stand to loose too much if they do and to
gain too much if they don't. I want you to relax."

"I'll try. You said you were going to show me something this
morning?"

"Ok. You ready to go?" She nodded and stood. They went to
Mulder's car.

****

An hour later Mulder pulled up in front of a building in
downtown Washington. He hopped out of the car and opened
Scully's door. A sense of deja vu struck Scully. How many
times had she followed him into some building with no idea
what they were doing there? With a patient expression,
Scully stood in front of the car and looked at Mulder.

"Do you want to tell me what we're doing here? Is there an X
File here?"

He smiled at her. "Definitely." Taking her by the hand, he
led her into the building.

Scully looked around her. The building, apparently an office
building on the outside, was set up like a hospital on the
inside. Scully began to recognize equipment. She looked at
Mulder for an explanation. He was suddenly concerned.

"Scully, they're not going to let you stop your work. It's
too valuable. Mr. Spender did agree to let you do it here.
He's setting up what you need. Including the same staff you
had. I can help you avoid the aspects of the work you're not
comfortable with. We'll be together. Please tell me this is
ok with you."

Scully looked around, hesitantly. "I don't have any choice,
Mulder. God knows this is better than the alternative.
Spender knows I'll do it. I will. I'll do what I have to in
order to stay with you."

"There's not a big difference between this and what you were
doing with me on the X Files. At least now you know what
you're looking at."

"Mulder, there's a huge difference. I do the experiments
*they* want. Not the ones that make sense to me. And there's
always the risk they'll make me...."

"Not here. Not now. That's not how it's going to be. You
have someone to back you up now. Trust me."

****

Mulder and Scully walked out of the building and back to
their car. Scully was again overwhelmed by the feeling of
normalcy. There was something remarkably comforting about
walking next to Mulder on the streets of Washington D.C.
Suddenly she desperately needed to see their office.

"Mulder, give me your phone."

Handing it over he quipped, "We're going to have to get you
your own."

"Good idea," she mumbled as she dialed the phone. "Mr.
Spender, I want a phone. Today. Leave it at my apartment. I
want a driver's license and my own car too. And while you're
playing with that lab...yes, Mulder and I just left it...I
want that new equipment we talked about. Ok...I'll see you
tonight. No, I'm going to the office...I will be careful."
She hung up and Mulder was staring at her so intently he
hadn't noticed the light had changed. She gestured at the
light and he pulled out. "Go to the Hoover Building," she
said as she dialed the phone again. "It's me. I'm coming to
see Skinner and I'm going to want access to the basement
office too." Again she hung up. Again Mulder was staring.

"I need to see the office. I don't know why. I just do."

"Scully, if you are seen...."

"I won't be."

Half an hour later he pulled into the parking garage and
began to get out of the car. Scully's hand on his arm
stopped him. He looked at her for an explanation but she was
looking around the garage. Moments later, Diana came out of
the elevator and walked over to their car. Opening Scully's
door, she said, "Come with me." Scully followed her and
Mulder tagged after them silently. Fowley did not meet his
eyes. Instead she led them through unusually empty halls to
their basement office.

"I'd like to be alone." Scully said looking at Fowley.

"This is my office, Scully...." Fowley began but Scully cut
her off.

"Only as long as I allow it to be." Fowley looked at her
with an expression Mulder couldn't read. "Go tell Skinner
I'll be up."

"He already knows someone wants to meet with him."

"Then go get a coffee," Scully said in clipped tones. Fowley
left with an angry expression.

"Scully...I have to say this is a little...spooky. You could
call your attitude toward Diana threatening."

"It was. I hate her. She knows that and that I can send her
right back to Europe, or far worse, if I want to. The FBI
connection is mine to run now, not Spender's. And she knows
I'll run it my way and no one will get in my way. Since I
was put in charge, the FBI has provided a thousand times
more information than it ever did before." Scully's tone
softened a little as she realized what she was saying and to
whom. "We're going to have to talk about this more. Tonight
maybe. Mulder, I really just wanted to see the office." She
wandered off as she had in her apartment. "I miss this so
much. I came here once...when I had come to speak with
Skinner. I could smell your cologne. You had a report you
were working on sitting on your desk. I almost stole this
poster." She ran her hand over Mulder's 'I want to believe'
poster. "I almost left you a note. I knew what would happen
if they found out though."

He watched her without interrupting as she wandered around
the office. He said nothing when she opened the file cabinet
and flipped through the folders. She pulled out several
files and read them...tears again in her eyes. He walked to
her side, put his arm around her, and looked over her
shoulder at the file. It was their first case. He took the
file from her hands and turned her to him. "Scully, I'm not
going to watch you torture yourself. Let's go see Skinner."

****

Mulder was surprised when Scully walked directly into
Skinner's office through the side door. He followed her
trying to get her attention to find out what was going on.
Skinner began speaking without looking up from his work.

"Mulder isn't here and Fowley is in the office. Whatever
you're doing leave me out of it. I'm sick of all this. I
cooperated to keep Scully and Mulder safe. They're both gone
now and I'm not playing anymore. Get out."

Mulder was shocked. Scully began to laugh. At this, Skinner
looked up and stared at Scully. Coming from behind his desk,
he approached Scully and pulled her into an embrace.

"I knew Mulder was going after you, but I was told you were
dead." Regaining his composure, he released her. "I'm very
glad to see you...both." He glanced at Mulder. "I take it
you were successful." Mulder nodded.

"What happened?" Skinner was speaking to Scully. She quickly
explained the colonists' discovery of her lab and Mulder's
rescue. "So, how is this going to change your involvement in
the Bureau?" He looked concerned.

"I don't know. It hasn't been discussed. I have some ideas.
I'm sure a meeting will be called shortly. But you can't
pull the type of antics that I just heard you spout. They
will kill you and there is nothing I can do about that. I
still haven't found a way to destroy the things they put in
your blood. Just play along and trust me to see you aren't
too deeply involved."

"Mulder knows about all this?"

"Most of it. He's still absorbing it."

"I see. What about Fowley?"

"I'll let Mulder decide that."

"What about you?"

"Well, officially I am dead. You don't want to know the
details. Suffice to say sacrifices were made that I would
not have chosen. On the up side, the vaccine works. I gave
one to Mulder to give to you." She turned to Mulder. "Where
are those?"

"In my apartment."

"I'll have someone pick them up and bring one to you. After
everything you've done to help us, you deserve immunity."
She laid her hand on his arm. "On another bright side,
Mulder conned your former connection into letting me set up
a lab here in Washington. So I will be given a new identity
and will get to work here. At least until they think of some
new way to screw me." She smiled. "We'd better get out of
here. I'll let you know what is decided. I'm thinking about
calling a meeting myself."

"Take care of yourself. Don't get in over your head."

She nodded and smiled at him, leaving with Mulder in tow.
Once in the car, Mulder looked at her. When she merely
stared back, he quipped, "Where are we going now, Madame."

