Title:  Epiphany

Author:   too_divine 

Email Address:  too_divine@yahoo.com

Rating: PG-13

Category:  Story, Mulder/Scully Romance

Spoiler:  Everything up to season 7.

Keyword:  Mulder/Scully Romance

Summary:  When tension between them grows during a case, Mulder and
Scully's relationship takes a turn after a push from their closest
comrades. 

Disclaimer:  Mulder and Scully do not belong to me.  They are the
brilliant creations of Chris Carter and 1013 productions.  Much Props! 

Authors' notes:  I wanted to create a story based on the times in their
relationship where it seems that they can't stand to be around each other. 
It's always been my ascertion that the lone gunman and Skinner know that
there is something more between ou r two heroes than partnership. I
thought it would be fun for them to reveal how obvious it is to the people
around them. Please email me with your opinions on it.  I could definitely
use the input.  Enjoy! 

********************************************************
Epiphany
By too_divine


	"If that's the case Scully, won't it show up if we do a chemical
analysis?" Mulder looked intently at Scully, the beginnings of hope
shining from his hazel eyes.  Scully knew that look.  It was the one that
ended with him usually taking them on a wild go ose chase in search of the
paranormal answer to case.  He ran his hands through his mangled brown
hair and looked at her focused, waiting for a reply. 
	"Yes, Mulder, but those analysis are not 100% accurate.  Besides,
if that chemical has been present in the blood for more than 24 hours, I
doubt you'll find any trace of it even being there.  It decomposes pretty
rapidly when exposed to oxygen for a prol onged period of time." Scully
leaned in to him as she talked, folding her arms across her chest. He'll
go anyway, she thought. I don't know why I waste my breath.  She looked up
at the black sky through the skylight.  This case had been a long one for
bot h of them.  She needed a break from him, from this case, from
everything.  Mulder's stubborn opinions had been getting on her nerves as
much as her strict rationalism had been getting on his. For the past few
days there had been a stifling silence between them that was broken only
on the occasions in which they found it necessary to talk about the case. 
The dialogue was getting extremely boring.
	"Well, I'm going to check it out anyway. If there's no trace of
the stuff then, there's no other explanation, but this woman having some
kind of psychic connection to her victims allowing them to live far after
their bodies are dead."  He grabbed his jac ket off the top of his desk. 
"G'night Scully." He walked quickly out the door.  Scully ran her hands
down her head to smooth her hair and quickly turned to snatch the x-rays
off the lighted wall.  She looked down at her watch.  It was 10:30. She
was tire d, but she had promised herself that she would do a little more
research on the topic just to make sure she had all the information she
needed when she saw Mulder tomorrow.  She slowly slid down in the chair
turned on the computer and leaned her head back .  She closed her eyes as
the familiar sound of the cpu came on.
	"Agent Scully?" She jumped at the sudden interruption to her
silence.  Skinner was standing in the doorway with a folder in his hand. 
Scully sat up on auto pilot and tried unsuccessfully to look like she had
actually been doing some work.
	"You look about as tired as I feel."  He said walking in and
sitting down in the chair opposite her.  He stretched his arms out wide
and leaned his head back, "Why are you still here?"
	"I wanted to do some more research on the Smith case, Sir.  I
think the plausible explanation is a chemical substance that when injected
can cause muscles in the body to still move for up to 10 hours after
death." 
	"And what does Agent Mulder think about this plausible
explanation?" Skinner said with a smirk across his face.
	"You know what Agent Mulder thinks, Sir." Scully leaned back in
the chair and brushed a stray strand of hair back behind her ears. Skinner
smiled and layed the folder down on the desk. "What are you still doing
here, Sir?"
	"Had a few loose ends to tie up with the section chief, but I'm on
my way out now.  Just wanted to give this file back to Mulder......Can I
ask you a question, Scully?  I mean if you don't want to answer you don't
have to.  We're off the clock and whatev er your answer is it will not go
past these walls."  Scully looked at him apprehensively.  What exactly was
