Title: Moments

Author: Carr

Email: carr1013@hotmail.com

Rating: R for adult themes. Read at your own
discretion.

Category: VR

Keywords: Mulder/Scully Romance

Spoilers: None

Summary: Mulder catches Scully in an act that
threatens to destroy their relationship.

Disclaimer: Ah the fun part...obviously none
of these characters belong to me...but the
story line does...except the parts where it
mentions anything that has occurred in The X
Files. Yeah so all the characters mentioned
belong to Chris Carter and FOX and 1013... I
wish they did belong to me though...because
then I'd be really rich and wouldn't have to
go to college anymore...

While I'm at it I'd like to thank Gillian
Anderson and David Duchovny for bringing the
characters of Scully and Mulder to life, and
making them absolutely irresistible. Without
them in the roles, who knows how the show
would have turned out...I know I highly enjoy
watching David on screen...yum...but anyway,
I hope you enjoy the story.

*************

Did you ever have one of those moments?

You know, a moment when you suddenly realized
what you wanted but could never have?

Or maybe it's a moment where you discover
that everything you thought you had wasn't
real.

And in an instant your entire world comes
crashing down around you, and you suddenly
realize you can't breathe and all you want to
do is cry because you heart has just
shattered into a million little pieces.

I have just had one of those moments.

In fact, I believe the moment I have just had
will replay in my head for the rest of my
life.

For what just happened was enough to put me
in my grave.

And what could be so bad?  What could destroy
me?  What has gone wrong in just one tiny
little moment in time that can never be taken
back?

Everything.  Everything has gone wrong.

And the funny thing is there shouldn't be
anything like this happening.  I have, or
had, everything going for me.

Work is actually going okay for once.  Scully
isn't sick or in the hospital -- and neither
am I for that matter.  And the best part of
all -- Scully and I have finally knocked the
wall down between us and have become lovers.
I never thought it would happen, but one
lonely night something clicked, and we have
been inseparable ever since.

So what is the matter?

Well, Scully and I happen to be in the middle
of our very first fight.  Honestly, I don't
even remember what caused it, and I don't
care.  I just want it to be over.

We have been fighting for two weeks now, and
every time I see her I want to hold her and
tell her I'm sorry for whatever stupid thing
happened and just move on.

But I can't.  That's not how we work.  That's
not how Scully works.  I know that time and
talking will cure this, but over the past two
days things have occurred that have made me
question our new found relationship.

And what could that be?  Two words: Detective
Kresge.

That's right folks, I now have competition.
Mr. "Scully FBI" is now in the picture and
obviously isn't leaving.

And how do I know this?  How do I know that
Scully is even interested in him?

Well let me take you back to the moment I was
talking about.

You see, I was suppose to meet Scully for
dinner tonight to try and work our problems
out -- and it would have gone okay too if I
hadn't walked into the bar of the restaurant
and witnessed Kresge kissing my girlfriend.

My Scully.

My only reason for living.  My Scully.

And she was kissing another man.

Which brings me back to the present -- where
my world is in ruins around me.

As I watch them together, I am unable to
breath and I'm pretty sure I'm about to have
a heart attack because my chest hurts so
badly.

Or maybe that is the knife that Scully has
just stabbed me in the heart with.

I'm not quite sure yet.

They haven't seen me yet -- or she hasn't.  I
don't think he even knows what I look like.

I don't know what to do.  I want to leave.  I
want to run out of the bar and go back to my
apartment and die.

But I can't seem to move my legs.  I'm
frozen.  Teary eyes glued to Scully and
Kresge.  Eyes that once gazed into her deep
blue eyes that were full of love now glare at
the image set before me.

I'm not na_ve.  I know what is wrong with me.
I, Fox Mulder, am jealous.

Rage is flowing through my veins and the only
thing I want to do is rip his lips off of her
and kill him.

But I can't move -- and any second now she is
going to notice me across the room with this
look of shock and hatred and sadness all
rolled into one plastered across my face.

But I'm a sick man.  I want her to see me.  I
want her to see how much I love her and how
much she is hurting me right now.  I want her
to feel bad.

I want her to see me and realize that she is
making a mistake and it is me that she should
be kissing and not Mr. California.

That is what I want.

But I can't just stand here and hope that she
will turn her head and see me.  I am just
about to turn and leave when she breaks away
from Kresge and looks directly at me.