She punched him playfully in the arm. "You were the one who
volunteered to drive me. Unless they killed him for helping
me contact you, I have a perfectly good driver and a much
more comfortable car." She pretended to try to stretch out
her legs.

"Killed him?!"

She looked at him sadly. "Mulder, if you allow yourself to
get involved in this, you're going to find many of the
morals you hold dear will be severely challenged. I can't
protect everyone. But I do require their help. I've found
standing by certain convictions inspires loyalty in many
people. They know I do what I can. But they also know I
can't always succeed in my efforts to defend them."

"Does that include me." She saw he was serious. She turned
to face him fully, putting her hands on his face.

"No Mulder, they know I will never bend on that point.
They've tried it. They know what will happen. That's why
they gave me the FBI. Its easier all around that way. Let's
go home."

MULDER'S APARTMENT
ALEXANDER

"I just want pick up a few things and then we'll go over to
your apartment," Mulder said as he entered his apartment.
Scully stepped in slowly, beginning another leg of her
journey back to as normal a life as she had known in five
years.

"Mulder, do you mind if I....look around?" she asked almost
timidly

He pulled her into an embrace. "Make yourself at home
Scully," he replied kissing her on the top of the head and
releasing her. He went into his bedroom while Scully
meandered through his apartment. There were almost more
memories here than anywhere else. That couch. So much had
happened there. She wandered into the kitchen. Bare.
Typical. She peered at him in his bedroom. She saw he still
had the bed. It even looked as if he had slept in it. Going
back into his living room, she sat down at his desk and
flipped through his papers. She was deep into reading the
report he had been writing at home when he emerged from his
bedroom.

"Anything useful there?" he said half-jokingly.

"No, I didn't make this assignment. It's a real X File." She
paused as she flipped through the report. At his quizzical
expression, she explained, "I went for three years without
knowing what was happening to you. When they let me work
with the FBI, the only contact I had with you was these
reports. No one understood why I wanted to actually read the
original report instead of having it summarized for me.
Well, Spender did. I got pretty good at reading your mood
and a lot of other things between the lines of your reports.
Of course, I was always shocked to get one, given how much
you procrastinate writing them." She smiled at him and
walked over to join him on the couch.

"Scully, I need you to tell me specifically what's been
going on."

She nodded solemnly. She knew this was coming. She wasn't
sure how this conversation would go. "Mulder, it would be
stupid for me to lie to you, but I have to admit that I'm
actually tempted." He looked at her, shocked. "I don't know
how much you'll like the truth. You've already seen or heard
most of it. I told you, I wasn't a prisoner of the
Consortium. I eventually worked with them voluntarily. But,
everyone in the Consortium has something that can be held
against them--they hold your safety and Stephanie's against
me. They would never kill either of you. They could do a lot
worse. I know that very well and so I obey them Mulder. So
will you."

"Scully, what exactly have you done for them?"

"I developed the vaccine you used. I'm working on Stephie
and Gibson's abilities. I've had very little success in that
area. And I run the FBI connection--which basically means I
keep tabs on the X Files and a few other associated
divisions."

"And what has all that meant?"

"I did not do anything yet to violate medical ethics while
developing the vaccine. But I have to be honest with you
Mulder. I can't do anything else with it without doing so. I
am going to propose wide spread testing to the members soon.
That's going to be hard to do ethically."

Mulder did not comment.

"As far as the X Files go," she looked at him, "When I need
information or if someone thinks something needs covering up
and I agree you can do it, I send a specific assignment to
Skinner and Diana. His job is to get you out there and hers
is to keep you from seeing or saying too much." She paused
again and looked at him sidelong. "Details?"

"By all means."

"Ok." Scully reached across Mulder and picked up the lamp on
his table. Turning it over she pulled off the cover on the
bottom and extracted surveillance equipment. His jaw
dropped.

"Scully, the Gunmen sweep this apartment every month."

"I know. And I'm familiar with the type of equipment they
have. I chose this equipment, and the equipment in your
office, myself with that in mind. I also designed the
placement of it. I personally chose the personnel that
monitor it. They report directly to me. Mulder, I need
reliable, uninterrupted information about what you're
working on when you have one of my assignments. That way I
can help Diana keep you from getting killed. I know this
makes you angry. I'm sorry."

"It does make me angry Scully. Not at you. At the
Consortium."

"Mulder, I don't want to hide from this. I am completely
responsible for this. They intended to leave you alone. I
was the one to push to get you back in and involved as you
are. This surveillance equipment was installed at my
direction. Diana does basically what I say because I
threaten her effectively. I use her feelings for you and her
fear of my new authority to control her. Skinner is the only
person I have been unwilling to manipulate. I trust him."

"Why not trust *me*? Why not just ask me to do what you need
rather than surveille me? Did you think I wouldn't trust
you?"

"I wasn't allowed to have direct contact with you. You were
what they held over me. They didn't want to loose that
control."

"And what about the truth?"

She looked confused. "Mulder, I've been honest with you. I
told you all I know about the colonists and the alien
rebels. I've told you all I know about the Consortium. I'm
not sure what you mean."

"I mean what about the public and their right to know."

"Mulder, get over that thought right now. I know it's what
you've been fighting for but you can't have it. If you make
any of this public, the invasion will begin immediately.
That same day. Billions of people would die. The entire
population of the planet."

"If everyone knew, more people could work against the
eventual invasion. Preparing in hundreds of different ways.
These colonists not only have the black oil, Scully, they
have an obviously advanced technology that we're going to
have to fight to survive."

"Mulder, we know that. There are programs developing our own
technology for defense. But if the general populace knew
about this, we couldn't hide that from the colonists and
they'd assume someone was working to protect Earth. They'd
invade sooner. Now they think we're working with them to
save ourselves. That gives us the ability to stall, get
information, and fight. It is the only way."

"You completely believe that?"

"Mulder, I have killed people to protect the Consortium's
work." She looked at him.

He stared at her a moment and got up from the couch to pace
around the room. She watched him silently. With out warning,
it was as if he snapped. He began to tear into things in his
apartment. He ripped the smoke detector down, the vents, the
drawers from the desk. His apartment was nearly destroyed by
the time he looked back at the couch. Scully was still on
it, huddled in a pile of debris that had flown her
direction, crying.

"Scully!" He grabbed her shoulders to turn her toward him.
"Are you hurt? Did something hit you?" She didn't respond.
He shook her. "Scully, talk to me!"

"Mulder, I'm sorry. I'm sorry this hurt you so much. I..."

"Shhh. I'm not angry at you. I told you that. You wouldn't
have chosen to do it this way if you could have done it
differently. Scully, I know that. They manipulated you. I'm
angry at what they've done to me. I'm angry at
what they took from you...how they spent the last five years
torturing you. It infuriates me. But
I'm not angry at you. I'm not angry at you." He rocked her
in his arms, her head under his chin, against his chest, for
a long time before her crying abated. "Scully, I need you to
concentrate on something."