he going to ask that needed all that explanation?  She prepared herself
for the worst.
	"I suppose, Sir." She looked at him anxiously.  Skinner leaned up
in his chair and looked at her. 
 	"Will you stop with the sir stuff?  Let's just pretend for this one
night we're just a couple of old friends talking, okay?  I'm just too
tired to deal with the pretense at this late hour." Skinner took his
glasses off and leaned back in his chair.
	Scully smiled and relaxed. "Agreed. What do you want to ask me?" 
	"You might not want to answer this and that's really your
perogative, but let me stress again that whatever is discussed within
these four walls stays within these four walls.  I'm really just asking
because I'm curious . .. .  .. . " 
	"What, Skinner?  Just what? Ask me." 
	"Why didn't you and Mulder ever tell me you were seeing each
other?" 
	"What?" Scully answered puzzled. 
	"I mean, did you think you couldn't trust me?  Did you think I
would tell someone?" Skinner was downright uncomfortable with the
discussion, but like Mulder, he had to quench his thirst for the truth.
	"What are you talking about? Mulder and I aren't dating." Scully
pushed the hair out of her face as she leaned over to retrieve a folder
from the bottom drawer of the desk.
	"Scully, you can tell me the truth.  I'm not telling anybody.  You
guys are pretty damn good at concealing it, besides......"
	"We are not dating." Scully looked Skinner directly in his eyes
and quickly looked away. 
	"I'm so sorry. I just assumed.  The way you guys look at each
other......"
	"How exactly do we look at each other." Scully was interested now. 
Maybe he could tell her something that she didn't know about Mulder's
feelings for her. 
	"Like your stranded in the desert and you finally see water." 
Skinner smiled. "I used to look at my ex-wife that way.  That is until I
let this job come between us."
	"Well, sir...." 
	"What did I tell you about the sir stuff?" 
	"I'm sorry.  Skinner.  I don't know what you think you see, but
Mulder and I are just partners and friends.  That's all." She had put a
little too much emphasis on that "just" she decided and hoped Skinner
hadn't picked up on it. Skinner sat quietly and studied her.  She quickly
licked her lips and looked down averting his gaze.  After what seemed like
an eternity of silence, he spoke quietly. 
	"You love him, don't you?" . 
	"No...." She started but Skinner interrupted. 
	"You. Love. Him. Don't you?"  He said slowly so she could absorb
every word.
	"Why do you think I love him?"  She struggled to stay in control
of her voice.
	"As long as I've been in the bureau, I have never seen two agents
as devoted to each other as you are.  Anyone who observes the way you
fight for him and believe in him would see the truth.  As much as you
disagree with him, you stay by his side.  As man y times as he's pissed
you off and I've really seen him piss you off, you don't leave him.  What
is that if it's not love?"
	"Love for a partner, for a friend.  Skinner. You know we care for
each other.  I'd be lying if I said we didn't.  But there's
nothing......."
	"Oh there's something all right. And you've known that for a long
time haven't you.  At least where your concerned.  And Mulder, you should
see him when your not with him.  He can't operate.  Did your mother ever
tell you how he was when you were missing ?"
	"She said the he wouldn't give up when everyone else wanted to." 
	"It's beyond that, Scully.  He couldn't give up.  It was like his
heart would stop beating if he accepted the idea that you were gone.  He
totally came apart at the seams. And when they found you, he was alive
again.  He could function.  It was the same
 when you were dying with your cancer.  He was dying with you, because of
you.  If you love him even half as much as I've seen him love you, stop
holding back and tell him." He stood up and looked down at her. 
	"But sir, there are rules, protocol.  And I'm afraid of what it
might do to us." Scully said softly.
	"Agent Scully, I've never known you to be afraid of anything. 
Don't start now.  You can tip the odds in your favor, so that you get what
you want, what makes you happy or you can sit back and wonder what might
have been.  And in regards to these rules y our talking about.  Fuck the
FBI.  You do what makes you happy.  This job will not keep you warm at
night.  Trust that truth from a man who knows. Just practice being
discreet.  Hell, most people already think your involved. You love him. 
Go do something
 about it." Skinner turned and walked through the door and down the hall. 
	 
