Title: "Let Me In"

Author: Cassandra Mulder

Rating: PG

Archive: Anywhere reputable, as long as you e-mail me about it first, and 
leave my name and these headers attached.

Spoilers: Up to and including Season 7

Classifications: MSR, Angst

Disclaimer: Of course I do not own anything pertaining to "The X-Files". 
Would Chris Carter be doing this? I think not. :)

Author's Notes: This story came to me when I think Scully was in what I 
called her "dark period". She just seemed really ticked all the time, and I 
was so frustrated with it, I wrote this to vent. Mulder is frustrated in the 
story, reflecting my feelings.

Feedback: Pretty please, with sugar on top?? at dana_mulder31@hotmail.com

********************************************************
"Let Me In"

Mulder sat behind his desk staring into space. Another late night at the 
office, but he didn't know why he was still there. He'd just told Scully to 
go home, she hadn't seemed to be in a very good mood at all.

Not that he could blame her. Neither one of them was particularly cheery 
these days. With everything they'd been through lately they were so down, 
they had very little idea how to get up again.

Of course, we would have each other under normal circumstances, Mulder 
thought. But who ever said we were normal?

That had been on his mind alot lately. Sometimes Scully looked so sad, and 
angry, and alone. All he ever wanted to do was hold her, but he was afraid 
of what she might do if he tried. He never knew how she was going to react 
to anything these days.

She was shutting him out more than ever before, and he could only wish he 
knew what to do about it. He didn't know what was happening. Everything 
seemed to be falling apart around him faster than he could put it back 
together. And he was the only one that seemed to care. Scully just walked 
around blank, and never in good spirits.

He got up from his desk, grabbed his jacket, turned off the light, and 
locked the door behind him.

If he didn't go home now, he'd probably wind up falling asleep behind his 
desk, and Scully would just get on to him when she came in in the morning.

He walked to the parking garage and unlocked his car. He slipped behind the 
wheel and sat there for a moment trying to clear his head.

But it wasn't working.

I've got to find some way to get through to her, he thought, without her 
biting my head off.

He wasn't afraid of Scully by any means. He was only afraid of taking two 
steps back from where they already were. Two steps back would be off a 
cliff.

He started the car, and pulled out of the garage, knowing he didn't want to 
go home, but not knowing where else to go.

So Mulder just drove. Endlessly. Just drove for hours. And thought. Thought 
about all he and Scully had been through together, how all those things had 
deeply changed them both.

But Scully seemed more affected somehow. She was no longer the seemingly 
lively, eager, energetic young woman who had first walked into his office 8 
years ago. She had become edgy for the most part, withdrawn and very 
short-tempered.

His calm, caring Scully had become someone he couldn't even remotely figure 
out anymore.

And he blamed himself for everything that had happened to her.

He knew he wasn't personally responsible, HE had never done anything to her. 
But he blamed himself for always dragging her along wherever he went. And 
even though he knew it had always been her choice, he still felt guilty. 
Guilty for loving her and not being able to let her go.

He needed to talk to her, but his cell phone just wouldn't do for this 
conversation. And he couldn't just waltz into her apartment at 2:00 a.m. for 
no apparent reason.

So he came up with a better idea.
**************************************************************

The phone beside Scully's bed rang. She rolled over and looked at the clock. 
2:02 a.m.

Who's calling at this hour?, she thought. She picked up the phone.

"Hello?", she said, her voice thick from sleep.

"Scully, it's me", she heard on the other end.

"Mulder? What are you doing? It's 2 in the morning. Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine. Sort of. I've got some bad news though."

Scully groaned. "What is it, Mulder?"

"Skinner just called me, and he wants us to stakeout a warehouse on the 
outskirts of D.C."

"All of the sudden, at this hour?"

"Afraid so. They just got a tip at headquarters, and the agents that would 
normally handle it can't be reached. So Skinner called us in."

"Mulder", she groaned.

"C'mon, Scully. It's drug dealers. Easy stuff. Do you want me to pick you 
up, or you wanna drive yourself?"

"You better come get me, Mulder. I'll fall asleep at the wheel."

Because I'm so exhausted from working on the X-Files, and now I have to hunt 
down stupid drug dealers in the middle of the night, she thought.

"How soon will you be here?", she asked.

"I'll be about 20 minutes or so. Can you be ready by then?"

"Yeah sure, Mulder. Why not?", she replied, thoroughly aggravated.