Her eyes widen in shock and guilty blush
creeps up upon her face.

She is busted -- and she knows it.

We just stare at each other from across the
bar and tears that I know she can see begin
their descent down my cheeks again.

She looks like she is about to cry and as I
turn to leave before I have a serious
breakdown I hear her choke out my name.

It is in a voice that I have never heard
before.  One mixed with fear, sadness, and
guilt.

"Mulder..."

But I am already out the door.  Talking to
her right now would not be a wise decision.

************
Shit.  Shit.  Shit.

He saw me.

Mulder saw me.

Shit.

Leave it to him to be early the one and only
time he shouldn't have been.

God, what was I doing?

Sure, Kresge kissed me -- I didn't kiss him,
but Mulder didn't know that.

I should have pulled away as soon as he
leaned in, but honestly I didn't want to.

I was curious about how it would feel to kiss
another man.

You see, Mulder and I have been fighting
nonstop for the past two weeks, and then
Kresge shows up and he is so nice and...

No.  Mulder is my partner -- my boyfriend --
and I betrayed him.

I love Mulder and no matter how deep into
shit we get with our relationship I have to
respect him.

I am up and out of my seat as soon as I see
him turn to leave.

I give a quick goodbye to Kresge who looks
completely confused, but I say something to
the effect of how my boyfriend just saw us,
and his eyes grow wide with shock and then
concern and then he is telling me to go save
my relationship because he can see in my eyes
how scared I am that Mulder will hate me
forever.

Now if I can only find Mulder.

Racing out of the bar and searching
frantically in the streets for him, I come to
the realization that he probably hopped in a
cab and is halfway home by
now.

Shit.

Okay, okay...this is good.  I can think about
what to tell him on the way over to his
apartment.

After I hailed a cab and gave him the
directions and told him to step on it...I began
to think of what to say.

(Sorry, Mulder...I wanted to see if I felt
anything with Kresge before giving myself to
you entirely...)

No.  Too blunt.  That would not go over well.

But it was the truth wasn't it?

Sorta.  Feelings are always so intense when
Mulder is around; I just wanted to be sure
that what I was feeling was true.

True love.

I've never been in love before and the
thought of it is a bit intimidating.

To say the least.

But after what happened -- there isn't a doubt
in my mind that the man I am going over to
see is the man I am suppose to be with for
eternity.

One look in those eyes and a glimpse into my
own heart...

Shit.  And I fucked it all up.

************
So on the way home I decided that it is over.

Done.

Fini.

I don't think I'll ever be able to look at
her -- let alone kiss her or make love to her
again without seeing the image of him kissing
her.

And obviously she isn't in love with me or
else she wouldn't be out kissing other guys
while she was suppose to be waiting for me.

GOD!

Sometimes I am tempted to just take my own
life. But that would make way too many people
way too happy.

And I'm not about to give into them.

Ever.

So I sit and wait.

Because I know that she is going to show up
here in a few minutes and try to explain
something to me.

Probably a Dear John letter acted out in real
life.

Oh how lucky I feel...

I feel like going for a run.  A long run.
Maybe a Forrest Gump type of long run.  Start
running now and not stopping for a few years.
Yeah...that sounds like a good idea.

But that would require me to actually move.
And right now I'm all for sitting amidst the
pieces of my broken heart and think about why
I even exist.

And the funny thing is...I just want to call
Scully.  Because she is my best friend in the
entire world and I always call her when I am
upset.

But I can't.  Because it is my best friend
who has just ended my life.

Ah, and there she is now.  Knocking
frantically on my door.  Should I let her in?
Or should I make her wait outside for a bit?

She makes the decision for me and lets
herself in with her key.

Clearly we are going to figure this out
tonight whether or not I feel like shit run
over twice with a steamroller.  Good.

"Mulder."

It's just one word and I am gone.  I have
been holding my feelings in for a good 40
minutes now and they are about to come
rushing out full force.

Poor Scully, she has no idea what is coming
to her.

"Shut up!  Just shut up!  I really don't want
to hear whatever it is you have to say right
now, Scully!  I don't care!"

I am up and crossing the room to her.  I want
to get right into her face so she can see how
seriously hurt and pissed off I am.  I want
her to see me -- really see me.  Full of
emotion and not holding anything back.

And I don't.