	Mulder stood outside the dark building freezing to death.  He
buzzed for the third time and held it.
	"Yeah." A familiar voice said over the intercom. 
	"Open the damn door, before I shoot the lock." Mulder said
shivering. 
	"Okay, okay.  Hold your horses.  You kind of caught us at
bedtime." Frohike pressed the button and walked to the door to start
unlocking the chains. 
	Finally he opened the door.  Mulder stood there, unzipping his
jacket, his face red from the cold. 
	"It took you long enough." He said coming through the door. 
	"Unlike you, our paranoid delusions do stop at some point long
enough for us to get some sleep." He said closing the door behind him.
"What's with the pleasant disposition?" 
	Mulder yanked his jacket off, threw it in a chair and looked at
him. The sound of groaning came from the back of the apartment and Byers
emerged wrapping his terry robe around him like a blanket.  His hair was
ruffled, unusual for the always immaculate b earded man.  His eyes layed
on Mulder and his peaceful face suddenly grew serious. 
	"What is it, Mulder?" Byers walked over to the wall and hit the
light. Frohike wearily walked to a chair that sat behind one of the
computers. 
	"Watch out Byers our roving detective is in quite a mood this
evening.  What are you pissed about?" Frohike leaned his head down on one
hand looking at Mulder.
	Mulder pulled the vial from his coat pocket. "I need you to do a
chemical analysis on this blood.  I'm looking for a drug called
Trimenthine." 
	"So, she's not buying the psychic thing." Byers took the vial and
sat down at the computer. 
	"You know Scully." He was surprised at the venom that was in his
words when he heard them out loud.  They really need to solve this case
before they tried to choke each other. He walked over to the side of the
room and sat down in the stool against the w all. 
	"How is the lucious agent Scully, anyway these days?" Frohike
raised his eyebrows as he spoke. 
	Mulder snapped his head up from the wall it had been resting on.
"Why do you always ask how she's doing like you have a chance in hell of
finding out? God, I get tired of that shit all the time.  Exactly how many
times has she told you to leave her the h ell alone?  Huh Frohike, how
many times?"
	"What is your problem, oh paranoid one?  Kyrcek kick your ass
today or something." 
	"Oh, kiss my ass." Mulder said loudly. 
	"Kiss mine.  I don't have to take this kind of abuse from you
because your panties are all in a whirl.  You want a piece of me?" Frohike
jumped up from his chair and Mulder stood ready to punch him. 
	Byers blocked Frohike's passage. "OKAY, everyone calm down. Let's
just calm down." 
	"He gets on my fucking nerves!" Mulder shouted. 
	"Same here, homeboy!" Frohike tried to get around Byers but he
held him back. 
	"Sit down.  Both of you sit the hell down!" Byers yelled. 
	He turned and looked at Mulder. "What is the problem?" 
	Frohike plopped back down in his seat. "Scully, that's the
problem. This bonehead is pissed at his partner and he wants to act like
an asshole because of it."  Mulder glared at him. 
	"That's what this is all about?  Agent Scully?" Byers looked at
Mulder. 
	"It's the same shit, Byers.  I have a theory, she disagrees.  It's
just this time she's really getting on my nerves.  We've been around this
and around this.  Usually I thrive off of her thing for proof, I enjoy the
challenge, but now it's just getting o n my nerves." 
	"You want to know what I think?" Frohike went over to grab a coke
from the refrigerator. 
	"Now, tell me my short little friend, why would I possibly care
what you think?" Mulder looked down at the floor, raked his hands through
his hair and sighed. 
	"Because maybe, just maybe, I might shed a little insight on this
newfound hate for your beloved partner Scully?" 
	"I'm listening." He raised his head slowly and looked at Frohike.
While Byers plugged away at the computer keyboard. 
	"I think." He paused as he swallowed a gulp of coke, "that you
have a thing for our pretty redhead and it's finally catching up with
you." For the first time since the discussion started, Byers head rose
from the computer moniter with interest. 
	"It's not, but if that were the case Einstein, how exactly would
that have anything to do with us getting on each others nerves right now."
Mulder challenged. 
	"Sexual repression." Frohike said matter of factly and placed his
drink down on the table in front of him. Mulder chuckled. 
	"What the hell are you talking about?" 
	"Oh come on, Mr. Psychology.  Don't act like you've never heard
the terminology before. You know what I mean.  You and old Scully, it
hurts my heart to say this, want each other and this fighting is an
outward expression of you not giving into the feelin gs." 
	Byers looked at Frohike. "Why do you have to be so unrefined all
the time?  Their in love with each other.  You'll have to excuse him. He's
never felt it so he dimishes it to somekind of unemotional one night
stand." 
	"What makes either of you think I'm in love with her? She's my
partner, my friend.  She wants to find the truth as much as I do and that
bonds us, but we can't be anything else." 
	"Oh please Mulder. Have you been practicing that speech for the
past seven years?  We've always known that you were in love with her. It's
obvious.  In fact we had a pool going to see how long it would take you to
tell her.  These are classic symptoms. Y ou just want to hit her, because
you can't kiss her." Frohike leaned back in his chair pleased with
himself.
	"She doesn't love me." Mulder leaned his head back against the
wall and looked up at the ceiling. 
	"How will you ever know, if you don't tell her how you feel."
Byers said softly. "I never told Suzanne how I felt and she's gone.  If I
had told her I might be with her right now." 
	"Don't be a putz.  Risk it. Knowing the answer has got to be
better than agonizing over the possibilities."  Frohike walked over and
leaned over to look over Byers shoulder at the computer screen. 
	"Hey Mulder.  Trimenthine right? That's what you were looking
for?" Byers interrupted. 
	"Yeah." Mulder instantly rose and walked to where they stood. 
 Byers scrolled down the ingredients until he found what he was looking
for. "There it is.  Very small traces of it.  But it's there. Looks like
Scully was right this time." 
	"Yeah, and now I've got to go tell her how right she is for me."
He slipped on his coat, grabbed the vial from the scanner and rushed out
the door.