His tone was very serious. She pulled away from him and
nodded, looking at him.

"How loyal to you are the people who monitor this
equipment?"

"Very."

"Scully, the Gunmen and I planned where they would hide
Stephie in this room. I'll ask you again, how much do you
trust those people?"

Scully's breath caught in her throat. Picking up her coat
and pulling Mulder behind her, she left the apartment. She
didn't speak until she had hailed a cab. She spoke then only
to give the driver directions to drive to the Mall. Once
there, she dragged Mulder into the middle of the grass. He
began to speak, but she silenced him. Taking off his coat,
she tore into its seam.

"Hey! That's my favorite...." He trailed off as she pulled
out and tore apart a wire planted in the seam of the coat.
She went through the same procedure on several articles of
clothing until she was satisfied.

"Mulder, where is Stephie?"

He was staring at her. "They call me paranoid. I wasn't
nearly paranoid enough."

"No time, Mulder. Where is she?"

"Scully, I gave her to the boys over a week ago, if they
have that information, they already have her."

"Where, Mulder!"

"At the house I bought when we got married. I doubted they
knew about that. No one did until I got a property tax
bill."

"Mulder, they can trace that sort of thing easily."

"I put it under a false name years ago."

"Ok, let's go."

An hour later of switching from subway to cab and one cab to
another, they arrived at the house. Scully rushed into the
house, apprehensive, fear coursing through her veins, giving
her an adrenaline rush.

"Mommy!" she heard yelled from upstairs. Scully collapsed to
her knees on the rug in the entry hall. Stephanie flew
down the stairs and into her mother's arms. "Mommy! What are
you doing here? You said you couldn't come back. I'm glad
you're here." Scully held her daughter in her lap and hugged
her.

"Are we going back home soon? Is Daddy coming with us?"

Scully sat on the couch with her daughter in her lap.
"Stephie, we are going to live someplace new. Papa is
setting a new lab up for me right here in Washington. We're
going to live here."

"In this house?"

"Would you like that?"

"Yes! I like it here. There's a backyard with a swimming
pool! And Mr. Byers bought me some new toys and he let me
play with his computer. And Papa brought a swing set for the
back yard. It's just like in a park and..."

"Stephie, did you say Papa brought that swing set?"

"Yes."

"You've seen Papa since you've been here?"

"He came over this morning. He gave me a purse to
give to you and he left a car in the garage. It's nice.
Mr. Frohike let me play in it after they went over it. He
took me for a drive in it and he let me sit in his lap and
steer! It was so much fun. Wasn't it, Mr. Frohike?"

Scully looked up, startled. She hadn't noticed that the
Gunmen were standing over her. Frohike appeared rather
guilty. Byers and Langly just looked nervous. "We will
discuss a five year old steering a car in private, Mr.
Frohike." She glared at him evenly. "Stephie, did Papa
say anything unusual to you? Anything
about me or Daddy or the work? Anything?" Stephanie shook
her head. "Did you get an impression how he was feeling?"

"Oh definitely! He was very happy. Like when you've won a
game. And Mr. Frohike, Mr. Byers, and Mr. Langly were
afraid. Papa thought that was funny. I didn't understand
that. Why would Papa think it was funny that someone is
afraid?"

"Papa thinks some very strange things are funny, sweetie."
Scully turned her attention to the Gunmen. "So, you checked
everything out? Did it check out?"

"It seemed to." Langly replied quietly.

Scully frowned. "Stephie, take Daddy upstairs and show him
your new toys. Maybe you can show him how to make that
computer work." Scully winked at Mulder as Stephie jumped
out of her lap and seizing Mulder's hand,
skipped out of the room. When she was gone, Scully looked
solemnly at the Gunmen. "You want to give me the whole
story?"

Langly shrugged. "You've got it. Of course we about had a
heart attack when Cancer Man showed up. Stephie was down the
stairs before we even began to think about what we were
going to do. He did the Grandfather thing, gave us the
stuff, and left. We called Mulder after he left, but you
guys weren't answering the phone.

"Where's the purse?"

Frohike tossed it to her. Scully opened it and pulled out
the wallet. There was a driver's
license, card cards, social security card, health insurance
cards, a bank card, and cash. She tossed it aside and picked
up the phone in the purse. She dialed a now familiar number.

"You want to explain this?"

"I gave you what you asked for."

"I said my apartment."

"I thought you should go visit your daughter. She missed
you. Asked about you. And Mulder."

There was a pause. She knew there was no point to
questioning him further. She'd never get his real motives.
"Contact the others. I want a meeting in Washington.
Tonight."

"A meeting?" His rising inflection indicated she's peaked
his interest.

"Just do it." It was no-nonsense Scully speaking. She hung
up.

The Gunmen were staring at her. She turned and walked out to
the garage. "Tell Mulder I went to the lab," she through
over her shoulder as closed the door.

continued in part 12

Title: What Doesn't Kill Us...Even the Strong Will Crumble
(3/3)
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: NC-17 for graphic sexual situations
Category: MSR A (major angst)
Spoilers: Major spoilers to Fight the Future and  season six
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as my name remains attached
Summary: Mulder and Scully struggle with issues of trust and
betrayal during the events after Fight the Future. The
epilogue explores what happens when Mulder sees Scully
again--five years after she joined the Consortium.

Disclaimer: Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own
these characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. I can't
make any money off my writing and I'm unemployed so you'd be
wasting your time if you sue me.

Note: Most of the long italicized sections (as indicated by
**)  are direct quotes from episodes or Fight the Future--
Chris Carter wrote them. Again, I'm just borrowing his toys.

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION
WASHINGTON DC

Scully was already in the room when Spender and Mulder
arrived. They were the last members to arrive. At Mulder's
presence, the members broke into confused pandemonium.
Scully was the one to voice their concerns.

"What in the hell is he doing here?"

Spender raised his eyebrows. Mulder stared at her. "Why Dr.
Scully, you are the one who wants to be closer to Mulder."
She could see he was enjoying his surprise.

"I very rarely attend these meetings. Mulder has no place
here at all."

"He is a member now...."

"Skinner works for us too but he doesn't attend these
meetings..." someone interrupted Spender.

"She's right. He may be associated with us. He's not an
Elder. We can't trust him..." another person said.

"This doesn't have anything to do with trust. It has to do
with good sense. Mulder will not deal well with...some of
the more...widespread aspects of our operation." Scully
yelled over the din, defiantly.

"Mulder has been the one person we have strived to eliminate
for years..." someone else argued.

Spender spoke quietly, "Mulder is my son. I don't recall
trying to eliminate him. Control him, maybe. But he is my
son. I say he stays."

"You are not in charge here..." and the pandemonium
continued, rapid fire.

"Why in the hell are we here?" someone finally yelled. "Who
called this meeting?"