"Alright, I'll see you then, Scully.", he said, seemingly unaffected by her 
tone, and he hung up.

Scully stumbled out of bed, and turned on the light. She was extremely POed. 
Great, she thought, now not only does he take up my every waking hour, he 
has to interrupt my sleeping ones too.

She didn't want to be mad at him. She was sick of being mad at him, but the 
fact was, she WAS mad at him. Furious, angry, livid, whatever word you used, 
she was it. She felt like throwing something.

Why does he do this to me?, she thought. Why do I *let* him? He thinks he 
can just call me up any hour of any day and I'll come running.

And then she stopped rushing around.

But I do, she realized. He calls, I'm there. I always do come running, and I 
don't understand it. And I'm not only mad at him, I'm mad at myself for 
letting him get away with as much as he does. If I told him no every once in 
awhile, I might have a life and I might get some sleep.

She threw on her clothes, and ran a brush through her hair. Her anger had 
made her wide awake.

Just as she finished grabbing her gun and her bag, she heard a horn in the 
parking lot.

It was Mulder. And he could very well be in trouble.
**************************************************************
Mulder sat in the parking lot waiting for Scully. From the tone of her voice 
on the phone, he expected a confrontation. Or if she kept acting like she 
didn't care about anything, maybe not.

He saw her headed for the car now. She did NOT look happy at all. As if that 
were new.

She opened the passenger door, plopped down in the seat, and slammed the 
door as hard as she possibly could.

And she didn't say a word.

Oh boy, Mulder thought, this may be harder than I thought. And it might get 
ugly.

"Hello, Scully.", he said,trying to get something out of her.

Nothing.

So Mulder just shut up and drove. He didn't know how he was going to say 
what he needed to say if she was giving him the silent treatment. But on the 
other hand, he thought, if she won't talk, all she can do is listen.

But he decided to hold his tongue until they reached their destination. He 
didn't need her beating him up while he was trying to drive.

Mulder glanced at Scully out of the corner of his eye every so often. She 
seemed to be seething, which was only making him nervous. He had been trying 
to work up what he was going to say to her in his head, but he was too 
distracted. He'd just have to cross that bridge when he got there.

Right now, his main concern was what Scully was going to do when they got to 
where they were going, and there was no warehouse. She was probably going to 
kill him, but there wasn't much he could do about that now. He had to commit 
to what he'd gotten himself into, because there was no turning back.

They finally turned into the field where he had decided to take her. It was 
quiet and away from the city.No distractions. They could use the headlights 
for any light they needed.

And no one will ever find my body if she kills me, he thought.

He parked, and she finally spoke.

"Mulder, where are we?", she asked through what sounded like clenched teeth. 
"There's no warehouse here."

This is it, Mulder thought, I'm a dead man.

"Thank you for stating the obvious, Scully. I know there's no warehouse 
here", he shot back.

"Then what are we doing here?", she asked, growing more irritated by the 
second.

"Well, if you want the truth, I needed to talk to you."

Scully's look was murderous. She ripped off her seat belt, got out of the 
car, and slammed the door.

Mulder sat there for a second watching her walk away, then he got out of the 
car and went after her.

"Scully", he yelled, "come back here."

She stopped and spun around.

"What is going on,Mulder?", she yelled. "What are you doing? You wake me up 
at 2 in the morning, and then drag me off to some field, JUST TO TALK!? Are 
you nuts, Mulder? Have you completely and totally lost your mind?"

"No, Scully. I really *have* to talk to you."

"Mulder,"she said, still yelling, "you could've talked to me in the morning 
at the office. Anywhere but here tonight."

She turned around and stomped off again.

But this time, Mulder caught up to her. He grabbed her by the arm and spun 
her around.

"No I couldn't have, Scully. Because you wouldn't listen to me in the 
morning, just like you're not listening to me now. But you have to listen to 
me. I have to sort things out before this drives me insane."

"*What* are you talking about?", Scully shouted.

"You really don't know, do you, Scully? You don't see how you've been acting 
lately, and what it's been doing to us, do you?"

"No, I don't see, Mulder. Why don't you just tell me?"

"Alright, Scully.", he was sick of trying to get through to her.

"You're cold, you're hard, and you treat me like I'm an idiot every minute 
of every day. You act as if you're too good for your work, and your 
surroundings, and I've had enough!"
**************************************************************
Scully felt like she'd been slapped in the face. Does he know what he's 
saying?, she thought.