	Mulder sat outside Scully's apartment building looking up at the
window. He'd left Byers and Frohike hours ago on a mission determined to
tell Scully he wanted to be with her. He drove like a madman to
Georgetown, parked, and raised his hands to the car door when fear over
took him.  What if she really doesn't love me?  I'll make a complete fool
of myself.  Now, he sat frozen in the car wondering why his legs wouldn't
move. She's asleep.  I don't want to wake her up, he thought.  His
attention shifted wh en two police cars and an ambulance with sirens
blazing came roaring down the street. Then he looked up again.  Okay, if
her light comes on I'll go up.  He waited.  The darkness remained.  He
started the car and slowly pulled away from the curb. 

	Scully layed in the darkness and listened to the sirens go down
the street.  No matter how hard she tried she couldn't sleep tonight.
Skinners words kept repeating in her head.  Do something about it.  She
pulled the pillow out from under head, turned on
 her side and placed it over her ears trying to block it out.  Everything
would be fine.  They could be partners and everything would be fine.  They
didn't have to be anything more as long as she could keep ignoring the
beating of her heart.  She turned a gain, this time looking up at the
alarm clock on her night stand.  12:00.  What was wrong with her?  Why
couldn't she just go to sleep?  She was so tired.  Do something about it,
echoed again in her head.
	"Damn it." Scully got up and threw open the door to the bathroom. 