"I did," Scully said quietly. This quieted the room.
Everyone focused on her.

The First Elder spoke, "Then perhaps you will tell us why."
His voice was low. Scully recognized that she had better say
something significant.

"I am ready for widespread testing of the vaccine." The room
exploded. Spender and Mulder walked over to her.

Spender whispered in her ear, "Do you understand what you're
asking for?" Scully nodded her head. He continued to make
sure she did. "If it works...well, all we will have is one
section of the population vaccinated. If it fails...you will
have ordered the deaths of a lot of people."

"It works," Scully replied, avoiding Mulder's appalled gaze.

"How do you know?"

"I tested it on myself and the lab staff and their families
this afternoon." She turned to enjoy his slightly shocked
expression. "That resulted in 35 test subjects." She paused
for effect. "One hundred percent efficacy. I infected them
all and injected them with the vaccine. It worked in all
cases as a cure. When I infected them again, the virus had
no effect. One hundred percent." Scully repeated and was
surprised to notice the room had quieted and the members
were listening to their conversation.

"I'm no scientist Dr Scully, but I don't think thirty-five
test subjects are definitive proof of efficacy," said the
First Elder.

"That is why I want widespread testing, sir."

"And do you have a plan for this?"

Scully closed her eyes and requested the unthinkable, "I am
very confidant regarding the efficacy of the vaccine. I am
willing to accept infecting a population. Something
controlled would be best. I was thinking a federal prison.
We could easily arrange that with our contacts."

While the members fell to arguing her proposal, Scully
fixedly avoided Mulder's astonished gaze. Moments later the
meeting broke up, Scully leaving with permission to design
and conduct her test. Spender cornered her in the elevator.

"I never thought I'd see this day."

Still avoiding Mulder's eyes, Scully responded, "I would not
be doing this if I wasn't very certain the vaccine works."

"Scully! It doesn't matter if it works. You can't conduct
tests on unknowing populations." Mulder could no longer
restrain himself.

"Mulder," she said quietly, "I told you I couldn't do much
more without testing. I can't tell people I want to infect
them with something, not tell them what it is, and then test
a vaccine. First of all, medical ethics require you test
people already infected--there is no one surviving that is
infected with this. Second of all, ignoring medical ethics,
if I did try to persuade people to do this willingly, who
would do it? I've already tested it on all the willing
subjects I can find. I have to know this works all the time.
I need widespread testing."

Spender cut off what promised to be a long argument, "All
the time? I thought you said before you doubted you'd get
one hundred percent efficacy. We agreed seventy to eighty
percent would be ideal, we agreed to accept fifty percent.
Have you changed your mind?"

Mulder interrupted her answer, "Are you saying that *fifty
percent* of these 'test subjects' could die from this?" He
looked at Scully, "And you found this acceptable?"

She glared at Spender, recognizing his strategy. He smiled
as she turned to Mulder to make her answer,  "Mulder, we
agreed in the early stages of development that fifty percent
population loss would leave the planet with a viable gene
pool and ability to fight off the colonists." She turned
back to Spender. "Yes, I think we'll have well above even
eighty percent here. I'm estimating upwards of ninety
percent. I've never conducted a test in the lab without
loosing any volunteers. Today's work was promising. And this
is a completely new approach. This isn't a weak live
vaccine. That worried me because I thought it might wear off
as we saw with the first vaccine I was exposed to and
require inoculations that would be impossible to administer.
My worst fear was that it might actually serve to mutate the
virus. Instead this vaccine alters the patient's genetic
structure based on what we have learned studying the members
DNA. It activates, to some degree, the dormant DNA."

"Could that affect the population at large's psychic
abilities?"

"I don't know yet. I doubt it. I just don't know enough
about that yet."

"Soon you will have Gibson Praise and you can work on it
then."

"We've been through this before," her tone was warning.

"You are going to infect a prison population with the virus
but you still won't study the boy? I don't think the members
are going to understand that."

"I'll deal with that as it comes."

"They want the abilities the boy and Stephie have. I can
only protect her for so long if you won't work on the boy."

"I said I will deal with it as it comes."

They had reached the garage. Spender climbed into his car,
nodding at them both. Scully didn't turn to face Mulder. She
couldn't. With her back to him, she spoke, "Mulder, this was
the most difficult decision I've ever made in my life. I
have spent five years trying to think of a way to test the
vaccine ethically. In five years, I couldn't come up with
anything. We are less than two years away from invasion. I
pretty much have to go with this vaccine. It's the best
we're going to get. I just need to know how bad it's going
to be--whether I'm going to end up with a viable gene pool.
Whether the planet is going to survive."

He stared at her without speaking. Momentarily it flashed
through his mind to imagine what it would be like to conduct
experiments for five years and believe that failure would
mean the death of the whole planet. He imagined the burden.

"Mulder, Spender is trying to split us up again. There was
no reason for him to bring you to this meeting--he knew what
I was doing in the lab this afternoon. He knew what decision
I would come to. He knew I'd never dare call a meeting
myself unless I planned on producing a vaccine. And he knew
how you were going to react to this. Most of what he said
was calculated to push your buttons."

"So you weren't planning on telling me about your
experiment?"

"No. Not unless I had to."

"What if I had heard about the prison outbreak at work and
decided to investigate it?"

"You wouldn't have. That's what Diana is for. You don't see
or hear anything I don't want you too."

"You don't trust me."

"Mulder, as I said in the meeting--it had nothing to do with
trust. I don't want you to see these things. It wears you
down. Desensitizes you. Things stop horrifying you. I don't
want that for you."

There was a brief pause and Scully could feel rather than
see Mulder's eyes boring through her.

"Nothing could be as horrifying as what I saw tonight," he
stated coldly. She heard him walk away and felt something
inside her break. Worn out, she walked to her car and tried
to decide where to go. In the end, she went to her lab and
collapsed in grief and exhaustion on a gurney.

***
Mulder drove around aimlessly. He wasn't sure what bothered
him most--what Scully was doing or the fact that she was
going to manipulate him into standing by unknowingly while
she did it. How could she do that to him? He was speechless
with fury. She was truly and completely one of Them.
Conducting experiments on unknowing populations. Controlling
the information people had. Controlling people--like Diana
and Skinner and himself.

"My God! What has she had me do? How have I contributed to
this?" he said out loud to himself as he drove. He began to
tick back through the cases of the last five years trying to
figure out which ones might have served Their ends. Well
after midnight, he found himself in his office going over
case files trying to determine what the real agenda was
about. Diana found him passed out over the files when she
came in that morning at 7:00am.

"Fox, wake up. What in God's name? Have you been here all
night?" He focused on her slowly and then seized her wrist.
"Let me go, Fox, that hurts. What in the hell is wrong with
you?"

"Tell me which ones."

"Which ones what? What are you talking about?"

"Which ones were assignments Scully gave you? How have I
been used to serve their purposes?"

She looked at him confused, "I thought you agreed to work
with them. Why would you care?"