"God!  I can't believe you Scully!  I thought
we had something special here!  I thought we
finally put aside all of our shit so we could
face our feelings and be together!  But I
guess I was wrong, because in the middle of
our first fight you go out and land yourself
another man!  Shit!  I can't even look at you
right now.  And the worst part is all I want
to do is hold you and make everything better
because when I'm with you I feel like I'm
worth something...like I actually have a
purpose in this meaningless life.  But you
have just taken that all away from me -- from
us!  Because now there isn't anymore us!
It's over!  It's just over."

Deep breath.  Breathe Mulder, breathe.

She is just staring at me.  Halfway through
my little speech she started crying.  Silent
tears tracking down her rosy cheeks.  Tears
that I want to wipe away, but they are tears
of her betrayal and I'm not about to touch
them.

She opens her mouth to speak but I cut her
off with another realization that I just have
to share with her.

"And don't tell me that it isn't over Scully,
because it is.  I'll never be able to hold
you, or kiss you, or make love to you without
seeing him kissing you in my mind.  And that
image will haunt me for the rest of my life,
thank you.  I hope you are happy Scully,
because you have just ended my life and any
hope of actually being happy.  Because you
are my soul mate Scully, and without you...I
can't go on.  So if you are just going to
tell me about how sorry you are that things
between us didn't work out the way you
thought they would...save it.  I already know.
I caught the preview."

Okay so definitely not yelling anymore, but
still pissed.

I am running out of energy and I just feel
like sleeping now.  Closing my eyes and
becoming unconscious for a few hours.
Perfect.

I am crying now.  I can't hold it in any
longer.  I am so far beyond hurt I don't know
what to do.  I am collapsing inside and I
don't have a single person to turn to.

I stand before her, burying my face in my
hands -- trying to hide the tears -- when I
feel her step close to me.

Just her physical closeness makes me weak and
I can't move.  I love her too much.  I need
her too much.  I want this all to be a
terrible dream that I will just wake up from
and find Scully nestled closely next to me,
all warm and soft.

She is pulling my hands away from my face now
and I look into her eyes.  They are a deep
blue that I have never seen before.  She has
been crying too and I can see many different
emotions playing on her face.

She leans in and whispers with a sad voice,
"I never meant to hurt you Mulder."

Her voice cracks on my name and just as I'm
about to turn around she grabs my face and
presses her lips firmly to mine.

Is it a goodbye kiss, I wonder?  Is it a kiss
to say that she is sorry?

She deepens the kiss and I can't refuse her.
I love her too much.  I kiss her back with
everything I have.  I don't hold anything
back.  I want to show her how much I need
her.  She begins to take my jacket off and I
realize where this is heading.

I figure we should talk about what happened
first before we engage in something like
this, but right now all I can think about is
making her mine.  All mine.

I turn her and start walking her backwards
towards the bedroom.  Clothes are being
discarded in a trail along the way.  By the
time we enter my room we are naked from the
waist up and groping like teenagers.

She opens her mouth to speak again, but I
silence her with my fingers.

"No talking.  Not now Scully." She nods and
looks down deep in thought.  I raiser her
chin with my fingertips and kiss her.  I am
going to show her exactly what she does to me
and I'm not going to hold anything back.

I lead her to the bed and remove her
remaining clothing along with my own.  It has
been nearly two weeks since we've done
anything remotely like this and I am horny.
I'm sure she is too.  Maybe this was what we
needed to do.  Just pure animal sex.
No holding back.  No emotions.  Just sex.

We've never done that before.  Until now that
is.

************
I've never seen this look in his eyes before.

He looks intoxicating.

He is full of rage and is planning on showing
my just how much he wants me.

Or so I think.

We haven't really spoken about anything yet.
But its just as well.  We do everything
backwards.  He is crawling up the bed now.
Moving over me like a tiger after its prey.

I love it.

We have never done this before...maybe it's
what we needed.

Because honestly I don't even remember what
we started fighting about.  Isn't that
horrible?

He bends over me and captures my mouth with
his.  I love his taste.  It's something I
will never get over tasting.  The flavor that
I call Mulder.  I love it.

He is kissing me and touching me all over.
Stimulating every nerve ending in my body.  I
cradle his hips between my legs and he takes
the hint.  Even though I feel like this is
suppose to be his game -- with him in charge --
I'm getting a bit impatient.

I need him.  Now.