	Mulder unlocked the door and eased inside the apartment, throwing
his keys and jacket on the table.  He walked across the room and wearily
flopped down on the couch, putting his legs up on the coffee table.  His
head went back against the wall.  He sat s till enveloping the darkness
and the silence for awhile before reaching for the remote and turning on
the television. A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts and he rose
aggravated to answer it.
	"Who is it!" Mulder yelled almost to the door. 
	"It's me mulder." 
	He stopped and collected himself. What's she doing here? He opened
the door slowly and looked at her.  She was beautiful even when she was
tired.  It looked like she had just rolled out of bed. 
	"What is it, Scully?" He said opening the door to let her through. 
	As soon as she saw his face, she lost her nerve. 
	"I stopped by to find out how the analysis went.  Did you find the
drug?" Lame Dana, she thought to herself.  Mulder just looked at her
puzzled. 
	"Yes, it was there, but I could have told you that in the morning. 
You didn't get up in the middle of the night to ask me that.  Why are you
here?" 
	Scully shifted her eyes and looked down.  "Well I had an
interesting conversation with Skinner tonight after you left and I guess
it was bothering me a little." 
	"What was it about?" Mulder walked over and sat down on the couch. 
	Scully licked her lips quickly and decided that if she didn't just
blurt it out she would never get around to doing what she had come here to
do. "Do you ever wonder about us, Mulder?" 
	"What do you mean?" 
	"I mean us.  Do you ever wonder about us?" 
	"What about us?" Mulder said obviously playing dumb. 
	Scully looked at him aggravated.  I don't know why I'm even trying
to have this conversation. Bastard. He knows what the hell I mean.
	"US. How many times do I have to say it?  And don't play dumb you
know exactly what I mean." Scully flopped down on the couch next to him
and looked him directly in the eyes.  Obviously, something he was very
uncomfortable with in light of this conversat ion.  He rose up quickly and
grabbed the glass sitting on the table in front of him as to not look as
if he were running and walked to the kitchen.  "Do you ever wonder if we
could be good together as more than just partners?" Scully continued
hesitantly. 
 A loud thud came from the kitchen and Scully smiled. 
	"Uh, It might have, um, crossed my mind." Mulder struggled to gain
control of himself as he picked up the large bottle of orange juice that
had just slipped from his grasp and fallen on the floor.  He poured some
in the glass and drank it down quickly. "What exactly did you and Skinner
talk about tonight?" He said as he walked to the center of the apartment
and stood. 
	Scully crossed her legs. "He asked me why we never told him we
were involved?" 
	"Involved?" 
	"That's what I said and then I went on to assure him that we were
not involved.  He didn't believe me at first, but he finally got the
picture." 
	"Okay. So, why is the conversation bothering you?" 
	"Oh, come on Mulder.  The only man in the bureau who knows us the
best believes we're in a relationship and that doesn't make you think?"
Scully said rising up from the couch to look at him. She walked over and
stopped when they were inches apart, lookin g directly into his
apprehensive hazel eyes. "He obviously saw something between us." 
	"You think so, huh?" he said almost losing himself in her blue
eyes. 
	"Yeah and my question to you is, if there is a thing between us,
why don't we ever act on it?" 
	Mulder looked at her for a long time.  I can't believe she's
asking me this.  He almost laughed at the ridiculousness of it.  Not even
an hour ago he was bound and determined to tell her how he felt about her,
to let it all out.  Only fear of rejection h ad stopped him, now as she
stood here in front of him ready it seemed to begin the conversation that
he was so afraid she would not want to have, sheer terror seized him.  It
was no longer the fear of rejection, but now the terror of what being
together w ould mean. He would lose her.  He would lose her the way he
lost Diana. It instantly was clear in his mind.  He would lose her because