"Because I was manipulated, God damn it!" He yelled,
standing up violently, scattering the files on his desk to
the floor and pounding his fist on the desk. "Because I was
used to serve the cover-up, to feed the lies. I have a right
to know how." She stared at him. "And you helped them. I
trusted you. You founded the X Files with me. Was that part
of the scheme? You spied on me. You reported back to Scully.
You kept me from the truth. I have the right to know the
results. Tell me, damn it!" He was yelling near hysterics.

Skinner entered the office without knocking. "I don't think
you want to be discussing these things here Agent Mulder.
Especially in this tone of voice."

"And you! I trusted you too. You knew how I felt about her.
You knew for five years she was alive. You said you looked
for her and failed. You lied, you bastard! If I could have
gotten her out before she got too deeply involved..."

"That's enough, Mulder, enough! You didn't give a damn if I
found her or not. You never looked for her. You gave up on
her. And you deceived people too. We both know you
remembered more than you told Maggie. You let her believe
Scully was dead. You let her grieve the death of her only
surviving daughter. You're not above reproach mister!"

"I did that to protect her...."

"As we did what we did to protect you. And Scully. And
Stephie. There's no difference between your deception and
ours. They have thousands of scientists. You know from the X
Files that they have killed thousands of scientists. Do you
think Scully is so important? She's expendable the minute
she stops producing. For Christ's sake Mulder, she's working
on a vaccine to save the planet. The planet, Mulder! We're
talking about the life of every living being on the planet
Earth. Five billion lives. Do you believe the whole
population should be told aliens from another planet are
going to invade in two years and there isn't shit we can do
to stop them? That we're all going to die horrible deaths or
else be used as mindless drones--slaves--to help the aliens
reproduce and exploit the planet's resources. Do you think
that would help? Mass panic on a global scale--that's what
would happen. Not to mention, the day the word got out is
the day the invasion would begin. Surely Scully told you all
this?!"

"I don't believe her."

"You don't...what do you think you saw in Antarctica,
Mulder? The ice cream man? Do you think we have space ships
that just fly into outer space? Do you think that was some
Hollywood mock-up built just for your benefit? Or maybe you
think you just imagined that now. Well fine. You go live
your happy little last two years in innocent bliss with
everyone else. Just stay out of the way of those of us who
want to resist. You know, nobody knows what the colonists
plan to do with the people with alien DNA like yourself.
Maybe they'll forcibly breed with you! But you don't care
because you don't believe. You don't think we should do
anything to preserve our planet."

"I don't think we should violate people's rights...."

"People's rights! The people don't have any rights. They are
all going to die in two years Mulder. We're all on death row
without a trial, Mulder. Are you listening to me? I am not
the Lone Gunmen or some other crazy, paranoid, uninformed
fringe groupie. This is me, Skinner. Scully has shown me
what she saw. I believe. I'm afraid. You should be too."

"Scully didn't trust me. She used me..."

"Trust! My God Mulder. Scully trusted you more than anyone.
She trusted you to fight effectively without getting all the
information. She needed you to be uninvolved. She needed you
outside, where you could get away if the end came too soon,
and keep fighting. Where she could give you Stephie and have
hope for her, if it came to that. She wanted you to be safe.
She needed you to be a safe hiding place if she ever had to
find one. She trusted you to trust her. And what are you
saying here? She has sacrificed everything--you, her
daughter, her family, her freedom, her sanity. So that you
could all be safe. So I could be. So she could find a cure
to save as many people as possible. I pray I'm one of the
ones the vaccine works on. I trust she did everything she
could to save me and the rest of us. How dare you criticize
her! Do you have any idea how alone she has been? How hard
she has had to fight with nobody to help her to keep
everyone she cares about safe? You are the enemy, Mulder.
And anyone else that tries to prevent us from developing a
vaccine." He turned and stalked out the door, pulling Diana
with him.

"We're not finished here," Mulder yelled after him.

Skinner turned, "Yes we are. I'm warning you Mulder. If you
can't do anything to resist, just shut up." He left,
dragging Diana behind him.

Mulder sat down in his chair and stared. Skinner was one of
Them too. He had lost his mind. They all had. How could
anyone believe that it was better to lie?

MULDER'S HOUSE

Mulder had fled his office and driven aimlessly and angrily
for half an hour before deciding to confront Scully. He
drove to her apartment first, then his own. Having not found
her in either place, he realized where she would obviously
go, he drove quickly to the house. Of course she'd want to
be there with Stephanie. When the Gunmen met him with
concerned inquiries into where he had been and where Scully
was, he began to get frustrated. He related to them what had
happened the night before.

"You said that and then walked away from her?" Byers asked.
Mulder could tell from his expression that his old friend
was holding something back.

"You heard what I told you she is going to do and that is
your only comment?! My God Byers! She is going to infect an
entire prison with the virus!"

"I understand that, Mulder, and I find it as offensive as
you do," Byers responded cautiously. "But right now I'm a
little concerned about Scully. She's been through a lot
and..."

"Does no one understand this!? She is conducting tests on
unknowing subjects...."

"That's enough, Mulder!" interrupted Frohike. "What's wrong
with you? This is Scully. Your wife."

"I don't remember that. I do remember a partner who I once
thought would never betray us, betray her principles."

"Mulder, can't you see she hasn't? She's a doctor. She's
trying to save lives--the lives of as many people as she
can. If she is going to extreme measures, don't you think
that might be explained by the fact that she is faced with
inordinately complex problems?"

"I don't..."

"Bottom line, Mulder. Whether you agree with her or not, we
can't treat her this way. You walked away from her. You
mentioned to us that she woke up screaming her first night
back here because she thought they took you. How do you
think she felt when you left her? Again. Voluntarily.
Especially after you promised you'd help her? I'm sorry
Mulder. You may not remember it but I've watched you betray
her trust in you one too many times. I can't do it again."

"I betrayed...! She's the one that proposed those tests. And
don't try to lay a guilt trip on me-- she never liked me
protecting her."

Frohike stared at him. "You insensitive son of a bitch. You
don't deserve her."

"Excuse me?" Mulder said turning toward him angrily.

"In your righteous anger last night, did it occur to you
that Scully has spent the last five years a prisoner? She
may not have been handcuffed in a cell, but ultimately her
situation was worse. She spent five years isolated with men
she feared, doing things she abhorred, trying to protect her
daughter, knowing she had no allies she could trust. Knowing
the one person she did trust, her husband, had abandoned her
to that life. She would have known if you had looked for
her. Did it occur to you what affect all that might have on
her psychologically? You are a psychologist, right? Or did
it occur to you and you just don't care?"

"Frohike, don't start. We can use our time better by trying
to find Scully," Byers interrupted Frohike smoothly and
calmly. "If she's not in either Mulder's apartment or her
own, the only other obvious place is her lab. If she's not
there, things are going to get more difficult. Let's go."