But then she realized maybe he was right. And yet she was still furious.

"Oh I do, do I?", she questioned.

"Yes you do, Scully. And it has been killing me to see you like this. The 
only reason I brought you out here is because I desperately need you to talk 
to me. You don't do that anymore, and I have to know what's wrong."

"Who says anything's wrong?", she snapped.

"Scully, I see it in your eyes, your face, your whole demeanor. It can't be 
ignored anymore. I know we've both had a hard year, but if you carry it all 
inside it's going to kill you. It's not healthy. We have so many unresolved 
issues at this point. Is it Donnie Pfaster? Me dragging you through finding 
my sister? You're carrying so much, Scully. You need to tell me."

She wrenched her arm away from Mulder, and took a few steps forward. Then 
she turned around and threw her arms up to the sky.

"IT'S EVERYTHING,MULDER!", she shouted. "It's you kissing me, and then us 
acting like it never happened. It's me killing Donnie Pfaster and having to 
live with it. It's having to watch you go through your mother's death. Do 
you realize how hard that was on ME, Mulder? That night at your apartment 
all I wanted to do was take every bit of your pain away. But I couldn't, and 
that killed me inside. We've both lost so much. How much more are we going 
to lose? Ourselves? Each other? We're practically the only thing we have 
left." Tears started slowly falling from her eyes. "If I've acted any way 
toward you, Mulder,it's just that I'm so tired. I'm tired of working all the 
time, I'm tired of the hurt, the loss, false hope, conspiracies, and men 
with no names. But I'm not tired of you, Mulder. I just wish you'd be a 
little more understanding sometimes. For example, I wish you'd understand I 
don't want to be anywhere in the middle of the night, except at home in my 
bed." She rubbed her hand across her eyes.

"I know, Scully. This was completely spur of the moment. It seemed like a 
good idea at the time. I just didn't know what else to do. I wanted you to 
let me in so badly, I couldn't think of anything else. Let me in, Scully. 
Please.", he pleaded with her. "I can't watch you like this anymore."

"I want to, Mulder. I really do, but there are so many things in our way. 
You know that. There are just some things that are impossible."
**************************************************************

"No, Scully", Mulder said. "I don't believe anything's impossible anymore. 
Especially not this. Not us. And nothing is in our way. The only thing 
that's ever been in our way is us!", his voice rose in desperation. "Can't 
you see that? Not our jobs, or our friendship, just us. And every time we 
get close to something, you pull away. And I'll admit I've probably been to 
blame a couple of times. But I think *you* are scared."

He was so frustrated with her.

"You're terrified of something, but of course you never tell me anything, so 
how should I know? What you said a few minutes ago is the deepest thing I've 
heard out of you in months."

He walked over to her, and took her hands in his.

"Just tell me what you want from me, Scully. I want you to talk to me.I want 
to be there for you. You have to let me. What do you want?"

"Mulder, you don't want to know what I want."

"Ok, but I bet I can guess anyway."

Scully just looked at him funny, he wasn't sure if she knew what he was 
thinking or not.

Still holding her hands, he took her arms and wrapped them around him. Then 
he wrapped his arms around her. He held her for a moment, then slipped his 
hand up to the side of her face and lifted her eyes to meet his.

But what she did next completely shocked him. Scully ran her hand up behind 
his neck, stood on her tiptoes, and their lips met before he even knew what 
was happening.

She finally settled back to the ground, and his head was spinning.

"Wow", he couldn't help saying.

Scully giggled, and it was music to Mulder's ears. He couldn't remember the 
last time she had really laughed.

"Well, Scully, I guess I wasn't wrong when I said you always keep me 
guessing."

"Mulder, that shouldn't have been hard to guess. That's all I've been 
wanting from you. That, and a little understanding", she smiled her best 
smile at him.

"That's what I wanted from you too, Scully. But frankly, I thought you'd 
slap me silly."

"Oh", she said, "you didn't know I'd just be helpless in your arms?"

"Are you teasing me, Scully?", Mulder replied, plenty of mischief in his own 
voice.

"Uh-uh", she said innocently.

"Because if you are.....", he grabbed her around the waist, swung her 
around, and they fell in a heap on the ground.

They were both laughing hysterically now. Scully had tears running down her 
face, and Mulder had her pinned.

He wasn't letting her up either.

"M-Mulder", she said, gasping for air, "wh-what are you doing?"