they were together.  He couldn't take that.  When he lost Diana it hurt
him deeply, losing Scully would destroy him. Lik e Diana, he was certain
Scully would realize how impossible it was to really be with him.  Even if
by some inpossible reason that didn't happen and they were finally happy,
he was certain she would be in danger.  That Bastard !  would find out
about them and use her as way to keep him in check.  Either way he would
lose her and he couldn't let that happen.  It was better to be her partner
every day than to be her lover and risk her being lost to him forever.  He
backed away from
 her, swallowed slowly and finally spoke. 
	"We can't act on it.  It's as simple as that."  He stood looking
at her, waiting for a response.  Scully blinked.  Her eyes widened and
then narrowed quickly so as to keep him from seeing the shock those words
had caused. 
	"Why can't we?" 
	"I respect you too much for that, Scully.  I think it would ruin
our working relationship, if we became sexually involved. I mean, I'm sure
it would be mind blowing sex, but do we really want to risk a partnership
and a friendship for a good lay?"  The q uickest way to end this
conversation, he had decided, was to repulse her.  Make her mad enough and
she'll go. It was a defense mechanism he had learned a long time ago.  He
knew if she stayed any longer and pushed the issue he would be putty in
her hands. 
  He damn near was now.  The words fell like bombs in the middle of the
room.  Her shoulders went stiff and her mouth fell open.  The wall between
them dropped down again and he was safe. 
	"So, that's what you think this is?  Sex?  Thank you, Mulder for
reminding me of what an asshole you can be. I almost forgot." The words
shot out of her mouth like bullets. The hurt in her eyes instantly made
him want to snatch the words back. His heart ached, but he knew he had to
follow it through to keep the charade afloat. 
	"Of course it's about sex.  Two people working together for as
many years as we have there's bound to be some curiousity. Besides....." 
	Scully snatched her jacket off the couch and threw it on while she
talked. 
	"You amaze me, Mulder. When I think you can't get any worse you go
to a whole new level.  People ask me all the time why I stay with you, and
at this point I'm wondering the same thing." She bolted for the door,
stopped suddenly and turned around to look
 at him. "You bastard. You did that on purpose, I should have known.  You
just don't want to talk about this. " She pierced his eyes with her gaze. 
"That's what this is all about.  Your trying to find a way out."  She
walked toward him pinning him agains t the wall. 
	Mulder looked down quickly. "I don't know what your tal...." 
	"No, Mulder. I know what's going on here.  I know you too well.
You unbelievable asshole.  Your afraid. For years, you leer at me and
flirt with me and make me feel like I'm the center of your universe.  You
make me feel like I'm awful for not giving you
 somekind of inkling that I return the feeling in a way that's
satisfactory to you and when I finally come over here ready to discuss
what's happening between us.  When I finally realize that I would rather
be with you for a night than spend a lifetime pl aying it safe, you get
frightened.  What is it Mulder?  It's too real for you now?  You know what
they say, be careful what you wish for you just might get it." 
	"Scully, It's not that I don't want you....." 
	"No, it's just that your frightened of what Mulder? Commitment?
Love? Me? What? On second thought, I don't care.  You sit in this
apartment and be alone if you want to just don't expect me to do it with
you.  I'm tired of being alone, Mulder.  That's why
 I came over her tonight.  When you finally get up the nerve to do
something about this, when you finally decide to stop being a coward, call
me and maybe I'll still be around." She stomped out the door.  Mulder
stood in the doorway and watched her go, fi ghting the urge to run after
her.  This was better for everybody.  Their partnership was safe this way. 
He could deal with her being pissed at him as long as she was with him. 
He sighed and covered his face with his hands. Then, he turned and walked
bac k into the lonely apartment. 