Mulder stared after them and Byers turned before leaving.
"Stephie is still asleep. She stayed up until almost 1:00 am
waiting for you two to come home. I assume you will stay
here and look after her. Or should we take her with us?"

After a few moments Mulder moved toward the door. "I'll look
for her. You stay here."

Frohike grabbed his arm as he passed. "Can you treat her
decently?"

Mulder pulled his arm free and pushed past them. A small
voice interrupted his departure. "Daddy," the voice was
scared, "where's mommy."

Mulder turned and faced his daughter, huddled at the top of
the stairs, half hidden behind the railings. She was
shaking. 'Good Lord,' thought Mulder. 'How much of that did
she hear?' Mulder grimaced, angry at himself. He wasn't used
to children being around. He certainly hadn't meant to even
awaken her, much less scare her. He started up the stairs
and was shocked when she backed up a step for every step he
advanced. He stopped.

"What's wrong, Stephie?" he asked, kneeling on the stairs.

"Where's mommy?" she repeated. Mulder studied his daughter.
She was dressed--jeans, sweatshirt, tennis shoes. Byers and
Frohike had said she was asleep. She had a little purse with
her and Mulder could see an antenna sticking out of the top-
-a cell phone. She was poised on the stairs, eyes darting
between Mulder, the Gunmen, and the door. Her posture,
Mulder suddenly realized, betrayed that Stephie intended to
make a run for it.

"Stephie, come here," Mulder ordered calmly. Stephie
responded by bolting past him for the door. Flinging it
open, she ran down the porch stairs and made for the
opposite side of the street. Mulder dashed after her,
exiting the house in time to see the black car. Stephie saw
it too and ran for it.

"No!" Mulder yelled. The Cigarette Smoking Man opened the
door of the car and Stephie dove into his lap.

"Get us away from here. Hurry. Let's go," she yelled over
and over, arms around Spender's neck, clinging to him.
Spender looked up at Mulder's quickly approaching form.
Stephie, sensing him, squirmed in her grandfather's grasp.
"No, don't let him get me." Mulder stopped, eyes wide.

"What have you done to this child?" Spender asked, voice
deadly.

"Nothing," Mulder sputtered. "I was going out to look for
Scully and she was on the stairs...She just bolted."

"Help me find mommy!" Stephanie almost screamed, "He's
looking for her and he's going to do something bad!"

"Why do you think that, Stephie?" Spender asked, looking at
Mulder.

"He's so angry and he's thinking violent, hateful things.
He's going to hurt mommy. Mr. Byers and Mr. Frohike think he
already has. They're afraid for her too." Mulder stared at
the child, appalled. Spender didn't look at him.

"Stephie," he wrapped his arms more tightly around the
little girl. "Your daddy is a little angry right now because
he doesn't like the work your mommy does. You don't know
much about your daddy yet. When you get to know him, you'll
understand that he feels everything very intensely. Listen
to me." He pulled the girl away from him so she looked at
him. "Everyone feels things differently. When your mommy is
upset, what does she feel?"

"She tries to ignore it. To be calm. She doesn't like to
feel things."

"When I'm upset, what do I do?"

"You're quiet too. But you plan things...to do things."

"Ok, well daddy is different from mommy and me. Daddy likes
to feel emotions. They give him strength to react more
powerfully."

"But he's reacting to mommy! He's going to hurt her!"

"Your daddy would never hurt your mommy...you have to trust
that."

"I don't trust him...I can't He would hurt mommy. He already
has. I have seen it in Mr. Frohike and Mr. Byer's emotions--
and hers too. He hurt her a long time ago--lots of ways."
They were shocked. "Mommy and daddy were too...." She
continued talking but Mulder didn't hear her. All night and
morning long the conversations had been stirring memories.
He was angry and didn't want to deal with them. But
something Stephie had just said made that impossible.

**"Mulder, I can't trust that...I can't trust you. Please
get out."

"You can't trust....I can't believe you said that. Surely
you don't mean that. Tell me you didn't mean that." His pain
was profound. Scully no longer cared.

"Mulder, what do you expect? After everything that has
happened, after what happened tonight, how do you expect me
to trust you?"

"I don't believe that, I can't believe it."

She enumerated for him. "Mulder, I can't trust you to work
with me on either our official or unofficial cases--you only
work with Fowley. When we do work together, I can't trust
you back me up--I got shot the last time I did. I can't
trust you to be there when I need you on a personal level--
rather than help me after I left the hospital to testify to
save your butt again, you left me alone to go running off
with Fowley. I can't trust you to not hurt me emotionally--
that kiss in your hallway and your relationship with Fowley
show you have no qualms in that area. I always thought I'd
at least be able to trust you not to intentionally hurt me
physically. Well, I guess tonight proved me wrong one last
time. Well, this will be the last time." She paused and
looked at him evenly. "I'm sorry, Mulder. I know this is
hurting you, but...it has hurt me too. And I am done with
it...I'm done with you. Now get out."**

That long ago conversation with Scully rushed through his
memory like a tidal wave, consuming him. Along with it, all
the memories that his mind had repressed for five years
flooded over him--the difficulties between he and Scully
that had lead to that conversation, their efforts to
reestablish a trusting relationship, their brief affair and
its painful ending, Christmas Eve--Scully had truly reached
the end even then. 'My God,' Mulder thought, 'She reached
her end *then.* What is she holding on to now?'

Suddenly Mulder realized Byers and Frohike were helping him
off the ground. Stephie had stopped speaking and was staring
at him along with Spender.

"What in the hell is wrong with you?" Frohike asked.

Mulder stared back at Stephanie. "Something she said...I
remember...it all, I think." His eyes focused on Frohike
slowly. "How could I treat her that way? How did all this
happen?"

"Do you mean now or then?" Mulder stared at Frohike, only
partially grasping the meaning of his question. Frohike
shook him. "You can't do anything about then. You may not
even have enough time to do anything about now. But you sure
the hell owe it to her to try."

"Take care of Stephie." Mulder stumbled to his car.

SCULLY'S LAB
10:23 am

Scully was awakened by the sounds of moving equipment. She
saw her technicians completing the set-up in the lab.
Everyone was so busy, they didn't notice Mulder's presence
in the doorway. He had stopped cold when he saw her on the
gurney. She shifted stiffly and sat up. Her assistant came
over to her.

"Sorry to wake you Dr. Scully. We didn't know whether to
delay the set-up or...."

"It's ok, James. How are things going?" She looked around at
the equipment.

"We're on schedule. Are you feeling well, Dr. Scully? You
don't look very good. Maybe we should check to see if it's
some after-effect of yesterday's test..."

"Oh it is alright, but nothing physical. It's emotional."
She stood, unsteadily.

He understood instantly. "You called for the widespread
tests." It was not a question. "Do we have permission?"

Scully nodded. "You and I will design the test this week.
We're going to use the federal prisons in Virginia. The
trick is going to be to design a sound test without a
control group. This is bad enough without purposefully
killing people too."