And then the look in his eyes made her stop laughing.

She knew she had seen it there before, but never so vivid, so strong.

Still looking into her eyes, he cradled her head in his hands, and kissed 
her like she'd never been kissed before.

He ended the kiss, his face still close to hers, and said, "Do you want to 
stay out here a little while longer? I've got some blankets in the car."
**************************************************************

Scully just smiled her agreement, and they walked hand in hand back to the 
car, and got two blankets out of the trunk.

They found a spot where the grass was short, and laid one blanket on the 
ground. They sat down on it and wrapped the other one around them. Mulder 
took Scully in his arms and lay down.

She had never felt so content as she was lying there in Mulder's arms 
looking up at the stars.

"Mulder, do you really believe Samantha's up there somewhere? Are you realy 
alright with that?", she asked softly.

"Yeah, Scully. I do. And I'm fine with that, just as long as she's not 
suffering anymore. That's what I always worried about. Where is she, and are 
they hurting her? And as much as I wanted to see her alive again, if she's 
not in pain, and she wasn't suffering all these years, I'm somewhat relieved 
by that. But I haven't stopped missing her, Scully. I still dream about her 
all the time, wondering what kind of person she would've been if she'd grown 
up. But I have to put it behind me somehow. I hung onto her for 26 years. I 
think she finally told me to let go."

"I'm sorry, Mulder. I don't think I've ever told you that", she felt like 
crying for him.

"I know, but it's alright now. I have you."

She squeezed him a little tighter.

"It's so good to have you back, Scully. I've missed you alot."

"Well, I certainly made you get through to me the hard way, didn't I? I am 
so sorry, if I'd realized sooner, if I'd known what I was putting you 
through."

"Scully, believe it or not, I forgive you. You've had your own set of 
problems, and I've probably been insensitive to them."

"Not really, I've shut you out so much since, well, what happened, you 
didn't really have a chance to be any way about anything."

"You mean Pfaster?", he asked cautiously.

He heard her sigh deeply.

"Yeah.....", she hesitated.

"It's alright, Scully. If you haven't already, you have to ask for 
forgiveness, and you have to forgive yourself. You reacted as a result of 
your emotional state at the time. Almost anyone would have done what you 
did. The man had just tried to kill you for the second time. He was evil 
incarnate. If he was still alive he would have eventually escaped again. 
Somehow. I don't think he was human, Scully. I know it's been hard, but it's 
time for you to let that go. He's gone, you can't let him destroy your life 
forever."

"I know, Mulder. It's over and there's nothing I can do about it now. I 
can't let him get to me anymore, it's what he would've wanted. I realize 
that now. I almost screwed up big time. I almost lost you."

Scully raised up on her elbow, so that she was looking down at Mulder.

"I did screw up, didn't I?", she asked sheepishly.

Mulder let out a low chuckle.

"Nobody's perfect. Not even you, Agent Scully."

She smiled, slightly embarrased, and buried her face in Mulder's chest.

She lifted her head again, and stroked Mulder's hair.

"Love me anyway?", she inquired.

"Yes, I do. In spite of my better judgement", he teased.

She playfully whacked him on the stomach, before dropping a kiss on his 
lips.

"I love you, Mulder. And *definitely* in spite of my better judgement", she 
laughed.

"Are you teasing me again, Scully?"

"No, not this time", she said trying to stifle a laugh.

He quickly rolled her over on her back.

"Haven't you learned where that'll get you?", he asked.

"Maybe that's where I want to be", she replied.

Scully put her arms around his neck, and raised up to kiss him.

Just as they parted, she noticed the sun was rising.

She giggled.

"What?", Mulder asked.

"Mulder,the sun's coming up", she replied.

He looked behind him. "So it is."

He turned back over and took Scully in his arms again.

They watched the beauiful sunrise, until Scully finally said, "Mulder, we 
have to go to work, you know. And we've been up all night."

"Do we have to?", Mulder mock-whined.

Scully laughed, "Unless you have a better idea."

"Actually I do", he replied. "Let's call in sick."

"And that's not going to seem weird, both of us at once?"

"Who cares?", he said. "They can *think* whatever they want. They always 
have."

"Sounds good to me", Scully said.

Mulder got up and pulled Scully up off the ground. He put his arm around her 
waist as they walked to the car.

"But they *are* going to be suspicious I bet", she said.

"Oh well," Mulder said, grinning, "they probably saw it coming before we 
did."

THE END :)