	Mulder made his way down Carver Avenue in the darkness.  After his
bout with Scully he'd decided that he needed to go for a jog to clear his
head.  He ran through the dark streets like a olympic athlete turning down
alleys and crossing streets.  The bris k air felt like icicles on his face
and his breath blew white clouds in front of him as he moved.  He was
trying unsuccessfully to focus his mind on anything but Scully. Quickly,
he ran passed churches and houses trying to out run the thoughts in his
head , but the more he thought about what had happened the more confused
he got.  Then, instead of that comfortable self-pity he always conjured up
in times of crisis, he got angry.  Angry at the whole situation.  Angry at
her.  How did she have the right to o ut of the blue decide after years of
maddening restraint that she wanted him and then get mad that he didn't
immediately jump into her arms.  He turned the corner and found himself
running towards Georgetown.  It took no time !  it seemed for him to reach
the front of her apartment building.  He stopped and bent over, trying to
catch his breath.  Then, he headed towards her door and knocked violently. 
	Scully paused in mid action when she heard the knock. Mulder.  She
knew it instantly. She poured the rest of the wine in her glass.  She had
walked out of his apartment determined that she was finished pinning over
him.  No more dreams.  No more fantasi es about what might be.  She had
given him an opening and it was his decision not to take it.  She had
settled that in her mind when she had driven back to her apartment and
opened the door to her lonely sanctuary.  Then, she saw his shirt thrown
across h er chair in the living room.  He had changed clothes there two
nights ago when they were on their way to a stakeout and had accidentally
left it.  It instantly sent her over the edge.  Tears welled up in her
eyes and she went directly towards the refrige rator for a bottle of wine. 
The absurdity of it hit her.  He had driven her to drink.  There were
plenty of times that Mulder had driven her right up the wall, but never
had she gone directly for the alcohol.  She chuckled.  !  I'm crazy.  I'm
absolutely crazy.  I've got to get this jerk out of my head.  She was in
the process of doing just that with her fourth glass of wine when she
heard his offensive knock on the door.  She slowly placed the glass on the
countertop and walked
 toward it. 
	"Who is it?" She said with a little more volume than necessary. 
	"You know who the hell it is." Mulder's irritated voice
immediately straightened Scully's back.  She threw open the door and stood
there looking at him.  He was dressed in grey sweatpants and a white
t-shirt, glazed in sweat.  He would have been extremel y sexy if she
wasn't so goddamned mad at him. 
	"You have some unbelieveable audacity!" He began, pushing his way
past her into the apartment. "We've had this tension between us for years,
Scully. Years.  And because you have an epiphany, I'm supposed to
immediately bow at your command?"  He glared at
 her. 
	"If you remember correctly Mulder. I didn't say I wanted you to
bow. I said I wanted to discuss it and you didn't want to even acknowlege
it." Scully closed the door, walked over to counter that had been holding
her wine glass, quickly took a sip and car efully placed it back on the
cold tile. 
	Mulder grabbed the bottom of his shirt and wiped it across his
face giving Scully a quick glance at his muscular torso.  She sighed
picked the glass back up again. Then, her eyes returned to the face that
was pissing her off at the moment.
	"Your wrong there, Scully.  I don't have to acknowledge it.  It's
been there.  Like an elephant in the room for years.  The issue has never
been it's existence.  The issue has been whether or not we act on it. 
Your answer to that question has always bee n an obvious 'no'.  And now,
you want to get pissy because you've decided that it's time and I need a
moment to think.  That's unfair, Scully and I've never known you to be an
unfair person." 
	"It's not about being fair.  Then again, maybe it is.  I'm trying
to be fair to myself, to us.  I'm tired of this.  I want to be with you. 
I'm tired of waiting.  I'm tired of wondering.  Aren't you?  Why can't we
just be together?"  Scully walked toward s him placing her hands on his
arms.  Their eyes locked and then he backed away. 
	"We can't, Scully. We just can't." 
	"I don't understand, Mulder.  I don't understand this at all. Tell
me why." 
	"We'll be vulnerable.  They'll know how to get to us." 
	"They know how to get to us now, Mulder.  What changes?" 
	"Everything.  Once we're in a relationship all bets are off.  It's
a whole new set of circumstances." 
	"That's a pitiful excuse.  You've never been worried about them
before why worry about them now?  I don't think that's what this is about
at all.  I'm tired of this, Mulder.  I really am. I have spent seven years
loving you and I will not spend seven mor e not being able to be with you.
I can't live like this.  I'm unhappy and if I'm going to be unhappy with
you I might as well be far away from you." 
	"What are you saying?  You'll leave me?" Mulder's heart dropped to
his stomach. She can't leave me.  Scully, I'm doing this to protect us. 
To keep us together.
	"I need you to tell me the truth. Tell me what's scaring you. I
need to be happy, Mulder. I know you would wish that for me and if I can't
be happy here with you and you won't tell me why, I'll have to find it
somewhere else without you." Scully's eyes w elled up with tears as she
looked at him. Her heart beating in her chest.  Mulder, make me stay. 
	"I can't believe your doing this!! What about me!!  What about the
work!! You can't do this!!" 
	"I can and I will.  It's more important to me to be happy.  I
refuse to be seventy years old and alone!!! I refuse to spend my life
waiting on something that is never going to happen!! You may be able to
live in this self deprivation that you call your l ife, but I can't
anymore.  I deserve better!!" 
	Mulder quickly crossed the room, heading for the door.  Scully
grabbed his arm as he passed preventing him to go any further. 
	"I love you Mulder.  I always have and I believe you love me. 
Don't do this.  Don't make me leave." 