"We could use death row inmates as control...."

"No! I said no control group. That's final. I'll be in my
office."

"We had been told you would be spending some time with your
husband and daughter. Will the technicians and I be
conducting the tests?"

Mulder watched Scully's professional mask shatter. She
turned from her assistant. "I'm sorry Dr. Scully. I assume
that things went as you feared they would then." Scully
nodded without turning around. He put his hand on her
shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I know you'd hoped..."

"I never really expected he could see this and accept it. I
was a fool to even hope. There's no point in talking about
it. We have work to do if we're going to get enough of the
population vaccinated before colonization begins. Let's get
to work."

James had worked with her for five years. He knew when to
back off. He nodded and Scully gestured to dismiss him.
Before he took more than a few steps she spoke again,
stopping him, "Don't plan on me being much use to you today.
I need some rest."

"Wouldn't it be best for you to go home in that case, Dr.
Scully?" She looked at him, confused. "Well, we were told
not to set up your personal items here, but to send them to
an address...oh, umm I assume it was an address you won't
return to then...."

"I don't have anymore of a home or family than you do. Where
ever they had you send my things, retrieve them and set up a
room here for me with everyone else. I may request to be
sent back to Tunis anyway after we conduct our experiments,
so don't get too comfortable here."

"We will get your things. Should they include Miss Mulder?

"No, she's staying where she is. It's safer for her and she
doesn't have to see this anymore. Now where did you put my
office?" She followed her assistant's gaze and shuffled to
where she saw the office materials set up. She closed the
door, but it was mostly glass. Mulder, still in the main
entrance, could see her sit down and put her face in her
hands. Making his decision, he strode across the lab. The
shocked lab personnel moved to stop him. At the sound of the
confusion Scully opened her door.

"Every one of you knows how much I hate this. Can't I get a
little peace for...." She spotted Mulder. "Get him out of
here," she ordered quietly.

"Scully, wait. I want to talk with you...' he yelled as he
struggled against the technicians.

"I can't do it, Mulder. I can take anyone but you. Just
leave quietly so they don't have to hurt you."

"I'm not leaving. I'll come in here with SWAT if you won't
talk with me..." he threatened as they pushed him closer to
the door. He saw her look at him trying to gauge how serious
he was. With a wave of her hand, the technicians let him go.
He followed her to her office. Her assistant followed them
also.

"Scully, I want to speak with you privately." The assistant
looked at her warily but left when she waved him off as
well. Mulder sat down in one of the chairs in the room.
Scully collapsed behind the desk, head in her hands, eyes
closed.

"Ok, Mulder. Get this over with." He was silent. She put her
head on the desk resting on her arms, face down. "Will you
just do it. I want to get to work."

"You want to get back to sleep." At her surprised expression
he continued, "I've been standing in the doorway unnoticed
for quite some time."

"I'll have to get that security system up," she muttered
under her breath. She looked up at him. "Just say what
you're going to say and get out."

"Do you think you can sleep all this away?"

"No, Mulder. No I don't. I hate this. But the alternative is
to do nothing and I learned along time ago I can't face the
consequences of that either. If I can give Stephie a world
to grow up on, I have to try. I gave up hoping you'd
understand that last night." He said nothing. "Mulder, as
you observed, I'd like to get to sleep and forget this for a
while, so say or do whatever it is you came here for and let
me start to recover from all this."

"Do you often use sleep as an escape, Scully?"

She looked at him coldly, "I'm not even allowed that little
luxury. Production can't fall off or I'll no longer be
useful. If I weren't useful, they'd kill me and Stephie
would fall into their hands." Her head fell back into her
arms on the table. "At least I don't have to worry about
Stephie anymore." She whispered.

"Don't you want to see her again?" he asked quietly. He
almost heard something in her snap.

Scully's eyes flashed up to his. He saw unbridled fury
there. "You bastard! How dare you ask me that!? Stephie was
all I had. She was everything. The only joy I had was
teaching her. The deepest pain I had was that she saw and
knew so much. I have nothing now. Nothing. I gave up
everything to make her safe, including her. Get the hell out
right now! Get out or I will kill you, I swear it!" She was
towering over him where he still sat in the chair. She
looked capable of killing him.

"You don't have to give her up Scully." He tried to keep his
voice even.

"She's safer with you. Surely even you must see that."

"Why does that mean you have to give her up?"

She stared at him. The anger that gave her so much strength
a moment ago was abandoning her now. She collapsed to the
chair again, this time completely drained. "Mulder, the only
thing worse than the last five years was the last five days.
To have it all dangled just out of my reach...and snatched
away. You should have let me die. Please just say what ever
it was you came to say and leave me alone. You don't have to
torture me, Mulder. There are many other things that do that
very effectively everyday and it won't do you any good
anyway. I will do this test no matter what you do or say.
You can't stop it. I know I can't convince you it's right.
So let's just get this over with, for God's sake." She
rested her head on her arms again, face down, waiting.

He looked at her. She was huddled in the chair with her
hands protecting her face. Her knees were drawn up under the
desk as close to her body as she could get them. She looked
like a small child who knew a beating was coming, that it
was inevitable, that there was no hope of stopping it, and
little hope of surviving it.

"Scully," she flinched at the sound of her name and pressed
herself closer to the desk. He started again, with a softer
voice. "Scully, what do you think I'm going to say?" He
studied her posture. "Or do to you?"

She responded without looking up, like an automaton, as if
she were long accustomed to being forced to respond to
questions she would rather avoid. "You're going to tell me
again that this is wrong, I shouldn't do it, you won't sit
idly and watch it, you think I'm sick to do it, you won't
have anything to do with me..." She trailed off.

"You're right on all counts but the last two. I don't think
you're 'sick.' I can see how desperate you are. And I won't
leave you to this. I want to help you. Please let me." She
didn't look up so he asked, "Scully, are you going to work
today?"

She looked up, utterly confused. "No, Mulder. I am not."

"Then come on," he said taking a firm grip on her upper
arms, "let's go home. You need some rest."

She stared at him with her jaw hanging open, but resisted
his efforts to pull her from the chair. "Scully, I hate what
you're doing. I think it's obscene. I know you hate it too,
so there must be a good reason for it. It's just going to
take a long time for you to convince me of that. Meanwhile,
you obviously need some help. Let's go home and see if we
can make you feel a little better, ok?"

"Mulder, I am committed to the research. You can't make me
'feel better' and make it go away."

"I know that. I hate it, but I understand it. Right now I
don't give a damn about the research, planetary invasions,
space aliens, or conspiracies. I want to get you some help.
A sense of safety. Maybe if I can give you that, you can
trust me enough not to leave me in the dark. Maybe you'll
trust me enough to include me. I don't want to be protected
anymore than you did."

She looked at him with terrified eyes. "You're wrong Mulder.
I was wrong. You should want to be protected. No one should
have to see this. Live this."