He positions and thrusts his rock hard
erection into me at full force.  Whoa baby!
How I've missed that!  Two weeks...God it
seemed like forever!

He is thrusting hard and fast.  He is
mumbling something in time with his
thrusts...what is it?

Mine.  Mine.  Mine.  Mine.  Mine.

Oh.  I like that.  And I am his.  I just have
to make him realize that.

"Oh god, Mulder!  Yes!  Right there!  Oh god,
yes!"

That should be good for his ego.  That should
fuel him.  I'm not usually a screamer unless
it's really good, and despite the 'harshness'
of this little get together...it's really
making me...well...I love it.

I can feel my orgasm coming on strong and I'm
trying to hold back as long as I can because
I don't think I've ever seen Mulder this
driven and full of emotion.

It's weird though.  His eyes are boring into
mine and all of his energy is focused
entirely on my pleasure -- not that he isn't
getting his own -- but I can tell he is
determined.

He leans his face close to mine and whispers
in my ear, "It's moments like these that make
me happy. Loving you.  That's all it takes."

His hot breath on my ear drives me crazy and
as he starts nipping at my neck I am totally
gone.  I start coming -- hard.  Harder than I
think I ever have before.  Probably because
we have never had so many emotions involved
before.  I am screaming his name and telling
him how much I love him when I feel his tense
and empty himself into me.

He collapses on top of my and I encircle him
with my arms and legs -- keeping him inside
and refusing to let him move.

"God I love you Mulder.  You have to know
that." I'm not sure where to start this
conversation, so a declaration of love might
be a good way.

"You were kissing him.  I saw you."  His
voice is small -- muffled because his head is
still buried in my hair.

"He kissed me Mulder.  I didn't ask him to."

"But you didn't stop him.  You kissed him
back."

"I know.  I just...I wasn't...I just wanted to
see if there was anything there Mulder.  I
wasn't going to kiss him, but when he kissed
me...I was curious to see if I would feel
anything.  Don't get me wrong Mulder -- I love
you.  I will always love you, but I've never
been in love before.  I just wanted to see if
what we have is true love, and with us
fighting for the last two weeks I was
beginning to think maybe we made a mistake by
becoming lovers. And then Kresge comes into
the picture and he is a nice guy...but he's not
you Mulder.  And I realized that tonight when
he kissed me and then when I saw you there --
saw your face and felt my heart break along
with yours...all I wanted to do was hold you.
Even though I knew you probably didn't want
to be anywhere near me.  You are my best
friend and the thought of losing you is too
hard to even think about."

"So you wanted him to kiss you."  It was a
statement.  Not a question.  He brings his
head up to look into my eyes and as I look
into his face the tears begin to fall down my
own.

"I'm sorry Mulder.  God I'm so sorry.  I was
just scared because I thought that we weren't
going to make it and I don't want to be alone
forever and I know that there isn't anyone I
want to be with except you and I know Kresge
likes me and even though I don't feel the
same way..."  But my sobbing apology is cut
short by his mouth attacking mine.

I guess this means that he forgives my
stupidity?

I kiss him back with every ounce of love and
energy that I possess.  He breaks the kiss
and looks at me.

"Scully, never doubt my love for you.  Ever.
No matter how badly we might be fighting, or
how far apart we might be, know that I will
never stop loving you.  We are soul mates
Scully.  We are meant to be together.  I
don't want to sound insanely possessive, but
you are mine now and I am yours.  I think we
have both known that for a long time."

"You have all of me Mulder.  All of me.  I'll
never leave you -- ever.  I want to be with
you right here with you just like this
forever.  I want to live a full life with you
and die one minute after you so you will
never be alone.  Because without you Mulder.
I am nothing.  I am useless."

He is smiling now.  The biggest smile I think
I've ever seen and I know that I am matching
his perfectly.

"Every moment, Scully...every moment I'm with
you is better than the last.  And I'll never
stop being amazed by you or stop telling you
how much I love you and I think sometimes we
focus too much on the romantic part and of us
being 'perfect' that we hold back feelings --
and I don't want that anymore. I want all of
us -- every part of me and every part of you
when we are together.  I want every moment
filled with emotion."

"Every moment Mulder...every moment."

THE END

I hope you liked it!  It's one of my firsts,
so leave feedback please!
carr1013@hotmail.com

For other stories by me, check out:
http://www.angelfire.com/stars3/xfilesfanfic/
index.html