	"GO!" He jerked his arm from Scully's grasp, made the last steps
to the door, swung it open and stormed out.  Scully ran to the door,
watching him as he walked quickly down the hallway to the stairs.  The
tears spilled out of her blue eyes and flooded he r face as she slid
wearily down the wall to the floor.  She covered her face with her hands
and tried to let the pain pour from her soul, certain that if she sat
there long enough thethrobbing she felt in her chest would subside.  Soon
she regained the st rength to lift herself from the floor and slowly
walked into the apartment, closing the door.  The rain outside had gotten
worse and the raindrops driving down on the window pain drew her to the
window.  There she saw him outside standing in the downpour , frozen.  He
looked paralyzed as the rain drenched him.  He made no move to cover
himself or retreat, he just let it cascade down him as if he were in the
shower.  She bolted out her door, ran down the hallway and almost tumb! 
led down the stairs.  When she got to the building's front door, she
quickly swung it open and ran out to him.  She stood for a moment feeling
the rain quickly wet her once dry frame.  She watched him, waiting for him
to turn and see her, feel her presenc e there.  The rain cascaded off his
beautiful face and it seemed he was in a world of his own. She stepped
closer.
	"Mulder." She called his name and he turned slowly trying to come
back to the reality he had just voluntarily escaped from. When he saw her
he instantly exhaled. His eyes softened in relief. He paused only for a
moment and shortened the distance between them.  When he arrived at his
destination, he grabbed her face pushing her backward as his lips sought
out her mouth.  . Noses bumped and teeth clashed against each other as
they stood in the rain devouring each other.  Scully threw her arms around
him pu lling their wet bodies closer with each kiss. His hands ran all
over her body as if he was trying to memorize every curve. Finally, they
pulled apart gasping for air.  Mulder's hands returned to his partner's
face and he gazed in to her eyes. 
	"I thought you didn't want to do this." Scully said between gasps. 
	"I changed my mind." Mulder ran his hands through her auburn hair
and kissed her again slowly."I realized halfway down that hall what my
life would be without you and I changed my mind. He bent again and kissed
her deeply.  Scully pulled away from him re luctantly. 
	"Changed your mind about what?" Scully asked looking into his
eyes. "You have to let me in Mulder.  What was holding you back?"'
	Mulder sighed and ran his thumb down her jawline and across her
lips, looking at her as if her were memorizing her face. "I was scared of
being hurt, of hurting you.  The last time I tried this with someone it
ended up that way.  Both of us hurt, throug h no real fault of our own. 
Just circumstances.  I didn't want that to be us.  I love you too much to
see that happen.  I mean, I got through it with Di, I mean the other
person, but she didn't mean nearly as much to me as you do.  I just don't
think I c ould recover if it happened with you.  That's why I was pushing
you away." 
	"Mulder, don't you know that we're different.  If you know nothing
else, you should know that by now.  I'm not Diana." 
	"Believe me, when I say, I know that with every fiber of my being. 
You couldn't be her.  I didn't love her as much as I do you.  I was just
afraid.  I have always been safe with you in that regard because you
always drew the lines.  You kept the distan ce. You pushed me away.  I
could count on you keeping us just professional.  I relied on that, I took
comfort in it because if it were up to me, I would have tried to jumped
your bones long ago.  You changing your mind all of the sudden about what
we were
 or could be just flat out terrified me and I didn't know what to do." 
	"I finally realized that what I had spent so much time trying to
prevent had already happened without my permission.  You were already in
my heart.  You crept in without me even knowing it.  I think I've always
known that was the truth.  I just didn't wa nt to accept it. Stop being
scared, Mulder. I will not leave you.  You know that.  You've always known
that." Scully said touching his lips with her fingers. 
	"I do know that, Scully." He said dipped down to kiss her again,
but Scully put her fingers to his lips stopping him. 
	 "Okay, so what changed your mind." 
	Mulder smiled. "When I left you in the apartment and stormed out
here into the rain, It just hit me. Like a thunderbolt, if you left me
there would be nothing to protect.  Until I met you, I was drifting
through life without a direction, hoping that thro ugh my search I would
find the answer to my destiny.  You changed that, Scully.  You gave me
clarity.  You made me see things that I couldn't see before, feel things
that I never felt.  I didn't have a soul until you came into my life.  You
saw in me the things that I didn't see.  You believed in me and made me
believe in myself.  I thought it would be enough to stay away from you and
keep you safe.  We would both be unhappy but you would be safe.  When I
turned around to look at you with so much hurt in your eyes, all those
thoughts flew out of my head and all I could think was that I loved you
and I wanted to be with you no matter what." 
	"I don't need you to protect me, Mulder.  I need you to love me,
like I love you." Scully leaned her head against his chest breathing him
in. "I can take care of myself." 
	"I know, Scully. Believe me I do.  It's just that I don't want to
ever see you hurt because of what you are to me.  I couldn't live with
myself if that were to happen." 
	"I want you to know something," Scully lifted her head from his
chest and placed her hands on both sides of his face. "I'd rather be with
you for a moment.  A moment, Mulder.  Than not be with you for the rest of
my life. You mean that much to me." A tea r slid down her perfect face. He
caught it with his hand, wrapped her in his arms and held her close. Soon
they both looked up simultaneously realizing they were still in the rain. 
	"Come on Mulder, let's go inside." 
	Scully looked into his hazel eyes, took his hand and they walked
out of the storm together.