"Scully, you are suffering from post traumatic shock
syndrome. I know you've lived through hell. Something
Stephie said made me remember--everything." Scully looked at
him and saw the grief. She looked down again. "Scully, let
me take you home. Stephie needs you. She is
terrified...convinced I'm going to hurt you. She ran out of
the house..." Scully looked up again, concern written on her
face.

"Did you stop her?"

"I couldn't. Scully, she planned this...was ready to run.
She even had a purse with a phone in it and...."

Scully relaxed and Mulder looked confused. She explained,
"When we were living in Tunis, I taught her that if anything
ever happened to me she should run and hide. I gave her a
purse with things she'd need to get help and I taught her
how to use them." Scully smirked, "Don't worry, Mulder.
She's not completely lost faith in you. One of the things in
that purse is a gun--22 caliber. Small enough for her to be
able to handle it but loaded with hollow tip bullets so it
will stop what she shoots at. And I assure you, she may be
only five, but she can use it well. So if she really thought
you were dangerous, she would have killed you." he looked at
her horrified. She continued, "I intended her to survive, no
matter what I had to teach her." She paused again and
sighed, "Don't worry about her. She'll be fine. She knows
how to avoid trouble, who to contact with that phone, and
how to do it. Their instructions are to pick her up and
bring her to you. I'm actually glad to see she really knows
what to do."

He looked at her. "Who did you trust enough to do that?"

It was her turn to look at him askance, "You may not believe
it but the first number on that phone's speed dial is Diana
Fowley's. The second is Skinner's. I couldn't give her yours
directly or the Gunmen's because you all didn't know her and
I couldn't introduce you. I knew I could always trust
Skinner and as for Fowley...I don't like her but I don't
believe she would do anything to your child."

He stared at her. "It doesn't matter anyway. Spender
happened to be stopping by the house. She ran to him,
Scully. I had to listen to him justify my...emotions to her.
It made me sick. She thoroughly trusts him."

"I know. I never could get her to believe he was not
trustworthy. Is she with him?"

"Yes, he stayed with her and the Gunmen at the house.
Scully, I believe she's safe with him, as much as it pains
me to admit it. I didn't mean to turn this into a
conversation about Stephie or my feelings. It's you that I'm
worried about. Let me try to make this better. I want to
show you that you have people around you that love you
again...that want to help you, to be on your side for you to
trust. You will never be a prisoner again. You will never be
alone again. I promise."

She looked at him evenly, her eyes were empty again. The
interest that he saw in them during their discussion of
Stephie faded. They were almost glazed over--that frightened
him. "Until the next time I have to do something that you
find ethically wrong. Mulder you haven't seen what I've
seen. You will have many opportunities to walk away again,
as you did last night. I can't go through this over and
over. I just can't. Having you and then having you taken
away is worse than not having you at all. Being alone is
better."

"You won't go through it again, Scully. I swear it. I trust
you. I love you. Last night caught me off guard. You can
make sure that never happens again by trusting me and
telling me what's coming. I'll handle it a lot better when
it doesn't take me by surprise. And maybe, if you have
someone fresh to bounce ideas off of, you can think of new
and better ways to handle this. I'm no scientist, Scully,
God knows. But we made a good team. We can again if you let
me help you. Please."

"Mulder, I'm so tired. I can't take anything else. I've lost
everything, everyone. It's all I can do to get up in the
morning and survive each day. I can't do this."

"Can you do it with me? Let me help you?"

"I can't trust you. How many times have you shut me out? How
many times have you walked away? Mulder, I lived for five
years on memories of you and dreams about you. I don't even
have that anymore. Now when I close my eyes all I can see is
you walking away last night. You walking away the night I
came here with Stephie. I can't do it anymore. All I have to
do is test the vaccine, mass produce it, and design a way to
deliver it and then I can let go. That has to be my focus
now. Please just take care of Stephie."

"What in God's name do you mean by 'let go'?" he asked with
a shaky sense of deja vu.

"Mulder, just take care of Stephanie."

"What do you mean?" he yelled loud enough to bring Scully's
assistant back to the door. He didn't enter without her
permission, but Mulder noted he stayed by the door.

"All I have to do is make an effective vaccine Mulder, then
it's over."

"What's over?" he asked.

"The torment, the hell, this..."she answered in a whisper
looking around the lab, at the people, "Life," she finished,
a tear falling from her cheek. He stared at her, shocked.
The Scully he remembered had always been the strong one in
their relationship. He remembered times when she had stopped
him from... She had always been his strength. She had never
flinched at any of the things they saw.

"Scully," he whispered. "If this is so...bad...that it has
driven you...to this point, walk away from it."

"Mulder you just don't get it. This is a vaccine that stands
between us and extinction, between Stephie growing up on a
world or as a prisoner of the colonists."

Again, like last night, he imagined the weight of the task
she'd been charged with. This time it actually struck him.
"But Scully, you are so strong. I've seen you face so many
things. You can make it through this. You're on the
verge..."

She looked at him sadly. "Mulder, before, when I faced all
those things...I had the strength of your beliefs." She
paused to see if he remembered that conversation. He
obviously did so she continued, "Now I don't have that. I
don't have you. You stopped believing in me after Dallas. We
tried, but we never got it back to normal. And we'll never
recover from the last five years. Without that strength, I
can't...do it. I have enough left in me to finish this
vaccine. That's all."

"We can recover Scully. You've got to give it some time.
You've got to give me some time. Don't you see? We both
stopped believing in each other. I admit. I didn't give you
a chance last night. I was so wrong and I'm sorry. But I'm
here now. You have to believe in me. Give me a chance. I
want to help. Please let me."

She looked at him for a long moment. "I can't fight you
Mulder. I just can't fight anything anymore. I'm begging
you, please don't make me regret this." She stood without
looking at him and Mulder saw she was waiting to be led from
the lab. To him she looked like a broken animal,
anticipating the final blow. Mulder momentarily had a flash
of anger at the Consortium who held her and traumatized her
this way. His Scully. His strong, beautiful, determined,
brilliant Scully. His partner who he could trust in any
situation, who challenged him intellectually, who excited
him. She stood before him shattered, waiting and expecting
him to deliver the final blow. Then he realized how many
blows he'd already contributed.

She saw him ball his fists. She read his emotions like an
open book...like the child they had produced would be able
to do. She saw his realization and his guilt. As she walked
out with him, she listened silently as he made a promise
they had made to each other so many times before. She
wondered if she could survive another round of broken
promises. She knew the forces that controlled them and knew
he was no more at fault for the broken promises than she
was. She also knew that didn't make it any easier.

"We'll work this out together, Scully. The worst is over. I
promise. I can't promise we won't fight over this stuff, but
I will never leave you again. Never," he continued
whispering in her ear as they walked out the door. "We'll
fight this together. We'll resist and survive together. All
of us."

FIN